The 2001 UKE Awards
by The J.A.M. a.k.a. Numbuh i
Summary: A compilation of the TTA Fanfic UKE Awards ceremony
1. Introduction

[...unWARP!!!]  
  
Good evening.  
  
The following is a compilation of posts from the Tiny Toons Adventures Fanfiction Mailing List. I'm certainly not the only author of this, I'm just posting this awards ceremony here on Fanfiction.net for your enjoyment. Thanks to all the presenters, everyone who posted, and all the authors of the fanfic clips portrayed here. Enjoy!  
  
A few of the fanfics mentioned are available here at fanfiction.net, but ALL (and many more) are available at http://members.aol.com/HKUriah/index.html  
  
Enjoy!  
  
Until next time, remember:  
  
I AM THE J.A.M.  
  
Good evening.  
  
[WARP!!!]  
  
**************************************************************************** ************************************************************************  
  
In the true overblown style of the Emmys......  
  
(A flair of yellow-white light erupts from the dark stage. A sound like that of an aircraft cruising overhead accompanies the flair.)  
  
Like the majestic fantasy that is the Viewer's choice Awards....  
  
(A second flair illuminates the stage. This one is more of a yellow-orange hue. Instead of the previous aircraft sound, a synthesizer slow downbeat echoes out over the speaker systems.)  
  
As fulfilling as every actor's ecstasy - the Oscars....  
  
(Small violet hued lights begin popping, like jumping jacks, in the front center of the stage. Quickly, they shoot towards either side of the stage. At the same time, their hue begins to change to more of a brilliant blue. Meanwhile, a chorus of drums pick up the downbeat of the synthesizer. They all beat as one, slowly building up their pace.)  
  
This...  
  
(The lights change to green as they rush up the sides of the stage. The drumbeat picks up at a steady pace.)  
  
IS......  
  
(Yellow is the next jump in the color scheme. A steady drum roll is heard over the speakers.)  
  
THE.....  
  
(A fast orange color and then a red takes over the lights' color as they zoom right up into the ceiling and come together at the center top of the stage.)  
  
First Annual UKE Awards!  
  
(Dozens of sparks of light flair out as the entire ceiling is light up with the letters U-K-E. The drum roll finishes out with a grand finale drum blast. With the entire stage light up, you can see several rings glittering in the stage's center. In the center is a door. As the door opens, the rings flicker with their traditional Tiny Toon Adventure colors. Through the rings and down the stairs walks an elegantly dressed lavender rabbit. She shimmers delicately in a royal blue glittery floor length, form- fitting, gown. Two short puffy sleeves hang just below her shoulders. Around her neck is a simple necklace of silvery pearls. Her usual ear band is decorated with a glittery star that matches her gown. For once, her ears lay down behind her, her left ear flopped over her left shoulder.)  
  
That's right, Tiny Toonsters! You voted and you've chosen. So now, at long long last, you get to find out the best of the best and the silliest of the silly. Without further adieu, let's get this sucker started! May I introduce our first presenter of the week; the Mexican Jaguar with the spots of a superstar (hope he intends to give them back to the star someday.)  
  
The J.A.M.!!!!!!!  
  
(The light falls away from Leloni and back to the door at the center of the stage rings again. Leloni makes her exit silently as the applause roars up.)  
  
:) *THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE!!!!* 


	2. Character Awards

[...unWARP!!!]  
  
Good evening.  
  
************  
  
[The audience continues their thunderous applause, but as Leloni steps off the stage, the Jaguar has yet to enter. The applause is slowly replaced by a general murmuring.]  
  
[UNWARP/POOF!!!]  
  
[An explosion of smoke bursts on the center of the stage, and after it clears, a creature is now standing there. Its head is down and its arms are at its sides. In a robotic movement, the arms raise a bit, and then the head. He smiles.]  
  
[The audience cheers again when they see The J.A.M., and instead of wearing his usual "HECHO EN MEXICO" t-shirt, he's wearing an elegant *charro* outfit, complete with an adorned black jacket (also with the "HECHO EN MEXICO" seal), and a huge black sombrero on his head. The orchestra plays "La Negra", for a bit.]  
  
[He steps to the podium, and signals the audience to hush, which they do so instantly.]  
  
"Good evening. Thank you, Leloni, and thanks to everyone who has come tonight to this awards ceremony. And to those who were dragged here, well, thanks anyways."  
  
[slight laughter]  
  
"No, really, people. Everyone knows more or less why we're doing this. If we don't get any more attention soon, we'll all end up on the Has-Been Mailing Lists, um-"  
  
[a few chuckles, and some light clapping]  
  
"I mean, really, people. This is my impression of the Tiny Toons Adventures Fan Fiction Mailing List-"  
  
[The Jaguar is suddenly beside the podium, curled up on the floor, and snoring ridiculously loudly and ridiculously quickly. After a few moments of this, he suddenly returns to the podium.]  
  
[louder laughter]  
  
"But hey, I know it's not entirely the members' fault. Real Life has gotten its claws on more than a few of us, both here, and on other mailing lists which I lurk in, and some-are gone forever-[suddenly there was serious silence, but he continued] So to those of you who have weathered terrible storms and have somehow managed to remain with us, I give you all a big hand."  
  
[The audience begins clapping, but suddenly laugh as the Jaguar pulls from behind him a huge Styrofoam hand and throws it at them.]  
  
"And I would like to give this Awards Ceremony a more thorough introduction. [turning to stage right] Yes, Leloni, I know you did fine, but in this intro, I'd like to give a tribute to all our present members, plenty of whom are from abroad, including myself." [The Jaguar then grabs a wireless microphone.] "Okay guys, everyone knows this song, but watch for the changes."  
  
[The lights dim, and a spotlight shines on The J.A.M. Then the orchestra begins the next song. When the audience recognizes it three seconds after it begins, they cheer loudly, and sing along:]  
  
"We're Tiny, we're Toony, we're all a little loony! [Suddenly speaking through a computer monitor-]  
  
And in this listoony, we're invading your PC!  
  
We're comic dispensers, and ignore all the censors,  
  
On Tiny Toons Adventures get a dose of comedy! [The scenery suddenly changes to-]  
  
So here's Acme Acres, it's a whole wide world apart,  
  
Our home sweet home, it stands alone, a cartoon work of art!" [Suddenly he warps to the audience, and unwarps next to Plucky, who hands him a pile of papers, and sings:]  
  
"All scripts were accepted, expect the unexpected!" [And the entire audience sings:]  
  
"On Tiny Toons Adventures - it's about to start!  
  
They're furry, they're funny, [Unwarps behind B&B, who sing respectively:] they're Babs and Buster Bunny,  
  
[Unwarps behind Monty and throws paper money as he sings] Montana Max has money, [Unwarps beside Elmyra, and smashing her with a mallet] Elmyra is a pain!  
  
[Unwarps behind Hamton and Plucky, who also sing] Here's Hamton and Plucky, [Unwarps behind Dizzy and smashing a pie on his face] Dizzy Devil's yucky,  
  
[Unwarps behind Furrball and handing him TNT] Furrball's unlucky, [BOOM!!!] [Unwarps in a paw-stand beside Gogo] and Gogo is insane! [The scenery changes again]  
  
At Acme Looniversity we earn our toon degree,  
  
[Unwarps behind the LT gang, and dropping an anvil on Elmer] The teaching staff's been getting laughs since 1933! [He unwarps on the stage again, and moves to the right]  
  
We're tiny, we're toony, we're all a little looney,  
  
It's Tiny Toons Adventures, come and join the fun!" [A few are saying the last line, but the song unexpectedly continues, with accordions accompanying.]  
  
[The J.A.M. does a spin change, and he's now dressed as a Frenchman. As he dances to the left, he's joined by Fifi LaFume, also in a French dress and beret. The theme song begins again, only both now sing in-]  
  
"On est petits et gentils, et un peu barjots aussi!  
  
Et l'heure enfin est arrivee d'envahir vos tele!  
  
On s'amuse on fait rire, la censure on la fait fuir!  
  
Les Aventures des Tiny-Toons sont la pour vous ravir!" [Now on the left, Fifi exits, and he spin changes to a tropical suit, and he's joined by Leandro Pinto as they move to the right again. The music has a zamba style now:]  
  
"Em nossa floresta o que não falta é confusão.  
  
Pois tudo é dedicado a você de coração! [Then trying to sing like Plucky in Portuguese:]  
  
A gente bola o que rola, esquentando a cachola. [Singing normally:]  
  
Mas tudo isso é feito só pra te alegrar." [Leandro Pinto exits, and The J.A.M. spin changes into a traditional Japanese robe, and is joined by Gozilla, who makes the whole place shake. A gong is heard, and the music turns oriental:]  
  
"Bokura-  
  
wa fuwa  
  
Babusu-to Basutaa Bannii  
  
Makkusu okane mochitte  
  
Erumaira meiwaku  
  
Bo' Hamuton,  
  
Bo' Purakkii  
  
Dizii Deburu kuchi mo  
  
Faabooru yakki waku  
  
Gogo-wa futan!" [Another spin change, and The J.A.M. returns to his *charro* outfit, joined by Lightning Rodriguez. The music now has guitars and trumpets:]  
  
"Y de la universidad nos tenemos que graduar.  
  
¡De nuestro amigo Elmer nos tenemos que librar!  
  
Somos graciosos, y estamos algo locos.  
  
Es hora de empezar con nuestra diversión." [And to the side:]  
  
"Que linda es my canción."  
  
[The song stops, and the audience gives a thundering applause again. Mouse and Jaguar hug, and the Mouse exits. The J.A.M. calmly steps to the podium again, and after waiting a moment, signals the audience to hush again, and they do so instantly again..]  
  
"Now that was pretty ridiculous of me, wasn't it? [laughter] Okay now, on with our show. [On the huge screen beside him, the title "CHARACTER AWARDS: BEST ORIGINAL CHARACTER" appears] Self-insertion is about as unavoidable as death and taxes. As a writer, and reviewer, I should know. The art of novelisation, or even script writing, is something that comes from within, hence, by definition, it is practically impossible for any author to *not* put of him/her personality within the story. Even if there *are* no original characters which to impose one self into, the established characters, and even the setting and plot, reflect something within the writer. The purpose of this award is to honor those new characters who were created in a way that they gave enormous complements to the established Tiny Toons characters, plot, and setting. Their authors did very hard work *not* to impose themselves into the story, and to intricately weave their new characters, and their own traits, into a seamless union with the Tiny Toons Multiverse. The top five nominees for Best Original Character are:"  
  
[WARPUNWARP!!!]  
  
[While the giant screen shows clips of the fanfics, the Jaguar is suddenly off the stage, and now he's next to-]  
  
=============================================================  
  
The Tiny Toons stepped back and looked at these odd animals. They didn't know who they were or where they were from, but they really didn't want to find out. So as they started to slip away, Bugs came up and stopped them.  
  
"I see yous kids has met the oddimals."  
  
The toons just looked bewildered. "Oddimals?"  
  
Bugs nodded and they looked back. The handful of misfits gave them a big toothy grin. Buster spoke to Bugs.  
  
"You can't be serious! These guys are, are--"  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Boomer, Bandit, Aurora, Olivia, Zuccini, and Jinx: The Oddimals, from 'Dial-O-For Oddimals', created by Brooke Michelle!!"  
  
[cheering and applause]  
  
[WARPUNWARP!!!]  
  
[The Jaguar is suddenly next to-]  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Uhhhhhhhh, erm, cough Hi, Emily. I didn't know that you came here: I figured you didn't want to go out at all! (He-he!)"  
  
Attention shifted from Emily, to the owner of the voice. Emily looked around, a little startled, and up at the bunny who had just greeted her. When she saw who it was, she slumped back into her chair and sighed, as if it wasn't even worth the effort to talk to this guy. "Oh. Erm... Hi, Eric. Didn't know that *YOU* came here"  
  
Buster turned to Babs, and grinned. "See? Problem solved!"  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Emily Jane Bunny and Eric Bunny-no relation, hyuk hyuk-from 'Rivals', created by KeV Beeley!!"  
  
[more cheering and applause]  
  
[WARPUNWARP!!!]  
  
[The Jaguar is suddenly next to-]  
  
=============================================================  
  
Bugs stopped as strange music filled the auditorium. It was like a beautiful lullaby sung by a ghost to her child, and was hauntingly mysterious. It was coming from everywhere - *but* the PA system's speakers! No one moved except Plucky, who looked around and dropped a pin to the floor. He went into a Clampett Corneal Catastrophe as it hit - but made no sound.  
  
"Ahem", said Bugs, "And now I'd like ta introduce our new Professah of History  
  
- Doctor Lord."  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Lord Doctor Pavel D'Lord-impressive name there, Doc-from 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', created by Pepe K.!!"  
  
[more cheering and applause]  
  
[WARPUNWARP!!!]  
  
[The Jaguar is suddenly now next to-]  
  
=============================================================  
  
When Buster was halfway across the room, the door began to creak open. Buster was filled with terror as a figure standing at the door came into view. But it was not Hamton. The figure straightened it's reading glasses, and closed the book it was reading.  
  
Buster stared at the figure quietly. "Is it possible?" he thought to himself. "Well, I HAVE seen some weird things today." It still made no sense to him, but he somehow managed to squeak out one word:  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
"Stop," a voice rang out, a voice Buster was all too familiar with. Buster looked at the hole, and saw Babs, also dressed in spikes and black leather. "Let me do it." Hamton handed her the weapon.  
  
"Babs..."  
  
"Empress Babs to you, Chancellor. Oh, I must say, you've put up a good fight, but now... the fight ends."  
  
=============================================================  
  
"The Bookkeeper and The Empress-nice threads, Your Highness-from 'Mondo Negatory Toons: The Other Side Of Comedy', created by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demcio-GASP!!!" [He pauses to catch his breath.]  
  
[more cheering and applause]  
  
[WARPUNWARP!!!]  
  
[The Jaguar is suddenly now next to-]  
  
=============================================================  
  
As everyone sat down at their desks, a hushed silence fell over the room. There in the far corner was the object of everyone's concern. A small brown wolf, wearing new red sneakers and a blue football jersey, was sitting quietly and doodling on a pad of paper. He didn't look menacing or monstrous, but was as small and unassuming as the rest of the toons. In fact, he bore a strong resemblance to Calamity Coyote, except that his ears were more pointed and he had a long bushy tail. He was seemingly oblivious to the curious and worried stares he was getting.  
  
Everyone, including the wolf, snapped to when Elmer Fudd, homeroom teacher, walked in carrying his attendance sheet. "Hewwo evewybody. Today we have a new student hewe at Acme Woo. Wiwwy Wolf, please stand and introduce yoursewf to the cwass."  
  
All eyes fell on Willy as he stood, suddenly conscious of all the attention he was getting. Fidgeting slightly, he cleared his throat. "Um, hi everybody!" he started, waving weakly. "I'm Willy Wolf, and I hope we can all be friends." He then sat down again, obviously relieved that it was over.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"And finally, Willy Wolf, from 'Toon Wolf', created by Earl Allison!!"  
  
[more cheering and applause]  
  
[WARPUNWARP!!!]  
  
[The Jaguar is now back on the podium again.]  
  
"And the award goes to....................[He pulls out the envelope and opens it with his claws]...............LORD DOCTOR PAVEL D'LORD, FROM 'A TIME TO EVERY PURPOSE UNDER HEAVEN', CREATED BY PEPE K.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [He gets the trophy ready (a small gold statue of TTA rings on top of a computer), and steps aside a bit]  
  
************  
  
Until next time, remember:  
  
I AM THE J.A.M.  
  
Good evening.  
  
[WARP!!!]  
  
  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Dr. Lord quietly stands with his entourage of Fifi, Hamton, Arnold, Porky and Petunia Pig, Daffy Duck, Pepe Le Pew and Penelope La Cat and a medium sized skunk dressed in an orange silk smoking jacket. Amidst smiles and some hugging, they advance down the aisle to the stage and the podium. Lord advances to the microphone and picks it up, removing his dark glasses. His silver eyes reflect the bright stage lights.  
  
Lord:(smiling) I suppose since we're being broadcast - I'd better use this thing instead if turning it off.  
  
*light laughter from the audience*  
  
Lord: Uh, this is quite an honor for me and I'd like to thank all those who've made it possible..  
  
Daffy:(pointing to a blinking monitor) Ya got 5 minuteth, Doc!  
  
Lord: Indeed. Well, none of this would have been possible without my friends allowing me to return as a professor again to Acme Looniversity. So I'd like to thank Bugs, Porky and Daffy -  
  
*Daffy pushes through the others*  
  
Daffy:(yelling) WHAT?!! THAT RABBIT'TH NAME OVER MINE?!?! I'M THE STAR!!  
  
*laughs from the audience*  
  
Lord:(aside) Daffy, please! The Show's -  
  
Daffy: THIS SHOW WILL PROVE THAT I'M-  
  
*with a small gesture, Lord releases a sand bag from the stage and Daffy is flattened into a squashed black circle of feathers with webbed feet and a crumpled beak that says*  
  
Daffy:(dazed) - Flatter..than a pancake.. Eeesh!  
  
*Porky scoops up the pressed duck and shovels him backstage* *loud laughs from the audience*  
  
Daffy:..Mawee had a wittle wam, it's fweese was white as cornflakes......  
  
*laughter continues and there's some applause*  
  
Lord: Now, before we were interrupted, I was going to thank my friends and family here for allowing this part of their lives to be revealed.  
  
*applause* *The group of toons hug each other and wave as Bugs and Honey Bunny join them onstage* Fifi and Hamton step up to the mike arm in arm. Fifi looks radiant in a sheer silver gown *  
  
Fifi: Ah'd like to thank everyone fur welcoming mah Grandpere` back to Acme Acres! *She smiles and leans up on tip toe to kiss Lord, then rereats with Hamton, who is blushing constantly*  
  
*The audiences goes "Aaaaaaaaaawwww!"*  
  
Lord: There's a few folks who've helped enormously with this chronical, but there's one person without whom it wouldn't have been possible - my stenographer - Pepe K.  
  
*the audience murmurs and applauds as the skunk in the smoking jacket comes foward to the podium and stands at Lord's elbow. He smiles - rather gleefully embarresed*  
  
Pepe K.: Hey, Thank you, Doc - and thank you, everybody..I uh - *he suddenly shouts* "I've never won anything before in my whole life!!  
  
*the audience titters*  
  
Pepe K. Thank yuh so much for yer appreciation. There's a number of people behind the scenes who I'd personally like to thank - my good friend Thorne, who's given moi lots of encouragement and good comments when I needed them. He's a helluvan artist and a boon to our TTA community - and he's coming out with a simply GORGEOUS Picture for ATTEPUH soon!  
  
*A bespectacled mouse stands up in the 5th row and waves* *Wild Applause*  
  
Pepe K.: Another furson who's been a great Aide de camp to moi and to the Doc here is Andy Fox!  
  
*A red fox stops chatting in row three with Wile E. Coyote and stands to wave at the crowd. More Applause*  
  
Pepe K.: There's someone here who's always been heard but seldom seen - who's been a help to moi since the beginning - great at keeping secrets - up there! It's Dark Helmet!  
  
*In the top box seat, Eve Ill and Eddy the blue skunk stop throwing popcorn on the crowd and wave their fists in the air. Heavy Metal music plays*  
  
Eve & Eddy: Woof-Woof-Woof!  
  
*A shadowy armoured and cloaked figure stands and bows from the theatre box, like Hulk Hogan entering the ring*  
  
*WIld cheering*  
  
Pepe K.: There's a couple of shy guys out there - one who's not even here - but I know he's watching at home - mon frere`, VmC the artist!  
  
*applause*  
  
Pepe K.: I'll embarress him later, cuz he's a dear friend. Thanks, Vic! Someone who wouldn't have missed this is here - Duh Bunnyman!  
  
*Brian Yelverton stands up blushing reluctantly and waves as the audience claps, then sits surrounded by his adoring escort of female rabbits and mice dressed in formal satin evening gowns*  
  
Pepe K.: There's a certain Bunny here that has helped moi with historical accuracy and here he is to test his - Ladies and gentletoons - Peter Bunny!  
  
*wild applause*  
  
*As the Wackyland Rubber Band plays "Hail Coumbia!", Babs appears marching in with Buster and a tall white rabbit and a certain Miss Kitty - KatsJMaxis - from stage right. They wear the blue uniforms of the Union Artillery in the US Civil War. They move a 10-pounder Parrot rifle (a cannon) into position. Peter Bunny gives the commands to his squad*  
  
Peter: READY!  
  
*Buster and Babs and Miss Kitty scurry into position*  
  
Peter: PREPARE TO FIRE!  
  
*He looks to see that everything is safe*  
  
Peter: FIRE  
  
*He pulls the lanyard and the cannon roars! The cannon ball streaks towards Sylvester!*  
  
Sylvester: ...uh-oh..  
  
*The cannon ball ricochets and blasts a hole in the roof. Debris rains on the audience. Sylvester looks at his belly, where a cannon ball-shaped hole now exists *  
  
Sylvester: Anybody got a band-aid?  
  
*Audience reacts with cheers and laughter*  
  
*Sheepishly and hurriedly, the gun crew retires offstage , as the Rubber band plays a speeded-up version of "Tramp, Tramp Tramp!"*  
  
Pepe K.: Well, winding things up with a bang - (literally) - uh - there's another person without whom NONE of this would be possible - our moderator - Give it up for Kevin Mickel!!  
  
*Thunderous applause*  
  
*Kevin stands up in his theatre box and waves*  
  
Pepe K.: Yes folks, it's through Kevin's efforts that this all happens. He works hard every month to provide us with information on our favorite show, the newest artwork, the newest stories and a forum where we can discuss it all - and he doesn't charge us a dime! It's all free and gratis. He does all this out of the kindness of his heart, so I think he deserves a big round of applause! C'Mon!!  
  
*Pepe K. and all the other toons onstage stand and clap thunderously. The audience also rises in a standing ovation. Kevin blushes under his glasses and almost sits down, but Bugs, Buster and Babs are at his side and so he stands amidst the adulation, blushing and smiling. The applause lasts and lasts. Several minutes pass before Pepe k. signals for quiet*  
  
Pepe K.: There's a few others here that bear attention... Three dear people who've always been there to listen - my wife Leslie and my sons, Robin and Nicholas ... who have listened to the chronical every night at bedtime and have had the patience to deal with my taking so much time to commit it all to paper.  
  
*warm kind applause*  
  
Pepe K.: Now I'll turn this back over to the real winner - Doctor Lord. Thank you.  
  
*Generous applause as Pepe K. goes to stand with the other toons. Lord addresses the audience*  
  
Lord: Thank you, Pepe. ..Ahem.. I'd like to thank you and everyone who's life is part of this.  
  
*Fifi and Hamton join him, smiling. The three regard each other fondly* *He holds the small gold statue*  
  
Lord: Thank you all very much for bestowing this honor on me. I'll try to continue to be worthy of it. I can honestly say.. that.. of all the titles I've been granted... this is the most recent.  
  
*The group of other toons and the audience break up with laughter*  
  
Lord: But seriously, this award means alot to me. It shows.. like the chronical.. that people can change...that those who are "differant"- are not bad - but can be good ...and that those who love.. they're the ones who last forever.  
  
*There is a rising applause that sustains itself.Lord stands smiling and hugs his granddaughter and Hamton. The group of family and friends at the podium hugs and kisses each other*  
  
*Finally, Dr. Lord signals for quiet*  
  
Lord: Oh, and one more thing! Let's hear it for the band! I'd like to thank a friend of mine and a great composer - and our band leader tonight - Danny Elfman!  
  
*Wild applause as as a sharp-looking man with orange hair and intense eyes stands up in front of the band in the orchestra pit. He slings on an electric guitar and starts to play . The horns, bass and drums of "The Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo" Crash in playing "DEAD MAN'S PARTY". Every toon begins to Rock n' Roll - even the immortal skunk! *  
  
Pepe K.: Thanks everyone! Take it away, JAM!!"  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
[...unWARP!!!]  
  
Good evening.  
  
************  
  
[The lights fade as Dr. Lord and the others leave, and then a spotlight shines on the podium, where The J.A.M. unwarps to again. On the screen, "CHARACTER AWARDS" still looms.]  
  
"And now, our next category:" [He suddenly does a spin change. He's now wearing a black leather jacket, the "HECHO EN MEXICO" seal is now "painted" in blood. His unsheathed claws were long and black, his headfur was messed up, his eyes were wild, and his fangs were one and half times their normal length. He let out a deafening roar, which generated a few screams from the audience. The screen now said "CHARACTER AWARDS: BEST VILLAIN IN A FANFIC". He took a menacing pose, and began speaking with a heavy Spanish accent, and a very evil panting:]  
  
"Hehhhhh.....hehhhhhhh.....Babsy eesn't the onlee one who can speen change......ehhhhhhh.......eh...........Veellains are eemportant........whether they are an akchual character, seetuation, force of nachure, deesease, or a deceesion............they provide a confleect against the Hero/Heroine...........we're honoreeng those.........oreeginal or established...............who provided the best confleect ...........ehhhhhh........and thus allowed the Hero/Heroine to feeneesh the story weeth flying colors.........eehhhhhhhhh............ehhhhhhhhhhhhh..........I won't warp thees time, señores..........ehhhhhhhhhh..........ehhhhhhhh................the top five nominees for Best Veellain In A Fanfic are:"  
  
[UNWARP/POOF!!!]  
  
[In a puff of smoke, a bewildered character appears next to the Jaguar.]  
  
=============================================================  
  
A large yellow portal appeared in the middle of the room, and twenty or so Creations dropped out, followed by Alez Rat. Bugs noticed that the portal didn't close, like sectra portals normally did. "You have no idea how right you are, Bugsy, old friend."  
  
"ALEZ?"  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Ehhhhhhh.............Alez Rat, from 'The Created: Bugsnapped 2', created by Matt Berman." [The audience gasps, and then cheers and applauds at Alez.]  
  
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]  
  
[In a puff of smoke, Alez disappears and is replaced by-]  
  
=============================================================  
  
The Chancellor wandered this strange, bright land warily. His experience had taught him that there were enemies around every corner, and so he tended to avoid going outside, but in this case he had no choice. 'Naked came I,' he thought to himself, although he actually had arrived completely clothed in a very snazzy outfit. Each time anyone came near him (which happened with alarming frequency), he was forced to duck into the bushes until they left. He wasn't making much progress in the department of exploration.  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
"Stop," a voice rang out, a voice Buster was all too familiar with. Buster looked at the hole, and saw Babs, also dressed in spikes and black leather. "Let me do it." Hamton handed her the weapon.  
  
"Babs..."  
  
"Empress Babs to you, Chancellor. Oh, I must say, you've put up a good fight, but now... the fight ends."  
  
=============================================================  
  
"The Chancellor and The Empress, from..........ehhhhhhh.........'Mondo Negatory Toons: The Other Side Of Comedy'......ehhhh............created by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demcio-GASP!!!" [more cheering]  
  
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]  
  
[In a puff of smoke, they disappear and are replaced by-]  
  
=============================================================  
  
As the entire group begins to leave, a soft yet strong voice is heard, "Wait! Wait!" turning to the source, everyone's mouth drops.  
  
Coming down the walk, a female toon is heading towards the group. A fox,(The animal, not a hot babe) she's wearing a light blue shirt and jeans, both are tight enough so that they show off more curves then thought possible on a toon.  
  
She walks in a manner that makes Buster wonder if she is walking like that to just tease the guys. She continues towards the group, grinning, knowing and seeing that she is making many mouths moist at her appearance. She makes her way to be in front of Buster.  
  
"You must be the one in charge here," her voice is a mixed with admiration and mockery, "my name is Camry. I hope I'm not too late."  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Camry Curvaceous...........ehhhhhh........from 'Transfer Student'..............ehhhhhhhh........created by Jeremy J. Jurrens.................ehhhhh........" [Some in the audience give whistle calls. The J.A.M. then looks at Camry and begins drooling.] "Oye, Mamacita, what yoo doeeng after de show?" [Camry is about to smash him with a mallet- ]  
  
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]  
  
[In a puff of smoke, she is replaced just in the nick of time (generating laughter) by-]  
  
=============================================================  
  
The sun rose the next day to the tune of Grieg's "Morning", and Babs prepared herself for the big confrontation with Ramona. She had already figured out her gameplan: Speak softly, and carry a big mallet. Babs got dressed and went over to the Looniversity track, where the girl's track team was having it's morning practice.  
  
Ramona was still stretching her long, shapley legs when Babs casually sauntered over and smiled at her."Oh, hi," Ramona greeted her, "you're Buster's sister, aren't you?"  
  
Babs let out a fake little laugh and replied: "Who, me? No, no, no. I am Babs Bunny. You've heard of me, perhaps?"  
  
"No, Buster's never mentioned you."  
  
Getting more and more annoyed, Babs had to struggle to keep her cool. "Well, I'm Buster's long time girlfriend, and I would really appreciate it if you left him alone." There, she had calmly said it. She was proud of herself for not going too far.  
  
"Ha!" was Ramona's reply. "You're the one that lost him, sister! And with a body like yours, it's no wonder he dropped you for me!"  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Ehhhhhhh..........Ramona Rabbit, from 'Aw, Have A Heart'...........ehhhhh........created by Mike Cote............" [more whistling. The J.A.M. turns to her:] "Conejiiiiiiiiiiiitaaaaaaa..........." [more laughter]  
  
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]  
  
[In a puff of smoke, she is now replaced by-]  
  
=============================================================  
  
All the toons looked down the hall to see a figure dressed in black clothing. He appeared to be in some form of ninja outfit. His head was completely covered by a mask. Behind him was a small black cape that flapped in the breeze. The figure stood in place and laughed menacingly.  
  
"Just let me at him!" Plucky said angrily as he charged the figure.  
  
"Plucky! Wait!" Buster called out.  
  
But Plucky ignored him and continued to charge the Prankster, who just stood in place. "All right, Prankster! Time for pay back!" Plucky said as he stood in front of the figure.  
  
"Happy Birthday!" the Prankster said, handing Plucky a wrapped gift. The Prankster then ran off.  
  
"For me? You shouldn't have." Plucky said happily as he accepted the gift. He then unwrapped the gift and opened the box. The box then exploded in Plucky's face. "I was right. He shouldn't have." Plucky moaned, his head blackened by the explosion.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Fifi LaFume as The Prankster! [loudest cheering and whistling at this point, since Fifi's ninja suit was tailored to be form fitting, and MAN what a form....] Eh.........from 'The Prankster' series........ehhhhhh.........written by Michael M." [He turns to Fifi.] "Wood yoo like a date on the Mexican Riviera?" [Fifi's response is to kiss him very French-like]  
  
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]  
  
[Unfortunately, she disappears in the middle of the kiss, leaving the Jaguar in a very ridiculous position. He quickly straightens out. In Fifi's place, a very large envelope, almost his size, appears.]  
  
"And de weener ees......"  
  
[He rips open the envelope, only to find a slightly smaller envelope inside. Growling, he rips it open, only to find the same thing. With another deafening roar, he dives at the envelope and rips it to shreds, very felinesque-like. After a while, he just stands there, panting, holding a small note on his left paw. He looks at it, then lifts it to his face, then steps to the podium, and finally roars:]  
  
"THE CHANCELLOR AND THE EMPRESS, FROM 'MONDO NEGATORY TOONS: THE OTHER SIDE OF COMEDY', CREATED BY KEVIN MICKEL, MIKE COTE, REBECCA LITTLEHALES, JOHN FRIEDRICH AND MIKE DEMCIO!!!!!"  
  
[POOF/WARPUNWARP/POOF!!!]  
  
[The two characters appear, and The J.A.M. disappears, as the audience cheers again.]  
  
************  
  
Until next time, remember:  
  
I AM THE J.A.M.  
  
Good evening.  
  
[WARP!!!]  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Hmmm... Not a bad trick, considering that they were both hanged at the end of the story for their crimes. Maybe these are their ghosts?  
  
Seriously, I am quite honored that these characters are still manageing to prove popular after all these years. I must of course defer to my fellow authors on this one, they were the real visionaries in creating the specifics for these grand villians. I think I can speak for all of us when I say that they were a lot of fun to work with, in a sick and twisted sort of a way.  
  
I have FWD'd the award to Mike, Mike and Rebecca, and will post any comments they wish to make, assuming they do. In the meantime, I'll leave it up to Nefaria to add anything more, if he should so choose.  
  
Kevin  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Eh, just that I'm not overly fond of giving out awards for writing. Writing is a form of art, and art shouldn't be stuffed into a hierarchy with some labeled "winners" and others "losers". Good art usually has serious flaws and bad art often has redeeming qualities. My contribution to the MNTT story was far from my best writing.  
  
Anyway, those who wish to see my current creative adventures should check out Usenet group alt.devilbunnies. There I play a mentally disturbed girl bunny rabbit who is substantially more deranged than Babs. It's mostly casual off-the-cuff message replies, but I am working on a big story there.  
  
Mmmm, toes!  
  
Nefaria  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
[...unWARP!!!]  
  
Good evening.  
  
************  
  
[With the Chancellor and the Empress safely out of sight, The J.A.M. unwarps behind the podium once more. He's all normal now, if there is such a thing as normal.]  
  
"Okay, now to liven things up a bit, after all that villain schtick. Here's something I prepared for everyone again." [He turns to the screen as the lights dim. The monitor declares "To err is Toony..."]  
  
=============================================================  
  
From "THE BLOOMIN' LOONIES 2 1/2: 'Football: It's STILL A Looney Old Game...'"  
  
"Why, RuBarb, (he he)" the rat said with an impish grin. "You look del-del- PA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"CUT!!"  
  
[RuBarb looks at the camera, smirking while holding it in. Then she looks at Nigel] "COME HERE, YOU RODENT!!!!!" [she then proceeds to smear him with what was smeared on her. The re-setup of the scene took a whole day]  
  
"So, what ARE you doing here?" Roddy asked. "Starting to get a rash from those diamond daddles I sold-excuse me."  
  
[Take 2]  
  
"So, what ARE you doing here?" Roddy asked. "Starting to get a sash from those diamond saddles I sold-ARGHH!!"  
  
[Take 3]  
  
"So, what ARE you doing here?" Roddy asked. "Starting to get a rash from those diamond saddles I told you, I hope, I h-NO!!!"  
  
[Take 4]  
  
"So, what ARE you doing here?" Roddy asked, trying not to laugh while Monty and Danforth smiled for no reason. "Starting to get a rash from those diamond s-" [All three laugh hysterically]  
  
"Look, Roderick Llewellyn Rat, you just thank your lucky stars you've _still_ got a bright girlfriend-um, what?" she asked.  
  
[Take 2]  
  
"Look, Roderick Llewellyn Rat, you just thank your lucky stars you've _still_ got a bright girlfriend who's willing to bail your [CENSORED] I CAN'T [CENSORED] BELIEVE I FORGOT AGAIN!!!!"  
  
[Take 3]  
  
"Look, Roderick Llewellyn Rat, you just thank your lucky stars you've _still_ got a bright girlfriend who's willing to bail your...tail... out of this! Just tell me what my next line is and [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED]!!!!!!!"[She slams the phone down and laughs and stomps in desperation]  
  
"Nigel! _Wait_!!" And with a combination of feline agility and youthhful exuberance, she leaped out of the open window after him. [She trips on the sill and falls on her face]  
  
"Ow."  
  
"Hey, I thought cats always landed on their feet!" said Nigel.  
  
"[CENSORED]!!!!!!!!" was Rue's response, causing him to turn completely pink.  
  
From SILVER SMUDGE  
  
"I-I'm not doing this on purpose!" (slam) "Honest! (slam) "It's this-" (slam) "-stupid door!" (slam) [THUD!!!] [The door didn't open again, allowing Buster to hit his nose in it.]  
  
"CUT!!!"  
  
"*Ow*" was all he could say.  
  
[take 2]  
  
"I-I'm not doing this on purpose!" (slam) "Honest! (slam) "It's this-" (slam) "-stupid door!" (slam) "I think the-" (slam) "-hatch is limped!"  
  
(slam) "Please don't call-"  
  
"CUT!!!!!!"  
  
"[CENSORED]!! *LATCH*!!! Sorry again!"  
  
From WICKED WAYS  
  
"What made you crash?" Monty asked as the two sat upside down.  
  
"Like a glove!!!!" she replied.  
  
"CUT!!!!!"  
  
"Sorry, I couldn't resist," she chuckled.  
  
"We don't have to re-shoot the crash scene, do we?" asked Max.  
  
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their friends alone," Eve said. "The friend of the enemy of the enemy is a friend, making the first enemy no longer the friend because-[CENSORED]."  
  
[take 2]  
  
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their enemies alone-"  
  
[take 3]  
  
"The enemy is my enemy."  
  
[take 4]  
  
"Your enemy is my enemy."  
  
[take 5]  
  
"My friend is my enemy."  
  
[take 6]  
  
"The friend of my enemy is your enemy."  
  
[take 7]  
  
"Any enemy of yours is an enemy of mine."  
  
[take 8]  
  
"The enemy of your friend is my friend-"  
  
[take 9]  
  
"Sleeping with the enemy."  
  
[take 10]  
  
"Enemy."  
  
[take 11]  
  
"Love your enemy."  
  
[take 12]  
  
"I'm in love with my enemy."  
  
[take 13]  
  
"I met the enemy and I am her."  
  
[take 14]  
  
"I am my enemy."  
  
[take 15]  
  
"Enemy Mine, Mine Enemy."  
  
"That was a stupid movie, Enem-I mean-Eve."  
  
[take 16]  
  
"Exactly. The emeny of the emeny is a memen-[CENSORED]."  
  
[take 17]  
  
"Memenemeny-"  
  
[take 18]  
  
"Exactly. The friend of the memeny is a friend-"  
  
[take 19]  
  
"The writer is my emeny-I mean nenemy-ENEMY, [CENSORED] IT!!!!"  
  
[take 20]  
  
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their memenies-AAHHHHHHHH!!!!" [she grabs Monty, kisses him, and throws him down again, before stomping off.]  
  
[take 21]  
  
"Exactly. . . . . .[CENSORED]."  
  
[take 22]  
  
"Exactly. PA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
[take 22]  
  
"E---what was I talking about?"  
  
"ENEMIES!!!!" yelled the cast and crew.  
  
[take 23]  
  
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their friends alone," Eve said. "The friend of the enemy of the enemy is a friend, making the first enemy no longer the enemy because they're the enemy of the second enemy, so they become-what?"  
  
[take 24]  
  
"Exactly. The enemy-can we try this again?"  
  
[take 25]  
  
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their friends alone," Eve said. "The friend of the enemy of the enemy is a friend, making the first enemy no longer the enemy because they're the enemy of the second enemy, so they become a friend." [Monty looked at her for a few moments, and replied,]  
  
"I like enemies-I MEAN-Perfecto!!"  
  
"CUT!!!!!" [Eve then smashed Monty with a mallet.]  
  
[take 26]  
  
"Exactly. The enemy of the enemy is a friend. I'll also leave their friends alone," Eve said. "The friend of the enemy of the enemy is a friend, making the first enemy no longer the enemy because they're the enemy of the second enemy, so they become a friend." [Monty looked at her for a few moments, and replied,]  
  
"I like Perfecto-" [suddenly both of them laugh hysterically for no apparent reason.]  
  
From FRACTURED IMAGES: A PLUCKY DUCK STORY  
  
"Sorry Plucky. No more delusions-I mean pollution-I mean-[CENSORED]!! Now you've got ME doing it!!"  
  
"CUT!!!"  
  
"Sorry, Shirl."  
  
"I think I'm, like, hanging around you too much, or some junk. . ."  
  
From "THE LIFE GOES ON" TRILOGY: MULTIFIFITY  
  
"NO!" he cried, his emotional pain going beyond his physical. "Don't even think like that! I won't let you give up. Do you hear me? ...please don't give up. Who would Buster study French with in Forign Film 101? Who would Furrball dance with at the Cool Club? Who'd be here to tell the cue-card boy to switch them in time so I can read my lines? Who-"  
  
"CUT!!!"  
  
From THE LEGEND OF TOON PARK - PART 3  
  
Then, we started back down the stairs to the large room-  
  
KATHUDCRASHKERPLUNKWHAMBASHOOFBOPSMASHBAMBOOMWHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
[Everyone was lying in a heap at the bottom of the stairs]  
  
"Whoops, I slipped," said Ivan.  
  
From WHAT'S IN A NAME?  
  
Babs was cut off when a young man on a motor scooter rode up to them and said, "Package for Buster Bunny!"  
  
"[CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Babs.  
  
"CUT!!!!!"  
  
(The courier looked down and immediately backed up.) Babs concluded,  
  
"[CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] ENORMOUS RABBIT FEET!!!!!!!" while rubbing her flattened foot.  
  
Even with both of them pulling on it, there was still considerable resistance for a few seconds before the background-  
  
[SCRAPE]  
  
The background was in a diagonal position.  
  
"CUT!!! What happened?"  
  
"Um, I think the background got-*jammed*-or something," replied Buster.  
  
From KITH  
  
Furrball: (Voiced by James Earl Jones) Babs. Join me, we shall complete the circle of life [Babs begins chuckling] and rule this campus together as Boyfriend and-  
  
Babs: A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!  
  
"CUT!!!!!"  
  
[take 2]  
  
Furrball: (Voiced by James Earl Jones) Babs. [chuckling again] Join me, we shall complete the circle of life and rule this-  
  
Babs: MWH-HHHHH-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!  
  
"CUT!!!"  
  
Babs: I'M SORRY, BUT FURRBALL, YOU JUST LOOK AND SOUND SO RIDICULOUS LIKE THAT, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Furrball: I find that insulting, you know.  
  
[take 3]  
  
Furrball: (Voiced by James Earl Jones) Babs. Join me, we shall-  
  
Babs: KHH--HHHHHHHHHH----HAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
"CUT!!!"  
  
[take 4, after Babs took a cold shower]  
  
Furrball: (Voiced by James Earl Jones) Babs. Join me-ahem-and we shall complete-he he-the circle of life and rule this campus together as-as-as-A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!  
  
"CUT!!!"  
  
Babs: See what I mean?  
  
From BUSTER AND BABS BUNNY: RELATION?  
  
Babs was trying to figure out what she was going to say when a custard pie spooshed into-  
  
-Emily's face.  
  
"CUT!!!"  
  
"Why?" asked Babs. "She looks a lot better that way!"  
  
"Oh, be quiet," she replied, smearing some pie on her as well.  
  
Roddy was about to kiss her again, when without any warning, Danforth Drake suddenly sailed head first into the hottub-  
  
[WHAM!!!]  
  
-splattering water everywhere, and taking all of the romance out of the Rats tender (?) moment. "Danforth!" shouted Roddy as he and Rhubella leapt to their feet. [Danforth remains underwater, moving slowly] "You idiot! What is the meaning of this?" [Slowly he raises his head]  
  
"Uhm. . . . . sorry . . . . . boss. . . . .ha ha. . . " sputtered the (strangely very groggy) waterlogged waterfowl as he struggled to get his head above water-and rubbing the top of his head. "But-but--[Roddy and Ruby begin giggling as Danforth can't keep from smiling]-but they-ha ha ha!!-OUCH!!! Well, they. . . . . .whoa there. . . they wouldn't-" [A HUGE bump rises from Danforth's head]  
  
"CUT!!!"  
  
"OH MY HEAD!!!!" And the three burst into laughter, splashing each other up. Danforth then pats his bump and leans on Roddy's shoulder, "weeping" in "pain" a-la Stan Laurel. Roddy "comforts" him in his time of "pain". Buster and Babs peek from the other door.  
  
"Blooper again?" asked Buster. They saw what had happened and they too began laughing, and joined the splash party. Take 2 was the next day.  
  
=============================================================  
  
[The screen fades to black, and the spotlight shines on The J.A.M. again. The audience is laughing like never before, and he waits a bit. This was one thing that couldn't be silenced with a gesture. After a bit, he begins again:]  
  
"Yes, mistakes pounce upon even the best of them, especially those who make surprise appearances in a fanfic. [The screen now says "CHARACTER AWARDS: BEST CAMEO"] Yes, we're talking about cameos. And to help me present these awards, ladies and gentlemen, toons and toonsters, and others, here is the Queen of Cameos, the lovely Mary Melody!!" [Mary enters from stage left. She's wearing a glittering dark blue strapless dress, which elicits plenty of wolf calls. She steps next to The J.A.M., who greets her with a small kiss.]  
  
"Thank you, J.A.M. But just for the record, I *hate* being the 'Queen of Cameos'."  
  
"Why? I think you do that part perfectly well."  
  
"I know. I just wish some author out there would give me a bigger role."  
  
"Well, allow me to brighten your day. With time permitting, I hope I have the honor of being the first author to include you in a major role in a fanfic." [Mary gasps, and so does the audience, who cheers. She give him a big hug.]  
  
"Wow, J.A.M., do you mean it?"  
  
"Of course. I've been wanting to write a Tiny Toons fanfic for sometime now, but Real Life has taken a toll on me as well. I hope that someday soon I'll have time to write your story. And hey [to audience] I won't mind if someone beats me to it."  
  
"Well, I'm flattered just by the announcement! But now, on with our show. Our next award is for Best Cameo."  
  
"Yes. These are moments, instants of inspiration, that when done correctly, can pull out a chuckle in the middle of a twisting storyline, or even a 'gasp', because of its suddenness and unexpectedness." Mary continued,  
  
"The characters who make these fleeting appearances have an enormous responsibility to deliver their punch line in a *very* small space within the entire story. While a cameo looks simple to do-"  
  
"And it isn't, and we'll discuss *other* cameos later-"  
  
"-they require careful thought by the author and the character involved so as not to make the thing stick out like a sore thumb, or have it ignored by the reader as a minor commentary. The presentation itself is crucial and cannot be left to chance or whim."  
  
"That's right, Miss Melody."  
  
"Just call me Melody, hun."  
  
"Oh, okay! [slight chuckling from the audience]. These are the recognitions to those authors and characters who provided these flashes of wit within their fanfics." Mary announced,  
  
"And the top five nominees for Best Cameo are:"  
  
[The lights dim again, and the screen lights up with the nominated scenes.]  
  
=============================================================  
  
"There! I beat you at your own game!"  
  
Sitting back from his animator's desk, Hamton J. Pig set down his paintbrush and sighed. "Well," he said with a faint smile, "I did manage to hold my own against her for a little while."  
  
=============================================================  
  
[The screen displays the name of the character, cameo, story, and author, and The J.A.M. reads it out loud:]  
  
"Hamton, in 'Hare Hysteria', written by Kevin Mickel!" [The audience cheers.]  
  
=============================================================  
  
When Buster finally got to school, he was relieved to see that the class hadn't started yet. Taking his seat next to her, he said, "Hi, Babs." She pretended not to hear him and turned casually away.  
  
With a heavy sigh, Buster said, "Listen, Babs, about this morning, I..."  
  
Buster was cut off as a large crate fell down from the ceiling to land only a few feet in front of him. As soon as the dust settled, the lid of the crate swung open and out popped Yakko Warner singing, "Helloooooo."  
  
He was immediately joined by Wakko, who added, "Tinyyyyyy."  
  
Then Dot joined them as finished up with, "Toooooons!"  
  
=============================================================  
  
Mary read, "The Warner Brothers, and the Warner Sister, Surprise Cameos 113, in 'Buster And Babs: No Relation' written by Kevin Mickel!" [even louder cheering]  
  
=============================================================  
  
A word balloon formed over Scrooge's head containing the words, "Well what did you expect at 50 cents a word?"  
  
"I should have known," said Buster.  
  
"Hey," said Babs to Scrooge's picture, "how come you're not animated?"  
  
New words formed in the balloon. "Because I'm not a Toon like you. I'm a comic book character." [cut to next scene]  
  
"What about you, Scrooge? What's your angle?"  
  
A rather large word balloon formed over Scrooge's head, containing the words, "If you think I'm gonna let this ruling go unchallenged so that that animated imposter on DuckTales can get his feathers on my 16 fantastacatillion, umpteen billion-jillion, uncountabadillion dollars and six cents, then you're not as smart as I thought."  
  
=============================================================  
  
The J.A.M. read, "Scrooge McDuck, The Classic Toons Meeting, in 'What's In A Name', written by Kevin Mickel!" [still more cheering]  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Hiya, girls," said Plucky, trying to sound cool, "let me introduce you to my lovely date ... Ms. Boo-etta!"  
  
They stared intently as his date stepped into the light with a confused "Ba-quak?" Above a large yellow dress peered down a feathery face.  
  
Babs and Shirley just stared. [cut to next scene]  
  
"So, who did you end up bringing, Fowlmouth?" Babs asked, when they had calmed down.  
  
Fowlmouth rested his chin on his fists dreamily, "The lovely Miss Sweetie Bird," he sighed. He hadn't looked so love-stricken since his crush on Shirley. Shirley secretly winked at Babs. Fowlmouth may be annoying, but it was good to see him happy! [cut to next scene]  
  
"THROTTLE!!" Dot cried and dashed across the room and into his muscular arms.  
  
"Hi babe," Throttle replied, and as they walked onto the dance floor, Dot flashed a gigantic grin towards Babs, who gave her the thumbs up back.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Mary read, "Chicken Boo, Sweetie Bird, and Throttle, The Party Scene, in 'Out Of The Tower And Out Of Their Minds', written by Karen Tindall!" [more cheering]  
  
=============================================================  
  
As the two fowl began an obnoxious argument and Prissy staggered in panic to keep from dropping the camera - a streamlined white racing car drove up and stopped nearby. A tall young man jumped from it's cockpit and trotted over to catch Miss Prissy and the video camera, just as they fell.  
  
"There you are, Ma'am" the helmeted youth said with a smile, as he took the camera and helped the skinny hen to stand up.  
  
"You need a tripod to hold that up", the handsome man said kindly, "Do you have one?"  
  
Prissy pointed an elongated finger at the equipment boxes nearby and said "Yea -us!" As he easily retrieved a tripod and unfolded it, Foghorn delivered his final rejoinder.  
  
"When Ah was a - AH SAY! When Ah Was a Young'un - AH *WALKED* TA SCHOOL! BAREFOOT! IN FIVE FEET A' SNOW!! UPHILL! BOTH WAYS!! Uh-" Foggy froze and stared as the young man removed his helmet.  
  
"Why, Jubilation T. Cornpone!! IT'S SPEED RACER!!"  
  
=============================================================  
  
The J.A.M. read, "Speed Racer, 'The Race of the Millennium', in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', written by Pepe K.!" [more cheering. The screen displays a still picture of all five clips, and the Humanmaid and Jaguar opened the envelope, and together they read,]  
  
"And the award goes to...........................................................SPEED RACER, 'THE RACE OF THE MILLENNIUM', IN 'A TIME TO EVERY PURPOSE UNTO HEAVEN', WRITTEN BY PEPE K.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [thunderous applause. Mary hands over the trophy, and both presenters step aside.]  
  
************  
  
Until next time, remember:  
  
I AM THE J.A.M.  
  
Good evening.  
  
[WARP!!!]  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*the Speed Racer Theme is played by the band*  
  
*Speed vaults out of the row of seats and is joined by the skunk in the orange smoking jacket as he climbs the stairs to get to the podium. His perfect smile is frozen on his face as he waves to the crowd*  
  
*Applause and cheers from the audience*  
  
*The action suddenly freezes.....the music still playing... .....and then the action un-freezes and continues*  
  
*Speed and Pepe K. advance to the podium where Speed is given the trophy by the lovely Mary Melody.*  
  
Speed: Gosh! Gee thank you very much It's really neat-o to finally receive an American award But really I was just there to help out Doctor Lord with his speed trials I've won lots of trophies from being a racing driver all over the world but I've never won anything quite like this!  
  
Pepe K.: Well thanks Speed, for coming all the way from Japan for this ceremony.  
  
*They bow to each other as a distictly Japanese fanfare plays briefly*  
  
Speed: By the way Mister JAM sir it's keen to see the interesting ways you do things in this hemispere like those Bloopers you showed before We don't have those in Nippon.  
  
Pepe K.: You don't have out-takes in Japan?  
  
Speed: Oh we do have them but you'd never see them over here because everything is entirely dubbed over ha ha!  
  
Pepe K.: Ah heh. ...Tell me Speed, these last two times you've come over here, you've managed to avoid your younger brother Spriedel coming along. How'd you do that?  
  
Speed: Oh my little brother is such a pest sometimes Him and that scene- stealing monkey of his The last time I had the airline I was using put up a sign that said You Must Be This Tall To Ride so Spriedel and Chim-Chim couldn't get aboard the airplane This time they threw such tantrums that Pops looked mad at me and said YOU HAVE TO TAKE THEM ALONG SPEED THEY'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY as he hopped from one foot to the other so I had to take them along with Trixie and me but this time I got smart and locked the trunk of the Mach 5 as soon as we got here so I locked them in and they're trapped in the car ha ha!  
  
*the audience laughs*  
  
*Spriedel appears at stage left with Chim-Chim*  
  
Spriedel: That's what you think, Speedy!  
  
*Chim-Chim climbs up the stage curtain and throws a pineapple at Speed, narrowly missing him, but hitting Pepe K., who arises rather wobbily with the pineapple on his head, looking like Carmen Miranda*  
  
Pepe K.:(deadpan) Why do I have the urge to sing "Mama, Yo Quiero"?  
  
*The audience breaks up laughing*  
  
Speed:(Frozen, pointing up at Chim-Chim) OH!  
  
*Chim-Chim gets to the top of the stage and promptly falls off, bringing the huge curtain falling down on top of Spriedel*  
  
Speed:(still frozen with wide eyes and an open mouth) AAAAAAH!  
  
*The curtain falls only on Spriedel, who rips through it and crys streams of tears at Chim-Chim, who stands there stupidly with a finger stuck in his ear making badly vocalised monkey noises*  
  
Spriedel: WAAAAAH! You ruined my plan, Chim-Chim! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!  
  
*Bad comedy sting plays, as the audience laughs at them *  
  
Speed: On that note I think we'd better be going Thanks an awful lot Mister JAM and thank you Miss Melody You're really Kuwai!  
  
Mary:(Gives Speed a kiss on the cheek) Thank you Speed, I think you're cute too!  
  
*audience says "Woooooooo!"*  
  
*Trixie leaps out of the theatre seats and stamps her feet angrily as she pouts and steam shoots out of her ears*  
  
Trixie: SPEED! *she runs up the aisle, swearing at Speed in Japanese*  
  
Speed: Oh gotta go! Thanks for the Best Cameo Award!  
  
*He takes off, running across the stage away from Trixie, Spriedel and Chim-Chim, who angrily give chase, making a ridiculous chase scene around through the audience who laughs and applauds loudly*  
  
*Pepe K. looks at the JAM and Mary and the pineapple on his head and shrugs*  
  
* Speed and the others race through the theatre, while the audience laughs*  
  
*Pepe K. dances like Carmen Miranda*  
  
Pepe K.:(Sings) Go Speed Racer! Go Speed Racer! Go Speed Racer Go!  
  
*he shrugs and motions to the JAM*  
  
Pepe K.: South America - Take it away! ;)  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
[...unWARP!!!]  
  
Good evening.  
  
************  
  
[The J.A.M. and Mary step back up to the podium.]  
  
"Well," said The J.A.M., "That was very interesting. Oh, and just for the record, I'm not from South America, I'm from Mexico. Well, you can call me a Latin American, if you wish."  
  
***********************************  
  
Foggy stands up in the audience  
  
:):) "That was a joke, Son! It's the title of an old song from Broadway! "Call Me Mister!" Starred Ethel Merman, it did! It's a rumba she sang! Ah say, it's a song title, don't cha get it? He's got a pinapple on his haid! "South America - Take it Away!" Ya get it? It's a joke fer us older generations, Son!"  
  
:):):):)  
  
***********************************  
  
"Um, sure. Our next award deals with those cameos that have the non- sequitur feel to them," said Melody.  
  
"The *what* feel?"  
  
"Non-sequitur. You know, those that really *do* stick out like a sore thumb?" [slight laughter]  
  
"Well, maybe not so much a sore 'thumb', but more like a bump in the road. Nothing painful, just something that slows you down."  
  
"And that has absolutely nothing to do with the story at hand."  
  
"And where the character says something that is completely alien to the plot."  
  
"That's what non-sequitur means, J.A.M." [He stops for a moment, as the audience chuckles a bit. He then looks at her with a raised eyebrow:]  
  
"Well, that was pointless."  
  
"No, *this* is pointless," she corrected, and turned to the screen. [The screen now says "CHARACTER AWARDS: MOST POINTLESS CAMEO", and displays the following scenes:]  
  
=============================================================  
  
"It's good to be back home." Urian said  
  
"That battle with barney was a true nightmare to the Tiny Toons." Babs said  
  
"And Pizza cats." Polly said  
  
"Don't forget Video Game Heroes." Bowser added.  
  
"And let's not to mention, Fan-fiction artists." Kevin said  
  
=============================================================  
  
The J.A.M. said, "Kevin, in 'Die Barney Die, Prologue', written by Urian Dang X." [the audience gave a few confused cheers.]  
  
=============================================================  
  
Shirley: I don't believe it, it is time, and it was rumored that there will be two deaths.  
  
James: This was a scam wasn't it.  
  
Pinky: Some chant, you lugnut.  
  
Shirley: That's liar, Pinky.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Mary said, "Pinky, in 'The Dangers of Drunk Driving,' also written by Urian Dang X." [The audience wasn't sure if they should cheer at this point.]  
  
=============================================================  
  
Babs gives a loud shriek of terror and makes a run for it, the Brain is trampled underfoot by the pursuing mob of males. Suddenly Apu of the Simpsons runs into frame with a torch and shouts over the din.  
  
Apu:  
  
Remember that we need 51 percent of the carcass to claim the reward!  
  
Fox and Skunky come out of nowhere, grab Apu and begin handcuffing him. Apu hangs his head in shame.  
  
Fox:  
  
I'm afraid you'll have to come with us for questioning involving these unwarranted cameos.  
  
Apu:  
  
How embarrassing. I hope my mother does not see this.  
  
Skunky:  
  
Try not to bruise him, Moldy. I still haven't done an Autopsy scene yet.  
  
Apu:  
  
Noooooooo!  
  
=============================================================  
  
The J.A.M. said, "Apu, in 'Kith', written by Abel DuSable!" [the audience cheers more confidently now.]  
  
=============================================================  
  
One thing for sure though,a rumble started throughout the church, one that no one could ignore and stopped what Fifi was about to say.  
  
The clinking of holy water bottles are heard near the alter, the priest rushes to grab them in order to prevent a spillage of salvation. The tremors build, at first attendants think it is and earthquake, but soon find it is too ordered in its vibrations to be one, moving in waves in a giant ocean.  
  
Below the alter, in the center of the isle, lightning crackles off of the pews and the aisle itself. Forming then dissipating in the air, the colors of deep blue, orange, and yellow are seen in them.  
  
Duncan Macleod from, "Highlander" pops into the scene.  
  
Duncan, "There can be only one." he walks off, leaving a very confused audience.  
  
Finally, the lightening builds to such a concentration that it focuses into one great ball of power, rumbling the church at its foundations. A very large and powerful porthole rips into the church, creating a crash that startles all in attendance, the whole scene ripples as a pond does when a rock is thrown into it..  
  
Through this hole walk Alex, looking very determined and having a look of mischief upon his face.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Mary said, "Duncan Macleod, from 'Le Wedding De Fifi', written by Jeremy J. Jurrens!!" [louder cheering again]  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Ahem?" said a small voice from the floor, "Please excuse the interruption, but I do believe you're mocking our material."  
  
Lord and Slappy peered down to find the Goofy Gophers at a table set just for small toons.  
  
"Yes", said Mac, "That's a variation on our routine."  
  
"It most certainly was" agreed Tosh.  
  
"Absowutewy twue" agreed Tweety.  
  
"Oh yes, I've heard that bit of dialogue before" said Sniffles the mouse, "The gophers are always very very very nice and in agreement with each other and give each other endless endless endless compliments, cause they're overly polite and a little prissy if you ask me, but anyway..."  
  
"Aw SHADDUP!" yelled a peeved Sweetie Bird from across the table.  
  
The Bookworm with glasses nodded. But the timid Bookworm hid under Sniffles' chair.  
  
"Si", chuckled Speedy Gonzales, "Ju talk too much, Senor Sneeffles."  
  
This set the small table of toons to arguing and Lord simply said, "Sorry."  
  
=============================================================  
  
The J.A.M. said, "The Bookworms, 'A Time To Dance - A Time To Mourn', from 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', written by Pepe K.!" [Mary then opened the envelope.]  
  
***********************************  
  
Pinky: "Oh, Brain, that's so awful! All of those lovely cameos & not one poit among them. Troz! I know! I think I'll help those underprivileged carvings by giving them some of mine. (calls out) POIT! POI-IIT!! POO-"  
  
Brain (snatching P's snout down): "Silence, Pinky! And this is not about those nonsensical syllables of yours anyway; the word is not 'poit' but 'point', which your head also possesses in abundance."  
  
Pinky: "Ooh, okkay Brain. Um, Brain?"  
  
Brain: "What is it?"  
  
Pinky: "What's a non sequitur?"  
  
Brain: "Your primary language, Pinky. Allow me to demonstrate: are you pondering what I'm pondering?"  
  
Pinky: "I think so, Brain, but 'numismatic' is still a funny word for it."  
  
Brain: "I rest my case. Now be quiet that we may continue watching these awards."  
  
Nathaniel T. Freeman  
  
***********************************  
  
"And the winner is......." [and both declared:]  
  
"APU, IN 'KITH', WRITTEN BY ABEL DUSABLE!!!!!"  
  
[Mary prepares the trophy, and both step aside again]  
  
************  
  
Until next time, remember:  
  
I AM THE J.A.M.  
  
Good evening.  
  
[WARP!!!]  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
As the orchestra played the TTA theme, a small black Sable dressed only in a red sash and white gloves climbed the stairs of the stage. Accepting the golden... ur... statuette, he shakes hands with the J.A.M. and Mary Melody before turning his attentions to the audience.  
  
"Greetings to you one and all, my friends and criminal accessories..."  
  
The audience chuckles nervously, glancing at the other people around them.  
  
"Apu couldn't make it tonight, he's a little sewn up right at the moment..." Audience chuckles again " So I guess I will have to accept this award in his stead. First of all I would like to thank the creators of TTA Adventures without whom I'd have less to sharpen my creative skills upon. I'd like to thank the good people who work on the Simpsons for NOT going out of their way to track down and sue me and of course good old Apu who is being such a great sport about the whole thing. Let's give him a hand folks, despite his absence."  
  
The audience applauds along with Abel as a freeze frame of Apu's horrified face is on the monitor for all to see. The applause dies down Abel hefts the statuette and flashes his blue eyes over the crowd.  
  
"Now if anyone needs me, I'll be in the lobby with my date, taking advantage of the complimentry pizza and soft drinks that are out there."  
  
Abel decends the staircase to the applause of the audience and is met by Harriet, who is an absolute vision in her golden off-the-shoulder dress. Able extends his arm and with a sly grin, the chocolate colored raccoon takes it and the two mammals walk down the isle to the lobby doors when Harriet give one final glance back at everyone within.  
  
"Hey... it's his acceptance speech. He can do pretty much what he wants."  
  
Exit: Able DuSable and the charming Harriet.  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
[...unWARP!!!]  
  
Good evening.  
  
************  
  
[The lights fade in, revealing a set of an old Mexican town, complete with adobe buildings with ceramic shingles. On top of a fountain, there's Speedy Gonzales, playing the introduction on a mouse-sized guitar. There's a balcony on the building adjacent to it, but it's empty. As Speedy begins playing, the audience claps.]  
  
[The J.A.M., still in his *charro* suit, enters from stage left, eliciting louder clapping and cheering. He then speaks,]  
  
"It was a moonlit night, in old Mexico. I walked alone between some old adobe haciendas. When suddenly, I heard the plaintive cry of a young Mexican girl:" [Suddenly, Rosita La Ratoncita appears in the balcony, looking at her boyfriend, Speedy, and sings VERY LOUDLY:]  
  
"LA LA-LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! [The J.A.M. and Speedy try not to laugh, but the audience does, and claps at her.]  
  
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!  
  
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA *LA* LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  
  
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" [The J.A.M. sings:]  
  
"You'd better come home, Speedy Gonzales!" [and the audience cheers when they recognize the song. Behind Speedy, Lightning Rodriguez, The Cybernator, Towi Raccoon, Daniel Gallo, and three LT Mexican mice (all in Mexican attire) pop up playing trumpets, guitars, and bass]  
  
"Away from Cannery Row. [Speedy then gets a bottle, but The Jaguar snatches it and throws it away.]  
  
Stop all of your drinking  
  
With that floozy named Flo!  
  
Come on home to your adobe! [He then steps to a wall and scrapes off plaster with his claw]  
  
And slap some mud on the wall. [it begins raining momentarily on him]  
  
The roof is leaking like a strainer! [And he kicks some insects.]  
  
There's loads of roaches in the hall." [The others add:]  
  
"La la-la la!" [The J.A.M:]  
  
"Speedy Gonzales-!" [The others:]  
  
"...Speedy Gonzales..." [The J.A.M:]  
  
"Why don't you come home?  
  
Speedy Gonzales-!" [The others:]  
  
"...Speedy Gonzales..." [The J.A.M:]  
  
"How come you leave me all alone?" [Suddenly Speedy looks at Rosita and says:]  
  
"Hey, Rosita, I haff to go shoppeeng downtown for my Modder; she needs some tortillas and cheelee peppers!" [Speedy's accent causes laughter, and Rosita sings again, causing more laughs and clapping:]  
  
"LA LA-LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  
  
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!  
  
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA *LA* LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  
  
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"" [The J.A.M holds up a small pregnant dog:]  
  
"Your dog is gonna have a puppy! [throws it away, then holds an empty soda bottle]  
  
And we're running out of Coke. [throws it away, then opens an empty fridge]  
  
No enchiladas in the icebox! [kicks a television cabinet]  
  
And the television's broke! [he then goes to Speedy and holds his collar:]  
  
I saw some lipstick on your sweatshirt! [then pulls his ear lightly, and Speedy "winces" with a smile.]  
  
I smelled some perfume in your ear! [then in mock anger:]  
  
Well, if you're gonna keep on messing  
  
Don't bring your business back a-here!" [The others add:]  
  
"La la-la la!" [The J.A.M:]  
  
"Mmm-Speedy Gonzales-!" [The others:]  
  
"...Speedy Gonzales..." [The J.A.M:]  
  
"Why don't you come home?  
  
Speedy Gonzales-!" [The others:]  
  
"...Speedy Gonzales..." [The J.A.M:]  
  
"How come you leave me all alone?" [Suddenly Speedy looks at Rosita and says:]  
  
"Hey, Rosita, come queek! Down at de cantina dey geeveeng green stamps weeth Tequila-!" [The audience roars in laughter at this statement, and continue laughing as Rosita takes it home:]  
  
"LA LA-LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  
  
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!  
  
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA *LA* LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  
  
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! OOOO-  
  
LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  
  
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!  
  
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA *LA* LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  
  
LA LA-LA LA-LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA................."  
  
***********************************  
  
Two psychadelic brothers suddenly start chucking cans at the J.A.M., with the obvious intent of getting him to stop.  
  
"BOOOOOOO!! YOU SUCK!! BOOOOOO!!"  
  
They almost immediately get escorted out by Security.  
  
;-)  
  
-Razorback Jack  
  
***********************************  
  
[the lights fade out, leaving one spotlight on Rosita, which slowly fades out. The audience stands and gives a deafening applause. The lights turn on again, and all take a bow. Then, they all take the time to hug each other, but Speedy gives Rosita a *very* tight hug. The J.A.M. notices this, so he says,]  
  
"Let's hear it for Rosita!!!!!" [and all those on stage clap as well. Rosita walks up and takes a bow, as roses begin pouring on stage. Finally, The J.A.M. and Speedy walk to the podium, and as they do, the band plays "Guadalajara, Guadalajara". Everyone wails:]  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [and the audience laughs. The song stops, and the other Mexicans run back stage.]  
  
"Thank you, Señor Gonzalez, Señor Rodriguez, Señor Raccoon, Señor Gallo, Señorita Rosita, and Speedy's Band!" [more clapping]  
  
"And tank yoo, Señor J.A.M., compadre," [Speedy jumps on top of the podium.] "Man, I meess Guadalajara."  
  
"Hey, who doesn't?" [slight chuckles] "Oh, and in case anyone's wondering, I'm not from Guadalajara, I'm from Mexico City, despite my accent." [slight chuckles] "And I want to take the time to honor the work that Robert McKimson and Mel Blanc did in creating Speedy Gonzales in 1953. [more clapping] However, I was quite stunned when I read just *how* you got started, Señor Gonzales."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Yes. The original idea for Speedy Gonzales actually came, get this, from a TTBS joke! For everyone's sake, I won't repeat it, but when I read that, well, Señor Gonzales, everything you say, including your trademark shouts before you take off running........well, they........um.........suddenly made *sense*.......um....." [louder laughter and clapping].  
  
"Híjole...well, to be honest weeth yoo, de joke eesn't that bad. It goes like dees: What do yoo call-" [suddenly The J.A.M. clamps his paw on Speedy's mouth, causing laughter, especially since his paw is big enough to cover all of Speedy's head. After a moment, the Jaguar releases the Mouse.]  
  
"Speedy, please, this is a family show."  
  
"Perdón."  
  
"Man, Speedy, [Mexican accent] yoo can sound more Mexeecan dan me!" [laughter].  
  
"So can everyone een Los Angeles!" [more laughter]  
  
"Say, whatever happened to your gold tooth?"  
  
"One word: Dentista." [laughter]  
  
"Oh. Well, you certainly served as an inspiration for Pat Boone in 1962 with this song. I really regret that you and Lightning Rodriguez weren't given a bigger part in Tiny Toons."  
  
"I know. But dere were a lot of us Loony Toons, and some got two protégés. Eet was all a matter of air time."  
  
"But you *were* given air time in Tiny Toons Adventures. And as a Looney Tunes character, you were also given time within the Tiny Toons Adventure Fandom, as did your protégé." [The screen now says "CHARACTER AWARDS: BEST USE OF A LOONEY TUNES CAST MEMBER"] "This mailing list, all our fanfics, and the Tiny Toons Adventures series wouldn't be here today if it weren't for the characters which we all love and grew up with, those who, as the theme says, have been getting laughs since 1933. From Porky's first theatrical short, to 'Carrotblanca', the Loony Tunes characters have provided wholesome entertainment, and now, they share all their antics, and teach all the secrets of Toon Comedy in Acme Acres. Hence, it is only right that they, too, have a place within our fanfics, as they already have a place in our hearts." [The audience agrees with clapping. Speedy said,]  
  
"De top five nomeenees for Best Use Of A Looney Tunes Cast Member are:" [Both now stay at the podium, as the screen gives shots (and fanfic clips) of the nominees in the audience:]  
  
=============================================================  
  
She regarded her youthful counterpart for a moment. Babs seemed to look quite interested. "Babs," she began, after a moment of silence, "Call me a crackerjack, but I have a not so funny feeling you're not here for a basketball lesson. I've seen your records, I know you can play. So, what's _really_ going on?"  
  
The pink bunny gulped, but regained herself quickly. "I just, um, think it's about time I got back into stuff. That's all. You know, try to improve...." It was obvious that Lola wasn't buying it.  
  
Lola crossed her arms, giving Babs a bemused look. "Come on, Babs. This isn't Elmer Fudd or Yosemite Sam you're talking to. I may be a Looney Tune, but I'm not dimwitted."  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Lola Bunny, in 'Lola vs. Babs', written by Lelony Bunny!" [cheering. Lola smiles. Next shot to-]  
  
=============================================================  
  
"YOUS CAN'T GET AWAY WI' DIS! DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YER TALKIN' TO??" Bugs yelled into his office phone. "I DON'T CARE IF IT'S GOOD FOR MARKETING, YOU CHANGE IT - RIGHT NOW OR HEADS WILL ROLL!!" Bugs slammed down the phone and turned to look sourly out his office window at the statues of himself and Daffy below.  
  
"Is dis all woith it?!" he said aloud to himself, hanging his head. Frustration upon frustration ran through his head, till he shook them away, sitting at his desk. One thought remained...  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Bugs Bunny, een 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', wreeten by Pepe K.!" [more cheering. Bugs holds Honey's hand. Next shot to-]  
  
=============================================================  
  
The black duck's eyes spun with greed! "Thatths not a bad idea, you fffragrant fffrenchman you! But thince I have plenty of time to do everything I want - I firsst intend to return to my artisstic rootthzs - and and do thomthing I've been denying mythelf the pleasure of!"  
  
"What might that be, praytell , D.D. - my loaded hero and mentor??" implored Plucky Duck.  
  
"If you'll keep your drooling bill outta my bills -", Daffy said with disdain," I'll show ya!" He suddenly whipped the smaller green duck around to face him and in a moment - was running and hoo-hooing maniacally away with a bucket of black paint and a paintbrush. Plucky turned in astonishment, revealing a huge black painted mustache across his face.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Daffy Duck, when he was painting mustaches on everyone, also in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', written by Pepe K.!" [silence. Daffy simmers with anger, and his eyes turn red, causing laughter again. Daphne tries to calm him down. Next shot to-]  
  
=============================================================  
  
Porky dropped Bugs and stalked to the door.  
  
"You're not worried about the other's looking bad - *you're* the one who doesn't want to be shown up! You don't want anyone around to be seen as better than you!"  
  
Porky calmed himself, which made his words sting all the more.  
  
"..You've hated Doc for years for things that aren't his fault. He's never said a word against you, but you treat him like this....Daffy's right - you are despicable."  
  
With that, Porky stomped outside.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Porky Peeg, again een 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven', wreeten by Pepe K.!" [the cheering resumes. Porky and Petunia hold hooves, smiling. Next shot to-]  
  
============================================================  
  
About then, a line of dirt came into view, indicating the imminent arrival of a rabbit. It stopped just a few feet in front of Buster, and up out of the ground came Bugs Bunny. "Eh, what's up, Doah-ha-ha-ooh-eeee- ahh," he faltered when he saw Bug's. "You!" he managed to get out at last.  
  
"Yep, it's me. How y'doin', Texas? It's been a long time."  
  
Bugs stiffened. "The name is Bugs. Bugs Bunny."  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Bugs Bunny, and Bug's Bunny, in 'What's In A Name', written by Kevin Mickel!" [Bugs and Bug's shake hands, smiling. Now the screen shows all five nominees. Speedy opens the envelope. It's a bit difficult, since it is his size.]  
  
"And de weener ees-" [Finally, he pulls out the card, and both scream with their Mexican accents:]  
  
"BUGS BUNNY, EEN 'A TIME TO EVERY PURPOSE UNTO HEAVEN', WREETEN BY PEPE K.!"  
  
************  
  
Until next time, remember:  
  
I AM THE J.A.M.  
  
Good evening.  
  
[WARP!!!]  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*As Daffy glowers, Bugs and Honey ascend to the podium, where Bugs confidantly takes the stage. Honey wears a flared and shiny copper-colored pantsuit and Bugs wears his usual white tie and tails ( all 3 of them)*  
  
Bugs:"Eeh, Tanks, Speedy!  
  
* Bugs smiles in his usually humble way and there's a pause.. Bugs seems about to make a typical speech, but his ears start to lop and he looks about nervously, losing his customary composure. He starts again*  
  
Bugs: Ladies an' Gentlemen, I - I uh.....  
  
*Honey comes to his side. Bugs looks at Speedy and the JAM uncertainly*  
  
*the audience murmurs*  
  
Bugs:(gulps) Uh.. Look guys, I uh.. can't accept this award ...alone......Would _All_ the Looney Tunes please join me up heah?  
  
*amidst the murmuring crowd, the Tunes all slowly walk up to the stage, questioning each other. The from the confused group around the podium, Daffy stomps up to Bugs in a huff*  
  
Daffy: All right, rabbit, you got us up here! Now get on with your gloatin'! You've won your award!  
  
Bugs: I - I'm sorry Daffy... I can't do dat... because we all desoive dis award... so .. I'm acceptin' dis in de name of ALL of us.  
  
*murmurs of amazement*  
  
Bugs:(continues quietly) Look everyone...I - I been de front runner fer years.. and I couldna done it without everyone else. We're *all* of us what makes up da Looney Tunes..we're an ensemble! We're not seperate stars... we - we all woik together...as a team. I tink Space Jam sorta proved that - hey! -  
  
*He sees Lola still sitting in the theatre*  
  
Bugs: Hey Lola! Yous come up heah too! *he beckons her* C'mon! Yer a Looney Tune too!  
  
Lola: ...But Bugs.. I was just in two movies...uh..  
  
Bugs: Relax! Yer part uh dah team! *looks at all of them* Yah know... on stage and screen, we're always fightin' and arguin'...  
  
*The LT's all look at each other and hang their heads a bit*  
  
Bugs: ...like we don't like each udduh ...  
  
Slyvester:(sadly looking at Hector) Like catthh and dogthh..  
  
Tweety:(looking up at Slyvester) Or cats and widdle birds..  
  
Elmer:(looking at Bugs) Or pweditor and pwey..  
  
Wile E Coyote:(kindly putting an arm around the Roadrunner) Or the hunter - and the hunted...  
  
(All the Tunes are humbled now in the silent threatre)  
  
Bugs: - But - we're really friends.. and neighbors..  
  
Porky:(putting an arm around Daffy) And g-g-g-uh co-workers! * Porky smiles. Daffy is sullen, but quiet*  
  
Bugs: And it took - not one - but _All_ of us to make it woik. It started with Bosko and Honey and all duh Two-Tones.  
  
*Bosko and Honey appear in their old original forms*  
  
*applause*  
  
Bugs: And all dem uddah Two-Tones helped make us inta who and what we are - *puts an arm around Porky and Petunia* ..And Porky was our foist star! He held duh title and is still a star!  
  
Porky:(blushing) Uh be-b-b, Awww shucks! T'warn't nuthin!  
  
*applause builds  
  
*Bugs brings out a reluctant Daffy*  
  
Bugs: And Daffy made a splash on dah screen and became an instant star! And he's one uh da biggest!  
  
*sudden silence* *crickets chipping* *Daffy burns up red*  
  
Bugs: HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! ...This ain't a performance! ...C'mon! Give it up fer Daffy!  
  
*Bugs begins to clap alone in the silence. Slowly, he is joined by Porky and one by one the others. Slowly the applause rises to a thunder which cannot be stopped*  
  
*Daffy turns red and begins to cry real tears as he is embraced by Bugs and the others warmly. Finally Bugs signals for silence and the applause subsides*  
  
Bugs:(As Honey joins him at the podium) Everyone who's here tonight is a star! All the Tunes!  
  
Sniffles: God Bless us - Every One!  
  
*The audience goes "Awwwwwwwww!"*  
  
Bugs: Uh, yeah..... anyway, dere's... dere's many special humans who helped us too........who ain't around any more...  
  
*the LT's all bow their heads*  
  
Bugs:(almost tearfully) All our writers and Directors... Tex, Bob Clampett, Ted Pierce, Friz, Carl Stalling, Mike Maltese, the McKimson brothers, Art Davis, Norm McCabe, Frank Tashlin, Arthur Q. Bryan and many others! Thank goodness Chuck's still with us.....But dere is one fella who gave just about all of us somethin'.....  
  
*Bugs is choked up. He holds up the award *  
  
Bugs:(softly) .... Dis one's fer you, Mel.  
  
*sniffs and wipes away tears* *there isn't a dry eye in the house* *Bugs walks down front and talks to the audience and the camera directly*  
  
Bugs: Now .. uh...Ah'm gonna put dis award in duh teachah's lounge at Acme Loo - cuz it belongs to us all...  
  
...and in a way ... it belongs tuh yous out dere. - Yeah, YOU! - sittin' at your keyboard right now readin' dis! ...De animator's, an'writers, an' directors gave us life... but all dos ov yuh who continue ... tuh watch us... on TV... in comic books... in pictures and stories everywhere-!  
  
*the theatre is silent and breathless as Bugs shows a sensative side he never has*  
  
Bugs: -Yous provide duh laughter.. and duh caring... dat keeps us toons young... Yah give us our lives.......  
  
So.... I wanna thank yous for it....  
  
*He slowly walks back to the podium*  
  
Bugs:...Thanks...  
  
*He smiles weakly as tears roll of his whiskers. He's embraced by Honey and all the others as the audience makes a a heartfelt standing ovation that seems to last forever. All the toons hug each other joyously and continue as each embraces the other. Bugs stands arm in arm with Daffy, Porky, Honey, Daphne and Petunia. They wave as they all walk backstage. The applause continues.  
  
*Daffy stops Bugs backstage, away from the cameras*  
  
Daffy: Wow! You thslayed 'em! That was thsome great sthspeech! Now, tell me! Who came up with the idea? Who'th your new writer, huh?!  
  
Bugs: (turns in amazement) What writer?!!... I really meant that, Daffy!  
  
*The Duck is frozen in disbelief. The others walk off as he stands there alone*  
  
Daffy:(amazed) ...Yuh did?!?! ...Really??...(to himself)...Wish I'd said it....Hey, wait fer me!  
  
*He happily runs after them*  
  
:)  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
[...unWARP!!!]  
  
Good evening.  
  
************  
  
[The tears are all mopped up, including those of The Jaguar. The lights are down, and the stage appears empty.]  
  
[A soft piano began the song now, followed by a flourish of a harp. Then the spotlight shines on Fifi, still wearing her silver gown. She looks toward the light, and begins:]  
  
"Where  
  
Ze boys are  
  
Someone waits for me. [she opens her arms]  
  
A smileeng face, [and hugs herself]  
  
A warm embwace,  
  
Two arms to hold moi tenderly. [looking at Hamton, who blushes furiously] Ooh la la, Big Boy!" [the audience laughs. On the background, Babs, Shirley, Sweetie, Mary, and Elmyra back her up with soft "oo's".]  
  
"Where  
  
Ze boys are,"  
  
"Oo..." [holding a paw to her heart]  
  
"Mon true love weell be...Cherrie! [she sighs for a bit, as she walks to stage left]  
  
He's walkeeng dawn, some stweet een town.  
  
And je know he's lookeeng zhere for me. [Suddenly turns to Calamity and waves:] I'm over here! Yoo hoo! [He blushes too. The stage is now a setting of Paris.]  
  
In ze town  
  
Of ze meelleeon people; [Suddenly turns to audience and looks very determined]  
  
Zees skunkette weell find mon Valentine! And zen you know what?" [gives a few hops up the scaled Eiffel Tower]  
  
Zen I'll climb to ze highest steeple! [At the top, she raises her paws]  
  
And je will tell ze whole world zhat he's mine! All because he's mine, uh huh!" [Calming down, she looks up]  
  
'Teell he holds me-"  
  
"Oo..."  
  
"Je wait eempatiently [slightly frustrated] oh, yes I do!" [The others sing,]  
  
"Where the boys are-" [she cuddles an imaginary lover]  
  
"Mon crepes suzette-"  
  
"Where the boys are-" [both paws to her heart]  
  
"Oh mon petite shoo shoo!!" [sings with the others]  
  
"Where the boys are-" [steps off the tower]  
  
"Someone waits for me [giving the "yes" gesture] Oh, YES zey do!" [looks up again]  
  
'Teell he holds me-"  
  
"Oo..."  
  
"Je wait eempatiently [with excitement] Oh, yes we do!"  
  
"Where the boys are-" [smiling, she taps her foot]  
  
"Je is waiting!"  
  
"Where the boys are-" [one paw over her eyes, "searching". The music rises.]  
  
"Zhat's where je want to be!" [closes her eyes, holds out both arms and tilts her head back, and shouts with the others:]  
  
"WHERE ZE BOYS ARE-!!!" [The music stops. Holds both arms to her chest again, opens her eyes, looks up, and very tenderly:]  
  
"Someone......waeets........for Fifi......." [The music concludes. Fifi suddenly gasps as she sees a Belgian actor walk behind the chorus]  
  
"Ah! Jean-Claude! You beau lover! [Jean-Claude Van Damme looks at her, yikes, and dashes off. Fifi follows, in the traditional skunk skip] Here's your petite Fifi! Je am waeeting for you, mon leettle private teddy bear! [The audience laughs] Mon leettle crepes suzzete......" [as she disappears in the distance, she releases her fumes, but the chorus was ready with gas masks. The song ends, and everyone cheers like never before.]  
  
[UNWARP!!!]  
  
[The J.A.M. unwarps at the podium, also wearing a gas mask, holding what looks like a fire extinguisher. He sprays the stage with it, and Fifi's fumes are neutralized. He removes the mask.]  
  
"Man, Fifi, who can *not* love you? [louder cheering] And thank you, Bugs, for that very moving speech. And, by the way, who can *also* not love this other beautiful femme? Ladies and gentlemen: Shirley The Loon!" [Shirley floats from the back of the stage, removing her gas mask. She's wearing a yellow shimmering dress.]  
  
"Ooooowhatalooniam.....oooooowhatalooniam.....like, good evening, J.A.M." [she lands next to the Jaguar, and gives him a small kiss. The screen says, "CHARACTER AWARDS: BEST USE OF SUPERPOWERS"]  
  
"Good evening. You know, I've always wondered how you do that."  
  
"Like, my levitation? Oh well, like, you just have to, like, keep your aura centered, er sum junk, like the way you warp. Like, despite all my power, I, like, can't warp the way you do, well, not yet anyway, er sum junk."  
  
"Well, there are those few of us who were bestowed with powers and abilities beyond normal toons. Pepe and Fifi have their odorific powers, Beeper and Lightning have super speed, Babs has her spin changes, and Gogo has.......well......he just has them." [laughter]  
  
"Like, exactly. It's also, like, important, when a character is given superpowers, to, like, not grab the whole story with them, and to, like, always introduce a weakness to, like, make sure they're not impersonating God, er sum junk." [light laughter]  
  
"That's why now we're honoring those who have used their superpowers in a way that they advance the story, and enhance the character's personality, and even add a laugh or two, and not just provide a flashy light show. There is a great responsibility involved when using superpowers, and a great deal of skill as well. One has to make sure one doesn't accidentally zap someone, right, Shirley?"  
  
"Well, like, I don't know. Plucky, like, has been conditioning my powers, like, into a hair trigger situation, er sum junk." [light laughter. The J.A.M. takes one step away from her, causing more laughter.] "Like, the top five nominees for Best Use Of Superpowers, er sum junk, are, like:"  
  
=============================================================  
  
SHIRLEY  
  
Oh wow! I'm like, totally stressed-out! Let go Dizzy! All these mondo negatory vibes ... I could, like, totally lose control and become, like, Dark Loon! I could save my friends, but I might, like, totally destroy Acme Acres or some junk! Like, mondo moral dilemma or what?  
  
BUSTER  
  
Well toonsters, this looks like it! The last stand of the Yuksmen! Can anything save us? Are we truly doomed to fall beneath Pig-Neat-o's might?  
  
The ceiling opens. An Angelic form, BABS as Angel Bunny, is seen silhouetted against a shaft of golden light.  
  
BABS  
  
Oh, I wouldn't say that!  
  
BABS leaps into the fray, flying back and forth at high speed, scattering mops everywhere.  
  
BABS  
  
Yahooooooooooo!  
  
HAMTON, in order to respond to this new threat, conjures a giant waffle iron and 'waffles' PLUCKY. Next, HAMTON creates a giant blender and tries to pull BABS into it's vortex. A bolt of lightning knocks HAMTON over, freeing PLUCKY and BABS. FIFI floats down from the sky on a thundercloud, her hair is up in a giant mohawk.  
  
FIFI  
  
Bonjour! Bonjour, mes amie! Ce'st moi!  
  
FIFI casts more lightning at HAMTON who leaps up and runs away. He runs smack into PLUCKY who Opti-Blasts him at point-blank range. HAMTON reels around, stunned. SHIRLEY shakes DIZZY loose, telekinetically picks up the scattered mops and smooshes them into a ball around HAMTON. BUSTER fires his Ice Gun, sealing HAMTON in a giant ice ball. FIFI conjures a warm breeze around DIZZY to dry him off. DIZZY whirls over to the ice ball and begins juggling it. BABS glides down to BUSTER.  
  
BUSTER  
  
Hey! That was some classy entrance, Babs!  
  
BABS  
  
You have no idea how boring it gets waiting for the 'nick of time'.  
  
BABS shows BUSTER a large watch with GOGO on it. The watch is marked "Almost", "Nearly", "Nick'o'time" and "Too Late"  
  
GOGO  
  
At the tone, the time will be later than you think! Cookoo Cookoo Cookoo!  
  
A rumbling crash is heard. The far wall collapses to reveal ELMYRA, FURRBALL, CALAMITY and whoever else wants in on this scene.  
  
ELMYRA  
  
Ooooooooooooo! Look at all the cute fuzzy-wuzzies!  
  
PLUCKY  
  
Oh no! It's Queen Elmyra and the Heckfire Club!  
  
Another wall tumbles to reveal MARY MELODY and a cast of extras in high- tech battle gear.  
  
MARY  
  
Forward, Agents of A.C.M.E.!  
  
  
  
The Agents of A.C.M.E. and the Heckfire Club are suddenly scattered by ARNOLD riding a silver skateboard.  
  
ARNOLD  
  
Beware Earthlings! It is I, Radical Dude, herald of GALACTI-MAX, Slumlord of the Universe!  
  
The roof is peeled away by a giant MONTY wearing a purple costume. MONTY reaches for BUSTER.  
  
MONTY  
  
Hiya, pals! Ready for the Ultimate Foreclosure?  
  
MONTY lifts BUSTER out of the danger room. The scene becomes 'cloud edged' and slowly drifts apart to reveal ...  
  
=============================================================  
  
[The J.A.M. nudges Shirley for a moment.]  
  
"The Yuks-Men and their enemies, in 'The Uncanny Yuks-men: A Tiny Toons Adventure', written by the Unfathomable Dr. Drew!!" [loud cheering, and the Jaguar gives the Loon a thumbs up.]  
  
=============================================================  
  
Not waiting to see if Hamton would do as she said, Babs quickly spun around and changed herself into Superbabs. "Up, up, and up some more!" she cried as she flew into the air to take on whoever it was that was shooting at them. It was a squad of some dozen mercenaries, and they were shooting at her with everything they had. She hovered over them and laughed taughntingly as their bullets bounced harmlessly off her chest. "Hahahahaha! You puny mortals'll need more than that to take down Superbabs!"  
  
Babs saw that her taughnting had had the desired effect. One of the mercenaries was unpacking his bazooka and aiming it at her. "OOOOH," Babs shouted down at him, "I'm really quite scared!"  
  
FWOOOMMM!  
  
The bazooka shell streaked upwards towards her with incredible velocity. Just before it slammed into her form, Superbabs veered out of its path, and grabbed ahold of the projectile. After making a slight adjustment to the warhead to make it a bit less lethal, she swung it around and hurled it back at the mercenaries with all of her super strength.  
  
KABOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Smoke and debris filled the air, and when it cleared, Babs saw that the mercenaries were all covered with black soot and that they had a blank look of disbelief in their eyes as they passed out. "Awright!" shouted Babs when she saw it. "Score one for the good guys!"  
  
=============================================================  
  
[In the audience, Buster hugs Babs]  
  
"Like, The Superbabs Schtick, in 'Mondo Negatory Toons: The Other Side Of Comedy', created, like, by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demcio-GASP!!! [She pauses to catch her breath.] Er, sum junk."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Montana, "I passed your test, now give me number two!"  
  
Alex, "As you wish, Mr. Elmyra," winks at Montana getting him steamed, "face yourself!" Alex balls his hand, his fist charges with energy, then releases a glowing ball of energy sending his arm back in a recoil. The ball nails Montana in the chest, then passes through his body and out his back. Behind Montana the ball stops and materializes into a pale image of Montana, the being begins to speak.  
  
Pale Montana, "Why doesn't anybody like me?"  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Alex Redolence, in 'The Legend To The Deed Of Acme Acres,' created by Jeremy J. Jurrens!!" [louder cheering]  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Breathe with me" he said as the others watched. They both closed their eyes in silent concentration a moment before opening them again as one. Lord's white, triangular cat-like pupils dilated a bit and Shirley's aura arose from her body. The exhausted blue spirit began to glow a phosphorescent yellow and after spinning around energetically like a gyroscope, it dove back into Shirley's body.  
  
Shirley leaped up.  
  
"Like Wow! Thanks, Sensei! I'm totally jazzed to the max!" [cut to next scene]  
  
Suddenly something blocked out the moonlight and covered her with it's huge shadow. Fifi looked up - and beheld the sight of Doctor Lord hovering in mid-air, standing with his cape billowing out behind him like great wings. His silver eyes glowed, staring at her and he floated slowly down to land on the grass before her. His white pupils shining like stars, Lord raised his clawed hand. She saw his five fingers open wide - the fourth finger curling down. As the small skunkette stood up to face the fantastic giant before her, she saw a brilliant purple aura forming around him, glowing and pulsating like a quasar.  
  
"Who are you?" Fifi asked nervously.  
  
Lord's hypnotic eyes fixed on her and his voice echoed in her mind.  
  
"Ask me....who I was."  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Like, Dr. Lord's various displays of power, in like, 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven,' like, written by Pepe K., er sum junk." [very loud cheering at Pepe's latest nomination.]  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Orpheus - Go with Throttle Up!" called Breedlove.  
  
Lord heard him and pulled his arms to his sides. The plastic composite suit sealed the seam and he brought his tail/ rudder up higher into the air.  
  
As the music hit a climax, Lord's pupils dilated completely, his eyes becoming gleaming white orbs, as he pushed through the Sound Barrier. A circle of vapor formed before him and he plunged through it!  
  
Across the desert came the sound of a sonic boom.  
  
"Mach 1!" said Speed Racer at the control board. [cut to next scene]  
  
The sky suddenly darkened as a powerful thunderstorm boiled down from out of the sky. The wind kicked up instantly and sand blew about, stinging everyone. Multiple lightning bolts zig-zagged across the sky. In seconds, it went from a perfectly sunny day to a raging dark storm.  
  
Thunder rolled and resounded as another sound began.  
  
A horrible screaming arose from everywhere. The horrifying sound was filled with rage and fear. It was vaguely human, but sounded more like the the agonized howl of a lonely wolf. The cry filled everyone with dread and both Fifi and Shirley fell to their knees.  
  
"Ah feel sick!" gasped Fifi, as Hamton kneeled to hold her.  
  
"Ohhh, like so much anger...and loneliness!" Shirley cried, holding her head in both hands.  
  
"Fifi! What is it?!" Hamton shouted over the roaring storm. "Ah dunno!" she sobbed, " Zis eez - how ah felt when Mama died!  
  
- Only Worse!!"  
  
Hamton held her in his arms - sheltering her with his body from the gale- force winds that whipped at them.  
  
"So... empty!" she cried, "Hold moi tight!!"  
  
The wind and dust tore at them, their parasols had blow away and the mice and smaller toons clung to anything solid. Speed and Breedlove watched the readouts as another blast reached their ears.  
  
"Mach Two!!" yelled Speed over the raging storm.  
  
Breedlove looked at the blur on the screen and whispered in awe,  
  
"...Godspeed".  
  
The horrid screaming reached fever pitch and Fifi realized it was Lord's own voice!  
  
=============================================================  
  
[extremely loud cheering]  
  
"Dr. Lord goes to Mach 2, in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven,' written by Pepe K.!!!!" [Both avian and mammal quivered with excitement. Shirley zapped the envelope, and said,]  
  
"And, like, the winner is.........[both said] LIKE, DR. LORD'S VARIOUS DISPLAYS OF POWER, IN LIKE, 'A TIME TO EVERY PURPOSE UNTO HEAVEN,' LIKE, WRITTEN BY PEPE K., ER SUM JUNK!!!!!!!" [both stepped aside as the audience roared once more]  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*Dr. Lord walks up to the podium quietly. He's dressed in a formal black and grey Victorian frock coat from the 1870's, vested and with striped pants. He shakes hands with the JAM and lightly kisses Shirley's hand.*  
  
*applause*  
  
Lord: Good Evening! And thank you for this honor. I do feel I should explain a bit about these so-called Super powers of mine. You see, unlike most of those who have them, like Shirley, here - I was not born with them.  
  
Shirley: Like, you weren't??  
  
Lord: No, they came to me fairly late in life and it's taken years for me to learn how to use them properly. They are mostly the use of directed mental energy - and not what most call "magic." I'm simply a telepath who can store energy for certain uses. For instance, I can't teleport or "warp" as the JAM does or forsee the future as you do, my dear.  
  
Shirley: But you can, like - zap Plucky!" *giggles*  
  
*audience laughs as Plucky grumbles in his seat*  
  
Shirley: - and use your stored power to run faster than the speed of sound, er sum junk.  
  
Lord: Well..yes. But I've learned that it's really better to solve problems without their use. I prefer to do things the old-fashioned way rather than the easy way. I do try to get out and run at high speed when I can, as it's good exersize. I also try to keep up with various physical skills.  
  
Shirley: So... you really don't like ta - um, rely on these powers?  
  
Lord: Not if I can help it. If I do, it's with a specific goal in mind or to prevent someone from getting hurt.  
  
Shirley: Do you like, have any special weaknesses cuz of it, like, ya know - kryptonite?  
  
Lord:(winces uncomfortably) Yes..I -I do, but they are..uh..unrelated to my telepathic powers...and it's rather personal.  
  
The JAM: Does it have anything to do with that last scene? The desert storm?  
  
*the audience listens intently*  
  
*Lord freezes a moment, staring, then smiles congenialy* ...That.. is a failing of mine..and I'd rather not discuss it, if you don't mind.  
  
*Shirley and the JAM look as uncomfortable as Lord for a moment The audience murmurs*  
  
Shirley: Well, um, moving right along, heheh! Um, can you do.. um, like - telekinesis?  
  
Lord: Causing objects to move? Yes, but that takes the most energy of all.  
  
Shirley:(Smiles) I'm like, glad to finally have a Mentor.  
  
Lord: You've proved to be wonderful student. But remember - the most important thing about power is not how you use it - but rather how 'not' to use it. *he smiles*  
  
Shirley:(aside) Could I learn to alter Plucky?  
  
Plucky:(leaping up from his seat angrily) HEY!!!  
  
*audience laughs*  
  
Lord: (smirks) Uh..Never suggest "being altered" around any males.  
  
*bigger laughs*  
  
The JAM:(aside to Shirley) C'mon, this is a family show.  
  
Shirley: Eww, gag me! I meant his mind!  
  
Plucky:(even louder) HEY!!!  
  
*Shirley is wide-eyed with embarrassment. The audience snickers and laughs* *Plucky walks out into the isle in a huff and begins to walk slowly to the stage*  
  
Lord:(with a bemused smirk) On that note, Thank you again very much for the award. I do appreciate it very much.  
  
*Lord bows low and hurriedly returns to his theatre seat as the audience applauds. He steps aside as Plucky advances up the isle towards Shirley*  
  
Shirley:(gulps) Um, JAM... uh maybe we should move on to a commercial..er sum junk...  
  
*She casually whistles and retreats upstage*  
  
*The audience laughs as Shirley ducks the duck backstage*  
  
;)  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
[The J.A.M. steps up]  
  
"And once again, here's Leloni Bunny!!" [he greets her with a kiss, and warps away.]  
  
************  
  
Until next time, remember:  
  
I AM THE J.A.M.  
  
Good evening.  
  
[WARP!!!] 


	3. Plot Point Awards

Leloni smiles at J.A.M. and Shirley as they walk away. There seems to be a bit of mistiness around her eye area, almost as if she's been crying. She wipes a small tear from her eye and coughs slightly.  
  
"Ahem, 'scuse me folks. Guess Old Grey's acceptance speech got the better of my nearly iron-will constitutions."  
  
The crowd chuckles a bit. Bugs shoots Leloni a quick _look_ from his seat in the audience.  
  
"Anyway," Leloni quickly regains herself and continues. "Weren't they great folks! Now, Shirley, there goes quite a couple. A couple of what, I'd be afraid to find out."  
  
All Leloni is afforded for her little joke is a few cricket chirps. "Sheesh, now I know how Daffy feels...."  
  
"Anyway, like most awards shows that just last for the longest time, this one's just beginning! Also like most awards shows, we still have scores of presenters who are ready willing and able to put on a show for you guys. And I only had to promise 'em $40,000 each! Btw, Lola, my darling big sister......" Leloni goes all doey-eyed for a moment. "Can I have a  
  
raise in my allowance?"  
  
Once again, this manages to get a small rise from the audience.  
  
The lavender bunny coughs into her fuzzy hand and quickly gets things back on track. "Ok, up next, it's my pleasure to introduce; Nathaniel T. Freeman who will be bringing us The PLOT POINT AWARDS! Take it away, Nathaniel!"  
  
As the audience begins to applaud, Leloni quickly and quietly takes her leave of the stage.  
  
Leloni Bunny  
  
the lavender nightmare  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
The spotlight fades from the center stage, & another slowly comes up elsewhere in the theater, in an alcove to the left of the audience where stands a young man in a tuxedo. The six-foot-two-&-1/2-inch, brown-haired, blue-eyed person speaks.  
  
NTF: "Thank you Leloni. Ladies & gentlemen, before we get to the next segment, we absolutely have to pay some bills, so we'll return to the UKE Awards after these words from our sponsors."  
  
--------------- cut to overhead view of the audience as announcer vo. ------  
  
Announcer (vo): "The First Annual UKE Awards, brought to you in part by:  
  
Chunky Lunky Burgers  
  
Jimmy Brain Real Estate  
  
Mints R Us  
  
Sam & Ella's Catering  
  
Silver Smudge  
  
Space Demon IV: Hugging the Demon  
  
your local TTA message board  
  
...and the TTAFF Mailing List  
  
The reviews are in for Space Demon IV: Hugging the Demon.  
  
"The Demon is back, & he's badder than ever, showing all the monster movies how it's done. 3 appendages up." - Eggbert & Rupert.  
  
"Annette can act! TV has lost another star to the big screen, & will miss her far more than she'll miss it.3 1/2 stars" - Looner Malted.  
  
"It made me search for someone to hug." - Rex Rude "& then it caused me to find it" - Bill Harrassed  
  
"This is the movie that got us working together again." - Rude & Harrassed.  
  
Space Demon IV; now playing @ a theater near you. "Watch it with someone you love" is not just a suggestion this time.  
  
Hello. I'd like to take a moment to speak with you about something which concerns us all, the Tiny Toon Adventures Fan Fiction Mailing List. If you're reading this now, you're benefitting from the mailing lists existence. Every day 200 of us look here for the latest news on Tiny Toons & anything about it that other fans can come up with. But we're in danger of losing it. Due to perceived indifference among the ml roster the daily list is in immediate danger of closing down. Gone will be our daily dose of Tiny Toon-related info & fun. Ladies & gentlemen this doesn't have to happen, & we can't let this happen. You can do something about it. Vote in the fanfic of the year contest. If you've been a member of this list for more than a month you've already received your ballot; if you haven't you can go to Kevin's website for a copy or e-mail a request to Kevin. Once you get it, take a few moments to fill it out & send it in. It's such a small effort, a Tiny effort if you will. And to lift a title from a Chuck Jones short, you get "so much for so little". Please, do it today, before the daily list is lost to us.  
  
Thank you.  
  
(Shot of the Bloomin' Loonies rock group; they're full of 'tude, & as the camera performs Real World / MTV type cuts the group members take turns on the vo)  
  
"We know what you're thinking."  
  
"Three siblings"  
  
"Two couples"  
  
"Fleetwood Mac meets the Bee Gees right?" "wrong" (flash cut to album cover) The Bloomin' Loonies' debut project: coming soon  
  
(fade in on audience, specifically the Carrotte booth containing the entire Carrotte clan including in-laws, as well as close personal friends the Rat family. Adam is of course elsewhere in the theater, covering the Awards for the Acme Gazette. The camera cuts to the alcove where Nathaniel T Freeman stands.)  
  
NTF: "And welcome back to the UKE Awards. You know, when I found out that I was to host a segment of this ceremony, I was stricken with panic. Fortunately, that didn't last long as I blacked out soon after. (insert laughter here) I mean, look at me; I'm not an animal, I'm not even a toon. I'm about as average & non-descript as you can get. Fortunately, when I woke up from blacking out, I found myself besieged with offers to help. When word of this ceremony got around, toons from every Warner & Warner- affiliated program past & present wanted to help honor those who are here honoring the show that marked the rebirth of WB Animation, & ultimately led to KWB. After all, had it not been for Tiny Toons, most of those other toons would probably be unemployed. None of these other shows - Animaniacs, Pinky & the Brain, Freakazoid, Histeria, etc. -would exist. And those that might've still existed - like Batman & Superman - would be very different. Therefore toons from these other shows were happy to volunteer their services, & to be honest I was even more happy to accept their generous offers. ("PLOT POINT" flashes across the screen in subtitles) Did you notice that? That is essentially the next batch of categories, Plot Point Awards, & this manner of introducing them brings me to our next guest presenter. ("ANOTHER PLOT POINT") Yes, this bit has been copied from my favorite episode of the critically-acclaimed Freakazoid. It was my favorite because of Brain & Wakko's appearances & their interaction with F! ("NOT IMPORTANT, BUT INTERESTING") I wear white tube socks to work every day, but not tonight, never with a suit. ("WAY TOO MUCH INFO") Alright, enough with that. Here's our next presenter, from the F! version of Washington D.C., Sgt Cosgrove!"  
  
(cut to the stage, where a short fat man on the old side of middle age wearing a police uniform approaches the podium as the Freakazoid theme plays. For some strange reason the applause refuses to die down)  
  
Cosgrove (to audience): "Knock it off!" (applause ceases) "Hi, I'm Sergeant Mike Cosgrove. How ya doing? The next award is for the Best Romance In A Fanfic Not Between Buster & Babs." (from the audience comes "no relation". band breaks into "Monster Love" from the "Matter Of Love" episode. Cosgrove freezes as he's reminded of the monster he dated in that ep. He turns to the band.) "Stop that!" (The band mumbles a chorus of 'yes sir's. Suddenly a bolt of lightning, red & blue streaks to the stage)  
  
Freakazoid: "Steady, Cosgrove."  
  
Cosgrove: "What're you doing here, kid?"  
  
Freakazoid: "I heard the music & figured you needed some moral support."  
  
Cosgrove: "Thanks. Since you're here you might as well help me announce the nominees."  
  
Freakazoid: "Cool!"  
  
Cosgrove: "Anyway (turns back to the audience), as there was a tie for fourth place, the top six nominees for this award are - "  
  
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...Fifi had heard stories of the Pig family slideshows. But she knew she could suffer through one, for she now had in her possession something that was worth far more than a few hours of boredom: she had acceptance....  
  
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Freakazoid: "Hamton & Fifi, 'A Really Very Special Tiny Toons Thanksgiving...I Guess', written by Mike Cote."  
  
(shot of Hamton & Fifi in the audience)  
  
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...The four couples walked down slowly in their halls respectively. Each step one pair made distracted the other pairs causing them to look back noticing what was in front of them. Buster was the first to forward to see to his disbelief.  
  
"Oh my gosh! Babs, what are you doing with Plucky?" exclaimed Buster.  
  
"Plucky!" said Shirley at the south of the four crossed halls.  
  
"Shirley! What are you doing with Shorty?" asked Plucky  
  
"Shorty!" this was Cleo at the north.  
  
"Cleo! What are you doing with Hamton?" asked Shorty  
  
"Hamton!" cried Fifi at the east.  
  
"Fifi! What are you doing with Buster?" asked Hamton  
  
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Cosgrove: "All the new couples, 'Fun With Love', written by FoxWiz."  
  
(split screen of four very uncomfortable-looking couples)  
  
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Fifi moved to sit next to him and gazed at him shyly.  
  
"Hamtone", she said quietly, "Ah theenk zat ah should be calling you *Tu* ...een ze familiar way."  
  
She put her hand softly into his.  
  
Hamton looked with loving eyes at her. "You know ...how... I feel about you", he said breathlessly.  
  
"Ah...theenk ah feel ze same way."  
  
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Freakazoid: "Fifi & Hamton, 'A Time to Every Purpose Unto Heaven', written by PepeK."  
  
(another shot of Fifi & Hamton)  
  
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..."Look, Nigel, tell you what... next time I start to say something stupid, kiss me, will you?"  
  
"Only if you do the same for me, luv..."  
  
"Gee, in that case, we'd never come up for air," Rue blurted. "Er, what I mean is..." Nigel pulled her close and planted a kiss on her that threatened to cut off both of their oxygen supplies. She purred and responded by wrapping her luxurious tail around the two of them.  
  
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Cosgrove: "Nigel & RuBarb, 'The Bloomin' Loonies' series, written by Jennifer Cleckley & Jerry D. Withers."  
  
(cut to the Carrotte section as the rest of the clan encourages our favorite cat-&-rat)  
  
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"...But do you know what? I don't CARE how it was done! She's BACK!!"  
  
"But of course, my little coyote. Did vous think I would let a little thing like *La Mort* keep me from possible *Lamour*?"  
  
"I should have known better." Laughed Calamity hugging the purple polecat to her surprise.  
  
"WHOULF! Please Calamity. I am still ze damaged goods. No? Not yet fully recovered."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Mmm. Don't be. It is nice to see a boy so open with his feelings."  
  
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Freakazoid: "Calamity & Fifi, 'Story 1 of the Life Goes On Trilogy: Multififity', written by Abel Dusable  
  
(back to Fifi, now the camera focuses on her other side, where sits Calamity)  
  
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...PLUCKY (in desperation): Wait Shirl! NO!....  
  
Maybe it was the odd weather. Maybe it was that her Karma left. Maybe it was a feeling of guilt. Maybe it was Plucky's rare show of sincerity, but as Shirley was floating away, she stopped, paused, and came back. The two talked for some time. The screen fades out as the two walk into the dreary background hand in hand.... - "Acme Acres County Fair" by Robert Chirico  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
...Shirley opened her eyes, and smiled to herself. That had been the last test of Plucky's new attitude. The old Plucky would have jumped at any chance at all to get close to her. Now she knew she could trust him implicitly.  
  
She turned to him. "I love you Plucky."  
  
His heart pounded. Never had four words meant so much to him. "I love you too, Shirl," he said.  
  
She leaned over and kissed him gently... - "A Change of Heart" by Gypsy  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
..."Shirl? Izzat you?" Plucky squinted at the light bearer.  
  
"PLUCKY!!!"  
  
A white blur cannonballed into Plucky nearly knocking him over. As an added bonus he felt a pair of moist beak-lips planting quick yet passionate kisses about his beak and face. His eyes finally focused on the face in front of him revealing the identity of the perpetrator of this ardent assault.  
  
"SHIRLEY??? This is so unlike you! I think I like it."  
  
"Shut up and don't spoil the moment. Kay? I mean I like, thought you were totally dead or some junk. Well we all did but here you are alive and well, or some junk." - "Fractured Images" by Able DuSable  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
...Plucky never saw her past that day, and he was still angry with Sam for driving her out of the school...Shirley left just as the two were getting serious as a couple. - "The Old Classroom" by Kieron Wells  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
..."Awesome! Shirley the Loon is gonna be my new neighbor!"  
  
"Oh, "said Shirley with a faint grin, "actually it's Shirley Duck now. Plucky and I got married three years ago..." - "Ducks Out of Luck" by Kevin Mickel  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
...As it turned out, Plucky & Shirley got hitched right out of high school. Buster knew this much, since he was the Best Man. But what he didn't know was after he left town, they divorced and soon remarried. When that one didn't work out, they divorced again only to remarry again! They had married each other six times! - "Reunion" by Brooke "Zuzu" Michelle  
  
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Cosgrove: "And Plucky & Shirley in numerous stories."  
  
(a by now becalmed pair of waterfowl)  
  
Freakazoid: "And the winner is-" (they both open the envelope)  
  
C&F: "Fifi & Hamton, 'A Time to Every Purpose Unto Heaven'!"  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*Fifi and Hamton walk arm in arm to the podium. Hamton wears a classic tuxedo (with pants, even!) And Fifi is resplendant in a white Bob Mackie dress with a daring jagged cutaway revealing her bare midrift. Her hair is in the classic "Fifi" style. Hamton is blushing constantly*  
  
*wolf-whistles from the audience*  
  
Fifi: Merci beacoup, monsieurs.  
  
Cosgrove: Sure, Miss. No problem.  
  
*Freakazoid has an 'episode'* Some laughter from the audience*  
  
Freakzoid:(wildy contorting himself) HOYLE! Lookit it - what it is! A Skunk poysen! Look! The cute Piggy - making with the blushing it is! -DARLING! Wow! Poit!  
  
*more laughter*  
  
Hamton:(whispers to Cosgrove) Ooo! What's wrong with your friend?  
  
Cosgrove::(As Freakazoid prances about making whizzing noises) Oh him? Don't worry. He has these 'Jerry Lewis episodes' every so often.  
  
Fifi:(as Freakzoid lays down and scratches like a dog) Uh - weel 'ee be alright?  
  
Cosgrove: Sure. Ya just hafta wait a few minutes.  
  
Freakazoid:(pointing wildly) OOOOoOoOO! De Skunky and de Piggy! So cute with de making goo-goo eyes at each other! Zort!!  
  
Hamton:(wryly) You know there's perscription medication you can take to aliviate these manic episodes.  
  
*the audience cracks up*  
  
Cosgrove: The Network execs love his behavior so they pay him alot to stay off his lithium. They think his hair is "really cool".  
  
Fifi: Can't vous stop heem?  
  
Cosgrove: Not really, no.  
  
Freakazoid:(looking from between his legs) OoooOOOOO! If They dood it! EGAD! If the Piggy and the cute poiple skunky have kids!? Will they be "Pinks" or "Punks"??? NARF!  
  
*adolescent laughter*  
  
*Hamton has had enough and pulls out a giant Dustbuster and vacuums up Freakazoid*  
  
Hamton: Eat My Dust!  
  
Freakazoid:(muffled) Heh, those network censors'll get ya everytime! .....I'm trapped in a BOX!...... They say television is a vacuum!...  
  
*laughter and some applause*  
  
*Jim Carey and Pinky and the Brain appear on stage left and cross to take the Dustbuster away*  
  
The Brain: The Vacuum is in your skull, Freakazoid! And we are here to remove you to the courts of justice for stealing our material!  
  
Pinky: Oooo! Can I do it now, Brain?!  
  
The Brain: Not yet, my impulsive friend! Mister Carey has a rejoinder or two to make to Mister Freakazoid, I believe.  
  
Pinky: Oh, okay. Narf.  
  
Jim Carey:(Yelling) YOU CENSORED BLEEP, CENSORED CENSORED BLEEP BEE-BOOP YOUR BUTT!  
  
*The toons onstage momentarily drain of their color*  
  
Pinky: What did he mean by that, Brain?  
  
The Brain: (stunned) Rarely have I heard such colorful metaphors put into a single sentance..... I believe it means that Mister Carey is about to sue Mister Freakazoid for also stealing his material. Come, let us take this miscreant to the proper authorities.  
  
Pinky: But Brain?!!  
  
The Brain:(a huge sigh) Oh alright, Pinky. If it will make you happy - you may proceed.  
  
*Pinky runs down close to the Dustbuster and takes a huge breath to deliver a terrible condemnation*  
  
Pinky: .....YOU, you, you ,... you silly Doo-Doo brain!....uh... how was that Brain?  
  
The Brain:(deadpan): ...I have rarely heard such eloquance befitting a four- year-old child.  
  
Pinky:(quite pleased) Oh, thank you, Brain!  
  
*The Brain vacuums Pinky up within the Dustbuster*  
  
* He and Jim Carey take the Dustbuster away*  
  
Freakazoid:(muffled) You can't do this to me! I'm doing a show! Get me a mouthpiece! I want a habeius corpus! Lemme outta here!....I'm scared of the dark!...  
  
Pinky:(muffled) Hoo-hoo! Can I do that again, Brain?  
  
Babs Bunny:(zipping onstage) Well that was pointless. (zips offstage)  
  
Cosgrove: I hope I can get ta see the kid on visiting days.  
  
Fifi: Anyway, Hammy et moi are pleased to accept zees award and thank our Professeur` een amoure` - Pepe Le Pew!  
  
*Pepe walks onstage, smiling in his white tie and tails*  
  
Pepe: Ah, mon best two students! But ov course.. zees two ave - how you say? Zee head start!  
  
*Pepe brings Hamton and Fifi closer together. Hamton blushes red*  
  
Fifi: Umm.. vous know, on stage and screen eez one theeng. Eet eez dictated by zee writerz and directorz.. but our private lives az actorz are to us - deefrant. Zo ah would like vous all to see two theengz...  
  
*she reaches under the neckline of her blouse*  
  
Cosgrove: Hey, this is a family show.  
  
Hamton: Oh, don't worry!  
  
*Fifi pulls out a ring that she's wearing on a gold chain around her neck*  
  
Fifi: Zis iz Hammy'z school ring. We are - how you say? Pinned.  
  
Hamton: You mean "going steady", bebe`?  
  
Fifi: Oui! Zat eez eet!... And we plan to stay zat way.  
  
*applause*  
  
Pepe: And what eez zee ozzer theeng you were going to show us?  
  
*Hamton helps Fifi take off her necklace and then slips the ring onto her finger. They then kiss sweetly before the cameras and the audience, who cheer and say "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"*  
  
Cosgrove: Hey, watch it with the PDA's, please.  
  
*The couple breaks their kiss and smile happily in each other's arms*  
  
Pepe: Zo, does zis mean zat you two are engaged??  
  
*Hamton and Fifi smile and blush*  
  
Fifi: Well... almost!  
  
Hamton: Thank you again for this award!  
  
*Cheering and applause*  
  
*The couple returns to their theatre box together admist smiles, cheers and the sighs of crushed would-be suitors*  
  
Cosgrove:(to Pepe) What does that mean? They didn't say.  
  
Pepe:(elbowing him with a smile) Ah theenk you can guess. Ah, Amour - Toujours L'Amour!  
  
*Pepe smiles and waves as he returns to his seat*  
  
Cosgrove:(alone onstage) The trouble with these international affairs is that they attract foreigners.  
  
*Freakazoid bounces onstage wearing a strait-jacket - bouncing cause his legs are tied together*  
  
Freakazoid: Oh hi, Cosgrove!  
  
Cosgrove: Hi Kid. Have a nice trip? How'd you get back here?  
  
Freakazoid: I escaped in a totally and completely indescribable and unbelievable way!  
  
Cosgrove: Oh.  
  
;)  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Freakazoid: "Uh, Cosgrove, could you help me out of this thing?"  
  
Cosgrove: "Yeah." (starts to work on the straitjacket) "I guess we should've known better than to hang around after Doc's friends won; he doesn't like you, ya know."  
  
Freakazoid: "Yeah, I figured that when I didn't get invited to the party. Thing is, those mice didn't get invited either, so why were they on his side?"  
  
Cosgrove: "They weren't; they just thought you were stealing their material."  
  
Freakazoid: "Just Pinky's; it wasn't like I was shouting 'yeeeeEEEEEESSS!!!' or 'I'm only cruel to be kind.'"  
  
Cosgrove: "Keep that up & he's going to have to hurt you, even if he got 'cruel to be kind' from a Nick Lowe song."  
  
Freakazoid: "He'll probably say Nick got it from him. (finally struggles free of straitjacket) *whew*! Thanks a lot, Cosgrove! Well, gotta fly! eeeeeeee-"  
  
Cosgrove: "Hey, kid! I was gonna go to Funnel Cake World & then take in that Arnold Stang film festival; wanna come?"  
  
Freakazoid: "DO I!?!"  
  
and they clear the stage to the Freakazoid theme. As they approach the exit they're approached by an attractive brunette in a red suit, Lydia Karaoke, network censor from Histeria. She's not happy, much like another character from that show.  
  
F!: "Aw, nutbunnies!"  
  
LK: "Mr. Freakazoid, you were really pushing it with that speaking from your rear. Not to mention that - nutbunnies? - catchphrase of yours; what is that supposed to be a substitute for anyway? You'd better watch it, because I will have my eye on you!"  
  
Cosgrove: "Cut it out!"  
  
LK: "Okkay."  
  
LK heads backstage. F! looks at Cosgrove, then calls after LK.  
  
F!: "And you can tell the gang on Histeria the Tiny Toonsters knew George Washington sounded like Bob Hope before Loud was even a Kiddington! Tell'em to check out Boo-HaHa! (turns to Cosgrove) Wow! You know I've wondered who'd come out on top if she & you went face-to-face. 'Cause she scares me, Cosgrove; she's worse than the censor on my show."  
  
Joe the Announcer (popping in for absolutely no reason): "And that censor's no picnic; she took all the good stuff out of my story, you know."  
  
F!: "Joe! What're you doing here? You're not even in this show."  
  
Joe: "Oh. Sorry." (walks away)  
  
F!: "Now, um, where were we?"  
  
Cosgrove: "You were wondering who'd win a contest between Ms. Karaoke & me, & the answer is it'd be a draw. Next time she'll get the best of me; it's in our contracts. Now come on, kid."  
  
F! (as they exit): "Who knew?"  
  
The camera cuts back to the alcove NTF's been occupying.  
  
NTF: "Heh, heh, heh, I can't help it; I find them funny, & I didn't used to. Well, the next award is for Plot Twist. When I think of an unexpected plot twist a certain cano-sapien from a certain extraordinary WB series comes to mind. Regularly on Road Rovers the heroes would face something unexpected which would cause their leader to utter the famous phrase, 'I would not have predicted this, no way!', or its follow-up, 'Yet another unexpected twist. Bummer.' Unfortunately, due to work fighting crime - which is what they do in real life - most of the Road Rovers could not be here. However, Dr. Shepherd has graciously allowed two of their number - including the originator of those famous phrases - to join us for a few minutes. So without further ado, let's go to our next guest presenters. By way of their secret headquarters somewhere in New Mexico, from London England & Washington D. C. respectively, Colleen Collie & Hunter Retriever!"  
  
(cut to the stage; Hunter & Colleen approach the podium as the band plays the Road Rovers theme, then segues into 'America', or 'God Save the Queen', depending on where you're from. H&C notice.)  
  
Colleen: "Well, that was bloomin' nice of them."  
  
Hunter: "It certainly was!"  
  
Colleen: "-to play 'God Save the Queen' as a nod to England."  
  
Hunter: "Huh? When'd they play that?"  
  
Colleen: "Just now. You heard it: 'God save our gracious queen, God save our -'"  
  
Hunter: "No way, that was 'America'; you know, 'My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of -'"  
  
Colleen: "Let's just say it was a nod to both of our countries & get on with this."  
  
Hunter: "Was my singing that bad? Was I off?"  
  
Colleen: "Way off, Huntie-Wuntie."  
  
Hunter (under his breath): "Aww Colleen, don't call me that in public."  
  
Colleen (grabbing his cheeks & kissing him): "*ooh, I wantan u blushum kissies, um, mm, mm*"  
  
Hunter: "There! Now that's more like it."  
  
Colleen: "Well, enough of that; shall we get to announcing the nominees?"  
  
Hunter: "Cool. You wanna go first?"  
  
Colleen: "It's your catchphrase, Huntie; you go first."  
  
Hunter: "Okay, the nominees are -"  
  
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Plucky then walked up and looked into the Prankster's eyes. He could see that the Prankster was also coming around now, yet made no attempt to escape. "So who is it?" Plucky asked.  
  
"Take a guess." Max said proudly.  
  
"Elmyra?" Babs guessed.  
  
"Someone from Perfecto Prep?" Buster guessed.  
  
"Alliens from another universe!" Plucky shouted.  
  
Max slapped himself on the forehead in disgust. "No, you dumb rabbits! It's none other than your stinky friend!" Max said and yanked the mask off the Prankster.  
  
"Fifi LaFume?!" Plucky, Buster, and Babs shouted in unison.  
  
Fifi looked up at the group. "Bonjour." she said. She then rubbed her head in pain. Her whole body ached after the stunt. Rarely did she do such stunts.  
  
Yosemite, along with other teachers, then came running down the hall. They had heard the sound of lockers being trashed and decided to investigate. "What's going on around here?!" Sam shouted. He then saw Fifi on the floor, without her mask. "You crazy varmint! I told you not to get caught!" Sam shouted.  
  
"Fifi LaFume is ze Prankster?" Pepe said surprised. He had never expected a young female skunk could cause this much trouble, especially his star pupil. It was clear he was going to talk to Bugs about assigning Fifi this job.  
  
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Colleen: "The revealing of the Prankster, form 'The Prankster' by Michael M."  
  
camera cuts to all the toons involved  
  
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Hunter: "Fifi finding out Dr. Lord's eternally long secret and learning his reason for finding her in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven' by PepeK. Due to a warning on the ballot against spoilers we're prevented from showing a clip of that climactic scene. However, I can say that it's from Part 8: World Without End, consisting of Chapters XXX- XXXIII."  
  
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cut to Fifi & Dr. Lord split-screen  
  
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Fifi was surprised to hear this. "And he was your, as you say, roommate?"  
  
"He was more than that, Fifi. He was -"  
  
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"HOLD IT!!!"  
  
All eyes turn as LK comes back into the picture, and she is by now very not happy.  
  
LK: "Just a minute, you can't show this in a family show. That concerns content that is definitely a no-no!"  
  
Colleen (also not happy, only in her case it's @ being interrupted): "Now just half a mo there; aren't you abso-bloomin'-lutely out of your jurisdiction; this isn't even your show."  
  
LK: "Don't mess with me, sister, I have the full authority of the network behind me. If one more word of that particular 'plot twist' is shown here the plug could be pulled on this little presentation quicker than it was on your show after that 'Sonov-Ovich' song."  
  
Colleen: "WHAT?!?! Why you little -"  
  
Hunter (having used his super speed to step between Colleen & LK): "Whoa, stay there Colleen, stay." (whispers) "You know we can't risk offending the censors again." (turns to LK) "Okkay, we'll just announce what it is, alright?"  
  
LK: "Alright, you're a good dog, but watch it."  
  
Hunter: "Cool. (turns to Colleen) Are you gonna be alright?"  
  
Colleen (seething, but getting it under control): "I'll be fine, Huntie. (turns back to the camera) Events in 'Fifi La Fume Private Eye' by Brooke 'Zuzu' Michelle."  
  
cut to Fifi again, & to Oliver Otter  
  
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During the trip back, a thought struck Buster. What was up with Plucky? Why wasn't he selfishly refusing to help? "Hey, Plucky!" he shouted.  
  
"Yeah?" Plucky asked, from beind Buster.  
  
"I have to ask you something. Why haven't you been asking in your usual, one might even say, trademark, selfish and greedy way?"  
  
"Listen, kid. I have had more than enough of money. All it brings is trouble. That's why I gave it all away."  
  
"You did WHAT? You GAVE what? YOU?"  
  
"Yeah, me." Plucky replied, a little offended.  
  
"Wow... I guess time really does change people."  
  
"Not everyone, Buster."  
  
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Hunter: "Plucky's un-greed in 'Rabbit Out of Time' written by Matt Bermann."  
  
cut to Buster & Plucky  
  
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"Linda do you know what's wrong with Plucky?"  
  
She drew the rabbits closer.  
  
"I heard that Shirley's up the duff."  
  
A rather disturbing vision formed in Buster's head.  
  
"What?" He asked.  
  
"She's got a bun in the oven." said Belinder,  
  
"Why would Shirley's cooking worry Plucky?" replied Buster.  
  
"She's expecting."  
  
"Well," said Babs "she would be if she's cooking."  
  
She grabbed the two by their ears and pulled them towards her. She whispered to the bunnies. There (sic) eyes arose.  
  
"No wonder he's worried." said Buster "Plucky's a father!"  
  
"No. He's upset about not being the father." Said Belinder.  
  
"Oh." Said Buster.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Colleen: "And Shirley's supposed situation in 'Up the Duff' by ? the Platypus / David Formosa."  
  
cut to Shirley consoling Plucky, who's having bad memories of that fic  
  
H&C: "And the winner is -" (opening the envelope & reading)  
  
Colleen: "Well, Huntie, would you have predicted this?"  
  
Hunter : "If I said yes I'd be in trouble. (sotto voce) "Do we really have to read this whole thing again? It's two whole lines."  
  
Colleen (also sotto voce): "Just let me handle it, Huntie." (out loud) "A Time to Every Purpose Unto Heaven by PepeK."  
  
Hunter: "Uh, yeah, what she said."  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
* Fifi, Doctor Lord, and Pepe K. come up to the podium as the audience applauds. Colleen and Hunter see the stripes of the three skunks, sniff the air and begin to run around the stage, yelping and whining*  
  
Collen & Hunter: PEW! Pew! PU! Pew! PEW! Yipe! yipe! yipe! yipe! yipe!  
  
*audience snickers*  
  
Fifi: Zut Alors! Why does zis alwayz 'appen?!  
  
Pepe K. Its species-stereotyping is what it is.  
  
*Lord whistles and cheerfully calls the two Road Rovers, patting his knee*  
  
Lord: Here Boy! Here Girl! Come!  
  
*The dogs run over happily to be petted.*  
  
Lord: You're Good Dogs. Good, Good Dogs!  
  
*audience giggles*  
  
*Colleen stands up, as Hunter continues to beg for doggie-treats*  
  
Colleen: Cor, blimey! I hate when me basic instincts take over!  
  
Hunter: Oh I loved that movie! Course, it would've been a dream come true to see you play that part Sharon Stone did.  
  
*Hunter began panting and drooling on the floor.*  
  
*The audience breaks up laughing*  
  
*Lydia Karaoke looks out from behind the stage curtain, glaring at him*  
  
Hunter:(sheepishly) Ah heh heh heh.  
  
*audience laughs*  
  
Colleen: Hunty, get up! That's degrading.  
  
Hunter: I know! I kinda like it sometimes!  
  
Colleen: Oh, okay, 'ow's this then? (commands) SIT -TUH!  
  
*Hunter does so, wagging his tail and panting*  
  
*audience guffaws*  
  
Lord: That's very attractive armor your wearing.  
  
*Hunter, taken with the flattery, stands and starts to shmooze with the Doctor*  
  
Hunter: Gee, thanks! Oh,this? Just something I just threw on.  
  
Colleen: So whaut's this big revelation? "Fifi finding out Dr. Lord's eternally long secret an' learning his reason fer finding 'er in 'A Time To Ev'ry Purpose Unto 'eaven' by Pepe K."??  
  
Lord: (With a 'Who Me?' look) What revelation?  
  
Colleen:(Pointing to Pepe k.) The one 'ee just won the award for!  
  
Hunter: Oh! I can tell you that! I read the story. It seems that Doctor Lord is really.......  
  
*Hunter stares straight ahead, his expression frozen. Colleen waves a hand in front of his face*  
  
Colleen: Hunty? Hunter?!  
  
Lord:(whose entire eyes are glowing white) I'm really what?  
  
Hunter: You're.. really... a very big skunk - the biggest in fact, that I've ever seen!  
  
Lord: Why thank you!  
  
Colleen: That's it?!? That's the big revelation?!?  
  
Hunter: You know Colleen, I seem to have entirely forgotten what we were talking about. But that's okay - I'm comfortable with that.  
  
*audience laughs*  
  
Colleen: That couldn't ave been the reason to win an award!?  
  
Lord: No Comment.  
  
Fifi: Oui, non de commente`. (whispers) Eetz personal!  
  
Colleen:(Not wishing to offend) Oh! Oh, ah'm soree! Didn' mean ta pry!  
  
Fifi: Non, eetz quite alright.  
  
Pepe K.: In the words of Willam Randolph Hearst - "If they wanna know anything - they'll hafta buy my papers and read it."  
  
Lord:(disdainfully) Hearst didn't say that. You just made it up!  
  
Pepe K.:(shrugs) Well.. it sounded right...maybe it was Orson Wells...  
  
*audience laughs*  
  
Pepe K.: Anyway - Thank you all very much for this award. I worked very hard to bring bring this part to you as it is the major factor of.. the plot..  
  
*Lord and Fifi are glaring angily at him. He smiles sheepishly*  
  
Pepe K. :..Or not.  
  
*audience laughs*  
  
Lord: Hmmmm.. Petite`? ...Perhaps we _should_ explain after all.  
  
Fifi: Oh...but..but tu said never to-  
  
Lord: Well, perhaps we should. After all, we live in an enlightened society capable of accepting the truth.  
  
Fifi:(nervous)Are tu sure? Ah mean eetz-  
  
Lord: Now, now, never fear..  
  
*Lord reveals the entire truth in detail speaking on for several minutes* Fifi agrees and throws in occassional funny comments. Lord and Fifi explain everything - Entirely in Archaic French*  
  
Pepe Le Pew:(leaping out of his seat and bounding up to the stage) Ah ha! Ah alwayz knew zere waz sometheeng about tu both!  
  
Lord:(rubbing his hands together) Well, I'm glad that's settled! Thank you all once again for the honor. (He bows)  
  
Pepe Le Pew: Eet makes you feel humble and sortov proud.  
  
Fifi:(waving and curtseying to the audience) Oui! Merci!  
  
*Fifi, Pepe and Lord return with their award to their seats in the theatre box where Hamton sits waiting.*  
  
*Wild applause*  
  
*Pepe K. lingers a moment at the podium*  
  
Pepe K.:(Suddenly jubilant) You like Moi! You *really* like moi! *he blows a kiss and follows the others*  
  
*audience giggles*  
  
*Hunter stands smiling as they go. Colleen is dumbfounded*  
  
Colleen:...What the bloody 'ell was that?!? I didn' understan a bleedin' word they said!!  
  
Hunter: Ohoho! You shouldn't have said that!  
  
*Lydia Karaoke comes marching out from backstage and snaps leashes on both the Rovers. She drags them offstage*  
  
LK: That's it! Straight to the dog pound!!  
  
*audience laughs*  
  
Hunter: I would not have predicted this!  
  
Colleen:(as they are dragged away) Oh sharrup!  
  
*audience laughs and applauds*  
  
;)  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
cut to the alcove & a somber Nathaniel T. Freeman  
  
NTF: "Ladies & gentlemen, I have just been informed that former mailing list member Marc Molina, known to us in the toon community as Link Mephitis, has passed away on this day, February 9, 2001. Altho I never had the pleasure & honor of making his acquaintance myself, I have heard about him from time to time, & deeply wish I could've known him. In his honor, & in dedication to his memory, we @ the UKE Awards will observe a moment of silence which will last thru all of tomorrow. Our thots & prayers are with Marc's family, & with his friends, among the closest of whom are Eric42 & Mycroft Bunny. Requiat in pacem, fellow toonatic. You were loved, & you will be missed."  
  
...and the lights go out to a deafening silence, broken only by an occasional sob  
  
Nathaniel T. Freeman  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
the light comes back on @ NTF's alcove  
  
NTF: "Thanks for bearing with us, folks. Before we get to the next award, here are some important messages."  
  
cut to commercial;  
  
cameraman: "...and we're clear."  
  
NTF: "Good; three minutes back; let's move, people!" (pulls out cell phone & speed-dials, talks as he hurries down the side aisle of theater to backstage) "Ms. K? Me. Listen, if you could just hand those cano-sapiens over to me - Yes, - yes I know, but - Miss K, they have to be back in New Mexico in five minutes, & it wouldn't look good for either of us if two defenders of the earth were to be tossed in the pound. They're not even dogs right now; they're cano- - No, I'll take full responsibility for them - you have my word on it - How do you know you can trust me? My reputation; I've never lied in public - Miss K, we're in a theater, during an awards show, surrounded by thousands of people & other creatures; if that's not public I'd like to know what is. -"  
  
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the theater, specifically in the box reserved for Alex Redolence (owner of Acme Acres), sits a number of young male toons: Mr. Redolence himself, Chris Pew, Willy Wolf, Brad LePew, Jamie Fox (Crane), Lance Freebird, Jake E'Stinky, etc. All simultaneously let out a dissatisfied sigh, except Redolence.  
  
all: "Almost got her."  
  
Pew: "I came closest."  
  
Wolf: "Sez you; she went against her best friend for me."  
  
LePew: "Nobody's come closer than me. It was only when my uncle - "  
  
General argument ensues, broken by shrill whistle of Redolence.  
  
Redolence: "The fact of the matter is we all have some sort of history with her, & it's all moot."  
  
Freebird: "Wasn't she with you most recently? @ that exhibition game?"  
  
Redolence: "Ah, yes. I'll let you guys in on a little secret; since that Perfecto Plaza experience I've done quite a bit of interdimensional traveling..."  
  
Pew: "Like in Sliders?"  
  
Redolence: "Well, kind of, but I always know where I'm going & where I've been. I've seen many different versions of Acme Acres, versions in which each of us winds up with her."  
  
Fox (Crane): "Are you including me? I never really got beyond friendship, you know."  
  
Redolence: "Yes, & I know."  
  
Wolf: "Wait, have you been to Acme County?"  
  
Redolence: "Yes, & before you ask, that little menage is still intact. I might add that in one version of AA you're also the center of one which happened after that Sadie Hawkins Day incident - "  
  
Wolf: "Please, don't remind me."  
  
Fox (Crane): "All this seems far-fetched, Alex."  
  
Redolence: "Not really. Look around, gentlemen. (points) See! There's Bo Bunny with his fiancee Tish & their best friends Kath Musti & Dorothy Warner. (points again) over there. That's Baxter Bunny. And there (points again) are Barbara Ann, Babs & Buster Jr. They're getting accquainted with Bill & Jessica - you remember them, Brad. And look @ that; (points yet again, this time to a waterfowl & her winged porcine child) that girl from Spring Break & what eventually ensued. "When pigs fly" apparently no longer means never. How do you think all of them got here? You see, gentlemen, this is not the only version of how things are. Maybe there's a place - "  
  
E'Stinky: "If you break into 'Somewhere', I take no responsibility for my stomach."  
  
All laugh. Meanwhile, backstage -  
  
Colleen: "I have NEVER been so humiliated in my LIFE!!!"  
  
NTF: "Well, you're young yet."  
  
Colleen: "WHAT!?!"  
  
NTF: "Sorry, I just couldn't resist."  
  
Colleen: "Of all the nerve, for those skunks to accuse us of species stereotyping, then turning right around & treating us like the dogs which we're not right now. It's not our fault they give off an odor"  
  
NTF: "It does seem to be a bit hypocritical; PepeK himself related numerous odoriferously-oriented interludes within the texts of his voluminous tome."  
  
Hunter: "Okay, sort of."  
  
Colleen (suddenly back in her usual good humour @ Hunter's usual good humor: "Smaller words, please! You're losing Huntie."  
  
Hunter: "Huh?"  
  
NTF: "There; all better now? No hard feelings I hope?"  
  
Colleen: "I think I'll be alright."  
  
Hunter: "Hey, I'm used to it. I've been in the pound before you know. It's not so bad until your time's up."  
  
Suddenly Colleen sees a certain pair of TTA stars. She steps up to confront the pink one.  
  
Colleen: "There you are! I've been wanting to 'ave a word with you about slipping in that 'there's your comedy' line in 'Sadie 'Awkins Day'.  
  
Babs: "Don't look @ me; your beef is with Earl. Or maybe Tress got her lines mixed up that day."  
  
Buster: "Anyway, you don't have much room to talk. (turns to Hunter) Remember this? 'He's not your type; he isn't even your species.' And that one was in an actual televised ep."  
  
Hunter: "Well, er, ..."  
  
NTF: "If I might inject a thot here, maybe we should just forget it all around."  
  
Hunter & Buster: "Okkay!"  
  
NTF: "Okkay, then. You know, this could've been worse. (turns to Buster) They could've brought Exile with them, & I don't have to tell you about Babs' weakness for blue-furred creatures."  
  
Babs: "HEY!" (as the others laugh)  
  
Furrball (passing by): "Rrrooww?"  
  
NTF: "Don't get any ideas; the closest you'll get is when Frank & Tress voice the Clintons on P&tB."  
  
Buster (almost living up to his name with laughter): " - or it could've been even worse than that; Blitz could've come."  
  
Colleen: "'Oo?"  
  
NTF: "Yeah, I don't think the world is ready for 'whatsisname' & Ahnold to meet."  
  
@ that moment Hunter's cell phone rings  
  
Hunter: "Hello? uh-huh (talks to the others) hey guys, you gotta hear this!" (pushes speaker-phone button, upon which we find that Blitz is on the other end)  
  
Blitz (over the phone): "I said I heard that, & dat girly-dog poser could never handle meeting mit me."  
  
As fate would have it, Ahnold is passing by; he reacts predictably by shouting @ the phone  
  
Ahnold: "I heard that; und you vill hear me now, und zee me if you get here; I vill be here all night, und if you have vat it takes vich I doubt, you will be here und find out who dee girly-dog is, you kraut-hund!"  
  
Blitz: "Okkay, don't start vit me, Aussie-pooch."  
  
Ahnold: "Bring it on, you deutschlander dolt!"  
  
Blitz: "Zat is eet; I will be zere, & ven I do the biting vill begin. Ve vill re-enact the Anschluss ven my powerful jaws unite vit your pitiful tooshie."  
  
Exile (also over the phone): "Don't be veird-boy."  
  
Hunter: "Exile is that you? Quick, freeze Blitz!"  
  
Exile: "Dokey okey."  
  
Blitz: "Vat? *zzzaaappp!!!*"  
  
Exile: "I LOVE being road Rover! Comrade Hunter, I vas glad to do that, but vhy did I just turn comrade weird-boy into a popsicle-ski?"  
  
Hunter: "I'll explain later. (to the others) Now how do we cool down Ahnold?"  
  
Buster: "I'll handle it."  
  
And with that, he pulls out a portable sauna, with results similar to what happens in Buffed Bunny. Meanwhile Hunter's on the phone with Exile - speaker off.  
  
Hunter: "Bad news, Colleen. They won't be able to pick us up; we'll have to walk."  
  
Colleen: "Well then, we'd better get started."  
  
NTF: "Good-night then, & thanks again for coming by. We don't see y'all in hardly any crossovers, y'know. There was that one with Freakazoid - which the author hated - & then there was that take-off on Return Of the Jedi."  
  
Hunter: "I remember that; we were the Ewoks."  
  
Colleen: "And those annoying Warners acted like cling-ons. I don't recall how we finally managed to shake 'em."  
  
Buster: "Better stop talking about them before they show up."  
  
Colleen: "Right. Well, ta-ta then."  
  
As she opens the stage door the Warners jump in, pouncing on the RoRos.  
  
Warners: "Helloooo, canine nurse!"  
  
Colleen: "Oh, peachy! What now, Huntie; we couldn't get rid of them last time!"  
  
Hunter: "I know how to handle this one (points). Is that Mel Gibson over there?"  
  
Dot: "Where???"  
  
And she's off to the races.  
  
Babs: "So much for her, but what're you gonna do, Colleen?"  
  
Colleen: "It doesn't look like I have much of a choice; good thing I was leaving anyway." (proceeds to use martial arts on Yakko & Wakko) "Earth- worm Jim!!! Calamity Jane!!! Waynehead!!! Channel Umpty-Three!!! Brats! Of the lost!! Nebula!!!"  
  
By now the Warners have left, willingly or otherwise. But Colleen seems to be a bit the worse for wear.  
  
Colleen: "Owww! That 'urt!"  
  
Hunter: "Colleen! What's the problem?"  
  
Colleen: "I think that last one twisted me ankle. Guess I'll 'ave to hitch a ride with you, Huntie."  
  
Huntie: "Yet another unexpected twist. Bummer."  
  
Colleen: "I'll say it was an unexpected twist. Of the ankle."  
  
And so Hunter has to pick her up in his arms. As she gets settled Colleen winks @ the others.  
  
Hunter: "Okkay then (turns to the others) Gotta run. It's been fun. Good-night everyone."  
  
With that he takes off out of there @ super-speed, arriving in New Mexico comfortably ahead of schedule. Then NTF's cell phone rings.  
  
NTF (on phone): "Hello. - you what? - whadda you mean you haven't - do you realize he's supposed to be on next? - It is too your problem - Look, I don't care what you have to do to find him, but find him & get him here - no, now; preferably five minutes ago. - Just get him here; I'll worry about what to do until he gets here. - Okkay, call back when you have him. Out. (hangs up) Just great."  
  
Buster: "Problem?"  
  
NTF: "You could say that; one of the presenters for the next award hasn't been located yet, which means we're gonna run long. Well, I guess it's better than running short. I guess. I'm gonna have to figure a way to eat up some airtime until he's here. (looks @ B&B) Sayyy, Guys, do you think there's any chance that the Acmes could possibly - "  
  
Buster: "What?? Do you realize how long it's been since the last time we played?"  
  
NTF: "Please, I'm really in a bind here. Just get the group together; I'll take care of everything else."  
  
Buster: "Oh, alright. C'mon Babs, looks like we got a gig."  
  
But by now Babs is on her cell phone, talking with Harriet.  
  
NTF: "Um, you do realize that Harriet's @ the front of this theater right now?"  
  
Babs: "What's your point?"  
  
Buster: "Never mind. C'mon. Here's Dot; let her talk to Harriet."  
  
So the Bunnies go to round up the Acmes, Babs handing the phone to Dot as they pass.  
  
Dot (falling into monopolizing the conversation immediately): "So anyway I was saying to Paul, 'Try to see it my way. Do I have to keep on talking 'till I can't go on? If we do things your way, there's a chance that our love will soon be gone.' Then the silly boy said it'd never work out. But I told him we could work it out. Well, then that other boy - the one with the glasses shaped like stopsigns - said something about something being pretty good; we had no idea what he was talking about, & then - you know, one of those guys sounded just like Wakko? - "  
  
By now, the commercials almost over, NTF is heading back to his alcove, again on his cell phone.  
  
NTF: "Hello, Father Time? - How's things going on your end? - You have him? - Great! So he'll be here now? - Okkay, oops willya lookit the time - no that wasn't supposed to be a joke - well, I have to go; he'll be here, right? - Good, ten minutes then. Okkay - "  
  
cameraman: "30 seconds."  
  
NTF: "Hanging up now."  
  
cameraman: "We're on in 5, 4, 3, 2, (points as the music starts)  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
And we're back on the alcove.  
  
NTF: "Ladies & gentlemen, when I was about to assume responsibility for this portion of the UKE Awards I told my colleagues not to expect too much in the way of musical entertainment. Well, to lift the title from one of Don Ameche's last movies, things change. Here now, for the first time anywhere since their successful tour of Europe & North America on the Phil Spector package, the Acmes!  
  
Cut to the stage where we see the band from Morgan "CamCoon" Ingersoll's fanfic. In defiance of musical instruments seen on the show (after all, how could twin harps rock & roll), the lineup is Calamity Coyote on lead guitar, Plucky Duck on bass, Buster Bunny on rhythm guitar, Fifi LaFume on drums, Babs Bunny on keyboard, Shirley the Loon on crystal chimes, & Dizzy Devil & Sweetie Pie on saxophones. As we join them they're rocking out to a certain Sly & the Family Stone classic, highlighted @ the start by the drums & horns.  
  
all: "DANCE TO THE MU-SIC! DANCE TO THE MUSIC! bom bom bu bu bum bum bu bom bo bom bom bu bu bum " (and Fifi attacks the drums)  
  
Fifi: "Hey, Shirley!"  
  
Shirley: "What?"  
  
Fifi: "All we need is a drum for people who only need a beat." (drumming)  
  
Buster (speaking for himself & Calamity): "We're gonna add a little guitar, & make it easy to move your feet." (guitar work from both of them)  
  
Plucky: "I'm gonna add some bottom, so that the dancers just won't hide." (boiling electric bass work)  
  
Babs (gesturing @ the keyboard): "You might like to hear my organ, playing 'Ride Sally Ride'." (some noodling around with the keys) "Hey, Sweetie!"  
  
Sweetie: "What?"  
  
Buster: "Hey, Dizzy!"  
  
Dizzy: "Huh?"  
  
Buster: "You might wanna hear the horns blowing, Dizzy on the throne." (the saxophones jam in)  
  
Babs: "Sweetie & Dizzy got a message they're sayin'."  
  
Sweetie: "ALL the squares go home!"  
  
Dizzy: "Yeaaaaahhhhh!!!" (even more jamming)  
  
all: "bom bom bum bu bum bum bu bom bom bom bom bu bu bum" (back to the drumming) "Dance to the music, Dance to the music!"  
  
Eventually they stop to roaring applause. After it subsides, Buster steps up to the microphone.  
  
Buster: "Thank you. We'd like to do a song now dedicated to our favorite toon ever to've gone to Perfecto Prep. She's since wised up & become a Loo-ser like us, & we'd like to give her villainous former self a send-off; luv ya rat babe!"  
  
The band goes into a song from Kevin's Song Parody Collection, Good-Bye Ruby Rat by Zachary A. Zulkowski, to the tune of the Rolling Stones' Ruby Tuesday.  
  
Buster on lead vocals: "Don't ask where she's gone or where she'll be.  
  
Episodes don't matter 'tween you and me.  
  
Abused all the time.  
  
Those bunnies will make you lose your mind.  
  
Ain't life unkind?"  
  
with Plucky & Babs on the chorus: "Good-bye, Ruby Rat  
  
Who can drop anvils on you  
  
Even though you're a cartoon villain  
  
Still I'm gonna miss you"  
  
Buster: "It does not matter what you say or do.  
  
Or that you do not even go to Acme Loo  
  
But as "villains" goes  
  
You will keep those bunnies on their toes  
  
Don't you suppose?"  
  
w/ Babs & Plucky: "Good-bye, Ruby Rat  
  
Who can drop anvils on you  
  
Even though you're a cartoon villain  
  
Still I'm gonna miss you"  
  
As the last musical portion of that song is played, the Acmes get a surprise guest as Hamton, fiddle in hand, walks out on stage.  
  
Babs: "Hamton, what're you doing here? This is kind of a bad time for a jam session - "  
  
Hamton (very sure of himself for once): "When I auditioned for your band that time you as much as said that my style wasn't rock&roll. Well, my trio has done pretty good, & now we're gonna show you how country can rock (aside to audience) - as if Garth, Shania & Faith haven't already proved that."  
  
By now the other members of the Hamton J. Pig Trio, Furrball on banjo & Barky Marky on bass fiddle, have arrived & are plugging in.  
  
Hamton: "We're gonna lay on ya a little CDB in the key of D. Plucky, Feef, kickstart us would ya? Don't worry guys, you'll figure it out soon enough, & until you do just keep an eye on my boys & do what they do. Ready, hit it!"  
  
And the familiar bass arpeggio followed by manic drumming that signal the opening of Charlie Daniels' greatest hit ensue as Hamton steps up to the mike.  
  
Hamton: "The devil went down to Georgia, he was lookin' for a soul to steal  
  
He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind, & he was willin' to make a deal  
  
He came upon a fella playin' on a fiddle & a-sawin' it hot  
  
He jumped upon a hickory stump & he said, 'I'll tell ya what;  
  
I guess you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too.  
  
& if you'd care to make a dare I'll make a bet with you.  
  
Now you play a pretty good fiddle, boy, but give the devil his due;  
  
I'll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul that I'm a whole lot better than you.'  
  
Then the boy said, 'My name's Johnny, & it might be a sin,  
  
but I'll take that bet. You're gonna regret, 'cause I'm the best that's ever been'"  
  
with Buster, Babs & Plucky on the chorus: "Johnny, rosin up your bow, & play your fiddle hard,  
  
'cause Hell's broke loose in Georgia & the Devil deals the cards.  
  
& if you win you get that shiny fiddle made of gold,  
  
but if you lose the Devil gets your soul"  
  
Hamton plays the next couple lines accompanied by the augmented band until the next verse.  
  
Hamton: "The Devil opened up his case & said, 'I'll start this show.';  
  
& fire flew from his fingertips as he rosined up his bow.  
  
& as he drew it across the strings it made an evil hiss (screech),  
  
& he had (waves bow to indicate the band) a band of demons backing him up, & it sounded something like this."  
  
And the band, especially Plucky on bass & Fifi on drums have the next musical seg, highlighted by Hamton's fiddle playing. Then it's time for the next verse.  
  
Hamton: "The devil finished, & Johnny said, 'Well, you're pretty good, old son;  
  
but sit down there in that chair right there, & let me show you how it's done."  
  
BB&P: "Fire on the mountain run boys run" (fiddle)  
  
"devil's in the house of the rising sun" (fiddle)  
  
"Chicken's in the bread pan pickin' out dough" (fiddle)  
  
"'Granny, will your dog bite?' 'No, child, no.'" (fiddle)  
  
And Hamton takes it home, then takes the mike again.  
  
Hamton: "The devil bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat  
  
& he laid that golden fiddle on the ground @ Johnny's feet.  
  
Johnny said, 'Y'all come back if you ever wanna try again,  
  
'cause I told you once, you son-of-a-gun, I'm the best that's ever been.'  
  
& he played, "  
  
BB&P: "Fire on the mountain; run, boys, run." (fiddle)  
  
"Devil's in the house of the rising sun." (fiddle)  
  
"Chicken's in the bread pan, a-pickin' out dough." (fiddle)  
  
"'Granny, will your dog bite?' 'No, child, no.'" (fiddle)  
  
And now Hamton really takes it on home with the whole supergroup country cookin' on in to the last note. And the audience rocks.  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
We cut back to the alcove & a visibly relieved NTF.  
  
NTF: "Well, I dunno about y'all; but I enjoyed that. 'All the squares go home', huh? Didn't work; I'm still here & I'm as square as they come. At this time I'd like to call your attention to the ribbon you might've noticed some of us wearing. It's the Mailing List Peril Awareness Ribbon. It's in the colors of the rings of the TTA logo & is in the shape of other awareness ribbons. When you see it, you'll be reminded that the mailing list - without which we wouldn't be here tonight, to say nothing of y'all reading it - could very well pass into that same oblivion that has swallowed such as Chaosonic & terra-online. We're all about fun here, but this is no joke. This mailing list is in peril, & it's up to you to save it. If you haven't filled out your ballot, do so now. Let Kevin know that you do care. It takes all of us to make it work.  
  
"Well, anyway, to the next award. To present an award for villainous schemes it behooves us to recognize the finest in toon villainy. In essence, it takes a crook to congratulate a crook. So, who to get? No, not Darkseid or any of the other Superman villains. And none of the Batman villains either; even the Joker's humor would have some malicious undercurrent. Fortunately, after much wrangling & endless headaches which are only subsiding this very second, we've secured three of the best of the worst, who'll thankfully be remanded to custody immediately after the presentation. Originally from Butte Montana, by way of the Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries, Moo Goo Gai Pan; originally from Yugoslavia, by way of the Histeria time ship, Nikola Tesla; & from parts unknown but plying his trade somewhere in the environs of Washington D. C. via the Pinky Elmyra & the Brain series, Wally Faust."  
  
Cut to the stage, where the above named - two of which bear an amazing resemblance to the creepiest characters Christopher Walken has ever played - approach to sinister organ music & the dolorous chant of a funereal chorus.  
  
chorus: "Nimbus Cirrus Solar Plexus, Lactose  
  
Igneous Metamorphic Sedimentary, Lactose  
  
Geldia Busighi Turizzianogi  
  
Neonto Ontario Gluteus Maximus, Lactose"  
  
Faust (these two also sound exactly like those scary Christopher Walken characters): "Hello!"  
  
chorus: "Gingivitis Tungstenitis Cincinnati  
  
Lactose, Lactose, LAC-TOSE!!!"  
  
Tesla: "Hello!"  
  
Screams of horror ensue from the audience, echoing those which welcomed Mr. Faust's greeting a moment previously.  
  
Pan (for those who've never seen S&TM, he sounds exactly like Cave Guy on Freakazoid): "Oh, could we get on with this? I have schemes to execute, animals to execute, former flames to exe-"  
  
Faust: "We all, have similar nefarious ends, Mr. Pan., (Pan winces @ hearing his name) but, we, can afford, to crisply take a few moments, out of our, busy schedules."  
  
Pan: "Would you PLEASE not use my name? And what is with those speech patterns; you sound like Captain Kirk on Prozac."  
  
Tesla: "Not so loud, Mr. Pan; you're getting germs on me! I need a towelette, or preferably some soap & water."  
  
Faust: "Mr. Tesla, after the ceremony, my associates, & I, would like to, discuss, your future, with you. We, can always use, someone of your, evil genius. Your, death ray alone, would be invaluable, to our ends."  
  
Pan: "Could we PLEASE get on with it already?"  
  
Faust (pointing @ Pan): "You're a sick & twisted not-so-young man; come see me in 50 years, but not before."  
  
Tesla: "Maybe we should proceed with the program; these round microphone heads frighten me."  
  
Faust: "Very well; let us crisply proceed. Mr. Pan, if you will?"  
  
Pan (still cringing @ his name): "Oh, alright; the nominees are - "  
  
=============================================================  
  
"I'll kill Snow Loon yet!" and with that, she went down to the science lab and started to make a magic potion. When she drank this potion she turned into a bunny(Babs). She made a potion when she was the rabbit to get Snow Loon out of her hair for good.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Tesla: "Elmyra's plot to do in Shirley in 'Snow Loon', by Colin Feder."  
  
Cut to Shirley & a still clueless Elmyra.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Fifi has nothing to do with you. You want me." Buster said angrily as he pointed to himself.  
  
"She knows to (sic) much!" the Prankster said. He then pushed a button on the control panel.  
  
The canon (sic) fired immediately. Out of its muzzle, a lavender skunk, with its tail set on fire, was sent through the sky. Buster and Babs could only watch as Fifi was shot out into the distance. The folder she held was also on fire. Fifi disappeared into the distance without a trace.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Faust: "Fifi's coverup in, 'The Prankster', by, Michael M."  
  
To Fifi, also Buster & Babs.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Plucky: After all of this time I've had to play second fiddle to you two, after all of the anvils you've dropped on me, all the indignities you've heaped (upon) my person hasn't it *EVER* occurred to you that I might ever try to get even?  
  
Buster and Babs: (In Unison) No.  
  
Babs: Wait a minute... are you trying to tell us that everything that has happened today... was a set-up?  
  
Plucky: So there's a brain between those ears after all. Of course this was a set up!  
  
Buster and Babs break down and laugh hysterically while Plucky looks on in annoyance(.)  
  
Buster: It's not possible... what about the Detective...  
  
Plucky: ...Bribed.  
  
Babs: The tons of research material that backed him up...  
  
Plucky: ...Painstaking researched, forged and planted.  
  
Buster: (looking worried) T-the DNA evidence?  
  
Plucky: ...Faked.  
  
Babs: (Near panic) ...My parents!?  
  
Mom: (steps into screen with Dad) We were in on it too, hon.  
  
Elmyra: ...We were all in on it!  
  
Babs: ... I want to know how you could have pulled this off?  
  
Buster: Yeah, all of your other "Brilliant schemes" have failed in the past... Why not this one?  
  
Plucky: Pfft! THOSE flash-in-the-pan ideas? They were spur of the moment... this gem, this crowning glory of the brillliance that is me... this has been in the works for three long years.  
  
Imagine it. Three years of plotting, planning(,) gathering allies and sympathizers.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Pan: "Plucky's revenge in 'KITH' by Abel Dusable"  
  
To a very pleased with himself Plucky; Shirley next to him shaking her head in her wing.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Well, it all started a few years after you left. Monty was caught cheating in an exam by Daffy, and Monty bribed him. A few weeks later, he was caught by Bugs, and he tried bribing him, too. But Bugs wouldn't have it. He expelled Monty on the spot. Monty, being Monty, decided to take Daffy with him. He told Bugs about bribing Daffy, and Daffy was fired. Bugs made him leave Acme Acres altogether. Monty tried to get back in when Bugs was fired, but Babs didn't even consider taking him in again. What that book doesn't say  
  
is that he tried it again with me. He offered me a million bucks to get back in. I said no, I already had millions of dollars. I thought that was the end of it. Boy, was I wrong. About 12 years ago, money started disappearing from tha Loo's funds.  
  
I launched an investigation, and eventually came to the conclusion that it was Daffy who was stealing the money in order to get revenge for being fired. What no one realized, was that Monty had bought out the bank with our money in it, and started transferring money to his private account. We didn't figure it out until it was too late. We had to close the  
  
Looniversity. Monty bought the Looniversity, and closed it. He made Acme Acres into the hell you see today."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Tesla: "Montana Max in 'Rabbit Out of Time' by Matt Bermann."  
  
In the audience Monty starts to laugh, but it melts soon enough under the icy stares of everyone else.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Faithful readers will no doubt recall that when we last saw Slocum and Montant Max, the 300-lb. doofus henchman Charlie was about to relate the events at the bridges in question. As we rejoin them, Charlie has done just that. A smile begins to creep across the face of the pint-size toon billionaire's face. Then he breaks into bilious laughter, which echoes through the Dry Gulch Saloon, and which obviously does not go unnoticed by the Prince of Villains, Algernon Swinburne Slocum.  
  
"Something funny, Monty?" he sneered.  
  
"More than you dorks realize! With Honey Bunny out of the way, Bugs'll be emotionally drained! He'll WANT to give up the mine!" Then a thought came to him. "Wait a minute. A thought came to me! What if she managed to survive?"  
  
"Are you KIDDING? Slocum asked, still sneering. "In THAT river? From a 2000 foot drop? Forget it, Monty... she's a goner!"  
  
"Yeah," agreed Charlie. "It'd take a miracle for ANYBODY to survive a plunge in the Joan Rivers! Heh, heh-heh, heh-heh-heh..."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Faust: "And Charlie, Monty &, Slocum in, 'The Toony Way' by, Lee, M. Withers"  
  
Cut back to Monty, but he isn't about to laugh again. Bugs & Honey are consoling each other on reliving that traumatic episode. And in another section, handcuffed to High Sheriff Drywall Paul, are the shame of the Dry Gulch Saloon, prince of villains Algernon Swinburne Slocum & his 300-pound doofus henchman Charlie. For added security, they're flanked on one side by Ranger Doug (The Idol of American Youth) & Wody Paul (The King of the Cowbly Fiddlers); & on the other side by Too Slim (A Man Who Changes Nicknames More Often Than He Changes His Socks, Which Is Admittedly Not Saying Much) & the sidekick's sidekick Sidemeat.  
  
Pan: "And the winner is - "  
  
After a long pause, -  
  
Faust: "Mr. Tesla, if, you will?"  
  
Tesla: "I'm not touching that envelope; who knows where it's been."  
  
Faust: "Very well, but first, I've just been given, an, announcement: will, Babs Bunny, or, Dot Warner, whoever, is on the phone, with Harriet, please, direct their attention, here for the next, few moments? Thank you - "  
  
Pan: "OH FOR HEAVENS SAKE!!!!"  
  
And with that he snatches the envelope, ripping it asunder & reading the contents.  
  
Pan: "The winner is Plucky's revenge in 'KITH' by Abel DuSable. That's it; I am out of here!"  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
The orchestra begins to play the theme from "The Plucky Duck Show" complete with the lyrics. Plucky Bounces down the isle to the stage dragging the hapless Shirley McLoon by her arm with him. In moments the two waterfowl are on the stage where Tesla takes a pair of salad tongs and gives Plucky the... ur ... Statuette? The villians quickly step away from the podium and Plucky steps up to the mic.  
  
"I would like to take this time to say a few words..."  
  
Reaching into his Tux plucky withdrew a small roll of paper letting it unroll... it unrolled across the stage.... and down the stairs... and the isle... and out the door. A collective groan echoed through the hall until Plucky grinned and cast the paper aside.  
  
"Give me a little credit here. I only have five minuites to speak and I'm not gonna waste them on a bunch of meaningless drivel. But you gotta admit... it was funny."  
  
"Ok, here's the thanks I have. Mom, dad without whom I wouldn't be here. Hampton for being my sidekick through thick and thin. Shirley for... well... always being my girlfriend. The whole cast for helping me to set up my all-time best revenge on the rabbits. Aw... what the heck, let's point and laugh at them one last time. Shall we folks?"  
  
Everyone in the theatre turns to face Buster and Babs Bunny as if they rehearsed it, pointing and laughing at the blushing lagomorphic duo for thirty seconds before dying down and turning back to watch Plucky.  
  
"Still feels good. Hee hee. I may never grow tired of that. We could be ancient withered toons in an old folks home and I'll turn to you two one day and wheeze 'We were all in on it...' Heh, heh. OK. Thanks to Mr DuSable for the chance to get back at those two in such an original way and for any future writings he might have in mind."  
  
Camera pans to Abel and Harriet who have just returned to their seats and are still gorging themselves on the pizza and soda from the lobby then pans back to the stage.  
  
"And thank you to me, who has such phenominal talent... Myself without whom I couldn't have pulled it off and of course I, who's wit and handsome features carried the day. And thank you for this.... this..." Looks at the Ukie and scratches his head "What is this thing supposed to be anyways? Nobody's really described what a Ukie is supposed to look like. Eh.... thanks for the shiny Ukie thing Acme Acres!"  
  
The orchestra starts up with Plucky's Theme Song again as he and Shirley march off of the stage back to their seats,when halfway down the isle he whispers something to her and her fase contorts into a mask of utter disgust. Within a single heartbeat Plucky is reduced to well charred poultry and his Ukie now resembles something taken from a Dali painting."  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
That little bit of excitement over, Faust & Tesla return to their former places on the stage.  
  
Tesla: "I told you we should step back. Even from where we were, I think some germs got on me."  
  
Faust: "You, worry too much, my friend. Now, let's leave so that you, can tell my colleagues, &, myself about how, your inventions work. Your, death ray, for instance..."  
  
Tesla (pointing): "I think we're about to find out first-hand."  
  
Faust, following the direction in which Tesla points, soon matches his colleague's grim visage. The shot widens to show the controls to a Tesla Death Ray; next to it stand the kids from Histeria, & Loud Kiddington pushes an ominous-looking red button. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the two of them are reduced to ash. Pete Puma promptly sweeps it offstage.  
  
Pete: "Euuuup... You kids gotta learn to use the ashtrays!"  
  
Cut back to the alcove, where a concerned NTF is talking to someone off- camera.  
  
NTF: "What about Pan; did they get him? Oookay... huh? I'm on?! Oh!! Uh, & moving right along. The next award is an award which noone in their right mind wants to win. But there have been situations in fanfics over the years, & it has been decided that it will be a category, so there has to be a winner. To present the award for Most Humiliating Situation is a man of mystery. This man's been thru just about every humiliating situation possible. He's been hocked up on & then targeted by an entire race, he's been an unwilling host for an irritating symbiote, his dreams have been invaded, he's been shrunk to less than the size of his own head, he's been the only one - including some out of the organization - out of the loop, he's carried an alien baby (and that alone is enough to scare the you-know- what out of any sane male; who's the weaker sex?), he's been neuralyzed, belittled, slurred, & generally all his colleagues don't really think much of him. So he was the perfect choice. Presenting the award for Most Humiliating Situation, etc., my favorite man in black - aside from Johnny Cash - Mr. James Darrell Evans III!"  
  
Agent J from the MIB cartoon comes to the stage as the band plays the theme from the MIB movie (whadda ya expect; the bandleader wrote the thing). Unbeknownst to him, his partner, Agent K, is right behind him.  
  
J: "Whatever. Now, -"  
  
K: "What do you think you're doing, Petunia?!"  
  
J: "Petunia?!?"  
  
Petunia (in the audience): "Hey!!!"  
  
Porky (calling down): S-sir, do you me-meu-meu, watch it, willya?"  
  
K: "Sorry about that sir, ma'am. (to J) You're just lucky we have a case here; come on, Junior."  
  
The agents head out into the audience & make a beeline for Marvin Martian.  
  
K: "You'll have to come with us."  
  
Marvin: "What?"  
  
J: "The man said to come with us. What, you think we didn't notice that little incident a couple Halloweens ago?"  
  
Marvin: "I can explain..."  
  
K: "Save it for the hearing."  
  
J: "And don't count on the alien rights commission getting your back. You're local; the next planet over. What goes on with natives of this solar system isn't their problem."  
  
They're walking all this time. By now they're @ the edge of the curtain where they run into L & X.  
  
L: "We can go now; everyone backstage has been neuralyzed."  
  
X: "And I've removed all evidence we were ever here."  
  
L (walking backstage): "He destroyed two machines getting the tape out! It's inhuman!"  
  
X (also walking backstage): "Why thank you..."  
  
J: "What about those taping it at home, archiving this and such?"  
  
K: "Don't worry; the twins will come up with something."  
  
J joins L & X in leaving. Before joining them, K approaches the podium & holds up a pen-like device.  
  
K: "Due to their vast array of experiences in being humiliated on the big & small screens, the next guest presenters will be Daffy Duck & Sylvester the Cat. *flash*"  
  
As he departs, everyone is momentarily stunned. After a moment Daffy & Sylvester rise & head for the stage. The band plays a certain cartoon show theme unfamiliar to most (hey, even I've never heard it).  
  
Daffy: "Thank you, thank you one and all."  
  
Sylvester: "This award is all about not getting any respect."  
  
Daffy: "A concept with which both of us are quite familiar."  
  
Sylvester: "That tune we just heard for instance; does anyone besides, oh, about a dozen or so who were directly involved in it recognize it?"  
  
Daffy: "Even those who were involved have probably forgotten it by now."  
  
Sylvester: "Very likely. The Sylvester & Tweety Daffy & Speedy Show was just on for that one season in '81-'82."  
  
Daffy: "What chance did we have to be noticed, in the shadow of that BBRRS juggernaut?"  
  
Sylvester: "You don't have to tell me about that; that show swallowed up the Sylvester & Tweety Show in '77."  
  
Daffy: "Yes, we both have had whole lifetimes of playing second fiddle."  
  
Sylvester: "Sometimes to the same critter."  
  
Daffy: "Oh yes, Speedy."  
  
Sylvester: "You-know-who *coughturnercough* should be ashamed of what he's done to him."  
  
Daffy: "He's on a bit of a rally lately - great performance on that number earlier - but as anemically as his toons are still shown that could change."  
  
Sylvester: "Winning an Oscar doesn't mean a thing to some people."  
  
Daffy: "Oh, thanks a lot for the sour persimmons, mister 3-of-the- studio's-5-Oscars! It's not like I didn't try to get any of my stuff nominated!"  
  
Sylvester: "Oops, I'm sorry. And you're right; you have put out some true gems over the years: Robin Hood Daffy, Duck Amuck, Duck Dodgers, The Great Piggy Bank Robbery-"  
  
Daffy: "The Scarlet Pumpernickel."  
  
Sylvester: "Of course. It was truly a joy getting to act for once, instead of having to do comedy all the time."  
  
Daffy: "Then J.L. chopped it to bits!"  
  
Sylvester: "Turning your masterpiece into another 7 1/2 minute woo- woo fest."  
  
Daffy: "It's certainly not easy trying to act comedy when you're being dissed all the time."  
  
Sylvester: "Well, I wasn't getting no respect all the time, only when I wasn't getting beaten up & otherwise physically abused."  
  
Daffy: "Oh, brother; here we go again about your show."  
  
Sylvester: "Well, you've seen it; when did I ever get my due for my contributions to solving a single case?"  
  
Daffy: "Maybe it was because you were obsessed with eating Tweety?"  
  
Sylvester: "I guess you'd know, what with your history with Speedy."  
  
Daffy: "Hey, I never really wanted to eat him; anyway, you went after him too."  
  
Sylvester: "There was a reason for that: the whole cat & mouse thing? Who ever heard of a duck chasing a mouse anyway?"  
  
Daffy: "The point is we've been humiliated our entire careers."  
  
Sylvester: "Right; even your protege beat you to getting an award what with Kith's success."  
  
Daffy: "That's where you're wrong; last year on Termite Terrace Wise Quackers won a tournament to determine the greatest Looney Tune cartoon ever."  
  
Sylvester: "And that and a penny..."  
  
Daffy: "...still won't buy anything, I know."  
  
Sylvester: "Have you had enough banter yet?"  
  
Daffy: "Just waiting for you to notice."  
  
Sylvester: "So let's get on with it."  
  
Daffy: "The award is for the Most Humiliating Situation, etc."  
  
Sylvester: "And the nominees are..."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Very casually, the paintbrush created two more ducks, who looked and dressed exactly like Plucky, except that one of them was wearing a black T- shirt and the other a grey one.. "Huh?" he asked. "What's going on?":  
  
"Hi, Plucky-," started one(,) the one in the black shirt.  
  
"-how's it goin'?" finished the one in grey.  
  
Both of their voices were identical to Plucky's, who suddenly looked very angry.  
  
"What is this?" he demanded. "I am the one and only Plucky Duck! You can't go and make duplicates of me!"  
  
"Duplicates? We're not-"  
  
"-your duplicates. We're your brothers."  
  
"Sure. You're Plucky, I'm Ducky,-  
  
"-and I'm Wucky."  
  
A look of horror formed on Plucky's face. "Waitaminute!" he said with alarm. "Plucky, Ducky and Wucky? Are you-"  
  
"-saying that we're Daffy-"  
  
"-Duck's nephew's from now on!"  
  
"NOOOOO!!!!!!" screamed Plucky with all his being.  
  
"To that," said Daffy Duck as he suddenly walked into the room, "I most wholeheartedly agree!" and he tossed a huge bomb into the room.  
  
"Mother..." whispered Plucky weakly as the bomb landed at this feet.  
  
KAAABLAAAAMMMMM!!!!!!!!  
  
=============================================================  
  
Daffy: "Plucky's treatment in 'Pluck Amuck' by Kevin Mickel. heh heh heh."  
  
cut to a fuming Plucky  
  
=============================================================  
  
The biggest shock, though, is from Fifi. She screams once and cowers behind her chair, blushing, and then reaches gingerly for Plucky's cape and grabs it. Babs watches from behind as her hair tormentor is now completely bald and totally naked.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Sylvester: "When Fifi is shaved bald in 'Bad Hare Day' by Don Speirs."  
  
Fifi's purple has now turned bright red  
  
=============================================================  
  
Feathers were flying off the Roadrunner. He was struggling to keep up and felt his energy draining away. The vibrations had ceased and now he tried desperately to keep his body straight. The wind sheer was making him veer from side to side. Most of his feathers were gone and the ones falling from Li'l Beeper in front of him were pelting him like rocks. The high speed was his master now and he was subject to it. Each movement became agony and tears streamed back from his eyes in the wind. His younger student was now leading him and Lord lead (sic) them both, still accelerating out in front. He could hear nothing but his own heart pounding, as all sound was literally behind him. He was losing - but he fought on - the pain growing, the shame building. He couldn't let it happen! But in a snap it was all over. His primary tail feather fell out and he lost all stability. He turned his head just slightly to look - and that did it.  
  
Up in the Hare Plane, Wile E. gasped at the sight. The crowd of toons in the bleachers rose to their feet, as they watched the video screen in horror. The Roadrunner was tumbling end over end, through the air - the last of his feathers flying off and the sand spraying crazily as he clawed the ground to stop himself. His body rolled and bounced - long legs and wings flailing - then he collapsed into the dirt, sliding feet first to a stop. Feathers floated down around him as he lay there exhausted and thoroughly dazed. He lay there staring at Beeper and Lord as they disappeared, leaving him behind. His tears continued to flow, as he hung his head and waited for help to arrive.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Daffy: "The Roadrunner's Crash in 'A Time to Every Purpose Unto Heaven' by PepeK."  
  
RR is quite distraught  
  
=============================================================  
  
Lola: I wanted to have a chance to speak to you before you became too busy.  
  
Buster: Uh, what about?  
  
Lola: Tell me Buster, haven't you ever-found Babs a bit... immature?  
  
Buster: Well she's wild and unpredictable at times... but that's just who she is.  
  
Lola: Doesn't it wear on you after a while?  
  
Buster: There are times I wish I could find her 'off' button... if that's what you mean.  
  
Lola: A bit too wild?  
  
Buster: I'll say, sometimes I take her out and don't even know who I'm dating. I could wind up with Barbara Walters, Cher, Joan Rivers or Queen Elizabeth the second.  
  
Lola: Poor boy... perhaps what you need is some mature companionship.  
  
Lola places her hand on top of Buster's and he gasps in shock.  
  
Buster: (beginning to sweat) L-Lola! I... Whuh.... What about Bugs?  
  
Lola: Bugs is fun to be with, but a woman has to keep her options open. I've heard a lot about you Buster. A lot of girls talk about you in the locker room.  
  
Buster: (Trying to carefully take his hand away) R-really?  
  
Lola: It's always, "Buster did this..." and "Buster did that...", I'm curious if all the rumors were true.  
  
Buster: Ulp!  
  
Lola: (Strokes Buster's cheekfur) What's wrong? Don't you find me attractive?  
  
=============================================================  
  
Sylvester: "and Buster being hit on by Lola in 'Kith' by Abel DuSable."  
  
cut to an embarrassed Buster under a watchful glare from Babs. The scene is echoed elsewhere with Bugs & Honey. Meanwhile Lola is chuckling like all get out.  
  
Daffy: "And the winner is - " (opens envelope, reading with Sylvester) "The Roadrunner's crash in 'A Time to Every Purpose Unto Heaven' by PepeK."  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*The band strikes up a more familiar tune from the "Bugs Bunny / Roadrunner Show". A fast guitar plays as a small group of singers (all dressed alike in long hair and bellbottom pants and vests) sing and dance in a line.*  
  
Singers: Roadrunner! The coyote's after you!  
  
Roadrunner! If he catches you, you're through!  
  
That coyote is really a crazy clown!  
  
When will he learn that he never can mow you down?  
  
Poor Little Roadrunner never harming anyone!  
  
Just running down the road's his idea of havin' Fuuuuuuuuun!  
  
* A big finish with the dancers doing cartwheels over each other into a final pose* Audience cheers!* The dancer/singers retire*  
  
*The Roadrunner zips up onto the stage, all smiles, to stand at the podium*  
  
RR: Beep Beep!  
  
*audience cheers*  
  
*He looks around, bobbing his head, then bobs up and down in the silence as the audience stares at him.*  
  
RR: P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pbbbt - Beep beep!  
  
*silence* *Daffy makes a face, while Sylvester looks at his watch*  
  
Daffy: Well, thith wath a missstake!  
  
Sylvester: Gosh-th-th! He does-thn't even talk!  
  
Daffy: Wait a minute! I think he'th gonna thay thompthing!  
  
Sylvester: Will you ssstop-p ssspitting on me?!"  
  
*the Roadrunner clears his throat audibly and moves up to the microphone, about to speak*  
  
Sylvester:After all these-th years-th! He's finally gonna talk to us-th- th!!  
  
Daffy: Quit th-spitting on me!  
  
*the audience is so silent , we can hear a pin drop (which Junyer Bear does, making a terrible clatter)  
  
Paw Bear:(socking Junyer in the mouth) SHUT UP JUNYER!!  
  
*Everyone stares as the Roadrunner opens his beak*  
  
Roadrunner: ................BEEP BEEP!  
  
*He holds up a sign that says "THANK YOU" *  
  
*crickets chirp, frogs croak. The roadrunner stands there smiling blithely*  
  
Daffy:(does a "slow burn" look) Oh! Well, that's-th just peachy! That's-th Marvelous-th! That's-th just Genius!!  
  
An offstage voice: No, that's where I come in!  
  
*Wile E. Coyote makes an entrance from stage left, striding confidently out to his partner at the podium. He bows. They shake hands (or wings and paws) and stand arm in arm, smiling*  
  
*The audience applauds wildly. Wile E. abruptly holds up a paw and there is suddenly total silence*  
  
Wile E.: 'Super-Genius' to be precise! Now my partner here, R.R. (ie. The Roadrunner) has given me his thoughts on the matter, so with your kind indulgence I shall reveal them to you.  
  
Daffy:(under his breath) Oh, Broth-ther!  
  
Sylvester: (under his breath) Ssstop Spitting on me!!  
  
Wile E.: RR has told me that he regrets having lost the race, but has nonetheless learned a extremely valuable lesson about trying harder and setting an example for today's youth - our Acme Looniversity students. He feels - as I do - that as professors of the Exemplary - we must continue to provide better and better examples for our pupils and the Youth around the World. Only by being absolutely the best examples - can we teach our charges to work harder and achieve more than we can achieve - moving on to bigger and better horizons in the future!  
  
*Wile E. has gotten a bit carried away with himself*  
  
Wile E.: Ahem..I beg your pardon, I seem to have gotten a bit carried away with myself.  
  
Sylvester:(aside) You can thay th-that again!  
  
Daffy: (under his breath) I thaid th-stop ssspitting on me!  
  
Wile E.: RR is extremely pleased however, to have witnessed his protege` excell his own powers of speed and to have used them sensably. I give you - Lil' Beeper!  
  
*wild applause as Beeper zips and joins his Mentor onstage. Beeper honks like a kazoo*  
  
Wile E.: RR has informed me however that he by no means will sit still...(he seldom does).. He has vowed to begin training himself further and will successfully equal his best top speed of well over Mach 1 (the speed of sound) within a few months' time. I also intend to sharpen my own skills instead of relying on so many old stale ideas from the past. We must all excell, so that the next generation will have a high standard to shoot for. Records are only made to be broken!  
  
*a standing ovation. Daffy attempts to take the stage*  
  
Daffy: Thank You! Thank You! *covers the microphone, aside to Wile E.* Great! Make us-th all have to work harder, you wind-bag! *for the audience - into the mike* By the Way - where's Pepe k.? I thought he wath part of thith?  
  
Wile E.: Oh... I believe he was delayed by that medical examination he had. "A Nuclear Stress Test".  
  
Sylvester: Hmmph! I wonder what th-that is-th?  
  
Daffy:(aside) I told you to S-stop spitting on me!  
  
An offstage voice: It's when they inject you full of radioactive dye.  
  
*Pepe K. enters from offstage right - his entire body glowing a strange green color*  
  
Pepe K.: I feel fine, now.  
  
*Everyone gasps. The Roadrunner and Lil' Beeper take one look at the radioactive skunk and zip away, leaving trails of flame. The Roadrunner quickly returns and waves as he picks up his award*  
  
Roadrunner: Beep Beep! *and zoom! he is over the horizon*  
  
Wile E.:(backing away hastily) Excuse me, but I have a previous engagement - with a fallout Shelter!  
  
*He runs off. The glowing Pepe k. advances to the podium and puts an arm around both Daffy and Sylvester*  
  
Pepe K.: Gee, sorry I was late, Guys.  
  
Daffy & Sylvester:(Ignoring him as they argue) Oh, no problem! Th-that'th okay. (aside to each other) I th-thought I told you to quit spitting on me! You?! I told you that! Well, I don't spit on people! Yeth you do! You talk just like Leon Th-Slesthinger! You take that back! I do not - you do!....."  
  
*As the two toons continue their sp-p-p-spirited argument - each grows a second head on their shoulders, un-noticed by them - and they Also begin to argue*  
  
*the audience dons rubber radiation suits and laughs... in a muffled way*  
  
Pepe K.:(to the audience) Well, they say four heads are better than two - but in this case we'll make an exception!  
  
;)  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
So saying, PepeK makes his bow & his exit - to a hastily constructed decontamination chamber. Meanwhile, our favorite humiliation hall-of-famers continue going head-to-head-to-head-to-head. Finally, a certain Mexican mouse sneaks up behind them  
  
Speedy: "EE-HA!!!"  
  
Daffy & Sylvester shoot up & out of the scene. When they come back down they're back to normal - well, normal for them. (toon physics) Before they can renew the chase of their favorite mutual nemesis they're waylaid by their wives. Daphne Duck & Sylvia J. Pussycat march their husbands back to their seats, giving them a couple of earfuls all the way to synchronized "yes dear"'s. Back on the stage, Speedy explains.  
  
Speedy: "I apologize for eenterrupting the proceedings, senores, senoras, & senoritas; but that loco pussygato & that loco duck had to be stopped somehow I theenk. Besides, I like them; they're seellee. And I am feeleeng much better now that my cartoons are beeing seen again, eef only late at night or early in the morning. Senor Freeman, why don't you take it from heere?  
  
NTF: "Thank you, South America, heh-heh. Maybe PepeK shoulda said South OF America. But whadda I know; I think anything south of the Rio Grande is south America. I mean, I'm in the American South, and... I know, it's a joke, son! Well, the next guest presenters will improve on that monologue; they could hardly do otherwise. For reasons that boggle the mind the Best Ending award is not at the end of this show, but here. Well, there's only one star who gives the definitive, no-nonsense sign-off. The one that's more to the point than even 'that's all folks'. The one that says, literally, 'it's over. go away!' Yes, I'm talking about Slappy Squirrel, & here she is - along with her nephew Skippy, to present the Best Ending award. Ms. Squirrel?  
  
  
  
The band breaks into Dvorak's "Humoresque" as the squirrels - one gray, one brown - approach the stage. Slappy is in her usual good humor %D  
  
Slappy: Eh, enough with the music! Stop it already, unless ya want a Triangle of TNT.  
  
Skippy: Aunt Slappy...  
  
Slappy: I know, I know, but it just doesn't make sense to put in the ending this early - not that I'd hang around for the end, mind ya; I know how these awards shows go on.  
  
Skippy: I know, but this was how it was arranged on the ballot...  
  
Slappy: DON'T START WITH THE BALLOT ARRANGEMENTS!!!  
  
As Slappy rages on for the next few minutes about ballots, elections, recounts & anything else that comes to mind; Slappy looks out at the audience.  
  
Skippy: "Since Brad Pitt got married she's been a little bitter. (whispers: do not even mention anything that sounds like f-r-i-e-)"  
  
Slappy: "SKIPPY!!!"  
  
Skippy: "Sorry, Aunt Slappy."  
  
Slappy: "Let's just get on with it before it gets so late I get cranky."  
  
Skippy: "Yes, ma'am. The nominees are..."  
  
=============================================================  
  
The orange liquid slowly filled the glass, and Buster lifted it to his lips. He took a long drink and took a deep breath. Dismissing the maid, he put the glass down on the table next to his chair and looked at the view before him.  
  
From his third story balcony he could see for miles. The green grass of Acme Acres stretched out before him, and the sun shone down, marking the start of another pleasant day. A haze surrounded the cityscape that occupied the horizon, with the bell tower of Acme Looniversity standing alone amongst the other buildings. The forest stretched off on either side, and there was a pleasant scent of pine.  
  
"Buster, are you out there?"  
  
The voice broke his train of thought, but he didn't mind. He turned his head to look behind him, and smiled as he saw her emerging out onto the balcony.  
  
"Hiya, gorgeous", he asid, with a smile, "top of the morning to you."  
  
Babs smiled and sat on the chair next to him, and looked out over the balcony.  
  
"Now I understand why you always get up so early. This view is fantastic."  
  
Buster smiled and looked over at her face. "Not as fantastic as this view." He kissed her softly.  
  
Their kiss was interrupted by a squirt of water hitting them both directly in the face. "What the..?" asked Buster, turning to look at the source of the water.  
  
Bo smiled at them both. "You know you two shouldn't be doing that at this time in the morning."  
  
Buster grabbed him by the ears and playfully pinned him to the ground.  
  
"Hey!" he shouted, chuckling, "quit it! Dad! Mom, stop him!"  
  
Babs laughed. "Let him up, Buster ... after all, he's not the first bunny to go nuts with a water pistol."  
  
Buster looked up at her and smirked, before releasing his grip on Bo. "So how come you're up so early this morning, Bo?" he asked, taking another sip of his carrot juice.  
  
"Tish, Kath and I are going out on a trip to the forest, and we've got to leave early. She should be-" He stopped as he heard the doorbell ring. "Oh, that'll be her now."  
  
He rushed inside and downstairs to the front door, and let Tish in. "Hi, Tish! Mom and Dad are upstairs on the balcony - let's leave them to it. We're going to have to get started now if we're going to get to the forest before lunch. Where's Kath meeting us?"  
  
"Kath's going to be waiting for us at Weenie Burger," Tish replied. She shouted up the stairs. "Hi, Mr. Bunny! Hi, Mrs. Bunny!"  
  
"Hi!" they both called down in unison. "Have a good time, you two!"  
  
"We will. See you later!" called Bo, closing the door.  
  
Buster smiled over at Babs. "So, what do you want to do on this fine Saturday morning?"  
  
"How about we catch up with Bugs? I haven't seen him in a long time."  
  
"Good idea." replied Buster, "I think he'll probably be down at the golf course, giving Daffy a sound walloping. I wonder if that duck will ever learn that he just can't beat Bugs at golf."  
  
Babs laughed and stood up. "I'll go and get changed, then wait in the car. A trip to the golf course might be good for me, anyway. I've still got a bit of a headache after last night's party. Remind me to not let Shirley mix the drinks again."  
  
She walked inside the house and towards their bedroom, stopping to look at a picture hanging on the wall. Bugs and Felicia stood in front of the statue of Liberty, smiling and waving, Bugs' arm over Felicia's shoulder. The photo was similar to a postcard, and at the bottom was written "Some Things Will Stay In History Forever." She moved her hand to touch the picture, smiling as she drifted her fingers down the cold glass protecting the memory the picture contained. Her hands drifted down to the ornately carved wooden frame. She ran her fingers slowly left and right over it, until she came across the two golden rings set into the base of the frame, one bearing a stunning diamond, forever embedded into the wood. She looked down at her own ring and smiled as her gaze returned to the frame. She read the insciption, carved into the wood above the rings. "Our time together may be over, but we shall have our history, and we shall one day have eternity. I miss you and love you, my wife. - Bugs"  
  
Babs smiled at the picture of her mother-in-law. "I miss you, Mom."  
  
Buster smiled, and watched Babs lovingly as she left. He got up out of his chair, and leaned forward on the rail of the balcony. He took in a deep breath of the warm, fresh spring air filling his lungs. He looked up into the sky and saw the sun shining down on him, and a strange echo filled his ears; it sounded like someone laughing. Someone strangely familiar. He shrugged it off as someone out in Acme Acres enjoying the day as much as he was. He yawned and stretched his arms, and smiled broadly up at the sky.  
  
"It looks like it's going to be another fantastic day."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Skippy: "Happily ever after, 'The Hours Between Night And Day - Bugsnapped III', by Matt Berman."  
  
In the VIP section Bugs' tears are freely flowing as this scene revives memories of his first wife (Felicia, "Hold the Lion, Please," 1942). Honey does her best to comfort him. Meanwhile B&B (now relation?) are engaged in some uncharacteristically maudlin TLC. Elsewhere, Bo & Tish are similarly occupied. (which would make Buster & Babs how old? And just how many kids do they have there while they're still in high school?)  
  
=============================================================  
  
Merrie, "Thank you, in later developments it was found that Miss La Fume departed from the Loo soon after. She headed for the nearest grocery store and drank herself to death on Lysol disinfectant. In other news....."  
  
"Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!" a loud voice booms from above, "This ending s*cks, totally!"  
  
Fifi walks on-screen, "Vous are telling mois!" Hamton and Alex soon appear, gargling bottles of Listerine mouthwash, gulping and spitting it out on the ground. The other toons who had been vaporized in Fifi's attack walk on-screen as well.  
  
Voice, "I got a better idea! Back to the dance!"  
  
Fifi, "Monsiour! Make vous decision now! Will et be moi! Our will it be ze dirt-bag fox!"  
  
Buster, "Wait a minute!" runs up to Alex being held between Fifi and Camry, "That isn't Alex, it's," takes and rips Alex's head off. A line of surprised gasps are heard at what is inside the mask that was once Alex's face.  
  
Buster, "It's Camry," she looks at Buster with hatred, "she's trying to get this show discredited by exploiting alternative lifestyles on a family show. Maybe even trying to get it erased from existence."  
  
Camry, "And I would have gotten away with it too, if not for you noisy kids!"  
  
Plucky, "But if that's Camry, then who is this?" points at the other Camry that is holding Camry, Buster rips the head off of this twin.  
  
Buster, "It's, Babs!!"  
  
Babs, "I'm sorry, Buster. I wanted to know what it would-be like to make out with a boy skunk."  
  
Shirley, "But if that like is Babs, then who is this?" grabs hold of the other Babs standing next to her, rips the head off of her as well.  
  
Shirley, "It's like Scooby-Doo!"  
  
Scooby, "Srooby Drooby Doo!"  
  
Voice, "Wait a minute, this ending is stupid and been way overdone. Would someone please get that idiot mutt out of my story!" a huge boot appears, booting Scooby out of the picture, and hopefully the world.  
  
Fifi, "Monsiour, would vous please make up vous mind! Does moi get with monsiour Alex or not?"  
  
Voice, "Ok, Ok, keep your tail down," she is waving it dangerously, "None of these are the real ending, but, I owe it to you to give you the real one."  
  
Alex comes down, and lets her go, although very reluctantly, "I'll be waiting for you mon amore." with that, he disappears in a flash. We iris out on Fifi's face, and bring the story to a close.  
  
The black screen is ripped apart by a very angry female skunk, who looks at me with eyes blazing and a tail waving angrily.  
  
Fifi, "Monsiour Jeremy, this ending is stupid! Je cannot believe zis, and je am not leaving until vous gets moi ze date tonight! Ez it so much to ask to be loved? Am moi not a woman who needs to be ze loved and caressed?"  
  
Jeremy, "UH OH! Ummm, well...." looking at Furrball, Calamity, and Beeper. They take one wide-eyed look at me, and bolt, leaving behind a sign that says, "NO WAY MAC! WE'VE ALREADY BEEN PAIRED TOO OFTEN WITH HER!"  
  
I look at Hamton for help, who says immediately to me, "Are you kidding? I might score with Cheri tonight!" and with that, he leaves the picture.  
  
Jeremy, "Well, we still got Plucky and Buster."  
  
Plucky, "No, I can't, I got Shirley!" ducks behind her for cover.  
  
Shirley, "Like Plucky, it may improve how you treat women or some junk." Plucky pleads with Shirley, then finally says, "Ill pay you two- hundred dollars if you just say your going steady with me."  
  
Shirley, "Like sold!"  
  
Buster, "Are you nuts? I got Babs for a date and I don't think anyone would want us to break up."  
  
Jeremy, "Oh come on guys, I want to get this story finished, it's just one date!"  
  
Fifi, "Oui, and je won't bite unless vous wants moi to."  
  
Buster, "I am not taking her out!"  
  
Plucky, "Well, I'm not taking her out!"  
  
Buster, "It'll clear your sinuses, Plucky."  
  
Plucky, "It'll bleach your hair, Buster."  
  
Buster, "You take her out!" shoves Plucky on the chest.  
  
Plucky, "You take her out!" shoves Buster back.  
  
"I'll take her out!"  
  
Fifi, "Who said zat?"  
  
"It's me, the idiot who wrote this slop. I wrote her into this situation, so I'll take the responsibility for it."  
  
Fifi, "Oh monsiour, vous will not know what has hit vous when I am done with vous." has a very lusty look in her eyes.  
  
Jeremy, "Just two things, Fifi."  
  
Fifi, "And what are zhose?"  
  
Jeremy, "No tongue, and keep that tail to yourself!"  
  
Fifi, "Oui, monsiour. Oui monsiour."  
  
And with that, this story finally comes to a close until next time. Unfortunately for me, Fifi has her fingers crossed.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Skippy: "Too many endings, 'Transfer Student' by Jeremy J. Jurrens."  
  
Fifi & Hamton are @ this moment turned away from each other, elbows on knees, heads in hands, "hrumph!" expressions on faces. The other named toons are having various adverse reactions. In Alex's box seats, any ribbing the other members of the many would-be loves of Fifi LaFume club give him are cut short when he starts to "power up", so to speak. Meanwhile on stage...  
  
Slappy: "Yeah, and too many lines, if you ask me! Whatsa matter EdWood, haven't you ever heard of editing?" (under her breath) "I can't believe he wants to be head of the network."  
  
Skippy: "Well, he couldn't do any worse than Kellner."  
  
Slappy: "No one could do worse than Kellner!"  
  
Skippy: "The nominees, Aunt Slappy?"  
  
Slappy: "Oh, yeah. Forgot what we were doin', it's been so long."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Harriet: Just let me know when you're done with him. I can do a lot with leftovers like those. -  
  
=============================================================  
  
"HOLD IT!!!"  
  
Suddenly Slappy is in NTF's face, literally. She is mildly peeved - for Slappy - which would mean well beyond the boiling point to must of us.  
  
Slappy: "Now listen up, Eisenstein, it's bad enough you gotta go on forever on those excuses for clips, but this ain't even from the ending! Now you'd better start getting things together or I'm gonna hafta give ya the mother of all enemas."  
  
To underscore her statement she's brandishing a stick of dynamite & indicating her intentions in a way I won't repeat here.  
  
NFT: *Gulp!!!* Ooops!! I'm sorry, I dunno how that happened. I, I'll behave, ma'am, yes'm!"  
  
Slappy: "Good. Y'know, you remind me of a very young - ah, forget it! You're so nondescript it'd be an insult to him!"  
  
And with that she returns to the stage while we get back to the nominee clips (hopefully the right one this time!)  
  
=============================================================  
  
Up the X-Files-ish theme as Fox and Skunky watch the crowd begin to disperse from the nearby from the nearby forest. Skunky's trademark voice- over completes the scene.  
  
Skunky Voice-Over: Case log follow-up: The source of the long string of unwarranted cameos has been identified as one Plucky Q. Duck. Mr. Duck's motives for instigating such an influx of characters has been revealed as nothing more than an elaborate hoax motivated by a need for revenge against one Buster Bunny and one Babs Bunny, neither of whom are related to the other. [see Senate records: Buster and Babs Go to Washington] As no actual laws have been broken in this act of fan-fiction nor any questionable scenes produced by its writer it is safe to say that there is nothing more to report at this time and the case has been closed.  
  
Skunky: Well Moldy, this has been yet another waste of the FBI's time and resources. What do you have to say for yourself?  
  
Fox: Wanna go make out?  
  
Moldy: (looks at Fox and shrugs) Sure, why not?  
  
Fox and Skunky walk off into the forest hand in hand.  
  
Able DuSable pulls up in a 40's-style car and jumps clad only in white gloves a red sash, carrying a bundle of roses.  
  
Able: Sorry I'm late, I had work to finish up and Fifi's accent blew up my spell-checker again, then there was the car trouble...  
  
Mary: Newsflash, Able. Story's over. You can't cameo in it anymore.  
  
Able: Aw man! And I never even had a chance to make a decent pass at Babs in this thing. Oh well, she was always number two in the femme lineup to me.  
  
Fifi: Pardon moi? If she was, 'ow you say, second place, who was first?  
  
Able hands Fifi the flowers and smiles at her with a glint in his teeth.  
  
Able: Why you, Cheri.  
  
Fifi: Ohhhhhh...!!!  
  
Able: (offers his arm) I find myself with a free evening, Miss LaFume. Care to join me for a night out on the town?  
  
Fifi: (takes the offered arm) Monsieur... Moi would be delighted.  
  
The two mustelids walk off arm in arm and the camera irises the scene until it focuses on Able's head and shoulders as he turns to the audience and shrugs with a grin.  
  
Able: Hey, I wrote this thing. I can do pretty much what I want.  
  
Iris out  
  
The end.  
  
Up TTA end theme.  
  
Stinger: The TTA rings surround Fox and Moldy who are kissing passionately. They stop in mid-motion and look at the camera with mortified expressions.  
  
Moldy: Uh... the truth is out there?  
  
Skunky: Why don't you go look for it and leave us alone?  
  
END  
  
=============================================================  
  
Slappy: "X-Files / writer's license, 'KITH', by Able DuSable. And if this next one is any longer than 10 lines I'm gonna have me a talk with Chayefsky up there."  
  
Cut to the X-Files agents who like mildly mortified, again. Meanwhile Harriet doesn't look too happy at the inplication of her being number three, but it's tempered by her "accidentally" slipped in "leftovers" remark.  
  
=============================================================  
  
As they stepped onto the coffee-smelling plane, their horrible plane trip to Acme Acres flooded back into their memories.  
  
"Yakko! I don't wanna take another plane trip!" Dot almost-whined.  
  
"Yeah!" Yakko spoke up, "Why can't we just do a checkerboard transition back to Burbank?!"  
  
The scene checkerboarded out, and the water tower appeared. The three siblings ran to the tower and scrambled up the side, and disappeared in the big heavy door for one more day.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Skippy: "And checkerboard, 'Out of the Water Tower and Out of Their Minds' by Karen J. Tindall."  
  
Cut to the Warners who're nostalgically daydreaming about Fifi, Shirley, & Throttle, respectively.  
  
Slappy: "Boy, I remember that one; you & me kid, we nuked that 'bubble emporium.' That'll teach those .fandom perv's to go taking advantage of -"  
  
Skippy: "You said that in the story, Aunt Slappy. Besides, we're being advised not to go too far in that direction; besides the possible censoring there've been complaints that the refs are getting a bit obscure, & most people probably wouldn't even know about that story's prequel ('You Are What You See' by Kim 'Yakko's Babe' Robarts, to which I can point you upon request).  
  
Slappy: "Oy vey! NOW he starts watching himself. Let's just get this over with already. (opens envelope) And the winner is - (with Skippy) X Files / artistic license, 'KITH', by Able DuSable."  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
The entire orchestra puts down their insturments and begin to whistle the X-files theme while Abel, Fifi, Fox and Skunky make their way up onto the stage.  
  
The quartet accepts the awards from Slappy and Skippy. Fox Moldy walks up to the mic and begins his acceptance speech.  
  
"I have been asked by Agent Skunky to spare you the details of the terrible conspiracies that permiating our society because of the numerous global shadow cabnets entrenched within our own goverments. So instead of informing you of these dangers I would like to dedicate this award to my mother, my missing sister who was kidnapped by aliens, my other sister who turned out to be one of several clones, my missing twin brother who became the leader of a cult someplace in Mexico, my father who may or may not be a chain smoker and my partner who's bee-stung lips I find very attractive."  
  
Fox steps away from the podium to allow Skunky a chance to speak.  
  
"I would like to thank the Furry Bureau of Investigations for giving us the time to appear in the fanfiction in question as well as this awards ceremony. I thank my doctor for helping me with my medical condition and my partner to who I must confess a growing attraction to his bee-stung nose."  
  
Skunky finds herself nudged aside by Fifi LaFume who seizes the microphone.  
  
"Moi would like to sank all of ze boys out zere pour making moi ze number one femme on TTA, I love you all. I sank Messeur DuSable for such a delightful evening and for a boyfriend zat isn't such a swine. (Moi *STEEL* cannot beleive Hampton cheated upon moi duing ze spring break! HMMPH!)"  
  
Pan to the audience where Calamity snarls angrily at a very wary Hampton and the Duck-girl from the spring break special, the camera pans back to Fifi who smiles sweetly to the audience.  
  
"It's nice to have a boyfriend who's not afraid to express his feelings, Non? A pity we're only a couple in one fanfiction... two if you count Fractured Images but zat's a bit complicated to go into right now. Merci to you all!"  
  
Fifi skips off to the side where Fox and Skunky wait patiently while Abel takes the stand.  
  
"Well now, I'm pleased that Kith is turning out to be such a popular Fanfiction here at the awards. I guess I have to thank all of the readers, the other writers, OH! and especially Thorne for rendering my date for the evening in such lovely detail."  
  
As Abel speaks Speedy Gonzales sneaks up behind him and abruptly shouts out his trademark *YEEEHA!!* with only an arched eyebrow on the part of DuSable as a visible response.  
  
"What was that all about, Speedy?"  
  
"I was trying to get back at you for that deportation joke you made in Kith. Why didn't you jump like the others do?"  
  
"Oh, I've been to the Calgary Stampede. Once you've been there sudden loud noises seem to lose their impact."  
  
Suddenly Fox drags Skunky over to the podium and gestures wildly at Speedy.  
  
"Skunky! Look! This rodent seems to have supernatural velocity. It must be part of some sort of some neo-alien goverment shadow conspiracy!"  
  
"I will admit it is unatural, Moldy, but let's be serious. It's not a conspiricy."  
  
"Oh no? What about that episode where he raced the Roadrunner? The outcome was left undecided."  
  
"Actually, agent Moldy, that was just a minor conspiricy on the part of WB. Do you want to know the real secret about this mouse, the Roadrunner and the race?"  
  
The two FBI agents look at one another before turning to Abel and saying in unison "What is it?"  
  
"In nature... Roadrunners *EAT* mice. Speedy was too busy running for his life to win a race and the Roadrunner had something else on his mind other than defending a title. The WB had to make that episode up out of film fragments where it *looked* like the plot was being upheld but the ending was hastily put together when the two racers departed from the track and were not seen of the better part of a week."  
  
Suddenly the Roadrunner and his pupil Little Beeper dash up on stage looking hungrily at the Mexican Mouse. With a faint squeek of terror the race is on again as Speedy charges from the theatre with the two birds in hot pursuit. Slappy looks over at the smirking Sable and smiles.  
  
" Nice touch kid. I'd have used dynamite, but that was pretty good... for an amateur."  
  
The X-files theme is once again whistled by the Orchestra as the four toons take their seats.  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
The X-files theme is once again whistled by the Orchestra as the four toons take their seats. Harriet, tho, starts to give Able an earful almost before he sits down.  
  
Slappy: "Well, they've been waiting for this, but no more than I have: It's over. Go away."  
  
Skippy: "But Aunt Slappy, there's still a lot of show left."  
  
Slappy: "Maybe for you. I'm going to bed. I've earned my $464, & - "  
  
Skippy: "Wait a minute, didn't Leloni say - "  
  
Slappy: "I know what she said! And if she can lay hold of $40,000 per guest I'm gonna deal myself into whatever she's got goin' on. What, you think I wouldn't know what my own student can afford? I am her mentor, you know."  
  
Skippy: "That reminds me; when can I go to Acme Loo?"  
  
Slappy: "Ask the writers. (turns to leave) Writers! *pah* They've taken over. You think Chuck & Tex would've let Michael Maltese & Heck Allen tell'em what was what? But now there's Dini, Rugg, Hastings, & Ruegger's the worst of the lot; and the directors, they just go through 'em from Boyer to Arons to Paden. How McClenahan's managed to hang on beats me."  
  
Skippy: "What about Stoner?"  
  
Slappy: "She's different. (reaches the door) When you come in try not to wake us."  
  
Skippy: "Us?"  
  
Slappy: "The bluebird?"  
  
Skippy: "Oh, him."  
  
Slappy: "You two are gettin' along, aren't ya?"  
  
Skippy: "Oh, sure; I think of him as a brother." (Ruegger ref)  
  
Slappy: "Okkay, then. Good night! *SLAM!*"  
  
Skippy: "Um, back to you." (runs offstage) back to the alcove  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Over near the edge of the curtain, just outside the view of the audience, stands a lavender form. It's Leloni, natch. :) She's holding a clip board and a pen. Even though she's been in a frenzy attempting to keep things moving, she now seems well at ease. After all, to miss any appearance by her own mentor - Slappy Squirrel - would be a fate worse than taxes, er, death!  
  
"Ahh," sighs the bunny. "Slappy is _such_ a genius. Course, that DuSable ain't bad either. (Sigh) I can only hope that I can be _half_ that evil someday."  
  
Leloni winces as a small beeper clipped onto her waist starts beeping. She gasps and grabs the beeper.  
  
"Man! If it's not one thing, it's another around here!"  
  
The bunny quickly races away from the stage to attend to other matters before they become problems. :)  
  
Keep 'em rolling, Nathaniel!  
  
Leloni Bunny  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Before Nate has a chance to return to the stage, he's semi-mobbed by the contengant from the Carrotte Box.  
  
"'Scuse me, Mister Freeman, but we're feelin' a tad left out," Nigel uttered. "After all you inititated a musical interlude, without invitin' us."  
  
"Cardnal sin, if you ask me," remarked Lizbeth at her driest.  
  
"I'll say. We coulda wowed 'em with Rue and Nige's new act," Lional added with a grin.  
  
"So can we have a stint on stage?" Nigel asked with a smile, "or do we sic our new manager on you?" With that Nige indicated an incredibly lovely bespectacled white rabbit with an all too innocent look on her face.  
  
Rottin Kid  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
NTF: " *gulp* er, no, that won't be necessary, really. Heheh. Why, the only reason the Acmes were on before was because Buster & Babs were right there @ the time I needed to fill some time, &, well, y'all weren't. You- you think I'd have advertising from your label - not to mention your parents' businesses - on this show without wanting ya'll to perform something? No way! It just wouldn't be right without the Loonies contributing to the musical mix, & I'm looking forward to it. All you had to do was ask. And that's cardinal sin. I should know; it's Arkansas' state bird. Rue & Nige's new act, huh? I didn't know about that; finally tried to sing, huh? ;) And it was nice to meet you, ma'am. (thinks 'tho I didn't get her name') Just go get ready, & I'll introduce y'all. (walks away mumbling) Those Looney-tics; why couldn't they've crashed J.A.M.'s segment. Oh well. Wonder what it'll be, Bohemian Rhapsody? Naaah..." (finally back to the alcove, just in time) "In 1996 a trio of young noises hit Acme Acres with a vengeance. Not unlike their Liverpudlian fellow countrymen this family administered a badly needed shot of energy & vitality to our culture. Now expanded to a quintet with the addition of two spouses - yes, folks, I'm afraid they're all taken - this family band has been turning heads & minds, turning people by the dozen onto their brand of rock&roll. Here to perform a number from their debut album, will you make welcome The Bloomin' Loonies!"  
  
  
  
The Loonies come out on stage, waving at the audience, as they move to their instriments.  
  
"Thank you, thank you!" Nigel called, as the Loonies bowed to the thunderious applause. "I'm glad we're bein' included in the festivities, tonight. We've got somethin' special for you tonight, and I'm sure you'll enjoy it emencely."  
  
(But that'll have to be continued, cos the werekitty's gotta go to work.)  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Lizzy began playing the intro on her synthizysers. Anybody who was familiar with the music of Sailor knew that it was the intro to "A Glass of Champagne", but when Rue started singing, one realized that they had modified the lyrics a wee bit.  
  
"You've got the money, you've got the place," sang RuBarb.  
  
"You've got the figure, you've got the face," added Nigel.  
  
"Let's get together, the two of us, over a glass of champagne," they then sang in harmony.  
  
Rue: "You've got the music, you've got the lights."  
  
Nigel: "You've got the figure so full of delights."  
  
Rue & Nige: "Let's get together, the two of us, over a glass of champagne.  
  
Now I've been waiting much too long. For this moment to come along. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah!"  
  
Then Lizzy launched into a solo, displaying her skills with the keyboards, and their ability to sound like a niclelodian, at the time she needed them to. As the solo wound down, the whole band sang, softly: "A little glass of champagne."  
  
Nigel & Rue (again): "I've been thinking night and day (Night and day). For this moment to be this way. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah!"  
  
Rue: "You've got position, you've got the name."  
  
Nigel: "You've got the power to drive me insane."  
  
Rue & Nige: "Let's get together, the two of us, over a glass of champagne.  
  
Now I've been waiting much too long. For this moment to come along. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah!"  
  
Nige & Rue: "Let's get together, the two of us, over a glass of champagne.  
  
Let's get together, the two of us, over a glass of champagne. Let's get together, the two of us, over a glass of champagne."  
  
The Loonies: "A little glass of champagne."  
  
The crowd went wild, and the Loonies bowed.  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
NTF: "One of the major factors that the authors put into these stories is building upon the Warner canon, and coming up with their own elements, elements upon which other authors will hopefully build. Officially, Warners has been doing this from the very beginning, establishing the first of their own canon in 1930 with the first Bosko cartoon. Every time a new character was introduced, every time a new element was added - from Penelope becoming Pepe's co-star to Bugs going placid to Daffy turning mean - that canon was added to. This tradition has continued officially, even after the old LTs were 'retired' in the mid- '60's. In 1966 a character was introduced in Looney Tunes Comics, specifically in the issue titled 'Showdown At Carrot Gulch'; a character who has become established as the girlfriend for Bugs Bunny. 30 years later, in the movie Space Jam, another girlfriend for Bugs Bunny was introduced. I can think of no two more qualified to present the next award, Best Revelation That Has Become Canon. Here they are, Mary Margaret McPherson aka Honey Bunny & Lola Jane Bunny!"  
  
The two fembunnies approach the stage as the band plays an intriguing mini-medley of A Taste Of Honey & the Space Jam theme.  
  
Honey: "Well, here we are."  
  
Lola: "And a very interesting situation this is."  
  
Honey: "Considering some still don't know which of us is married to Bugs."  
  
Lola: "Or if either of us is."  
  
Honey: "I must say Danny Short did a fine job showing you as Mrs. Bugs."  
  
Lola: "No more than the Withers bros. did with you."  
  
Honey: "And in either case you have a daughter. By the way, where is Bethany?"  
  
Lola: "Up there in the Carrotte box. She thinks she's babysitting Adam Jr., & Roberta thinks she's babysitting both of them."  
  
Honey: "Bethany? Babysitting?"  
  
Lola: "She thinks so. She is almost 6, you know."  
  
Honey: "Oh my, where does the time go?"  
  
Lola: "Tell me about it; watching my baby grow up-"  
  
Honey: "Speaking of, Jessica's here, isn't she?"  
  
Lola: "Yes, there she is with Bill."  
  
Honey: "Buster's cousin."  
  
Lola: "Yes, altho according to Lee Buster's your son."  
  
Honey: "So your daughter is dating my son Buster's cousin, but not the daughter who would know Buster as my son, & meantime we're both married to Bugs."  
  
Lola: "Confusing, isn't it?"  
  
Honey: "Makes us sound like the Herod's"  
  
Lola: "You think that's something. My aunt is-"  
  
Honey: "My pen pal, & her business partner-"  
  
Lola: "is now in-laws with us."  
  
Honey: "Shh! People're not supposed to know that yet."  
  
Lola: "It's not hard to figure out. Now, who's Lord Ambrose, that's the puzzler."  
  
The Loonies had almost left the stage when they heard their families being referred to. Deciding they didn't want to miss a word they hang back in the wings.  
  
Honey: "Let's not get too far afield. This conversation's weird enough without bringing in the mbs & stuff."  
  
Lola: "Yeah, like that club where Babs is married to the Tasmanian Devil."  
  
Honey: "Exactly. But here alone there's confusion all around."  
  
@ this point Rue starts strumming a chord or two on her bass. Miranda crosses back to the drum set & joins in, all very softly.  
  
Lola: "Let's see; Bugs-"  
  
Honey: "-who's not Bug's-"  
  
Lola: "-is Buster's-"  
  
Honey: "-father?"  
  
Lola: "Maybe, unless-"  
  
Honey: "-he's his uncle?"  
  
Lola: "Or there's-"  
  
Honey & Lola: "-no relation."  
  
Honey: "But some have thot-"  
  
Lola: "-he's closer to Babs-"  
  
Honey: "-even tho we've seen-  
  
Lola: "-her father-"  
  
Honey: "-and he's not Bugs."  
  
Lola: "So are you Buster's mother-"  
  
Honey : "-or are you his stepmother-"  
  
Lola: "-or the mother of-"  
  
Honey: "-his cousin's girlfriend?"  
  
Lola: "Or was his mother Jessica?"  
  
Honey: "She died in the '40's-"  
  
Lola: "-or was it the '70's?"  
  
Honey: "Then there's Buster & Babs."  
  
Lola: "Meant to be together-"  
  
Honey: "-or did she leave him for Mark?"  
  
Lola: "And then there's the kids."  
  
By now the rest of the Loonies have joined in, starting softly & gradually increasing the volume. All this time the music's been building, in the style of a certain Temptations song. They build to a climax.  
  
Honey & Lola: "BO BUNNY, BAXTER BUNNY, STEVE & JENNY, KAREN BUNNY, JODIE PLAYED BY MORTIMER, BARBARA ANNE, BABS & BUSTER JR."  
  
Loonies (finally joining in): "AND THE BAND PLAYED ON!"  
  
All: "BALL OF CONFU-SION!!!!!"  
  
Honey & Lola: "That's what fanfic is today!"  
  
And the band fades back the volume & the cycle starts again.  
  
Honey: "Now let's factor in the others-"  
  
Lola: "As if it wasn't bad enough."  
  
Honey: "Plucky's with Shirley-"  
  
Lola: "-or is Fowlmouth?"  
  
Honey: "And Hamton's with Fifi-"  
  
Lola: "What of that girl from spring break?"  
  
Honey: "The third Honey?"  
  
Lola: "And what of Calamity-"  
  
Honey: "-or Furrball."  
  
Lola: "We've seen Plucky with Babs-"  
  
Honey: "-Buster with Fifi-"  
  
Lola: "-Plucky marries Fifi?"  
  
Honey: "Weren't you with Pete?"  
  
Lola: "Don't go there!"  
  
Honey: "And what about the Mouse?"  
  
Lola: "Does Gandra Dee come here?"  
  
Honey: "Or is it Duck & Loon to St. Canard?"  
  
Lola: "Do Mickey & Scrooge help?"  
  
Honey: "Or is it another hostile takeover?"  
  
Lola: "And is Shirley Daffy's daughter?"  
  
Honey: "Shall we bring in the Warners now?"  
  
Lola: "Just try to keep them out."  
  
Honey: "Yakko likes Babs-"  
  
Lola: "-and Dot likes Buster."  
  
Honey: "But Wakko likes Babs too."  
  
Lola: "Or he's paired with Marvin Martian's daughter."  
  
Honey: "But then Yakko & Wakko-"  
  
Lola: "-dated Fifi & Shirley."  
  
Honey: "Then there's Fifi's-"  
  
Lola: "Little purple book?"  
  
Honey & Lola: "CHRIS PEW, WILLY WOLF, OLIVER OTTER - no, LANCE FREEBIRD, JAKE E'STINKY, JAMIE FOX & ALEX REDOLENCE-"  
  
Loonies: "-AND THE BAND PLAYED ON!"  
  
all: "BALL OF CONFU-SION!!!"  
  
Honey & Lola: "That's what fanfic is today!"  
  
all: "BALL OF CONFU-SION!!!"  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
That little number over, the Loonies vacate after embracing their cousin & their mum's pen pal. Thunderous applause isn't mentined here as it's a given.  
  
Honey: "Well, now that that's out of the way, shall we get down to business?"  
  
Lola: "Let's."  
  
Honey: "Very well. The nominees for Plot Revelation That Has Become Canon are-"  
  
=============================================================  
  
PLUCKY I didn't even know you could drive, Babs. You must be pretty good if your Mom lets you drive the car alone.  
  
BABS Actually, Plucky, she didn't...  
  
HAMTON (interrupting) Yeah. _Incredibly_ good!  
  
BABS (preening) Well, yeah. Good? I'm grrrrrreat!  
  
CLOSE-UP OF BABS'S (sic) FACE. A somewhat psychotic smile crosses Babs's face.  
  
BABS Hang on and I'll show you some REAL driving!  
  
BUSTER ...Do me a favour-the next time I ask you a ride, just drive away...  
  
-"Babsie On Board" by The Association of Amateur Alt.TV.Tiny-Toon Net Writers-Sean Brandenburg, Christina M. Callihan, Julian Fong, Marc Hart, Julie Hazeltine, David Hungerford, Robert Jung, Kevin J. Podsiadlik, & Ken Weatherwax  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
"Sure," said Buster as he took the keys. "Anything else?"  
  
"Just dis. Don't let Babs drive. I know what she's capable of when she gets behind the wheel."  
  
-"And That's a Wrap!" by Kevin Mickel  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
"Well, hold it. There is one thing faster than a Road Runner, and that is my Caddilac (sic) with Babs here behind the wheel."  
  
-"A Rabbit Out of Time" by Matt Bermann  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
Babs: "So you're sure."  
  
Chris (tossing the keys to Buster, and talking to Babs): "Just so long as _you_ don't drive, unless it's a _real_ emergency."  
  
-"On the Road Again" by the HellCat  
  
=============================================================  
  
Lola: "Babs can't drive, originally put forth in the fanfic 'Babsie On Board' by the Association of Amateur Alt.Tv. Tiny-Toon Net Writers."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Babs looks around, but she can't find any of Buster's relatives in the church. Was it true that Buster was Bugs Bunny's son, and Bugs had gone to great lengths to hush it up?  
  
-"Buster's Guide to Unconsummated Romance" by John Friedrich  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
With just a little trepidation, Babs opened the envelope and looked at Buster's birth certificate. "It's true", she said after a moment. "Bugs Bunny is your father."  
  
-"What's In a Name?" by Kevin Mickel  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
...as he grabbed ahold of Babs hand and squeexed it hard. "Well, Dad," he whispered, "what are you gonna say?"  
  
Bugs too was caught off-guard by the question, and it was several seconds before he answered. Very calmly, he said, "Buster Bunny is my son. When he was first preparing to attend the Loo, we decided together that it would be best for him to attend anonymously...."  
  
-"And That's a Wrap!" by Kevin Mickel  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
"Bugs, when everyone found out that you were my father, I was so preoccupied with what everyone else would think, that I didn't even stop to think about how you felt."  
  
"Son, the only thing I felt was pride. I have waited a long time to be able to call ya son in public, and now I can. I have always been proud of ya, son."  
  
"Thanks... Dad."  
  
Bugs walked over, and leaned on the Buster statue, patting it on the head. "That's me boy," he said, "That's me boy."  
  
-"Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Someone Blue" by Matt Bermann  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
Buster felt slightly embarrassed. "Okay, I'm sorry, dad..."  
  
Mary and Lola looked at each other, their mouths hanging open, before they both said, "'Dad'?!?"  
  
Buster slapped himself on the forehead before Bugs did it for him. "Darn! That's supposed to be a secret!" he said through gritted teeth.  
  
-"The Newcomer (The Acme Loo-Ney Beginning) by Lee M. Withers  
  
=============================================================  
  
Honey (proudly): "Bugs is Buster's dad in the B&B Trilogy by Kevin Mickel  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Well...what's up, Doc-Uncle?"  
  
"Well...nephew..." Bugs said, surprising Buster as it was probably the first time in Warner history that Bugs ever called him that.  
  
-"The Undiscovered Campus" by Zachary A. Zulkowski  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
"Your father I take it," the fox replied.  
  
"How did you guess, not that it's the secret that it once was. Bugs is a big star and he didn't want me to have to deal with it," Buster replied, shrugging his shoulders.  
  
-"The Visitor" by Daniel Davis  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
"You know the situation. Is there a chance that you are the father of Buster here?" Sally asked.  
  
"Small chance. You see, me and a woman named Honey Bunny had a relationship but she took off fifteen years ago. There was something going around that she may have had a child and it might have been from me, but I can't confirm anything", Bugs said.  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
"Rob, what was the result of the paternity test of Bugs and Buster?" Sally asked.  
  
"Sally, there is no possible chance Bugs Bunny is the father of Buster," Rob said. Buster smiled. Bugs didn't have a discernible reaction.  
  
-"The Old Classroom" by Kieron Wells  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
Babs: I always thought Bugs was your dad.  
  
Buster: I wish. He's a good mentor and easy to talk to but... Well, let's just say I'd like to know where my roots are from.  
  
-"KITH" by Able DuSable  
  
==========================================================  
  
Lola: "And, 'Nothing is canon, d**nit!, suggested by Thorne."  
  
Honey (under her breath): "Lol, I thot you wanted to take this one because you had no problem with that language."  
  
Lola (also under breath): "I don't, but this wanna-be hack writer does."  
  
Honey (still under breath): "Okkay. (out loud) And unlike some we could name, as the only toons on record as being college educated we know what a parenthesis means-"  
  
Lola: "Namely, that what's inside the parentheses aren't to be read."  
  
Honey: "And the winner is-" (opens envelope, reads with Lola) "Nothing is canon."  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
With a sigh of relief, I wipe my brow and, deciding to get into the spirit of things, make my way up to the stage. After giving Honey and Lola a polite smile, I look out at everyone and say, "Well now, this is an award that I just *must* comment on. This may suprise many of you, but it one that I *whole-heartedly* endorse. Now, as you all know, I am personally convinced beyond a resonable doubt that, for example, Buster is Bugs Bunny's son. You may have also noticed that I have never clearly indicated who I think his mother is. I have strongly implied that it was Mrs. Bugs Bunny, which is a fairly logical assumption to make, but have never actually said so. To be honest, I always thought that this was the case, but then the Withers Brothers introduced me to Honey Bunny and threw many of my confortable assumptions into chaos. You may have also noticed the neither Honey nor Lola appears in any of my fanfics to date. But I have gotten off track here. Let me get back on it.  
  
"The question of what is cannon WRT Tiny Toons I have always felt was pretty clear, the show itself. Things such as the various picture books, videogames, British comic books and so on I have considered to be apocraphal. Fanfics and notions from them should be considered, at best, psuedographical, and that this point, my metaphor starts to break down so I'll just abandon it. What I am driving at here is that every author should be free to develop his or own stories and ideas based upon the source material of the show, and do with it as he or she sees fit. No one author, not even, especially not me, should impose his own interpretaions of the material on other authors. Each of us must and should be able to go where we want to go on our own.  
  
"Okay, I know, many authors have used my stories, or at least some of the concepts in my stories, as springboards for their own works. I am very flattered by this. And, while it is by no means forbidden, I am just saying that none of us should feel like we are bound to what someone else has done. As the two lovley lady rabbits pointed out for example, Jessica and Bethany Bunny are mutually exclusive. If everyone tried to make every fanfic fit together, we'd soon degenerate into what the old Sonic the Hedgehog series of fanfics on AOL's old "New Story Forum" folder degenerated into, a convoulted and wildly contradictory mass of confusion. A handful of old timers here will know of where I speak. And no, I am not saying they were poorly written, just terribly hard to follow and make sense of after a while.  
  
"Having said all of that, while it is nice to know that occasionally an idea comes up that many folks here will glom onto and make it a more or less well accepted part of TTA lore, I do have to give credit where it is due. I *did* first get the idea that Buster was Bugs's son from Nefaria's masterpiece, "Buster's Guide to Unconnsumated Romance." This for me remains a true gem among fanfics, it introduced me to the whole concept of TTA fanfic, and it was Nefaria who introcuded me to the internet fan community in the first place. In other words folks, IT'S ALL HIS FAULT! :^)  
  
"Seriously though, I will always be thankful that he introduced me to this wonderful community that has grown so much since that fateful first e-mail he sent me so long ago.  
  
"And now, after all of that silliness that Honey and Lola did earlier about who is related to whom, I just can't get a certain old Grandpa Jones tune out of my head. I'm gonna go back to my seat now. I am sure Thorne, who is an incredibly talented artist, may wish to say something about his nominee rightfully winning the award, so I'll let him do so. Don't be surpriesed though if a wonderfully hillarious old Bluegrass tune suddenly fills the air.  
  
"Hmmm... Last time I checked, this was still my mailing list, so I guess I can make just about anything happen...  
  
"Ladies."  
  
With that I walk back to my seat, waiting for the show to continue.  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
As Kevin goes back to his seat, Lola and Honey are about to say something to on another when, quiet unexpectedly, a chorus of melodious harmony fills the room accmpanied by a the expert plucking of a 5 string banjo...  
  
He's his own Grandpa...  
  
Now! Many many years ago when I was 23,  
  
I was married to a wider, who was pretty as could be!  
  
This wider had a growed up daughter, had a hair of red,  
  
My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed.  
  
This made my Dad my son in law and changed my very life,  
  
My Daugher was my Mother, 'cause she was my Father's wife.  
  
To complicate the matter, even though it brought me joy,  
  
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy!  
  
My little baby then became the brother in law to dad,  
  
And so became my Uncle, though it made me very sad.  
  
For if he was my Uncle, that also made him brother,  
  
Of the wider's growed up daughter who of course was my step mother!  
  
I'm my own Grandpa!  
  
He's his own Grandpa.  
  
It sounds funny I know,  
  
But it really is so!  
  
Fer I'm my own Grandpa!  
  
My father's wife then had a sone who kep him on the run,  
  
And he became my grandchild for he was my daughter's son.  
  
My wife is now my mother's mother, and it makes me blue,  
  
Because although she is my wife, she's my Grandmother too.  
  
I'm my own Grandpa!  
  
He's his own Grandpa.  
  
It sounds funny I know,  
  
Though it really is so!  
  
Fer I'm my own Grandpa!  
  
(Banjo solo interlude interlaced with the following comments)  
  
Whopee!  
  
This is sure mixed up!  
  
Now if my wife is my grandmother, then I'm her grandchild.  
  
And everytime I think of it, it nearly drives me wild!  
  
For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw,  
  
As husbund of my Grandmother I am my own Grandpa!  
  
I'm my own Grandpa!  
  
He's his own Grandpa.  
  
It sounds funny I know,  
  
But it really is so!  
  
Fer I'm my own Grandpa!  
  
Jones that is! Heh heh heh.  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
A brown and tan mouse is kicked back in a chair, leaning precariously on two legs against the wall in a shadowy corner of the auditorium. Thorne, having been distracted from the actual awards ceremony by a chance to sketch Lola and Honey from life, is scribbling in his sketchpad. He is startled to hear his name come up.  
  
Thorne: "Huh?!"  
  
He straightens up suddenly and the chair falls with a crash, sending up small geyser of sketch paper and fur.  
  
Fortunately, Kevin steps up to the stage, giving Thorne a chance to organize himself a bit.  
  
Thorne crawls out of the jumble of chairs and feels around to locate his glasses. Once he can see, he scrabbles around some more, stuffing papers and pencils back into his sketchbook and straightening his natty Hawaiian shirt and smoothing down his fur. As "I'm My Own Grandpa" plays over the PA, he marches down the side aisle, simultaneously patting at his head, attempting to get his receding hair into some kind of order before going onstage.  
  
Hurrying up the stairs, he trips on the edge of the stage and rolls to Lola's feet. Painfully, Thorne stands up. His head reaches approximately the height of Lola's collarbone and he stares at her for a moment, admiring her, um, gown. Catching himself, he quickly snaps his gaze up to her face, grinning sheepishly.  
  
Lola raises an eyebrow at him.  
  
Honey gently spins Thorne around and points him at the microphone.  
  
Thorne: "Ummm.. Honey, Lola, toonsters, thanks for having me on the show! I'm honored to, aah, NOT be accepting this non-award tonight. I never thought my smart remark on the nominations ballot would actually win!  
  
"Kevin, thank you for your thoughts on the subject of cannonicity. That was just what I meant. I don't think anything is truly absolute in Tiny Toons, not even what was seen actually on the show.  
  
"I like a lot of the ideas that come up in fan fictions. Babs being a crazy driver makes sense. I also like Hamton and Fifi as a couple. I don't have a problem with Buster being Bugs Bunny's son, though I think that one is a good one to leave open for creative new ideas. For me, it comes down to this: If an idea in a fanfiction, picture, or episode stimulates your imagination, great, use it! If an idea gets in the way of your story, dump it! 'Course, there's a trick to that - you have to keep the characters recognizable and believable, something which so many of our authors are sooo good at .  
  
"Anyhoo, thanks for having me on tonight, and thanks to the award winners who have mentioned me! And as a certified drooling fanboy, there's one other thing to say. (he turns back to Lola and Honey) Can I have your autographs? PLEEEEZE??"  
  
  
  
-Thorne  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Cameraman: "...and we're clear!"  
  
Lola (handing the page she'd just autographed to Thorne): "There you are. Now, next time watch your step."  
  
Pleased beyond words, Thorne manages to find his way back to his seat. The fembunnies also leave, conversing as they walk back to their seats.  
  
Lola: "Honey, I'm surprised I haven't seen you with the Riders tonight."  
  
Honey: "They've been on the job, helping Sheriff Drywall keep an eye on Slocum & Charlie."  
  
Lola: "And now they've left?"  
  
Honey: "Temporarily. They're escorting those spud-mothering jackanapes back to Tumbleweed County Jail. Said something about stopping by @ the Grammys to pick up their award, too."  
  
Lola: "Yes, I heard about that. Best Children's Album for Woody's Roundup; I got it for Bethany."  
  
Meanwhile, back @ the alcove, the cell phone rings...  
  
NTF: "Yes? Oh, hello, Lelo, heh. - Well, thanks; I've tried. I dunno how you guys do it. - What? - No, I missed what Slappy did after - Because your cousins accosted me, that's why. - No, but it's not ALL my fault we're running long. - I didn't dare; they had their manager with them, & I've seen enough cartoons to know it's the cute & innocent-looking ones you have to watch out for. - Yeah. - I liked Kevin's bluegrass number too, & I think Peter will appreciate it as well. - Well, Grandpa Jones got his start on WLW's Midwestern Hayride out of Cincinnati, as did Red Foley & a few others. - Yeah, I liked Grandpa; tho I'll never forgive him for dying on my birthday. - Yeah! - February 19th, 1998. -Mm-hm. So who's- I am?!? - Would you excuse me a sec? (pushes the hold button) OOOOOOOHH, I'M DYYYYIN'!!!! (pushes it again) Okkay, I'll do it. - Huh? - You want it finished when?!? - Would you excuse me another second? Thanks (pushes hold again) OOOOOOOHH, I'M DYYYYIN' AGAIN!!!! (and again) I'm back. - I know; I'd better get busy - Y'know, one time Roger Miller was going thru a dry spell in songwriting, Some friends of his finally locked him a hotel room & told him he couldn't come out until he'd written a song. When he came out he thrust the song @ them & said 'You want Earl Scheib, I can give you Earl Scheib, but- ' - Who's Earl Scheib? Never mind. - No, I don't know what the song was. - The point is, do you want it fast, or do you want it good? - 'Both', ha-ha. - Yes, I saw that pizza commercial; Jerry Jones & Deion Sanders. - Look, I really have to go; we're almost out of the commercial, & the next guest presenter has just arrived. - Well, I'd say he's quite a ham, but it'd be the wrong part of breakfast. - Oh! we're @ 30; I gotta go. - Huh? - With the deadline I have, I just might; cya." (hangs up)  
  
cameraman: "...and we're on in 5-4-3-2-"  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Quite suddenly, all the lights go out in the auditorium. There is a murmer of discontent, but after only the briefest of moments, a spotlite shines down on the stage where Kevin is standing at the microphone.  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen, and Toonsters of all ages, I interupt this thread to make a very special announcement. Actually, two very special annoucements. First, I need to say that I have received the required number of ballots needed to insure that the daily list will continue.  
  
***********************************  
  
*The audience explodes with wild cheering! Multitudes of toons utter silent prayers of thanks*  
  
***********************************  
  
...meanwhile in the audience, as Kevin Thorne Honey & Lola return to their seats...  
  
Babs: "Boo! Fraud! I demand a recount- *wha?* "  
  
Buster rudely yanks her back into her seat, then stands glowering over her.  
  
Buster: "Babs, I mean this like I've never meant it before: ROPE! IT!! IN!!!"  
  
Babs: "Buster?"  
  
Buster (deflating): "I'm sorry Babs, but that 'r' word..."  
  
Babs: "recount?"  
  
Buster (flinching): "Yes. You have to remember I have relatives in Florida. That word... you might as well have said (whispers) 'morph'."  
  
Babs: "*gasp!* Oh Buster I'm so sorry! It's just that... I was sure that my driving was a lead-pipe cinch to win."  
  
Buster: "I didn't know lead pipes had saddles."  
  
Babs: "Very funny, Mr. Comedy. But it's not right. I mean, there's some fics where you're no relation to Bugs, but name for me one fic where I'm not a crazy driver!"  
  
Buster: "Babs, everyone knows your rep with cars & accepts it - even Kevin & Thorne just endorsed it - but if someone wants to turn you into Ralph Nader in a fic they have that right."  
  
Babs: "That's easy for you to say; your 'revelation' got some respect up there. Did you see Honey while she was reading the nominees, so proud & beaming up there? It was like she was wanting to scream, 'Yes, Buster is Bugs' and my son!', but-" Buster sees there's just one way to shut her up, & he does it. ;)  
  
Buster: "There. Better now?"  
  
Babs (dreamily): "Ohhh, yeeeaahh.... Umm, Buster, what say after the show we (whispers into his ear stuff which we're not able to hear)"  
  
Buster: " *gulp!* uh, eh, ah, euh, ..."  
  
Babs: "Oh come on, in some fics we're even married, & I can name 9 of our kids-"  
  
Buster: "-4 of which were really your siblings in disguise."  
  
Babs: "I still haven't gotten back @ Mortimer & the others for that."  
  
Buster: "And I don't think you will, not with Robin looking out for him."  
  
Babs: "So what do you want to do tonight?"  
  
Buster: "The same thing we do every night, pinky; try to-"  
  
Babs: "Rope it in. Seriously, maybe there's a fic you'd like to read or something?"  
  
Buster: "Well, how about Plucky's Big Day? (Babs shakes her head) Okkay, how 'bout Li'l Imagination? (another shake) Stand-By Toons? (ditto) Alright, whadda you have in mind?"  
  
Babs: "Quantoon Leap. We were gonna have over 100 kids after the end of that one."  
  
Buster: "A hundred?!? Babs, you have no idea what having all that could do to you - & I know even less about it."  
  
Babs (seductively): "I'm willing to take a chance- wait, who's that down there now?"  
  
Buster (visibly relieved, looks down): "Oh, it's that cluck who filled in for Daffy once."  
  
Babs: "Excuse me, Buster, I have a bone to pick with that corny cock."  
  
Buster: "A chicken bone? And can you say that on- (looks up to see Babs moving toward the stage) Hey wait a minute! Babs! Come back here- (takes off after her)." 


	4. Occurrance Within a Plot Awards

And we're back to the alcove again.  
  
NTF: "Welcome back to the UKE Awards. Guess what, it's now officially the next segment, Occurrance Within a Plot Awards - & I'm still here! Due to popular demand - or the lack thereof - you're stuck with me as host for @ least the next 6 awards. Like I told my collaborators, be afraid, be very afraid. We're running long, so excuse me if I don't engage in the usual host banter & get right into the next awards, Best Running Gag, & Most Groan-Worthy Joke / Pun in a Fic. When you think of TTA in connection with the term 'running gag', only one ep comes to mind. Also, when you think about 'groaners', as they're called, only one ep comes to mind. They happen to be one & the same. Hosting that ep was the toon who will present our next awards, one whose jokes are so bad he gets his material from the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list. When he came in he asked me to direct him to the stage because he had to be out of town by sundown; falling into his trap, I pointed out that the sun had already set, to which he replied, "Fine, make it dawn".When he starts his act even the drums go out on strike & the rim shots become cluck shots directed @ him. Ladies & gentletoons, will you join me in making welcome (with a Bronx cheer) Henny Youngman!" And the above named chicken takes the stage to a smattering of applause, but just as many boos & Bronx cheers. Behind him sit two drum kits, Gogo & Wakko sitting behind them, sticks @ the ready for the inevitable rimshots.  
  
HY: "Thank you. Whoa, what's this, was there a free bean supper & I missed it? Or is Eric Carmen in the house? Talk about a welcome, this is more like a sick-come, which is what people keep saying around me - don't ask me why."  
  
audience: "Why?"  
  
HY: "I told you not to ask me that. (as a clown in a jogging outfit runs past behind him) Anyway, to this next award- "  
  
"HOLD IT!!"  
  
It's Babs, & she's irritated about something. As she marches to the stage, Buster tries to hold her back.  
  
Buster: "Whoa, Babs, stop, you're making a spectacle of yourself."  
  
But Babs continues undaunted, stopping only to pull out an enormous pair of eyeglasses & drop them on Buster. Finally she closes the remaining distance & stands face-to-face with the rooster.  
  
Babs: "Look, I've just gotta ask-"  
  
HY: "Me too, but in your case would it do any good?"  
  
Babs: "I'll do the jokes around here!"  
  
HY: "I'd say that was one of your better ones."  
  
Babs: "I'm trying-"  
  
HY: "I'll say you are, very trying. But we like you anyway."  
  
Babs: "WHY IS YOUR NAME HENNY? HENNY IS A GIRL'S NAME!!!"  
  
HY: "My mother was a girl; I was named after her."  
  
By this time Babs is drained & dumbstruck. HY's latest line catches her so off guard - & makes such perfect nonsense - that she's left with a crazy grin on her face that looks something like =X When Buster finally crawls out from under those eyeglasses & comes to drag her back to their seats, she doesn't resist.  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
As Buster is leading Babs back to her seat, Leloni shoots out from under the skirting of the stage and approaches them.  
  
"Pssst! Buster, Babs," she calls.  
  
The duo turn around. Babs is still alittle shaken. "Huh? Wha?" she stutters.  
  
"What's up, Lel?" Buster asks of the lavender bunny.  
  
She responds by thrusting a copy of a fanfic into Babs's hands. "I couldn't help but notice that Babs was just the teensiest bit upset about the last award..."  
  
"That's an understatement," noted Buster. Babs was just coming out of her daze and glancing at the stack of pages she'd been given.  
  
"So," Leloni continued, "I raided the Fanfic page (http://members.aol.com/HKUriah/ Your one stop Toony shop of TTA Fanfics galore! It's the treat ya just can't beat and one quick click takes ya there.) and found a fanfiction where Babs *is* a good driver."  
  
Babs's face brightens up immediately. "You did? I am? This is?" Both bunnies stare at the first page;  
  
TINY TOON ADVENTURES DATE WITH DISASTER Fanfic by JON TURNER (FLOYDELTA@AOL.com)  
  
"Whoa, I completely forgot about this one. Thanks Leloni!" Babs says.  
  
Leloni grins. "No problem. Now, if you'll excuse me, gotta get backstage and keep it all going smoothly." She turns and darts away. Some muttering can be heard, "Henny Youngmen....of all the people he had to ask, it just _had_ to be that gag grabbing rooster. Oy!  
  
Leloni Bunny  
  
the lavender nightmare  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
HY: "Well, that was pointless. It was also poitless for someone called pinky." *rim shot - Gogo*  
  
HY: "But things like that are dangerous. What's a guy gotta do to get some security, grab a blanket?" *rim shot - Wakko*  
  
HY: "How'd she get up here, anyway?"  
  
Hamton (in the audience): "Practice!"  
  
Fifi (next to him, as she slaps her forehead): "Sacre-" cut back to the stage  
  
HY: "Well, if it isn't my old fiend the little piggy, & sitting next to miss 'oui oui oui' too. Why couldn't he've been the one that stayed home?" (clown jogs past again) "But enough with that; let's get to what we're here for. I'm here for scale, or $40,000 it's a bit of a gray area really. I gotta have a talk with Leloni about that. But I'm also here to hand out a brace of awards. And it's not a back brace either." *rim shot - Gogo*  
  
HY: "The first award is for Best Running Gag." (clown jogs past) "...like my friend there. Y'know there's another Running Gag, but he's under contract to the Mouse. Even if he wasn't I don't think he could get on here; these political correctness restrictions are getting so out of hand there's some Rhode Island Reds I know whose jobs are on the block. Not to mention their necks, but that's another story." *rim shot - Wakko*  
  
HY: "The nominees are:"  
  
=============================================================  
  
"We're...just fine, Bugsy," Honey Bunny said nervously, an unomfortable forced smile marring her otherwise pretty face. She turned to the smaller blue bunny strapped into the seat next to her. "Aren't we, Buster?"  
  
"I hate flying, I hate flying, I hate flying..." he repeated forlornly, gripping the armrests for dear life. Honey felt it best not to ask Buster any more questions...  
  
At Bugs's remark, Buster recovered his wits only long enough to say, "Gower Gulch? I always thought Porky made that place up..."  
  
"Naah, Buster, it's real enough, all right," Sam said. "An' speakin' of Gower Gulch, that's it dead ahead!"  
  
Upon hearing that, Buster said, "IhateflyingIhateflyingIhateflying..."  
  
"Eh, Sam," Bugs remarked, "ya coulda chosen _anudder_ phrase, ya know."  
  
"Huh?...oh...ah _see_," Sam chuckled. "Sorry, Buster-'straight ahead'!"  
  
...Meanwhile, Sam was trying his best to pry a still-nauseous Buster Bunny from the death grip he had on the armrests.  
  
"Aww, come on, ya idjit rabbit, we've LANDED already!" Sam yelled.  
  
At the sound of that miraculous word, an immediate change overcame Buster. "IhateflyingIhateflyingIhate...'landed'?" He literally leaped out of the seat and into Sam's arms. "YES! PRAISE THE LIVING LORD!!!" he shouted, kissing Sam full on the lips. "MmmmWAH!"  
  
As Cyclone took of like the wind, dragging the two schnooks behind him over cactus, barbed wire fences, gopher holes, extremely sharp rocks, mudholes, etc., Buster was flying horizontally, holding on to the reins and laughing all the way.  
  
"Man, I just LOVE flying!" he yelled happily, as the group headed into the sunset, and to jail, with Bugs getting in the last word:  
  
"(Sigh)....Quit showin' off, Buster!..."  
  
Sam griped, "If'n ah told ya oncet, ah told ya a thousand times- ya don't repeat yerself, varmint..."  
  
=============================================================  
  
HY: "Buster constantly remarking how he hates flying in 'Who's Minding the Mine?' by Lee M. Withers. Boy, now that's what I call a one- track mine." *rim shot - Gogo*  
  
Cut to the audience, where Bugs, Honey & Sam are laughing up those clips, while Buster turns to a Cheshire-cat-smiling Babs with a "don't start!" look before she says a word.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Willy was in trouble again. Fifi had wrapped herself around the little wolf, showering his face and ears with kisses.  
  
"Do not resist, mon petite wolf! Zhis was meant to be!"she exclaimed, assaulting him with another barrage of kisses.  
  
Willy struggled helplessly, trapped by the sexy skunkette. Unlike their previous encounter in Paris, it seemed that there were no end credits to save him this time. His attention was attracted by a new sensation. Fifi was nibbling on his ear.  
  
"Oh! Fifi, please ... stop," he protested mildly. Still wrapped in her long tail, he continued to struggle helplessly. "I hardly know *oh* you, please *ouch!*" That last nibble HURT! He renewed his struggles more forcefully as she began to constrict like an anaconda, crushing the life out of him. "Fifi, let go, you're hurting me!" he pleaded.  
  
"Non! If you weel not be mine, zhen no one can have you!" she retorted nastily, a wicked glint in her eyes.  
  
The pain was increasing. Fifi wasn't playing anymore. She was biting him as she tightened her tail, growling as she yanked at his ear.  
  
"I do not zhink so, loon!" Fifi warned, grabbing his other arm protectively. "Zis leetle wolf, he ees mine!"  
  
"Oui, vous are right. It ees okay, Willy, we forgive vous." Fifi said, hugging him.  
  
Shirley followed suite. (sic) "Yeah, like, don't sweat it, or some junk. Sometimes we *all* get carried away." She hugged the little wolf as well.  
  
"Like, I just got a totally mondo cool idea, Fifi! How about, like, whoever catches Willy gets to keep him, 'kay?" Shirley suggested.  
  
Fifi was quick to respond. "All right, winnair take all!"  
  
Fifi sashayed over to the table, wearing a sheep costume comprised of a small cap with ears, a slinky one-piece, and little mittens and slippers, all covered in wool. She smiled and batted her lashes at the hormonally charged wolf. "Bonjour, mon petite handsome wolf."  
  
Instead of answering, Willy howled again, leapt to his feet, and began chasing the sexy skunkette around the table. She was giggling as she ran, slowing until he was nearly able to catch her, and then speeding up again.  
  
Deciding that he was better off in the forest, Willy stayed in the woods, hiding behind one of the larger trees. Perking his ears, he heard someone approaching. "I am coming for vous, mon petite handsome wolf!" It was Fifi!  
  
Scrambling up the tree, Willy edged out onto one of the higher branches just as Fifi LaFume came into view, prancing along at her usual leisurely pace. Looking around, she scratched her head. "I could 'ave swore zat zee wolf came zhis way."  
  
Hearing the sound, Fifi turned around and saw him. Hearts trailing behind her, she rushed forward to catch her date.  
  
"Willy! I 'ave you now!" she said, opening her arms wide.  
  
Unfortunately...the branch shot back into place, catapulting the little wolf across the forest like a small, furry missile. Fifi watched, her heart sinking, as the wolf, screaming the whole time, faded into the distance. A few seconds later she heard a loud CRASH! Setting off in the direction he had been hurled, Fifi pranced into the forest.  
  
Running in the opposite direction, he caught a glimpse of a lavendar tail in front of him. Fifi and Shirley had cornered him!  
  
All the others looked surprised as Fifi stepped out, clad in a bright red gown. She looked as beautiful as Shirley! The two girls smiled, and each took an arm firmly, almost as if keeping the little wolf from escaping.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Cut to an uncomfortable Fifi, Shirley with a sour look, & Willy getting back-slapped by others in the MFLOFLF section.  
  
HY: "And Fifi's constant advances, 'Sadie Hawkins Day' by Earl Allison. Wait a minute; Fifi's constant advances? Just her? I read that rag; Shirley did just as much advancing as she did, & they both kept coming on like a- well, I can't say it without threatening our 'G' rating. But you just didn't see that scene @ the pond, or read about the time Shirley invaded Willy's dream. It's like picking Bing without Bob, or Martin without Lewis. Sure, Fifi's a legend in boy chasing, but Shirley managed to hold her own in that series. What? Oh, move it along. Alright, but it all seems so- anyway, and the winner is - (opens envelope, reads) Fifi's constant advances, 'Sadie Hawkins Day' by Earl Allison. Now if we can just find Earl; he was here, posted something last April..."  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Thank you so very much! What more can I say, except to extend my thanks, and Willy's, too! Glad that people out there remember us, and enjoy the gag so much.  
  
Willy would thank you himself, but he's still running as fast as his little legs can carry him :)  
  
Again, thanks to all.  
  
Earl Allison  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Cut to Henny @ the podium.  
  
HY: "Was that it? No word from the characters or anything? I guess he's trying for the Joe Pesci acceptance speech award. Well-"  
  
Fifi (from the audience): "WAIT! WAIT POR MOI!!!"  
  
She comes barrelling up @ her usual excited-mode-type speed, with the usual acrid aftereffects.  
  
Fifi: "I would like to zank all of vous who voted por moi, et also I would like to zank Monsieur Allison for writing zat story et introducing us to ze petite handsome wolf. Speaking of Willy, I wish he was here to share zis moment with moi, as well as Shirley; I must agree with Monsiour Young- homme in zat Shirley chased Willy in zat story as much as I deed; we deed have to share heem in ze end, non?"  
  
The speech is interrupted by a disturbance from the MFLOFLF box. Camera cuts to show Willy's colleagues trying, through physical & other means, to get him to go up to the stage. This subsides when twin circles of lightning appear in the box & on stage, forming an apparent portal. A surge crackles from one end to the other, resulting in Willy finding himself on stage, courtesy of Alex Redolence.  
  
Willy: "Wha-?"  
  
Fifi: "L'AMOUR!!"  
  
And she's all over him, again. But not for long; Shirley, taking in the situation, has hot-footed it to the stage & is grabbing Willy from the other side. This lasts until Willy, finally driven to distraction, gets an ominous red look in his eyes.  
  
Willy: "That's- e- NOUGH!!!"  
  
Which presages his transformation into Wolfzilla. The next minute, tho, a spark emanates from the portal on stage which strikes Wolfzilla in the forehead, knocking him out. The next minute Willy's back to normal, & back in his seat, out of harm's way.  
  
Shirley (snapping her fingers): "Bummer! Oh well. I'm sure Willy would want to thank everyone involved er sum junk, especially his childhood friend Wanda who taught him how to do his first spin changes. As for me I'd like to thank Fifi for wanting to include me in this award. And I'd like to thank Earl Allison for those Willy Wolf stories, especially Wolfgoyles, in which I got a chance to co-star. That doesn't happen very often. And Earl, when do we get to work with Willy again?"  
  
Fifi: "Oui; we never deed resolve ze dilemma he was een."  
  
Shirley (to Fifi): "We might have to do the same things certain toons did in Fractured Images *wink* " Suddenly they're interrupted when they find themselves being swept off the stage courtesy of Henny Youngman, pushbroom in hand.  
  
HY: "Thank you ladies for those those warm acceptance speeches. They give me a warm feeling in my chest, which I'm sure some Milk of Amnesia will help me forget."  
  
Fifi: "Sacre Bleu! But we were not done yet!"  
  
Shirley: "Yeah, like, this is a major bummer!"  
  
HY (whispering): "Listen, there's an old show biz tradition: always leave 'em wanting more. You two are too late for that, but you still have the chance to get off before they start wanting to give you things. Things like rotten eggs, old tomatoes,-"  
  
Shirley: "Eggs?!?"  
  
Fifi: "Tomatoes?!?"  
  
*TOING!!!* and they're gone, leaving HY alone on the stage.  
  
HY: "Well, I shoulda done that before. Nothing gets to a carnivore like trying to change its diet."  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
HY: "Anyway, before we get to the next award I've been asked to read something: (reads) for those who don't know, 'Waiting For the Clock to Strike Three' from 'How I Spent My Vacation' is really 'Piece-a-Cake' by Stephen Covello."  
  
cut to the alcove  
  
NTF: "What can I say? I went to a recital yesterday & heard a very familiar tune on the program."  
  
back to the stage  
  
HY: "Ye-ah. Maybe I should send a C.A.R.E. package of points to Schmeeman; it'd seem he could use all he could get. There's a saying about 'making a meal of it'; he's throwing a seven-course dinner!" *no rim shot this time* Cut to the drum sets where we find both drummers occupied. Gogo is necking with one of his drums; Wakko is eating one of his. Gogo looks @ Wakko with an expression of sickness shock & loathing.  
  
Gogo: "How can you be such a FIEND!?!?"  
  
Wakko: "*gulp!* I got hungry. *BRA-A-A-AAP*"  
  
Gogo: "Ask Able & Harriet where the pizzas are."  
  
HY: "Hey, you with the camera, could you put it back over here? Thank you. Don't want to ramble too much, & already we've done enough for 19 Allman Brothers family reunions. Anyway, moving on, I heard that Lel, & the reason I'm here is this next award. Who's more qualified than a 'gag- grabbing rooster' to hand out an award for Groan-Worthy Joke / Pun in a Fic? I mean I've laid so many eggs, & when you consider that an egg laid by a rooster can only hatch a cockatrice-"  
  
Suddenly a big booming voice sounds from above a la Monty Python: "GET ON WITH IT!!!"  
  
HY: "Right. Anyway, the nominees are:  
  
=============================================================  
  
"An idea hit him"- CLANG!  
  
=============================================================  
  
HY: "That - thing from 'Toon Wolf' by Earl Allison. Well, @ least that one was to the point, short & sour. I gotta tell ya, even that joke itself isn't too crazy about itself. It was so ashamed it's gone into hiding; I couldn't find it when I looked for it in that story. But I'll look some more, after I remind myself who Lawrence Talbot is."  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Bonjour," she said, spotting me.  
  
"Yo. 'Sup?" I replied.  
  
She giggled. "Wow, you're hot! Will you go out with me?" (Reminder: Fifi has no accent. What are you talking about?)  
  
Later that day, Buster offered to take Lauren Rabbit home. Babs was in tears.  
  
"I thought he loved me!" she sobbed.  
  
I put my hand on her shoulder and gave it a soft squeeze. "There, there."  
  
She looked up. "Oh, Big R! You are sooo cool!"  
  
She jumped and kissed me on my cheek. "Hot cha cha!" I said. "Hot cha cha cha *hahahahah* !"  
  
...She called out and suddenly an army of cyborgs were in the school! I couldn't handle this one alone.  
  
"Toonsters! We must unite as one and fight these devils!" I shouted.  
  
From everywhere, toons came out and began karate-chopping the evil bad guys.  
  
Fifi did a tail thrash. Buster did a bunny-kick shabang. Plucky flew around and did nose-dives on 'em. Shirley blew stuff up with her powers. Furrball clawed them to death. Babs got out her pom-poms and whacked their heads together while cheering for the school to "Go team!" *hahahahahah*  
  
"You there!" I shouted. "You are going down! Downtown, all the way!"  
  
She laughed, obviously underestimating me. I took out my laser and shot her fingernails off.  
  
"Gag! I need a manacure (sic) *hahahahah* !" she screamed. "This isn't over yet, Rex Powers!"  
  
=============================================================  
  
HY (emptying a can of air-freshener): "And that whole thing, 'A Really Bad Fanfiction' by Brooke 'Zuzu' Michelle. Well, @ least we can't fault it for violating the truth-in-advertising laws; the title was its own warning label. (opens envelope) And the winner is- An Idea Hit Him- CLANG! from 'Toon Wolf' by Earl Allison.  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
The usual applause is evoked as the camera pans to the MFLOFLF box. Willy is @ first reluctant to make another trip to the proximity of a certain pair of girls, but we then see that their friends have restrained them. Reassured, Willy makes the trip to the stage.  
  
Willy: "Well, thank you again. Two in a row, hah! As you can see, Earl is not here. He's already made his acceptance speech with the last award, & as the saying goes, he doesn't chew his cabbage twice. As Shirley said I'd like to thank Earl as well as everyone else involved in making a reality the fics in which I've appeared. And I'd like to thank my old friend Wanda, without whom I'd never've learned to master even the most elementary spin changes. It was only because of her that I got good enough @ being toony to be accepted @ Acme Loo, & I'll always be grateful to her. (bows head for a moment) In conclusion, I'd like to thank Earl for something else, for showing people that toon wolves aren't just predators, that we're just as able to be everything a cartoon might require as any other animal. Since the Toon Wolf series, others have come forward to show fellow canine / lupines in a positive light; I'm thinking in particular of Zachary A. Zulkowski's Held @ Bay fanfic, of which I printed a hard copy almost as soon as it came out. I continue to have faith that one day the species stereotypes will be overcome, & all of us - rabbit, duck, pig, whatever - will be seen by one & all as equals in all genres, in all roles. Thank you one & all."  
  
Thunderous applause @ Willy's moving oratory. A sheepish Henny Youngman, tossing the notes for jokes he was going to make re. the traditional chicken-wolf dynamic, approaches Willy to congratulate him.  
  
HY: "Well, kid, I don't know what to say. They like you. I must say I agree with you wholeheartedly; & I mean that sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. (looks @ the audience) I kid around a lot, folks, but right now I'm as serious as Danny Tomcat when he's talking about St. Trude's Hospital."  
  
Willy (noticing HY & licking his lips): "Mmm, chicken..."  
  
HY (nervous): "Wha? wh-what about all you were saying, about all toons being equal, & ending species stereotypes & all that?"  
  
Willy: "Hey, as Hunter says, some habits die hard."  
  
And with that he opens his mouth really wide. HY, fearing for his life, makes a hasty exit, stopping only to knock @ the back door-  
  
HY: "Good-bye, good-bye! Who was it?" - and off he goes. Cut to an hysterical Willy.  
  
Willy: "Well I had to do something to get him out of here. Any more of those tired old jokes & I was gonna have to throw myself on the mercy of John! (audience laughter) Well, to quote Yakko, (blows a kiss) Good-night everybody!"  
  
Standing ovation as Willy returns to his seat.  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
The stage remains empty for a prolonged period, interrupted only by two incidents. In a final nod to the running gag concept, a tiger wearing a green beret is seen walking past in the background as a jazz bass guitar plays a riff from a certain 1968 song by the Clingers; followed a few seconds later by someone sticking his head thru the curtain, one Emmitt Nervend (don't ask). As the minutes pass the audience grows increasingly restless. Finally NTF comes to the stage, to a smattering of polite applause.  
  
NTF: "Ladies & gentlemen, I apologize for this long, long, LONG delay. You might wonder why it took so long, as well as what I'm doing here on the stage instead of in my alcove. Well, the fact of the matter is I was under the influence of an affliction that sooner or later affects all writers: writers block (hopefully this is sooner & now it's out of the way). You see, the hardest part of hosting this program I have found to be selecting the guest presenters. That is especially true on this next category, Best Obscure Pop Culture Reference. Who to get? The title itself implies that which has been forgotten by most. Well, I looked thru TTA & other WB shows & couldn't decide on anyone. At one point I was going to have Colin (Randy Beaman's friend), Katie Ka-Boom, & Charlton Woodchuck do the honors; what was I thinking. Finally it occurred to me that with all the obscure refs I've been dropping in (someone out there really's never seen that pizza commercial?) I should do it myself. Why not; I could talk about wearing Jordaches, listening to Men Without Hats, & sucking on a Velamint while waiting for Automan to come on; & most of you wouldn't know what I was talking about. All these things have been buried by time like the Arch Deluxe (& hopefully New Coke). So before I get nominated for some Costner-Cameron production delays award, I'll be winging it on handing out this award (& stepping well back when the winner & / or winners come). Without further-"  
  
voice: "Did someone say 'wing'?"  
  
NTF: "What?"  
  
camera cut to show Tweety on the stage, flying to the podium in his inimitable fashion.  
  
NTF: "What're you doing here?"  
  
Tweety: "Well, you've been watching our show; you know we weally pack in those obscuwe wefs."  
  
NTF: "Yeah, I know; I still don't know what an 'e ticket ride' is. And neither do my parents."  
  
Tweety: "Well, what can I say but keep asking."  
  
NTF: "Right. Well if you'll excuse me I have an award to present."  
  
Tweety: "Well, I'm hewe to hewp with that."  
  
NTF: "Fine. The nominees are-"  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen, a toast!" He then lifted up his glass, prompting the others to do the same. "To the undiscovered campus!"  
  
This caused quite a bit of a murmur to go around the table.  
  
Roddy sensed everyone's puzzlement.  
  
"To the future! Our two schools being united, each campus being undiscovered by the other."  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
The New-Acme students were piled into the car, Roddy rolled down the window.  
  
"Nice big campus you have here." Roddy said.  
  
"Not as big as some of it's newer students." Buster replied.  
  
This made Roddy chuckle. He then sat back, and motioned to the driver.  
  
"First star to the right, straight on till morning!" And with that the limo drove off.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Tweety: "The entire story 'The Undiscovered Campus' by Zachary A. Zulkowski."  
  
=============================================================  
  
The girl Babs pointed out had deep black hair, was wearing all tight black leather, pitch white face makeup with black face paint around her eyes making a multi sided design around her left eye that a thin part of extended across her forehead. She had dark purple lipstick on, red eye contacts and six inch black painted fingernails. She also had several facial piercings.  
  
She was the weirdest looking girl at the school and Monty had never seen her around before. He didn't like what he was seeing right now.  
  
"No! Not that!" Monty yelled.  
  
"Why? It's not like you're going to do any better," Fowlmouth declared.  
  
"She looks like a reject from Kiss!" Monty yelled.  
  
=============================================================  
  
NTF: "Eve Ill's attire in 'Wicked Ways' by Kieron 'Dark Helmet' Wells."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Suddenly, Babs popped her head back into Ramona's burrow. "Oh here. This is for impersonating my mother," and she dropped a bundle of sputtering dynamite at Ramona's feet.  
  
"David..." muttered Ramona as the fuse ran out.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Tweety: "'David Hasselhoff' in 'Buster & Babs: Relation' by Don Speirs, Rebecca Littlehales, Kevin Mickel & Mike Cote; edited by Kevin Mickel."  
  
=============================================================  
  
"...I tried everything, shotguns, anvils, bombs, Acme products, a visit to the Northern Territory. But nothing works, it's impossible for something capable of killing us to exist here, we can't die and we can't kill. There is no way out."  
  
=============================================================  
  
NTF: "And 'Northern Territories' in 'Up the Duff' by ? the Platypus / David Formosa."  
  
Tweety: "And the winner is- (reads with NTF) "'David Hasselhoff' in 'Buster and Babs: Relation' by Don Speirs, Rebecca Littlehales, Mike Cote, & Kevin Mickel; edited by Kevin Mickel."  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
With a faint smile on his face, Kevin again makes his way up to the stage. After murmering a quick thank you to the presenters, he turns to the audience.  
  
"Well, thank you. Thank you very much. This story was a lot of fun to write, and while I did personally write the winning gag, I can't take all the credit for it. Ramona Rabbit, as you all should know was created by Mike Cote for his classic fanfic, "Aw, Have a Heart!" and at the end of that story, it was rumored that she had gotten a job on Baywatch after leaving Acme Acres. Then, early in this story, Mike did have Ramona thinking about, "that Hassellhoff guy," so it just seemed to be a good idea to me to bring it full circle. That, and I must point out again that while it is the offical follow up to my own Buster and Babs Trilogy, the whole idea for this specific story came from Don Speirs so he deserves the most credit. I was lucky to work with them, and to come up with such a good story. Thanks guys.  
  
"Mike of course is unable to view these ceremonies, getting only once a month reception, so I have forwarded the award and this response to him. If he cares to make a comment, I will post it here on his behalf.  
  
"Thank you again."  
  
With that, Kevin returns to his seat, waiting to see what will happen next.  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
just-returning-to-the-awards-Riders In the Sky: "What will happen next?"  
  
Cut to the alcove where NTF has now returned.  
  
NTF: "Thank you for that distraction, Riders. And now - "  
  
He then pulls a rope. A second later, a safe suddenly falls on Tweety. Followed by an anvil. And a 16 Ton weight. And a steamroller. And the Queen Elizabeth II. And the space shuttle. And a small planet with rings. Seconds later, the whole collection explodes; in the aftermath, a charred & dazed bird collapses. Cut back to a sadistically grinning NTF.  
  
NTF: "Gratuitous? Perhaps; but after all the abuse Sylvester has undergone - especially in the '90's series - I felt it was time for a little payback. Besides, he's a toon; he'll be allright by the time we cut back to him. Anyway, on with the Awards. To co-present the balance of the awards in this segment is a toon who can explain, duplicate & create all manner of special effects; a toon skilled in numerous sciences; a toon who - both on television & in fanfic - has actually taught school; a toon who - in short - is the perfect choice to help me bring this segment to a long overdue conclusion, especially given the fact that he is not noted for his patience. Ladies & gentlemen, may I present one who is destined to rule the world, someday; Mr. John Jimmy Bubba-Bo-Bob Perkins Brainzlowski!" Cut to the stage. Brain approaches the podium, in his human suit.  
  
Brain: "And I will rule the world, YYYEEEESSSS!!!!! But not tonight. Tonight I am honored to participate in this bit of mawkish ceremony. It is an indication of my relative importance that I am co-presenter of at least three awards tonight. The first of these awards is for Best Special Effects. To assist me in presenting same is one whose level of intelligence is one of the few to match my own, at least in some areas. From his secret laboratory - and no, I do not refer to Dexter -"  
  
Freakazoid (also just returned to the ceremony): "Well, I would hope not! There's only room for one Dexter boy genius on this show!"  
  
Brain: "Cease this inanity and depart this dais, anon!"  
  
Freakazoid: "Umm, okkay." (departs for the audience, for now)  
  
Brain: "Ahem, as I was saying, from his secret laboratory somewhere in New Mexico, this man's genius has spawned a team of super-heroes that is second to none. Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. William Shepherd."  
  
The Master from Road Rovers approaches as the Road Rovers theme plays. Brain notices something about him.  
  
Brain: "If I might be so bold as to inquire, how do you perpetrate that luminescence in your ocular members?"  
  
Master: "Special effects." (rim shot)  
  
Pinky (from inside Brain's suit): "Wahahah! Oh, this drum machine you installed is fun, fun, silly-willy, Brain!"  
  
Brain (to Pinky): "Silence, Pinky!" (looks back at the Master) "You might find it odd that I talk to myself. Actually-"  
  
Master: "Actually you and your friend in the suit are two lab mice bent on world domination, yes, I know. Weren't you in Sunnydale Sanitarium with Capt. Storm & Dr. Atwater?"  
  
Brain (flustered): "Enough of this drivel! Let us execute that purpose for which we have come."  
  
Master: "Very well. After you."  
  
Brain: "As it should be. The nominees are - "  
  
=============================================================  
  
300...200...100 feet. As the locomotives descended upon the station platform, the thunderous pounding of the diesel engines reverberated off the stolid walls, and the dim interior of the area brightened under the glare (of) the lead locomotive's headlight.  
  
50...15...5 feet. The steel bumper at the end of the track was little match against the onslaught upon it.  
  
*****WHAM!!!!!*****  
  
The Silver Smudge reached the end of the line, and kept moving forward. The locomotives each took a short hop as their pilots, trucks, and fuel tanks were sheared off from under them by the concrete platform. On they came, through the glass wall separating the platform area from the interior of the station, and into the rear wall of the gift shop.  
  
From inside the gift shop, the cinder block wall imploded violently as the locomotives crashed through. Merchandise and shelves alike offered no resistance; they were tossed high off the floor like toys. The hung ceiling of the shop proved too low for the merciless locomotives, and now their roof components tore a rough channel in it. Ceiling tiles, ventilation duct grills, and florescent (sic) light fixtures were ripped down in a shower of sparks.  
  
The locomotives continued their remorseless ride, through the glass front of the gift shop. A florescent (sic) sign did hang over the entrance, until it (and the part of the wall it was fitted onto) was torn off in an explosion of sparks.  
  
The Silver Smudge's baggage and Pullman cars followed the locomotives into the station. Being considerably lighter than the locomotives, however, they rode the pile of twisted and broken steel deposited by the locomotives like a ramp, and careened mid-length into the station's gift shop. They quickly slammed to a rest, with one end of the Pullman sleeper entered *inside* the end of the baggage car like a letter sticking out of an envelope.  
  
The locomotives continued to slide forward, one behind the other, up the short concourse leading to the vaulted lobby. Three people - a guard and two civilians - caught out in the open, now ran for their lives well ahead of the advancing engines. For a short distance, the gift shop's sign sat dead and misshapened on the nose of the lead locomotive like a blindfold, before slowly falling off to the side. Under the crushing weight of the locomotives, large chunks of marble floor facing were being plowed up and pushed ahead of the engines, leaving a wide furrow behind.  
  
Directly in the path of the rampaging locomotives were two stone pillars that stood like sentries at the entrance of the concourse. Their momentum diminished but not exhausted, the locomotives plowed through one of the pillars, leaving the top third of it hanging like a stalactite from the ceiling. Still they continued on. When the lead locomotive just stretched her full length into the lobby, the spent machines finally came to a rest.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Master: "The final crash scene in 'Silver Smudge' by Paul R. Zook / Peter Bunny."  
  
=============================================================  
  
"you have all been personally selected by myself and the faculty to participate in History 3000. This course will be the most difficult and challenging one in your lives. It will be both extremely dangerous and extremely rewarding. We'll be studying the important points in history and then living them in the past. So study hard - your lives may depend upon it."  
  
BUUZZZZZAAAAAAAAPPPP!!! BOOOOOM!!!  
  
What seemed to be a tremendous bolt of lightning struck the ground somewhere outside the mansion and the flash of llight lit up everyone's scared faces for a second. Then the lights returned. Everyone was startled, most of all the four faces who were now peeking through the stage curtain, whom everyone was now looking at. They were young male toons, all with black moppish hair. They spoke with Liverpudlian accents.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Brain: "The time travel in sundry portions of 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven' by PepeK."  
  
Master (aside to Brain): "Don't believe in abbreviations, do you?"  
  
Brain (aside to Brain): "I do not; proceed with the next nominee."  
  
Master (rolling eyes): "Yes, sir!"  
  
=============================================================  
  
The stern remained vertical and motionless for what seemed like minutes but in fact was less than 60 seconds, then settled back slightly and began sliding forward - slowly at first, then picking up speed. So fast had she glided that as the sea closed in gently over the flagstaff on the tip of the stern, a slight gulp could be heard. Four reports sounding like gunshots came from somewhere within the _Titanic_ just as she disappeared beneath the surface. By 2:20 she was gone.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Master: "'They Had Each Other' by Paul R. Zook / Peter Bunny."  
  
=============================================================  
  
The light from the copyplate had become a pillar rising up to the heavens, disrupting angelic traffic for miles around Acme Acres. Buster and his friends couldn't see anything and were fored to avert their eyes on account of the brightness. (Except for Plucky who had produced a set of welder's goggles from someplace and looked quite smug about it.)  
  
Without warning, radiant pseudopods erupted from the pillar and snared all of the clones and dragged them screaming into the light. There was a final sudden burst of illumination before the cycle ended with an anticlimactic 'DING'.  
  
The light was gone.  
  
The clones were gone.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Brain: "'Multififity' by Able DuSable."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Just at that moment, a gust of wind knocked the antenna out of its perch. As it fell, it was struck by lightning.  
  
Inside the cavern, Babs consulted a huge, dusty, book. "Ah, here it is." she said "Cliche 1296. Scientific experiment struck by lightning, causing adverse effects." She slammed the book shut, and threw it away. The machine started to rumble from the power surge.  
  
Suddenly, Buster started to glow. There was a blinding flash of light, and he was gone.  
  
The creature held up it's arms. "THIS! Wackyland is dying, and you are the cause."  
  
"What did I do?"  
  
The creature morphed into a very young Bugs. It spoke with Bugs' familiar accent.  
  
"Ya traveled through time, dat's what!"  
  
The creature morphed again, this time into Wile E. Coyote.  
  
"Let me explain. You DO know what a paradox is, don't you?"  
  
"Umm, sort of."  
  
The creature sighed. "A paradox is an apparently contradictory set of circumstances, that by nature, cannot exist. Most are simply mistakes, but others have remained unexplained. Your time travel has caused a paradox, and it is destroying reality. History dictates that you didn't survive the time transfer, and your apparent survival has caused a tangent of the timeline that is destroying both realities. From where I stand, I see two options."  
  
"Well, what are they?" asked Buster, not really understanding.  
  
"Well, you can either transport back to the exact moment you left, thereby destroying the current two timelines, and creating a third where neither event happens, or I wil be forced to kill you. This continuity between the two current two timelines should cause them to rejoin, and correct the problem."  
  
"Yeah, but then I would be dead, and from where I stand, that is a MAJOR con."  
  
"Well, it would seem that the choice has been made. You will travel back to the exact moment that you left, and destroy the current two realities. Hopefully, the third timeline will evolve correctly."  
  
"Hopefully?"  
  
"Well," said the creature, taking out a calculator, "I predict a thirty seven percent chance that the arrival of you back in your own time will complete the paradox, causing the universe to implode instantly."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Master: "And 'Rabbit Out of Time' by Matt Bermann. (opening envelope, reads with Brain) "And the winner is - the time travel in 'ATTEPUH' by PepeK."  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
* Dr. Lord, Andy Fox, Wile E. Coyote and Pepe K. arise and cross up to the stage and the podium*  
  
Pepe K.: Thank you very much for this award! Sorry to make this so brief, but I have to do a performance this evening, so I'll leave this in the overly capable hands of these legendary geniuses.  
  
Brain & Wile: Correction - SUPER GENIUSES!  
  
Pepe K.: ...Another reason I feel slightly outclassed. Thank you Brain, Dr. Shepard. *shakes hands with them both*  
  
Pinky:(muffled inside Brain's human body machine) You're welcome! Narf!  
  
Brain:(aside) Quiet Pinky! *his foot stomps Pinky's head, unseen*  
  
Pinky: OOF!.. OOoo! Ha HA ha! Thanks, Brain! ZORT!  
  
Pepe K.: Pardonez moi Brain, but is that a mouse in your pocket or are ya just glad to see me?  
  
*the audience cracks up as Brain does a slow burn. The others smirk and chuckle*  
  
Brain: Actually, I'm suprised that no one has used that adolescent joke in this situation before.  
  
Andy Fox: Well you must admit it's rather apt in this case.  
  
Pepe K.:( ducking out) On that note, I'd better get going!  
  
*He waves and makes his exit amdist the applause*  
  
Andy Fox: You noticed that one of the examples given was not of Time Travel.  
  
Dr. Lord: Indeed I did. That was Dimensional Travel - rather like going sideways, rather than forward or backward in time.  
  
Wile: That was your attempt to put Andy back togerther, wasn't it?  
  
Dr. Lord: Yes. Unfortunately, the results were not satisfactory ones. The effect was sadly temporary.  
  
Andy Fox: Quite. I'm still stuck between Reality and the Tooniverse. My human self remains there and my toon self remains here - separated by my conciousness.  
  
Wile: Perhaps your assigment wasn't the best of decisions all those years ago.  
  
Brain:(Seeing an opportunity) And where was your Dimensional capsual? Out on the lawn that night?  
  
Dr. Lord: I don't use a traveling chamber. The device is a permenantly affixed unit.  
  
Brain: That's absurd! How could you possibly return from your destination without taking the apparatus itself along with you?  
  
Dr. Lord: By controlling the unit via mental telepathy from dimension to dimension.  
  
Brain: Telepathy! Bah! That's equally impossible!  
  
Wile: For the brain of a mouse, perhaps.  
  
Brain: What!? How dare you insult my species, Sir!  
  
Wile: Well perhaps if you weren't a diminutive, herbivorous rodent and were, at least an omnivourous canine or vulpine, then your cerebrum might be large enough to be capable of such higher brain functions.  
  
Brain: ARRRRRRHG!!!  
  
* Brain begins chasing Wile E. all around the stage clumsily in his human suit in an attempt to grab him. Wile E. evades him easily, laughing constantly*  
  
*the audience laughs*  
  
*Dr. Lord, Andy Fox and Dr. Shepard watch with amusement*  
  
Andy Fox: So much for the meeting of the minds. By the way, Doctor -  
  
Lord & Shepard: Yes?  
  
Andy: Well, uh actually I was going to ask this of Dr. Lord... although your "Trans-Dogrifier" machine is certainly of note, Dr. Shepard.  
  
Shepard: Why thank you. By the way, I think you'd make an interesting new member of the Road Rovers.  
  
Andy Fox: Thank you! That could be interesting... *smiles at the thought of working with Colleen* -Anyway! Dr. Lord, Will we be seeing more of the operations of your Time/Dimensional Displacement Aparatis? "BZZZZAP-BOOM" doesn't tell us much of how it works, you know.  
  
Dr. Lord: Oh yes. in order to aclimate the Toonsters for Time Travel into Reality, we'll be making a field trip to Reality, quite soon. As a matter of fact, I'd like you to assist me in the operations yourself.  
  
Andy: I'd be glad to.  
  
*Brain chases Wile back across the stage. *  
  
Brain:Come back here, you mangey excuse for a intelligent being!!  
  
Wile:At least I was paired with a partner worthy of me. Not like some.  
  
Pinky: (muffled) ..I resemble that remark! Poit!  
  
Wile: I ment your OTHER partner! *pulls aside the curtain to reveal -*  
  
Elmyra: What are you doin' outta your cage! You naughty-waughty big-head Mousie!  
  
Brain: AGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! Quick, Pinky! It's the Imbecile! RUN!!!!  
  
*Pinky and the Brain and Elmyra chases each other around the theatre.*  
  
Dr. Lord: A final note to you all - It happens to be the birthday of a dear friend of ours this weekend, so I'd appreciate it if we can all sing Happy Birthday to him (and most likely embarrass him.)  
  
*leads everyone in singing "Happy Birthday" to Porky Pig*  
  
*wild applause, Porky blushes alot as a huge Birthday cake is brought in A very cute,buxom, bikini-clad Petunia Pig bursts out through the top*  
  
Petunia: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PORKY!  
  
*All males in the audience do wolf-whistles*  
  
;)  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
The latest batch of pointless music over, we again go backstage to see Brain (& Pinky) finally returning to his spot on the stage, where the Master has hung around, waiting to bid his colleague good-night.  
  
Master: "Oh, there you are!"  
  
Brain: "Yyyeesss!!! I finally managed to dispatch the Oaf."  
  
Master: "Might I ask how?"  
  
Brain: "You may, and suffice it to say that her last conscious thought was of reaching the furry puppy dog kingdom."  
  
Master: "Oh. (stifles a grin) Well, this is it for me, so I'll say good-night to you, and leave."  
  
Brain: "Professor Shepherd, before you depart, may I inquire as to whether you have ever considered the concept of mouse-sapiens?"  
  
Master (again stifling a grin): "Good-night, Brain." (leaves)  
  
Brain (thinking out loud): "Hmmph. Thinks he's so smart. The Master indeed, bah! Soon he shall call ME master, & all of his cano-sapiens will do MY bidding - (notices the camera on him) - eh, The next award is for Best Class not found on the original series. The nominees are-  
  
=============================================================  
  
"You see, I had to make Margot think she'd put me out of action long enough so that it appeared I wouldn't be playing tonight; and the success of that plan hinged on whether or not Perfecto had added 'Toon Physics' to their curriculum."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Brain: "'Toon Physics', introduced in 'Hoops Du Jour' by Jerry D. Withers,"  
  
=============================================================  
  
Bugs rose from behind the desk wearing a blue satin evening gown and opera gloves. Babs eyes became huge and she grinned maniacally sideways, but Buster didn't react at all.  
  
"Wa-wa-wah?" Babs stammered as Bugs stuffed his ears under a long blonde wig.  
  
"Save dat for 'Extreme Takes 111', Babs - dis is 'Vaudeville 101'! Now dat yer technically adults, I can teach ya all my Burlesque gags. ....Whatssamatta? I can teach ya anyting a woman can!" - Part 4, Chapter XIII  
  
=============================================================  
  
Brain: "And 'Vaudeville 101' in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven' by PepeK. And the winner is- (opens envelope & reads) - 'Vaudeville 101'."  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*A Gorgeous lapine figure slowly sashays out onto the stage with Pepe K. on her arm. Her face is hidden behind a large feathered hat, her tight-waisted shimmering gown showing luxurious lines and her long silky legs are clad in red fishnet stockings and high-heeled platform shoes. Pepe K. looks quite pleased as they cross to the podium.*  
  
*Men whistle at the Rabbette from the audience*  
  
Pepe K.: Thank you very much, Brain! And thank you to NTF too, for this award. :) You know, the basics of the Merry Melodies and Looney Tunes cartoons had their basis in the Vaudeville Theatre world of the first half of the past century - Slapstick, Songs and Low Comedy were the mainstays in it's retinue of entertainment. Isn't that right, honey?  
  
*His beautiful companion nods underneath her hat and an oh-so-cute feminine voice says*  
  
The Rabbette: Why yais! Aren't you the clevah one! *She tickles both Pepe and Brain with her feather boa*  
  
Brain:(blushing and quite taken with her) Uh..ha..huh...Please.. young lady, we're.. um trying to do a show here.  
  
The Rabbette:(giggles) Oh Pshaw! Ah wouldn't wanna upset your lil' ol' production, you cute lil' Master of Cerimonies, you!  
  
Brain: (laughs, embarressed) Well, thank you Miss..heheh.. nature seems to have been, uh...unusually kind to you!..heh...  
  
*The Rabbette tilts her head up and we see that it's really Bugs smiling through his lipstick at a very shocked Brain*  
  
Bugs: Tanks, Doc!  
  
Brain: ( pulling off Bugs' wig and hat) Wait a minute! You're the Rabbit in disguise! Off with it, you Trickster!  
  
*Elmer Fudd stomps out from stage left with his shotgun*  
  
Elmer: Heeeeeey! That's MY Wine! *aims his gun at Brain*  
  
Bugs (shedding his disguise) You've got him dead ta rights, Doc. Would ya like ta shoot him here or wait till you get home?  
  
Daffy: (leaps out from stage right) Shoot Him Now! Shoot Him Now!!  
  
Brain: Now wait just a minute! This is an Awards Show! This is going too far!!  
  
Pepe K.:(smiling) No, this is Vaudeville! *THIS* is Going Too Far! *indicates Elmer*  
  
Elmer:( Throws his gun offstage - there is a loud BANG as the gun goes off and The Crusher falls out onto the stage, his face blackened with soot from the gun*  
  
The Crusher: Just passin' by. duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhh....*he collapses*  
  
Elmer:(indicates stage left) Wadies and Gentlwmen! Pwesenting Miss Wowa Bunny - and her wuvwee Bubble Dance!  
  
*cheers and wolf-whistles from the audience as Lola appears from the wings and poses - wearing nothing but a large translucent balloon. Lola smiles as she holds the balloon just right to conceal herself as she blithely dances to a brassy version of "Frankie and Johnnie". All the males in the audience turn into wolves and howl at her, hit themselves with mallets, bang their heads on the furniture, eat the seat cusions and pant and drool wildly! Lola dances with artistry, never revealing her body - just her bare arms and shapely legs - she always covers herself deftly with the balloon*  
  
* ...Until! - a toon Harpo Marx in the audience shoots the balloon with a pea-shooter and pops it! Lola is revealed wearing a barrel around her body. She screams and runs offstage*  
  
*Daffy crosses to the podium*  
  
Daffy: And what Vaudeville classth would be complete without thsome classic Vaudevillian comicsth (like ME!) - Ladiesth and Gentlemen! Two old friendth of ourth!-......Babbot and Catstello!  
  
*audience applauds as the two black cats - one tall and thin - the other short and tubby, make their entrance*  
  
Catstello (the tubby one): HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYY BABBOT!!  
  
*audience laughs*  
  
Babbot(the thin sharpster): Suppose you walk into a resturant and a waiter brings ya two plates - On one side, a thick juicey steak and on the other side- a platter of beans. Now which one would you eat?  
  
Catstello: I'd eat the steak.  
  
Babbot: You'd eat the steak?  
  
Catstello: I'd eat the steak!  
  
Babbot: You know where that steak comes from?  
  
Catstello: A Cow?  
  
Babbot: A Cow!  
  
Catstello: I hope!  
  
Babbot: Ya hope!...You know what that cow gives?!  
  
Catstello: Milk!  
  
Babbot: That cow gives milk!  
  
Catstello: No she Don't - you gotta take it away from her!!  
  
*audience laughs and applauds as Babbot slaps Catstello around*  
  
Catstello: OH! I'M A BAAAAAAAAAAAAD PUSSYCAT!  
  
*They exit admist great applause and laughter*  
  
Daffy: Thank you! Thank you!  
  
Brain: (aside) What a relief! At least the gun gag is over...  
  
Pepe K. Yeeeees! (smirks) Thanks very much for this award!... but uh, I can't help thinking we've somehow missed something..  
  
Brain: And what other possible silliness could you have perpetrated?  
  
Pinky: Well, we could pour out the stuff from inside lava lamps and get ourselves all squishy, squiggley gooey, Brain! Ha HA ha! Narf!!  
  
Daffy: Wait a minute! I just remembered!  
  
*Daffy pulls out a banana cream pie and throws it at Brain, who ducks - it flies toward Pepe K. - who also ducks - and it finally smashes into the face of the one who never expected to get hit - Bugs Bunny! SPLAT!! Bugs is covered with yellow sticky goo dripping off his ears and face*  
  
Daffy:(turns to the audience, smug) I've ALWAYS wanted to do that.  
  
* BLACKOUT! * *The audience Roars with laughter!*  
  
*When the lights come back up, everyone onstage is having a wild pie- fight!*  
  
;)  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
As the pie fight quickly escalates from out-of-hand to out-of-control to out-of- your guess is as good as mine, the suit containing our favorite mice struggles to crawl out of the fray. Finally, Brain has had enough.  
  
Brain: "E-NOUGH!!! WHEN WILL THIS INSANITY END?"  
  
Dot (also popping in out of nowhere): "When one of us answers the phone, silly."  
  
Brain (crestfallen): "Et tu, Dot?"  
  
Dot: "Well, I did, but Wakko et a lot more, of whatever it is."  
  
Before Brain can respond, a hole appears on stage, which proceeds to engulf everyone but the mice. That being done, the hole zips shut & rolls up like a window shade, winking out of existence.  
  
Brain (stunned): "Er, ah, not that I'm complaining, but could someone tell me just what happened here?"  
  
In response, a piece of paper flutters down in front of Brain's face.  
  
Brain (reading): "'A plot hole'. humph. Well, as I said, I'm not complaining. Actually there are worse ways to segue into our next award-"  
  
voice: "Zouiee! Thank you! Shut up!"  
  
Brain (grimacing): "Like that. If that is who I think it is."  
  
voice: "It is I, Nostradimeus, great predictiator of future events!"  
  
Brain: "Rubbish. As I was saying, we are now about to present the award for Best Use of Pseudo-Science. On second thought, Mr. Nostradamus is the perfect one to co-present this award with me. I'll represent the science part, & he is more than qualified to represent the 'pseudo' - from the Greek 'pseudes', meaning false."  
  
Nostradamus: " *shut up* What do you mean? One time a farmer showed me two pigs & asked me to predictiate what would happen to them *shut up* I told him we would eat the white one & a wolf would eat the black one *shut up* Right then & there he told his servants to get the black one ready for dinner. At dinner he thought he had proven me wrong, *shut up* when one of his servants told him that a wolf had carried off the black pig, so we were eating the white one. I WAS RIGHT!!!"  
  
Pinky (inside the suit): "Ooohh! That's frightening, Brain."  
  
Brain: "Silence! *whap!* (Pinky: "Wha-ha-ha!") What is frightening is that people put any stock in his stock soothsaying. Now to the award; the sooner we finish the better. The nominees are-"  
  
=============================================================  
  
I was dragged to the chemistry lab where Babs pulled out some orange stuff, mixed it with the blue stuff, and applied heat.  
  
"You're gonna love this!"  
  
Loved it I did! When the actions had finally reacted to each other, the most beautiful display of colors I had ever seen flashed before my eyes. The fumes gave me a sensational feeling that could never be matched. "Babs! What have you done?!"  
  
"Oh, it's nothing. It gives off a hallucinogenic effect on the first use, but the real show starts soon."  
  
One that I would never forget.  
  
"That's not it! My God, that was the most spectacular display I've ever seen! What else does it do?"  
  
"Watch this!"  
  
The beaker started to shake violently, until it finally bursted open.  
  
"What's going on Babs?"  
  
"I'm taking a role, Buster. I'm playing God."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Nostradamus: "Babs creating Life in 'The Quest' by Nick Distler."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Unnotice Shirley starts to chant and takes on a faint glow drawing power from Dru thru her Aura. She pulls out the match and it slowly floats up to the water sprinkler that has projected through to the other dimension.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Brain: "Shirley vs Dr. Dru in 'Terror Toons Adventure' by Anthony Barnett."  
  
=============================================================  
  
The light from the copyplate had become a pillar rising up to the heavens, disrupting angelic traffic for miles around Acme Acres. Buster and his friends couldn't see anything and were forced to avert their eyes on account of the brightness. (Except for Plucky who had produced a set of welder's goggles from someplace and looked quite smug about it.)  
  
Without warning radiant pseudopods emerged from the pillar and snared all of the clones and dragged them screaming into the light. There was a final sudden burst of illumination before the cycle ended with an anticlimactic 'DING'.  
  
The light was gone.  
  
The clones were gone.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Nostradamus: "Calamity's Toon-copier in 'Multififity' by Able DuSable."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Calamity produced a scrubbing brush, a can of Acme cleanser and began scouring the old cel. (Monty:) "When shown under a light the old image is still drawn on the plasic (sic) cel. It's just a faint outline, but if you look closely you can see remnants of the original paint which was used to give these toons life again. The original colors!"  
  
"You've been cloning toons!" Plucky said.  
  
(Monty:) "That's right! And most of them are so old the copyrights ran out years ago. I can make as many toons as I want and not have to pay a penny!"  
  
Buster was appalled. "You have to realize how dangerous this is! You can't clone a whole toon from bits of old paint and faint sketches! Anything could happen!"  
  
=============================================================  
  
Brain: "'Jurrasick Duck'."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Just at that moment, a gust of wind knocked the antenna out of its perch. As it fell, it was struck by lightning.  
  
Inside the cavern, Babs consulted a huge, dusty book. "Ah, here it is." she said. "Cliche 1296. Scientific experiment struck by lightning, causing adverse effects." She slammed the book shut, and threw it away. The machine started to rumble from the power surge.  
  
Suddenly, Buster started to glow. There was a blinding flash of light, and he was gone.  
  
The creature held up it's arms. "THIS! Wackyland is dying, and you are the cause."  
  
"What did I do?"  
  
The creature morphed into a very young Bugs. It spoke with Bugs' familiar accent.  
  
"Ya traveled through time, dat's what!"  
  
The creature morphed again, this time into Wile E. Coyote.  
  
"Let me explain. You DO know what a paradox is, don't you?"  
  
"Umm, sort of."  
  
The creature sighed. "A paradox is an apparently contradictory set of circumstances, that by nature, cannot exist. Most are simply mistakes, but others have remained unexplained. Your time travel has caused a paradox, and it is destroying reality. History dictates that you didn't survive the time transfer, and your apparent survival has caused a tangent of the timeline that is destroying both realities. From where I stand, I see two options."  
  
"Well, what are they?" asked Buster, not really understanding.  
  
"Well, you can either transport back to the exact moment you left, thereby destroying the current two timelines, and creating a third where neither event happens, or I will be forced to kill you. This continuity between the two current timelines should cause them to rejoin, and correct the problem."  
  
"Yeah, but then I would be dead, and from where I stand, that is a MAJOR con."  
  
"Well, it would seem that the choice has been made. You will travel back to the exact moment that you left, and destroy the current two realities. Hopefully, the third timeline will evolve correctly."  
  
"Hopefully?"  
  
"Well," said the creature, taking out a calculator, "I predict a thirty seven percent chance that the arrival of you back in your own time will complete the paradox, causing the universe to implode instantly."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Nostradamus: "'And Rabbit Out of Time' by Matt Bermann."  
  
Brain (opening envelope): "And the winner is-" (reading with Nostradamus) "Calamity's Toon-copier in 'Multififity' by Able DuSable."  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
     Calamity dashes through the lobby doors smoothing out his fur and bushy eyebrows as he climbs the stairs to the stage. He graciously accepts the Ukie from The Brain and turns to make his acceptence speech at the podium with the Lance Henrikson voice he had in Multififity.  
  
   
  
     "I apologise for my absence. With all of the dialogue and 'entertainment' that was going on, I though I'd have a chance to go to the... little coyote's room and not miss anything. I guess I was wrong."  
  
     
  
    The audience chuckles at his little joke and he continues.  
  
   
  
     "Well, I'm certain I should begin by thanking Mr DuSable and Lance Henrikson for letting me have a chance to finally be heard. To my Weird Science professor, Wile E. Coyote I say 'thank you for the encouragement.'   I wish to thank all of those whom I call my friends. Buster, Babs, Plucky, Shirley and Furrball.  
  
     Finally... the one person who means more to me than my own life, Fifi LaFume. My only regret is what you had to endure for me to admit my feelings to both you and myself. To you I say... Uh... Where did Fifi go?"  
  
   
  
    All eyes and cameras turn to the empty deat where Fifi was sitting just a moment ago. Ripples of confusion cast through the audience as they wonder about Fifi's vanishing act.  
  
    Suddenly... a series of female "WHOOP!"s fills the air as two chorus lines made of nothing but Fifis  doing the Can-Can dance their way onto the stage from both the left and the right wings.  
  
    The Orchestra, quick on the uptake begin playing the appropriate lively french music as the two lines link together using the hapless and very bewildered Coyote as a lynchpin. Rather than fight it, Calamity begins doing the high kicks with the Multiple Fifis. While they dance the one imediately to his left turns her head to him.  
  
     
  
    "I take it you are enjoying mon surprise, my little plush-toy of passion?"  
  
    "Fifi... I-I thought I demolished my Clone-O-Matic. It was too dangerous for me to risk..."  
  
    "Oh, you did! Zese are not clones... Zey are moi from many different fan-fictions"  
  
    "But how?"  
  
    "Silly coyote. One cannot date a boy genius and not pick up a few things about ze time and space. Non?"  
  
    "But why?"  
  
    "Just a way of showing everyone zat all of ze fanfictions are vrais... and none are truely faux."  
  
    "So they're all you?"  
  
    "Oui."  
  
    "From other fanfictions?"  
  
    "All zat ever were, are and will be."  
  
    "Fifi... you are as brilliant as you are gorgeous!"  
  
    All of the Fifis chorus the word "Merci!" as one... followed by a solitary "Thanks, Shugah!"  
  
    The entire line paused in mid-kick and everyone looked at one Fifi who was wearing a coyboy hat, cowboy boots and a set of six-shooters. She smiled back at them and answered the unasked question.  
  
    "Well, Shoot! Did'j y'all REALLY think that *ALL* of us was gonna be from france?"  
  
    The audience breaks out laughing as Calamity and 'his' Fifi disengage from the line and return to their seats while the rest of the Fifis exit... High kicking all the way, stage left.  
  
    The next hosts walk out onstage and prepare their dialogue when the orchestra plays the Can-Can one last time. The Multi-fanfic Fifi dancers once again cross the stage only this time Pepe LePew and Vinnie the deer are amid the skunkettes having the time of their lives. They exit stage left leaving the hosts little else to do but come up with a snappy comeback to that last Hurrah. 


	5. Type of Fanfic Awards

*As the presenters of the last award bow and exit the stage, a warm applause follows them. The stage lights dim, then others fade in and highlight the area around the podium. On the huge screen behind, the familiar Tiny Toon Adventures logo appears.*  
  
*The lone figure of a white rabbit walks in from stage right. He looks very debonaire and dignified in his black tux, scarlet tie, grey vest and tails. But as he comes into full light, he seems more somber and subdued, and those sitting closest to him can see pain behind his soft, almond-colored eyes.*  
  
*As the applause stops, he does his best to smile.*  
  
Thank you. Ladies and gentleman, it is truly and honor and a privilege to be hosting our next Pepe Awards - oh, I'm sorry... I meant the Ukie Awards."  
  
*light laughter and applause as Peter's well-aimed ribbing hits its mark. From his seat close to the stage, Pepe smiles, blushes self-consciously, and waves to the crowd.*  
  
Sorry, my friend. I couldn't help myself. Oh, and by the way - U-Haul just called. The semi you ordered for all your Ukie awards is waiting outside.  
  
*More laughter and applause. Pepe is withering under the attack, and covers his face with his hand, chuckling.*  
  
Anyway, the next group of awards is for Type of Fanfic.  
  
Without stating too much of the obvious, we love the stories we do because we love the kinds of stories they are. They can appeal to not only our tastes in literature, but, to some extent, our psychological id...our outlook on life...or our dreams fulfilled. Tonight's awards will highlight those categories of stories that we have deemed our favorites. It is those works that we have taken to heart, and perhaps it is those works that we see a little of ourselves in.  
  
Since love is perhaps the strongest emotion we feel, how appropriate it must seem that our first award involves just that, and the trials and triumphs that love puts us through. For Best Love Triangle Conflict, the nominees are:  
  
*The screen behind the stage comes to life with title card images [and fanfic clips] of the stories named.*  
  
=============================================================  
  
"*&*#BUSTER BUNNY!#$*&* WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING??!?!?!?!??!!?!"  
  
Startled, Buster broke away from his passionate embrace, and tried to focus on where the voice had come from. A very furious Babs quickly came into view, pounding her fists, gnashing her teeth, and her fur had taken on a worrying shade of purple. He then looked to see just *WHO* he HAD been kissing... Emily sat back in the seat, almost floating, with a huge satisfied grin on her face. She fluttered her eyelashes at him and said, "Thank you Buster - that was REALLY nice! Did you enjoy it too?"  
  
Buster did a double take, and pushed himself back into the seat. There was NO telling what Babs would do! Sweating profusely and panicking badly, he squeaked, "*BABS?!* *Cough!* That was... I thought... You were... Me and... Emily not... Kissed sister... Not you!"  
  
=============================================================  
  
For the conflict involving Emily Bunny, Buster Bunny and Babs Bunny, "Rivals" by Kev Beeley.  
  
=============================================================  
  
He trailed off into silence as he noticed Fifi was leaning in towards him again. He sniffed slightly and smelled a sweet scent, not at all the strong odor of a skunk's spray. His head moved slowly forward towards hers again, and he fought an internal battle.  
  
His head stopped, his lips the merest fraction of an inch from hers. He pulled back, straining slightly, not knowing whether it was right or wrong, half wanting to take her into his arms and kiss her, half wanting to run away and hide.  
  
"Fifi," he said, softly, "we can't do this.."  
  
"Bustair," she replied, a whisper, almost inaudible, "I have had zese feeleengs for vous for a loong time. I just, 'ow vous say, dideen't know zat vous felt ze zame way aboout moi.."  
  
His hand raised up and stroked her cheek. "Fifi, I don't know what I feel anymore. I've always been attracted to you.. I mean, who hasn't? But I.. I.."  
  
"Vous what?" asked Fifi.  
  
"I.. I love Babs, Fifi."  
  
=============================================================  
  
For the conflict involving Buster Bunny, Babs Bunny and Fifi LaFume, "Oh, L'amour" by Matt Berman.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Ah remembair - he made all zee rabbettes swoon! Les Sigh!" cooed Fifi, her eyes glowing.  
  
"Till they found out he was a skunk" Hamton added sourly. Hamton and Fifi glared at each other .  
  
"And joost what does zat mean?!" Fifi said hotly.  
  
After an awkward silence, Hamton said, "That's what happened in thecartoon", his face still cross.  
  
"Zo! Ah thought *vous* deedn't believe een species stereotyping!" Fifi snapped angrily at him. The others stared as Hamton slowly stood up.  
  
"I don't " he said bitterly, staring from under a lowered brow. Buster and Babs were shocked as Hamton pushed his lunch away and stalked to the door. His jaw trembled and he looked sadly back at Fifi. She burned red with anger and tossed her head to look away. His eyes brimming with tears, Hamton walked out, marching right over Elmyra, who squeaked as she was stepped on.  
  
Wakko and Buster tried to eat quietly as Fifi angrily pouted. But Babs couldn't help herself. "What's the matter with you,Fifi? You know how sensitive Hamton is! Are you trying to make him jealous?! "  
  
"Non!", Fifi stammered, "I...I dunno... I don't know anytheeng anymore!"  
  
"Hamton was only telling you what happened in the cartoon" Wakko said gently.  
  
Terribly confused , Fifi cried "Eetz not vat he said - Eetz *What* he said!" She slumped to the table, her lavender hair hiding her tears.  
  
"Aww, Feef...." Babs said putting a hand on her friend's shoulder.  
  
"...Vous are right,Babs...Ah must...see heem". The skunkette cried as she dashed out the door, trampling Plucky in the process.  
  
"I've *never* seen them fight before" confided Buster.  
  
"Yeah",Babs agreed,"They've reeeally got it bad for each other".  
  
"Hey! What's with the sensuous skunkette? That's the second time today she's flattened me!" said the Pluckster as he staggered over.  
  
"And that's the third time you've thrown her a mondo trasho, left- handed compliment, Duck-Toad!"  
  
Everyone turned and was surprised to see Shirley standing with Dr.Lord at the door.  
  
=============================================================  
  
For the conflict involving Fifi LaFume, Hamton Pig and Dr. Lord, "A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven" by Pepe K.  
  
=============================================================  
  
_Two beaux!_ As many times as Fifi ran the notion through her mind, she still couldn't believe it. For nearly all of her dating life, boys always ended up running away from her. Now *two* suitors were competing for her affections!  
  
But who to choose? What Hamton lacked in self-esteem and physique he made up for in sincerity, loyalty and trustworthiness. Hamton had always been very sweet to her, and he possessed that certain quality that made Fifi feel completely at ease whenever she was with him. Their friendship was always deep. But now, curiously, he finally - and suddenly - seemed to be asserting himself, as if to bring their relationship to a decidedly romantic level.  
  
And then there was Philip... Ex-Perfecto transfer student and a recent addition to Acme Looniversity. Popular, handsome, a promising athlete, Philip Skunk found a home at the Loo. Most of the Acme girls wanted to call him theirs, but of all the girls there, only one French skunkette truly caught his eye. Fifi at once liked his soft-spoken, friendly demeanor. But as the ever-increasing amount of passed notes would attest, Fifi and Philip were starting to become more than just friends.  
  
=============================================================  
  
For the conflict involving Philip Skunk, Fifi LaFume, and Hamton Pig, "All That Glitters" by Paul Zook.  
  
=============================================================  
  
*ELMYRA: "Hah! It's no contest! It worked! My plan worked! Now Buster will hate me and fall madly in love with Elmyra!"  
  
Suddenly, the long-dormant, logical part of Babs' brain springs to life.  
  
*ELMYRA: "WHAT AM I DOING?!?! Buster's in mortal danger! I have to save him! I have to get out of this costume and revive him before it's too late! Before...."  
  
Wild panic flowing through her body, Babs yanks furiously at the zipper of her Elmyra costume. Wouldn'tcha know it, the zipper breaks off in her hands.  
  
*ELMYRA: "WHAT! This is no time for a cliche! I don't wanna be Elmyra forever!"  
  
Throwing caution to the wind, she hurls herself through the penthouse window. Sharp glass shatters all around her, but the costume is well- built, and she is not harmed. *Babs seems upset that *Elmyra has interrupted her secluded soiree; Elmyra takes off her Babs costume. Now two Elmyras argue over the events of the evening.  
  
ELMYRA: "You didn't let me finish him! That means you quit, so I win the bunny! He stays with me now."  
  
*ELMYRA: "You were strangling him! We have to ask him to find out who he likes best. He won't answer if you send him to the nether regions!"  
  
ELMYRA: "We don't have to ask him. Look at him! He only melted for you, but he passed out for me! That means he loves me more!"  
  
*ELMYRA: "He didn't pass out because he loved you! He passed out because you cut off his oxygen supply!"  
  
ELMYRA: "Love, oxygen, same difference! He can't live without me!"  
  
*ELMYRA: "He can't live with you either!"  
  
=============================================================  
  
And last, but not least, for the conflict involving Buster Bunny, Babs Bunny, and Elmyra Duff, "Buster's Guide to Unconsummated Romance" by Nefaria.  
  
*Light applause ends as the crowd waits for the winner. Peter pulls a cream- colored envelope out of his coat pocket and opens it. Reading it, he announces...*  
  
For the Best Love Triangle Conflict in a Tiny Toon Fanfiction, the Ukie winner is "Rivals," by Kev Beeley!  
  
*Thunderous applause erupts from the crowd as the recipient rises to his feet...*  
  
  
  
  
  
Peter  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Howdo all!  
  
Thanks very much for this award!  Rivals as a story is pretty old as fanfiction goes, and I'll admit that I've really been out of the TTA loop for a fair length of time now due to other commitments.  It is very flattering that people remember the story and the characters after all this time still!  
  
Sorry for the delay in responding to this, but I've been unwell for a few weeks now, and haven't been in much of a position to do anything in general.  
  
I trust that everyone is keeping well, and remember to keep TTA alive!  
  
Again, thanks!  
  
KeV  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*Warm applause. Peter returns to the podium.*  
  
Without question, what separates the garden variety author from the truly stellar isn't just the use of proper spelling and punctuation, nor the clever placement of fancy words and poetic eloquence. More than anything else, it is the effective use of more than one storyline, to deepen a story's plot, broaden its opportunities for memorable character development, and - over all - to make it a more enjoyable story for the reader who indulges in it.  
  
This is no easy task. When one considers the complexities involved in writing one, single plot line, one can give a better appreciation of the work involved in writing an effective piece involving two, three, or even more storylines. And this is especially true in those stories hosting a cast of many characters. It requires talent to keep the reader from being confused and distracted, a deepseated quality few writers possess.  
  
Tonight's award honors that talented individual who has best made use of the multiple storyline, and who - above all others - has blessed us the readers with a fanfiction to be enjoyed now and for years to come. The nominees are:  
  
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"YOUS CAN'T GET AWAY WI' DIS! DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YER TALKIN' TO??" Bugs yelled into his office phone. "I DON'T CARE IF IT'S GOOD FOR MARKETING, YOU CHANGE IT - RIGHT NOW OR HEADS WILL ROLL!!" Bugs slammed down the phone and turned to look sourly out his office window at the statues of himself and Daffy below.  
  
"Is dis all woith it?!" he said aloud to himself, hanging his head. Frustration upon frustration ran through his head, till he shook them away, sitting at his desk. One thought remained...  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
The black duck's eyes spun with greed! "Thatths not a bad idea, you fffragrant fffrenchman you! But thince I have plenty of time to do everything I want - I firsst intend to return to my artisstic rootthzs - and and do thomthing I've been denying mythelf the pleasure of!"  
  
"What might that be, praytell , D.D. - my loaded hero and mentor??" implored Plucky Duck.  
  
"If you'll keep your drooling bill outta my bills -", Daffy said with disdain," I'll show ya!" He suddenly whipped the smaller green duck around to face him and in a moment - was running and hoo-hooing maniacally away with a bucket of black paint and a paintbrush. Plucky turned in astonishment, revealing a huge black painted mustache across his face.  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
As the period ended, everyone began to file out for lunch. Wakko sat on Dr. Lord's desk, chatting happily.  
  
"Ya know we finally had a show?"  
  
"So I've seen", said Lord," That 'Draculee-Draculaa' episode was an insult to all vampires."  
  
"Ah, the writers love us to be annoying little kids".  
  
"Be careful", Lord cautioned, "don't get typecast".  
  
Wakko sighed, "Yeah, I know. But-"  
  
They both chorused in unison " -They can't all be gems!" and Wakko broke into peals of laughter.  
  
Wakko hopped down. "Well, I'll see ya later, Doc."  
  
Lord stopped him with serious concern. "Wakko...are you doing alright?"  
  
Wakko shrugged it off " Oh, sure. Don't worry about me, Doc."  
  
"Okay", Lord smiled," But please come and visit when you can".  
  
"Sure" , said Wakko happily, "You bring the chisels and I'll bring my mallets."  
  
=============================================================  
  
"A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven" by Pepe K.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"I'll let you know when we get there. But right now, let's go reshoot that segment."  
  
"Ooh, a mystery. I like that. Oh, that reminds me, I've been meaning to ask you this for a long time. Just how did you get your hands on his credit card in the first place?"  
  
Buster stopped just long enough to give her a sly look, and with a faint grin he said, "Don't ask. Believe me, you don't wanna know."  
  
Babs thought there was more humor than serious warning in Buster's response, but she also knew that he meant it. "Okay," she said. "But I'm still gonna wonder."  
  
"That's all right," said Buster seriously. "Maybe someday you'll find out."  
  
"Now what's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Nothing, Babs. Nothing at all."  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
"Buster, this isn't gonna be easy for me, or you. Be prepared for anything, understood?"  
  
Buster nodded somberly. "I do. If anything comes up, I'll contact you."  
  
"You do that. Well, I gotta go, kids. Good luck."  
  
As Bugs left, Babs looked over at Buster and asked, "What did he mean when he said to be ready for anything?"  
  
"Well, we might lose. We have to be prepared in case we do."  
  
=============================================================  
  
"What's In A Name" by Kevin Mickel.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Buster's gone?" said Plucky, back at the Looniversity we know and love. "You mean, GONE gone? After all those years of praying..." said Plucky to himself.  
  
"PLUCKY! He's your friend, and he needs our help! Think of everything he's done for you!" said Babs, practically frantic. "What if Elmyra's got him... or worse!"  
  
"What could be worse than Elmyra?" asked Plucky. "Say! You don't suppose that Monty finally came up with some way to outsmart old blue ears, do you?"  
  
"No way! Buster knows how to handle Montana Max! Why, Max couldn't trap a rabbit if he took lessons!" said Babs. "Come on, let's find Hamton and try to figure something out!"  
  
Meanwhile, back in Acme Acres...  
  
Just as the Chancellor prepared to bring his blade down on Babs with death, she seemed to explode in front of him. The explosion threw him backwards, and he hit the ground hard, knocking all the air from his lungs. It took him a few seconds to recover, and when he did, he was dismayed by what he saw. Whoever it was that he was about to kill was gone, and in her place was quite obviously the real Empress, and she was holding his blade.  
  
"So, Chancellor," she said with contempt, "it is finally come to an end. Prepare to die, my old foe," and she started towards him menacingly.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Yakko and Dot looked at each other.  
  
"Aaaaaaaahhhhhh... remind me not to let him watch 'X-Files' next week."  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
They arrived in Acme Acres late, where Babs and Buster Bunny-no relation, as they were quick to point out-- were eagerly waiting for them. Buster and Babs were about Yakko's age, maybe a little older, and looked like small incarnates of their mentor, Bugs Bunny, except that Babs' fur was a light pink, and Buster's was blue. Between them they held a colorful banner; "Welcome Yakko, Wakko and Dot-- the Warner Bros. and sister."  
  
=============================================================  
  
And finally, "Out of the Tower and Out of Their Minds" by Karen Tindall.  
  
And the winner is...  
  
*Peter pulls the envelope out of his coat pocket, opens it, and reads.*  
  
*chuckles*  
  
For Best Use of Multiple Storylines, the Ukie goes to - you know the drill by now - Pepe K, for "A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven!" Your turn again, my friend...  
  
*Rousing cheers and applause as the tall skunk rises to his feet yet again to accept his award.*  
  
  
  
  
  
Peter  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*Pepe K. rises with Mae Bear and Laika Romanov the Jerboa on his arms and they come onstage to the podium. He wears his orange smoking jacket and the two ladies look gorgeous - a study in opposites. Laika is devastating, wearing a tight black leather catsuit and high heeled boots. Mae is a sight to behold, her sequined white gown scarcely hiding her generous curves, her feathered headpiece and matching feather boa bouncing and flowing as much as she does. Around her neck she wears a necklace of large diamonds.*  
  
Peter: Pepe, you remind me of another bunny I know.  
  
Pepe K.: Who's that?  
  
Peter: Hugh Hefner.  
  
*The audience laughs as Pepe blushes, Mae smirks and Laika stiffens*  
  
Laika: Ah! Da, you are for talking ov dat decadent Americanski who is capitaleest exploiter ov vimmen?  
  
Mae: Well, I dunno about him being a capitalist exploiter - but he's definitely a decadent American - fortunately, so am I! ;)  
  
*the audience breaks up laughing*  
  
Pepe K.: Now Mae, this is a family show.  
  
Mae:Heh heh! Fine with me, honey - but you're wiping out most 'a my material!  
  
*more laughter*  
  
Pepe K.: Well, anyway - I'd like to thank Peter for his nice comments and most of all - the readers who gave moi this award. Multiple plotlines happen cause life just is that way. Everybody has their own individual plot going all the time. All the people you've ever known that are still alive have their own lives all happening, all the time. Even our own main six  
  
characters have things happening simultaneously. And here they are to tell us about it - Buster and Babs Bunny (soon to be related), Plucky and Shirley, and Hamton and Fifi!  
  
*cheers as the three couples come to the podium. Babs is hopping all over, like she's overdosed on sugar again, Buster is happy, but looks a bit blue green in color,the two waterfowl are strangely quiet; smiling and hold each other fondly and Hamton is terribly excited. Only Fifi seems aloof and uncomfortable.*  
  
Babs: We're Heeeeeeere!  
  
Plucky: It's about time I was called onstage again!  
  
Hamton: Hi Everybody!  
  
Pepe K.: And what have you all been up to?  
  
Babs: We were attacked by some crazy characters-  
  
Buster: Nearly crashed Bugs' airplane-  
  
Babs: Made an amazingly dangerous, but clever escape-  
  
Buster:I got nauseous-  
  
Hamton: We were in a wild dogfight-  
  
Buster: I got more nauseous-  
  
Plucky: We played Basketball and I scored-  
  
Shirley: Like, I had an epiphany-  
  
Fifi: Hey!.....Let'z not tell zem too much!  
  
*they all look at each other and agree*  
  
All six: RIGHT!  
  
*they wave and return to their seats*  
  
Pepe: You see, life goes on simultaneously everywhere.  
  
Peter: Will we all see that happen in the next part of ATTEPUH?  
  
Pepe K.: Uh..could be!  
  
Laika: Is dees vat you are calling "Blatant Self-Promotion"?  
  
Mae: That's what we call "a Commercial" on TV.  
  
*the audience laughs*  
  
Laika: (to Peter) I hear you are munitions expert?  
  
Peter: Well, uhhhh ...I am a member of an artillary unit that uses black powder..uh  Civil War circa 1860's.  
  
Laika: My country's civilain uprising waz suppress-ed. I am also weapons expert. (takes Peter's arm) Come! We talk together, yes?  
  
Peter:(flattered and embarressed, but he takes the offer of the strikingly beautiful mouse-like girl) Umm, okay, but I'll have to make another announcement soon.  
  
Laika: Wery vell, I come to get you at intermission, da?  
  
Peter: Ah heh! Da! *Smiles*  
  
Pepe K.: Goodness Mae, what lovely diamonds you're wearing!  
  
Mae: Goodness had nuthin' ta do with it, honey. *smirks*  
  
*the audience laughs*  
  
Pepe K.: Well.heheh!..Ahem... Thanks everyone, very much for the award!  
  
:)  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*The threesome exit the stage to the warm applause of the audience. Peter returns to the podium.*  
  
Peter: Parody is another means by which authors can endear themselves to their readers. Not to be confused with the remake of a story (which is simply a retelling of an earlier work), parody is the oftentimes-comedic lampooning of one or more previous works, and it is also one of the most popular genres of fanfiction today.  
  
But why is it so popular? The reasons may be as numerous as there are people, but I think it's pretty safe to say that we love parody because we love the souce material that parodies are derived from, and we love the playful way artists, writers and show people stretch the characters and situations to directions never possible in their serious, mainstream form. And quite frequently, we quickly find ourselves making a game out of recognizing what part of the story came from what movie, and looking forward to the fun that lies just around the corner.  
  
*light applause*  
  
Tonight's Ukie Award honors that talented, lighthearted individual who has taken the shows and movies we love, and transformed them into something entirely new and delightfully, if not hilariously, different. For Best Parody Story the nominees are:  
  
=============================================================  
  
Not sure of what he should think of that advice, Sam tried to get up, and was surprised to find that he could. He figured that the fall should have broken every bone in his body, and yet all he felt was a little sore and uncomfortable. Shaking his head as Al suggested, he suddenly felt perfectly fine. Not normal, but fine. "Okay, Al," he asked tentatively, "what's going on?"  
  
"First of all, have you looked down at yourself yet?"  
  
Sam did, and instantly saw that he wasn't wearing any pants! All he had on was a pair of white gloves and a red sweater. Sam blushed as he attempted to cover himself with the sweater, and he wasn't very successful.  
  
"Don't worry about it," said Al with a smirk. "No one will notice."  
  
"Why not?" asked Sam with confusion. "I'm not in a nudist colony, am I?"  
  
"No. You're in a cartoon."  
  
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"Quantoon Leap" by Eric Gjovaag.  
  
=============================================================  
  
The newspaper headlines were practically screaming off the pages, all over Acme Acres, (and the rest of Los Angeles County), was the news: PERFECTO PREP BURNED DOWN, ARSON SUSPECTED. This same headline Buster Bunny was reading, (basically because he couldn't hear the headlines screaming), through the glass of a newspaper vending machine located in front of the administration building of Acme Loo.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"The Undiscovered Campus" by Zachary Zuwoulski.  
  
=============================================================  
  
It was a trip that none of them would ever forget. A week's cruise to Europe, a three week's journey to Europe's most famous places, and now a week's cruise home, on the largest and most luxurious liner in all the world. But Acme Looniversity didn't send Buster Bunny, Babs Bunny, Shirley McLoon and Pluck Duck to Europe on a vacation. No, they were actually supposed to *learn* about the countries they studied in their European Cultures class, long, tedious reports notwithstanding upon their return to class! Still, to the foursome on board the R.M.S. _Titanic_ it was very much the vacation of a lifetime.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"They Had Each Other" by Paul R. Zook  
  
=============================================================  
  
"These toon flowers shouldn't exist anymore," Shirley  
  
"He's right, that is Gertie!" Plucky knew all about Gertie. Heck anyone who knew anything about animation knew Gertie. The dinosaur had starred in one of the very first animated cartoons ever created. "But that's impossible," Plucky said remember the extensive work he and Shirley had been doing on the history of animation. "That cartoon was made in 1912! That's 80 years ago!"  
  
Still, logical or not, Gertie was still there. Standing as high as a five story building. It was a marvel.  
  
The toons jumped from the jeep. "How did you do this," Buster asked Max.  
  
"I've found a way to bring back the great cartoon characters from the past. Toons that haven't been seen in decades. Even some toons that have never been seen before!"  
  
"I know this is a dumb question," Babs said.  
  
"Like that's ever stopped her before," Plucky chimed in.  
  
"But why is he so big?"  
  
"That's simple," Max explained. "He's a MOVIE toon. Us TV toons weren't made for the big screen. Movie toons really were BIGGER in their day. You think he's big, you should see how big the D-Rex is."  
  
Plucky's eyes bulged. "D-Rex! You've got a D-Rex!" At which point Plucky fainted dead away. Shirley caught him before he hit the ground.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Jurrasick Duck" by David Hebert  
  
and finally,  
  
=============================================================  
  
On track Two's open-air platform at the back of the station, the Silver Smudge waited impatiently for passengers. Leading Buster's train was a pair of EMD-built 1500hp FP7 locomotives, arranged back-to-back in what railroaders call an AA arrangement. Behind them, ten shiny lightweight aluminum cars: one baggage car, three Pullman sleepers, one kitchen/diner, one full diner, two more Pullman sleepers, one coach, a Vista-dome lounge car, and rounding out the train, an observation car for a rear-train view. The interior of the Silver Smudge was comfy and new, and soft, indirect or recessed lighting the length of the train was easy on passengers' eyes. The walnut and stainless steel construction of the Pullman sleepers, and the complimenting forest-green paint, had a home-like feel somehow, as did the following dining cars. There, spotless white cloth tablecloths and shining silverware and dishes covered each small table, and as a final touch, fresh colorful flowers made for a very pleasant dining experience. The coach car sported deeply-upholstered coral-colored seats, which, along with the oversized windows, offered passengers an excellent view of passing scenery in a very comfortable seat. The lounge and observation cars, like the coach car, boasted mahogany and brass construction, forest-green carpeted floors, and dark coral paint, as well as ultra-comfortable black leather chairs and live green plants. All in all, the Silver Smudge promised a very relaxing and laid-back cross-country train trip.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Silver Smudge" again, by Paul R. Zook  
  
*The audience draws in a collected breath as the white rabbit pulls out the cream-colored envelope. He opens it and reads.*  
  
For Best Parody Story, the Ukie goes to Eric Gjovaag for "Quantoon Leap!"  
  
*generous applause*  
  
  
  
  
  
Peter  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
[no reply given]  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*applause*  
  
Another popular form of entertainment today is perhaps a very telling sign of our times. I refer mainly to the so-called reality-based shows, that seem to have the biggest showing on the Fox Television Network.  
  
*general laughter and applause*  
  
But why are these shows so popular? Perhaps it's because they pull so heavily on the voyueristic tendencies that are inside each and every of us. Through them we are allowed up close and personal veiws of train wrecks, car wrecks, crimes committed, and about every other impossible situation imaginable - all without leaving the comfort and security of our living room easy chairs.  
  
But even away from the overly-sensationalized reality shows shown on television, we still can't get enough of gripping, well-written shows that are _based_ on reality. Here, I refer namely to shows like police dramas or medical dramas. How ironic it is that we watch t.v. to get away from the reality of our own lives, only to be reminded of it with shows like "NYPD Blues" or "ER." Yet watch them we do.  
  
Maybe it's because we place ourselves in the stories we consume. Maybe it's because what happens to the characters in the stories also happened to us. Maybe it's because we ask ourselves what would we do if we were in the characters' situation. Whatever the reason, we toonsters love our true-to- life stories, and tonight's Ukie Award goes to that talented individual who has given us a chance to leave the reality that is our own lives, and provided us a window into a reality all its own.  
  
For the category of Best True Life Story, the nominees are:  
  
=============================================================  
  
Later - they held each other and took turns reading aloud the history text the Professor had given them to study. It concerned the battle of the first ironclad warships in the world. As the shadows of the afternoon lengthened, Fifi couldn't help but look outside to see if Lord was returning. There were just too many mysteries about him and not enough answers. Who was he? When did he know her? How did he command such powers? What terrible things might be happening to him in reality? Why so many secrets?  
  
=============================================================  
  
"A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven" by Pepe K.  
  
=============================================================  
  
As Fifi started to calm down, she twisted off a small piece of her croissant.  
  
"Try to understand. We just want to be sure you know who you're going out on dates with, that's all."  
  
"We've alreadee had deux dates, et he's been, how you say? A perfect gentlemon both times! Vous theenk zat I don't know what I'm doeeng?" asked Fifi warily.  
  
"No, no, no, no, not at all," said Babs quickly. "When Philip first came here from Perfecto I was as skeptical as anyone as to what kind of a guy he was. You saw how cool I was towards him."  
  
"Et vous learned about, how you say? His true colairs, no?"  
  
"Yes, yes, I did," Babs said. "Even after Shirley's premonitions. I didn't think there was much in them, either. But now there's something you should know. Shirley might, um, have some information you should know."  
  
"Ouuiiii?" Fifi said, slowly and cautiously.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"All That Glitters" by Paul R. Zook  
  
=============================================================  
  
With that, they each pushed the red button on their reality transformers. It seemed to both of them that reality was melting away, and yet at the same time taking on a more definitive quality. After a few seconds of this, they found themselves standing on a live-action animator's desk. "Whoa," said Babs with amazement, "thirteensomething was nothing like this."  
  
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"What's in a Name?" by Kevin Mickel  
  
=============================================================  
  
The next day was graduation. Everyone showed up faithfully bright and early for practice. And later that day, the real event occurred. Each toon marched up one by one to receive their diplomas. The Looniversity and everyone involved celebrated their first graduates from the school. Soon, the Tiny Toons would be off to discover their own lives according to their dreams.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Where Will I Be in Ten Years?" by Felicia Tabby  
  
and finally,  
  
=============================================================  
  
"To all the other toons, I have taken your Bugs Bunny. I am holding him hostage. I-"  
  
"We'll be alright, as long as he doesn't ask for a ransom," interrupted Plucky.  
  
"I will release him on payment of one million dollars," continued Buster.  
  
"Oh, great. Well, if heth in Acme Acreth, we'll find him," said Daffy.  
  
"There is no point searching, as I am not holding him in Acme Acres. I am holding him outside your considerable reach. I am holding him in Reality," said Buster.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Bugsnapped!" by Matt Bermann  
  
And the winner is...  
  
*Peter pulls out the envelope, opens it, and reads*  
  
For Best True Life Story, the Ukie Award goes to Pepe K. for "A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven!"  
  
*the audience goes hoarse from cheering as Pepe rises to his feet*  
  
  
  
  
  
Peter  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*As he walks to the podium, everything suddenly goes into slow motion. Pepe K. has dreamed of this moment and everything wavers, as in a dream he sees himself - crossing up to the podium to stand with Peter*  
  
Pepe K.: Thank you, Ladies and gentletoons, since this is the week of the Academy Awards, I'm reminded of the shortest acceptance speech ever given. The great Alfred HItchcock said exactly two words:..."Thank you." ...Well, I'm not Hitch - I never seem to be able to write anything briefly - a simple letter turns into three pages!...Now I could go on about the other good writers, like Peter here, who have inspired moi; Kevin Mickel who makes this all possible, and all the other writers and critics and all you readers out there who enjoy the TTA stories every month and who did the voting.   I could thank the original writers and directors of the Looney Tunes and Merry Melodies and TTA, who created the first filmed "True Life Stories" - like when Friz Freleng took Porky and Daffy's experiances into Reality and made "I Ought to Be In Pictures" - decades before anybody ever thought of Rodger Rabbit.  
  
...I could thank my teachers and professors, I could thank my parents and friends and family too  
  
....I could do all that, but the truth would really be that really only one person drew moi to all that I have written or done or said. A single person who found the interest in history and cartoons and all those things that go into it.  - And that's Moi.  
  
..Perhaps to be an actor is to be selfish and a bit of a gypsy, but ya hafta at least be honest with yourself....  
  
*Peter Bunny quietly walks offstage right*  
  
Pepe K.(continues): Maybe I've hung around with Daffy too long, who knows.... but I'm the one who's penned this chronical...  
  
...But this chronical is simply an account of what's happening in the Tooniverse. It's Fifi and Hamton's life.. and Dr. Lord's and the rest of the Toonsters, so I'd really like to thank *them* for sharing it all with moi-!  
  
*A long stage hook sneaks out from stage right to grab the unsuspecting skunk and yank him offstage! As he gasps in amazement and flies through the air - the rippling lines return and his dream sequence ends.*  
  
*Pepe K. finds himself standing at the podium, having dreamed it all in the past couple of seconds. He takes the UKE Award from Peter, smiling and bowing.  
  
He stares at the hushed audience and pauses before leaning up to the microphone*  
  
Pepe K.:.....Thank You.  
  
*He smiles and shakes Peter's hand before waving to the applauding crowd and returning to his seat*  
  
*Dr. Lord watches him and his strange knowing smile appears. Pepe K. shrugs and laughs to himself as he sits back in his theatre box.*  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*Something offstage catches Peter's attention. He looks, grins, and nods. From stage right, a light brown and white doe rabbit in a stunning black evening gown walks onstage. She is both beautiful and elegant in the dress, which is sleeveless, deeply-slit on both sides, and shimmers in the spotlight shown upon her. Not surpisingly, she is met with a chorus of hoots and wolf-whistles from the males in attendance. As she walks, however, she merely turns her head and smiles demurely in response. The girl whispers something to Peter, which causes him to laugh.*  
  
Peter:      Ladies and gentletoons, before we go on my lovely friend April has informed me that the cast and crew of Pepe's epic has a gift for him that they'd like to present.  
  
*The girl gives a signal to someone offstage, and after a short pause, Fifi and Hamton both use a rope each to pull a chair onstage. The audience gives a collective chuckle as they watch the proceedings. The chair sits on a dolly, and is a guilded, magnificent piece of work. Suddenly everyone - and especially Pepe and Dr. Lord - immediately recognize the chair as the same one that Fifi sat on in ATTEPUH, in the scene in Lord's underground "warehouse." Once the chair is wheeled near the podium, Peter steps back next to April and Fifi and Hamton step up to the podium.*  
  
Hamton (grinning nervously):        Uh... Pepe, since this seems to be _your_ evening, we of the cast and crew thought that you deserved a more comfortable seat nearer the stage...  
  
Fifi (interrupting):        Zo vous don't 'ave to conteenuouslee walk all zee way up to zee stage to accept your awards.  
  
*The audience howls in laughter and applauds. Pepe, taken completely off guard, turns beet red, but graciously laughs and waves to the audience.*  
  
Fifi:       Eezn't zhat nice?  
  
*After a short pause Fifi and Hamton now step back to join April as a still- chuckling Peter resumes the show.*  
  
Peter:      When H.G. Wells wrote "The Time Machine" in the 1890s, I'm sure he had no idea of how immensely popular the notion of time travel would become in people's imaginations. The spark of this one man's book turned into a fire of entertainment, from the science fiction radio shows of the 1940s and '50s, to movies like the "Back to the Future" trilogy of the 1980s and early 90s, to television shows like the 90s' "Quantum Leap," and everything in between - all dealing with man's (and woman's) attempt to successfully go back in time, to escape...to profit...or to right past wrongs.  
  
But as with anything as profound and complex as time travel, it requires skill and a painstaking eye for detail to to properly set a scene or build a story, and then place them against the overall background of a very- unforgiving history. The writer and director alike must be faithful and true to the history they portary, lest they do a great diservice to the memory and honor of those who went before them. They also must be consistent and thorough, lest their storylines break down under the corrosive effect of plot holes and contradictions.  
  
To be able to effectively and properly use history and time is no easy effort indeed, and tonight's Ukie Award not only honors that fanfiction that has become the rule against which other time-traveling stories must size up to, but that conscientious author who has effortlessly risen to the task as well.  
  
For Best Time-Involved Fanfiction, the nominees are:  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Well, now that we're all here, I'll explain what we're going to be doing" began Lord. "You have all been personally selected by myself and the faculty to participate in History 3000. This course will be the most difficult and challenging one in your lives. It will be both extremely dangerous and extremely rewarding. We'll be studying the important points in history and then living them in the past. So study hard - your lives may depend upon it." The class collectively gulped and Plucky raised a wing.  
  
"You mean we're gonna travel through time and we could get killed?! I'm outta here!"  
  
=============================================================  
  
"A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven" by Pepe K  
  
=============================================================  
  
Alez turned to the crowd of Creations. "Cover them. If they move, take them." Bugs looked at Alez, and noticed how different he was. His fur, instead of being grey like it should be, was jet black. His eyes burned like fire. Alez turned back to Bugs. "Well, Bugsy. Look what you did to me. I have been living in another space and time, for fifty years."  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
"Shortly after that, Alez and his army burst into both of our universes simultaneously. He turned us against ourselves, and I was killed. Fortunately I was resurrected, and I travelled back in time to stop Alez from joining with the original Creation, thus stopping the whole chain of events at its source. Apparently, I didn't succeed. A part of Alez survived, and managed to manipulate Bugs into travelling back in time and saving his life. However, Bugs didn't succeed, and only managed to get Alez trapped in the barrier again.  
  
"He's remained in there for the past hundred years, unable to escape without the strength of the Creation to assist him. However, the sectra barrier has strange properties, and he has been growing stronger. The worst thing is that Alez has gained the power to manipulate History itself. We believe that Alez will soon escape from the barrier and attempt to conquer, or destroy, both of our universes. And he has History as a weapon, the most awesome weapon imaginable."  
  
=============================================================  
  
the "Bugsnapped!" series by Matt  Bermann  
  
=============================================================  
  
At first, the cave was just a tunnel, but eventually it opened up to a great cavern. In the cavern, was Calamity, pressing buttons on a huge machine. Buster's jaw dropped. "Wha.. what the heck is this?" he asked.  
  
"This, my good man, is a time machine." replied Plucky, smugly. "I'll let Calamity explain."  
  
Calamity frowned at Plucky, took out a piece of paper and a pen, and started scribbling. After a few moments, he handed the paper to Buster.  
  
Buster squinted at the messy writing. He began reading. "This is my greatest achievement, the All-purpose-flux-induced-space-time-fusion- particle- hyper-reality-time-shifter. In laymen's terms, a time machine. This device can transport you anywhere, and anywhen, thanks to the antenna attached to the tree directly above this cavern."  
  
As if on cue, Calamity pointed straight up, at a wire poking through the roof of the cavern. Buster continued reading. "This unit draws it's power entirely from water, so is extremely economical to run."  
  
Plucky opened a flap on the device, and pulled out a pizza. "It also cooks a fine pizza!" he added. Calamity slapped his forehead.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"A Rabbit Out of Time" also by Matt Bermann  
  
=============================================================  
  
Al punched a few buttons on his handlink. "Your name is Buster Bunny. You live in a place called Acme Ache..." Al looked annoyed for a moment and gave his handlink a firm whack, causing it to whine in protest. "Acme Acres," he corrected, "and you are the star of a show called 'The Buster Bunny Show.'"  
  
"Never heard of it. So what am I supposed to do?"  
  
"Ziggy's still running a few scenarios, but it looks like you're here to keep the show on the air."  
  
"Why? What happened?"  
  
"It ran for just a few weeks in 1990 -- oh yeah, today's June18th of that year -- and then it was canceled. It just vanished from the airwaves, and nobody seemed to miss it."  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Quantoon Leap" by Eric Gjovaag  
  
and finally,  
  
=============================================================  
  
"I don't think you should do this, Buster," cautioned Babs, looking nervous. "Time travel never brings anything good about. You never saw Back to the Future?"  
  
Buster ignored her. "I'll be fine. I'm not going to rest until I've seen every Bugs Bunny short ever."  
  
Babs shook her head as Buster activated the time machine and disappeared. "No good will come of this.."  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Bugsis" by Plucky Warner  
  
For Best Time-Involved Fanfiction the winner is...  
  
*Peter draws the envelope out of his coat and opens it. Grinning broadly*  
  
Peter:       Pepe K, for "A Time To Every Purpose Under Heaven!"  
  
*The audience cheers as warmly as before, then laughs as Peter gets behind the wheeled chair and pushes it closer to the podium, offering it.*  
  
  
  
  
  
Peter  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*Pepe K. and Dr. Lord are joined onstage at the podium by Andy Fox*  
  
Pepe K.: Well, thank you again, Peter, for that most embarrassing introduction. ;) Yes, skunks can blush. But seriously folks, thank you very much for this treasured...uh...Do these UKE Awards have nicknames like "Oscar" or "Emmy" or "Cleo"?  
  
Peter: Oh, gee...I dunno. Nobody's asked before.  
  
Lord: How about "Toonies"?  
  
Andy Fox: Hmmmm... The "UKEies" sounds like something they award ukelele players - like Tiny Tim.  
  
*audience chuckles*  
  
Pepe K.: Well, whatever they're called, I appreciate the compliment very much. This one involves Time Travel, so I think I'll let those directly involved explain. Doctor?  
  
*goes to sit in the throne that Fifi and Hamton provided.*  
  
Dr. Lord: Hmm.. So much has been done in the area of Time Travel, but without sufficient safeguards. That's what sets my system of travel apart from others. All previous devices have simply allowed the travelers to go somewhere in the past, where they actually interact with persons there. Now, considering the possiblities of paradoxes in time - this makes for a great deal of danger to the future.  
  
A. Fox: Yes. For instance, suppose I build a machine that enables me to go back in time and meet my own great grandfather. Suppose I then say or do something that changes him or his life in some slight way - then that would be an influence on the future. Suppose the change prevents my grandfather from being born or born in a differant place or time? The changes would continue exponentially - and I might not even be born at all - in which case - how could I build a Time Machine in the first place?  
  
Dr. Lord: Exactly! Suppose a Time Traveler finds himself in the Pre- historic Age and unthinkingly swats a butterfly. As a result - there migh not be any butterflies in our time. This is why in my system, the Toonsters and I will actually be "Hosted" by persons who were in existance at that time and place. That way, we'll watch history happen as it did then, with little danger of interferance from us. We'll feel their thoughts and emotions just exactly as they did, subsequently learning *precisely* what was happening.  
  
A.Fox: Uhh.. since you are venturing into the US Civil War - won't that be dangerous?  
  
Dr. Lord: Admittedly, yes. It could be, if something were to go wrong and a member of the group becomes separated from us - they would be lost in Time. But I won't allow that to happen. At the beginning and at the ending of each journey, we'll slip slightly out of time-synch with our hosts and come under our own control for a short time. It is then that I propose to recover things that otherwise would have been lost for all time.  
  
Peter: Now.. you're going back to 1862, I believe?  
  
Dr. Lord: We'll start in 1861 at the Burning of Norfolk, where it all began and then live through most of 1862, till New Year's Eve.  
  
Peter: There was alot of action in the War Between the States that year - dangerous gambles made, desperate action and awful destruction.  
  
Pepe K.:(getting up) Yes, there was.  
  
Dr. Lord: There were also amazing acts of heroism and courage in the face of Death.  
  
Pepe K.: Uh... yeah.. And you're gonna be assisting moi in the hopes of perfect historical accuracy, aren't you Peter?  
  
Peter: Yeah.. I just kinda wonder how the Toonsters will all look in their blue uniforms..  
  
Dr. Lord: Well, I'll tell you now that they'll also be in Confederate grey as well. We'll be seeing a balance of both Union and Rebel viewpoints.  
  
Peter: You mean, we'll see them actually fighting *each other* ??  
  
Dr. Lord: Yes. They'll be on both the CSS VIRGINIA (or MERRIMACK as everyone called her) and the USS MONITOR and warships of the Union Navy. You're in for some real battles!  
  
A.Fox: But first, they'll be going on a field trip... to Reality, you said?  
  
Dr. Lord: Yes, they'll have to get used to being there if they're to do any operations back in time. We'll be going to a place I know of.  
  
A. Fox:...And... you're not going to say where?  
  
Dr. Lord: (smiles in his way) ..No. *looks at Pepe K.*  You' know, I hate to quote Archie Bunker, but... Get outta my chair!  
  
Pepe K.: (hops to his feet) Oh! Sorry!  
  
Dr. Lord: And take it backstage immediately.  
  
Pepe K.: Yes, Sir! (scurries around to push the chair backstage) Uh...  
  
Dr. Lord: ...Now what is it?  
  
Pepe K. :(to the audience) Uhhh.. thanks very much again for the award!  
  
Dr. Lord: That's enough! Shoo!  
  
Pepe K.: (hurriedly pushing the chair offstage on it's dolly) Yes, Doctor! Yes, yes!  
  
Dr. Lord: (to the others) It's so hard to find good help these days!  
  
*there's a loud thump and a yelp from backstage*  
  
Dr. Lord: (exasperated) Pepe, now what have you done?  
  
Pepe K.: (from offstage)...I uh.. stepped on my own tail.  
  
A.Fox: I see what you mean.  
  
Dr. Lord: Thank you everyone!  
  
* He and the Fox wave and return to their seats.  Peter starts to continue the awards ceramony, only to have Pepe K. scurry back out, nearly knocking him over in the process as he scampers back to his theatre box.*  
  
:)  
  
Pepe  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Quite unexpectedly, Kevin leaps to his feet and charges up to the podium.  
  
"Hold it, hold it!  Wait just a moment there, I sense that a slightly less than accurate statement has been made.  To quote it...  
  
"Dr. Lord: Hmm.. So much has been done in the area of Time Travel, but without sufficient safeguards. That's what sets my system of travel apart from others. All previous devices have simply allowed the travelers to go somewhere in the past, where they actually interact with persons there."  
  
"*All*" previous devices?  Are you sure about that?  What about Dr Sam Beckett's Quantum Accellerator in Quantam Leap?  That was very similar to the sustem you have described here, and because of Quantoon Leap, it is a part of the TTAFF universe, sort of.   And as far as *all* previous devices *simply* allowing travellers to go to the past, well, what of the orginal Time Machine in HG Welles, The Time Machine?  He used that to visit, the *future.*  And then, what of that ultimate time travel decive, the TARDIS, as bult by the Time Lords on the Planet of Gallifrey?  Not only does it allow you to visit the past or the future, it allows you to do so on any planet in the known universe, and some that even aren't.  (Like E pace.)  And, since the 5th Doctor did use it to visit the Toonsters in A Doc in the Quarks, then the TARDIS is part of the the TTAFF universe.  Granted, there are certain limits to where a TARDIS can and can not go, but that's the subject for a differnt forum altogether.  Anyway, I just thought it would be important to set the record straight on this time travel machine stuff.  Or at least, I guess it was."  
  
Looking somewhat confused, Kevin returns to his seat and waits for the program to continue towards its conclusion.  
  
Kevin  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Dr.Lord: Yes, all previous devices. I was refering to the system of safeguarding against paradoxes in Time.  
  
     Yes, Dr. Sam Beckett did use a system where he inhabited the person's body - but he was in full control of them and was making all the replies from his own mind. This enabled him to change the history of people's lives - a very unwise thing to do. For if one small thing is changed in someone's past - all their future would be effected. We are, after all, the result of our pasts. If something changes that - then the possible future for us would be differant - un-making us who we are. Interfereing with the past can destroy the present and certainly the future.  
  
    My system was specifically designed not to do that. We shall be "hosted" and share the knowledge of our hosts - but *they* are in control and are unaware of us. We watch and hear and experiance and feel with them. We do not influence or change them in this way. This is why it is differant from the other systems, which are too risky in my way of thinking.  
  
    In Star Trek's "The City on the Edge of Forever", Dr.Mcoy's simple act of pulling Edith Keeler out of a truck's path changed ALL of history and destroyed the future. Those risks are too great to gamble on.  
  
    My Time / Dimensional Displacement Aparatis is specifically geared for travel into the past. The Future is being formed by the Present, at present. So - if you really want to alter Time in your own life - do it now, in the Present - and make your Future the way you want it to be. Any questions?  
  
:)  
  
DL  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
      Yeah, you didn't address the Doctor, Doc. About the TARDIS? Or is that just on tv. But then, so are Star Trek & Quantum Leap. So I guess the Doctor deserves as serious consideration. (Altho he is a Time Lord, so maybe that changes the whole bit)  
  
      Nathaniel T. Freeman  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
DL: The Doctor also fully interacted with those he came in contact with and risked changing history as well. It all comes down to being careful and responcible about one's actions because of the possible repercussions. If a Time Traveler is simply "going out to see what the Future or the past is like" - he's risking changing himself and everything else as well.  
  
Occassionally when it wasn't broken, the Tardis could go where it was asked to go, but most often - (in the days of Tom Baker) it went wherever and whenever at random and that's extremely risky. Is it just TV? ..That's up to you. ;)  
  
DL  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Dr. Lord: Thank you everyone!  
  
  
  
* He and the Fox wave and return to their seats.  Peter starts to continue the awards ceramony, only to have Pepe K. scurry back out, nearly knocking him over in the process as he scampers back to his theatre box.*  
  
*Fifi, Hamton and April all share a small laugh as Peter quickly and awkwardly tries to regain composure. He tries to play it off, but hearing the chuckling of the audience, he can't help but grin sheepishly.*  
  
Peter:      Must've been in a hurry to catch a Ukie...  
  
*Light laughter as Hamton and Fifi exit the stage*  
  
Peter:      Our next Ukie Award celebrates a rather unique genre of fanficion, that of the "class project." And to help explain it a little better, I now present to you Mr. Nathanial T. Freeman.  
  
*generous applause comes from the audience as Nate rises, then makes his way to the stage. Peter takes a step back to join April and Nate takes his place at the podium.*  
  
Nate:       Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Well, it seemed to me that there were fics that took the form of class projects. "Showdown" was the most upfront about it. Think about it - could Calamity've really cooperated with all those Disney toons in bringing Pinky and the Brain to justice? And, Herr Zook, I'm sure you'd know whether or not you intended for Buster and Babs to really meet for the first time on the Silver Smudge (and in my opinion there was just as much reason for "They Had Each Other" to be nominated). "Snow Loon" is another example. As to the others, my guess would be those who nominated those fics saw the plots thereof hanging on things that occurred in class; Fifi's chem project in "Scent-Cement Reason," the Take-o-Prompter in "Gone With the Whim." That sorta thing.  
  
Peter:      Well, thanks, Nate. I'm sure you explained that far better than I ever could.  
  
*The audience chuckles*  
  
Nate:       My pleasure.  
  
April:      For Best Class Project Story, the nominees are:  
  
=============================================================  
  
As far as bright, sunny days in Acme Acres went, this particular day was not one of them. A few dark clouds loomed on the horizon; however, the students of Acme Looniversity gave them no thought. They had other things on their collective minds. Getting through their junior year in one piece, for one thing. Making it through "Wild Takes 101," for another. They knew that if they failed this class, they might just as well look for work at DiC. Or even worse...Filmation!  
  
"Today, class, we're gonna review what many feel to be the mostimportant part of toondom," Prof. Bugs Bunny began  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Gone with the Whim" by Jerry D. Withers  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Oh. Okay. Well, here's your room. If there's anything you need, you can buzz me with that red button next to the window."  
  
"Thanks, uh, uhh..." tried Buster as he reached into his furpants pocket.  
  
"Plucky Duck," the avian smiled.  
  
"Well, thanks, Plucky. Here," Buster said, extending his hand. In it were three one dollar bills. "Call me Buster."  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Silver Smudge" by Paul R. Zook  
  
=============================================================  
  
DARKWING  
  
Where's he going?  
  
Darkwing looks to Calamity. Calamity shrugs.  
  
DARKWING  
  
Do you ever talk!? Not one word. Not a  
  
Single solitary word...what a ya mute!?  
  
Calamity holds up a bumper sticker saying "The less I talk the smarter people think I am."  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Copyrats" by Jason "Oschindler" Bretz  
  
=============================================================  
  
The pig holds the packet, and notices that, despite its small size, it's very heavy; he shakes it next to his ear, but doesn't hear anything. Fifi takes it and shreds the paper.  
  
"Zis, Hamton, is a sample of the material zat the DC Comics personnel uses to make Clayface in the Batman stories!" She shows Hamton the contents of the box - a light-beige bar of modelling clay, about the size of a VHS tape. Hamton still looks confused.  
  
"It's tres simple, mon amour. 'Ave vous seen zat animation where ze animators use little clay dolls as characters? Zey shape the character with clay, zey take a picture, and zey reshape the character in ze next pose, and take another picture, and so on?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, Fifi! Of course! So you'll make a cartoon in that style, then? But how will this stuff be helpful?"  
  
"I will mix zis sample of clay with gypsum and conventional clay from Acme, to make a paste zat we can use on ourselves to do zat type of animation in real-time!"  
  
"Cool, Fifi! Let's do it!"  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Scent-Cement Reason" by Leandro M. Pinto  
  
and  
  
=============================================================  
  
Once upon a time, in a land called Acme, there lived a beautiful Loon and an evil Vice Principal. Our story opens in Acme Loo in the Vice Principal's office. . .  
  
"Mirror, Mirror, on the chair, who's the fairest in thy lair?" asked Vice Principal Elmyra.  
  
"There is one more beautiful than thee. With hair the color of grain, beak the color of the evening sun, and feathers the color of Snow," said the mirror(Buster).  
  
"Snow Loon! She MUST be killed." Being with that, the VP calls for the best hunter.  
  
"Eh, another bit part. Another day, another carrot," said Buster.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Snow Loon" by Colin Feder.  
  
And the winner for For Best Class Project Story, the Ukie goes to...  
  
*Peter reaches into his pocket, draws out the last envelope, and hands it to the girl who in turn opens and reads it.*  
  
"Gone with the Whim" by Jerry D. Withers! Yay!  
  
*Great applause fills the room as Jerry rises to accept his award.*  
  
(apologizing in advance for a lame presentation on an award he still has absolutely no idea about,)  
  
  
  
  
  
Peter  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Once the audience quiets down again, Bear continues with the presentations.  "Next up is Most unique use of scenery in a fanfic."  
  
"Stop right there." A suited figure shouts, interrupting the proceedings  
  
"Uh-That is-Once I get back to the stage." Bear says, burrowing into the ground once again.  
  
  
  
From stage left, a middle-aged guy in glasses, spoting a full salt-and- pepper beard, his hat covering a bad hair day, approaches the podium.  
  
Jerry: Gee, thanks, folks! I'm glad to know that after all this time, something as loopy as "Gone With The Whim" still makes enough of an impression on folks. (From off stage, he sees a werekitty waving at him, holding a large carton of chocolate milk and a tuna fish hoagie.) I'll have to cut this short, folks... beauty calls! (Werekitty sees him, screams, and runs off who knows where, with our winner in lukewarm pursuit :) )  
  
Lionel Carrotte: Wot was all *that* about?  
  
Nigel Carrotte: It was about wasting a minute of time, as far as I'm concerned.  
  
grin  
  
Thanks, folks.  
  
The guy in the hat,  
  
Jerry.  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Backstage, Leloni slaps her hand to her head.  "Oh for goodness sakes, who let that Werecat in here?!  I hired Arnold to _guard_ the stage not let every Tom Dick and Scary who comes along on it."  
  
'Loopy' Jerry calls his story, humph!  That happens to be the very first TTA Fanfic I ever read.  And it holds a special place within the deep muscly blod vessels of my little heart. :P  
  
All deep emotional gushing aside, Leloni goes flying across the stage after the werekitty.  
  
"Don't hurt him!  He's a great writer!"  
  
As Leloni's powderpuff tail disappears behind the opposite curtain, the Carrotte trio are left to wondering again.  Lizzy turns to her brothers. "Wot was _that_ all about?"  
  
"Don't look at us, Liz," Leo replies smugly, "She's _YOUR_ cousin!"  
  
Leloni Bunny  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
   I dunno; my money would be on the Furrster himself. And would even Arnold want to tangle with a WERE-cat? (did I mention I was a teenage werewolf?)  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
      Well, the very first TTA Fanfic I ever read was A Reluctant Toon by Bryan 'Wilford B. Wolf' Chaney. But already I ramble. But y'all're used to it.  
  
      Nathaniel T. Freeman  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
      Don't hurt HIM? Who's chasing whom here? Altho the argument could be made that she was baiting him with the foodstuffs; she knows what he likes.  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
::hiding behind the snack bar:: That's what I get for bringing a lunch.  
  
::sighs, peeks, EEEEPS, and runs for it again:: Gee, I didn't think I was his type...  
  
Werekitty  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Furrb stops, catches his breath, reaches in his shirt pocket and consults his checklist. "Hmmm... female... breathing... sounds like my type to me..." :)  
  
Meow.  
  
Furrball ;)  
  
The Colonel (Graham Chapman) interrupts at this point. "Stop this. It's getting too silly."  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
::listens to THIS interwesting piece of information, and does an impromtu imatation of the little-heard-from HB character Baboo (the aprintice genie)::  
  
Maaaaan. He is so PICK-key! ::notices that Jerry's catching up with her::  
  
Gee, I always wondered what Penelope felt like... ::does a spinning-foot exit take outta there::  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
::she THEN skids to a stop, getting a brilliant inspiration. She rushes back into the audience looking for a famious lavendar bunny. Having located her, back in her seat, the werekitty rushes up to her:: Hiya, Lellie. ::pulls the startled rabbitfemme to her feet, hands her a grilled tuna hoagie, and a carten of chocolate milk, and faces her in the direction of Jerry's projected trajectory:: Just call me a matchmaker. After all YOU're the one who thinks he's cute. Bye-eye! ::ZOOMS off in a cloud of smoke::  
  
To quote an equally famious GRAY bunny:  
  
"Aint I a stinker?"  
  
The Incredible Werekitty  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Although it's been said, many times, many ways...  
  
*OUCH!!* ;D  
  
The indelible Furrball. 


	6. Scenery Awards

"Welcome to the Scenery Award section of the Ukies. I'm your host for this section Bear." A tall fox says as he walks onto the stage.  He is well- dressed in tails and carrying a package. Tossing the package at Leloni, he says, "By the way, Lel, thanks for telling me to dress in an aardvark suit. I find it amazing what little sense of humor the Cartoon State of Ohio has. It is actually a criminal offence for a fox to dress in an aardvark costume.  So if anyone in an Ohio State police officer's uniform asks, I am not here."  
  
   There is a few shrugs in the audience while a few others simply chuckle.  
  
   His duty completed, the tall fox steps up to the podium.  "Scenery is probably one of the most over looked items of a story and without it-"  
  
Several members of the audience scream, as they find absolutely nothing other then the rest of the audience around them. Sirens fill the air bringing everyone back to the auditorium, as a  two tailed fox hovers into view.  
  
"Bear there are a bunch of angry people out there looking for you," says the two-tailed fox. "And I still have no idea why they call your jacket wearing 'tails'. What did you do this time cause another oil shortage single pawed."  
  
"Don't worry about it Miles," replies the tall fox; as he dives through a toon hole.  
  
COMMERCIAL BREAK  
  
"Monty Union when your money absolutely has to be there yesterday. Now with lower rates only ten dollars per dollar transferred. Just listen to this satisfied customer.  
  
"I used Monty Union to bail my husband out of jail two cities away. He walked home after spending a week in jail and the.  
  
"CUT, redo that scene." Montana Max screams kicking the 'customer out of the scene'  
  
"We can't this is live." a voice from off scene replies, as the screen suddenly goes to static  
  
END COMMERCIAL  
  
Bear clears his throat, climbing out of a rabbit hole in front of Acme Loo  " First up is the Best use of the Acme Loo/Acme Acres setting."  
  
Back in the audience, Bugs comments to Honey, "That fox is going to find himself in real trouble if he ain't careful."  
  
"Don't worry about it Bugsy." She replies.  
  
"The nominees are;  
  
=============================================================  
  
He climbed the thirteen stairs to the doors of Acme Looniversity. All three tried pulling, but they were locked too tightly.  
  
"Anybody bring something to break the door with?" Babs asked.  
  
"Hang on," Buster said. He ran back down the stairs and stood ten feet from the door. He then dashed forward and kicked it in. The lock on the door shattered and the doors opened. Acme Looniversity never got around to installing a security system.  
  
They walked in and drew their flashlights. Right away they knew everything was different. The school looked ominous when it was almost completely dark.  
  
"Doesn't it seem weird that three minor celebrities are breaking and entering into a school?" Plucky asked.  
  
"That would be any of our agents worst nightmare, for us to do something like this," Buster said.  
  
"Yeah... hehehe, agents," Plucky said, laughing nervously.  
  
"Where do we go first?" Babs asked.  
  
"Bugs' office of course," Plucky said.  
  
The three of them ran down the dark hall with only their flashlights providing light. They reached the door to the Principal's office and kicked it in.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"The Old Classroom";  
  
=============================================================  
  
Twenty minutes later (or one zip pan whichever's faster) they arrived at the park with a surprise. The grass on the soccer field was eye level high. Plucky was as usual the first to comment.  
  
"There goes the soccer game."  
  
"Like get crucial Plucky. They might be like, restoring natural prairie land or some junk."  
  
"Non. Zat is not it." Said Fifi pointing out the nearby and unused soccer field tending equipment. " Due to a negatif cash surplus, ze city 'as not yet alloted any money for park upkeep zis year. Some cutbacks 'ad to be made to keep up ze rest of ze park."  
  
Plucky walked over to an inert motorized line laying device and gave it a kick.  
  
"Stupid budget restraints." THUNK! "Owwwwww!"  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Multififity"  by Abel Desable;  
  
=============================================================  
  
"I'll have an extra-large, jumbo weenie burger, double fries, mayo, and a small carrot soda, please."  
  
"Just a Tofu dog in an organic bun, or some junk, for me."  
  
"I theenk I'll 'ave ze Krusty Burger with extra cheese, and some fries, si'l vous plait..."  
  
The entire burger joint went deathly silent.  
  
"*KRUSTY BURGER????!*"  
  
Fifi turned round and blushed. "What eez wrong with a little variety in a girl's life?!"  
  
Somewhere in the distance, an owl hooted.  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Rivals" by Kev Beeley and  
  
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He arrived at Acme Loo, but where the proud building had once stood alone, it was now surrounded by a cityful of skyscrapers, condos, and smog- producing factories. He gasped. He ran towards the city. He ran past a newsstand, and skidded to a halt. He hopped back towards it, and picked up a paper.  
  
He was horrified. Underneath the title, was the date. May 16, 2041. He had travelled 45 years forward in time! He dropped the paper in shock. Amidst strange looks from the toons around him, he ran off. He made his way to the Looniversity. He arrived, but could not believe his eyes. The building was a wreck. Cracks spread across it's walls, and most of the windows were missing. It was obviously abandoned, unused in God knows how long.  
  
Buster ran inside, hoping that the library would still be intact. Fortunately for him, it was. He ran to the reference section, and scanned the shelves. At last, he found the book he was after, "A Hundred Year History of Warner Bros." It was printed 11 years ago, but Buster hoped that the information he needed would be there.  
  
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"Rabbit Out of Time"  
  
"And the winner is "Rivals" by Kev Beeley!"  
  
Thunderous applaus echoes through the auditorium as KeV arises to accept his second award of the evening.  
  
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[no reply given]  
  
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Commercial  
  
"Acme GPS guaranteed to work up to 20 feet under ground and accurate within 20 feet."  
  
"I reached the North Pole using an Acme GPS 100. With the Acme 2001 color who knows where it will lead you." A cartoon representation of Admiral Bryd says smiling  
  
End Commercial  
  
"All right, time to get this show going." Bear says as he climbs out of a hole holding a device in his paw. "Ok, never believe ad copy."  
  
The camera moves to a wide shoot around the fox, who is standing on a large ice field. In the background several polar bears are moving around.  
  
"Well this isn't Acme Acres." Bear mumbles tossing the gps unit "Dum."  
  
"Bear, we're live." Leloni's voice echos in Bear's ear over the radio he was wearing  
  
"Welcome back to the Ukies.  Next up, Most unique use of scenery in a fanfic.  The nominees are:  
  
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From his third story balcony he could see for miles. The green grass of Acme Acres stretched out before him, and the sun shone down, marking the start of another pleasant day. A haze surrounded the cityscape that occupied the horizon, with the bell tower of Acmelooniversity standing alone amongst the other buildings. The forest stretched off on either side, and there was a pleasant smell of pine. Letting out a sigh, he turned from the balcony and went back inside. He removed his robe, picked up his keys and headed out to his car.  
  
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"The Hours Between Night and Day: Bugsnapped! III"  
  
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It is a gloomy looking day at Montana Max's mansion.(When isn't it?) Thunder clouds are in the sky, lightning flashes from cloud to cloud, almost, but never touching Max's home.  
  
The front gates shine a dark gold luster to the world. Signs saying, "Charity workers will be shot! Girl scouts will receive one dog on the kester!" and other various signs are posted on the gates.  
  
The grand driveway of freshly paved concrete leads to the main entrance of the estate, two huge solid oak doors with a coating of paint that gives them the appearance of towering slabs of white marble. From inside can be heard the insidious laughter of Montana Max, a sound his competitors heard before a takeover.  
  
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"Legend of the Deed to Acme Acres"  
  
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Plucky climbs up a tall craggy cliff, then stands on the peak, the wind blowing though his hair. Plucky takes a deep breath and throws himself from the cliff. He falls further and further out of sight until he crashes into the base of a cavern with a doughnut shaped cloud.  
  
Plucky picks himself up and brushes the dust off his backside.  
  
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"Up the Duff"  
  
Bear opens an envolope that appears out of nowhere.  He looks at the paper and announces, "The Winner is "Legend of the Deed to Acme Acres"    
  
Before he can say anything more, a polar bear taps the fox on the shoulder.  The polar bear growls.  
  
Bear turns to look at the bear.  He can see the bear is carrying the GPS unit and a very big bump on his head.  
  
"Whoops."  
  
Fade Out  
  
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[no reply given]  
  
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FADE IN  
  
Bear is standing on the stage looking at a form. A well-dressed man stands nearby.  
  
"You are hereby ordered to Cease and Desist. un-natural behavior for a predator, and copyright infringement, unauthorized use of methods copyrighted to Warner Brothers." Bear mumbles, staring at the paper work in his paws.  
  
"That's right I shall be more than happy to." the man says as he falls to the stage under a book the size of console TV.  
  
"Leloni thanks for the helicopter rescue." Bear says, leaning on the book. The book is conveniently titled 'The Fennec Fox' in large print. "Unnatural my foot."  
  
"Bear, I was about to find a replacement." Leloni says noticing the monitor "BEAR, we're live."  
  
"Welcome back to the Ukies." Bear says as he quickly shreds the papers he was holding. Putting a grin on his face, Bear continues, "The next category is 'Most well-described setting'. The nominees are."  
  
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"If word of this ever gets out, the airlines could go out of business," she laughed to herself. Referring to the directions that RuBarb had reluctantly given her, she wandered through the confusing maze of buildings that comprised Boston proper, silently berating herself for not bringing cab fare. Finally, she reached the financial district and her destination, a very large and _very_ imposing structure known as The Tralfaz Building. Taking a deep breath, she walked to the front door, and was almost inside when a sharp voice stopped her.  
  
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The description of Boston in Jerry Wither's fanfic "THE BLOOMIN' LOONIES 2 1/2: 'Football: It's STILL A Looney Old Game...'"  
  
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Standing in the shower, I lustily belted out my favorite song:  
  
"Bay-ury the need for it,  
  
Bay-ury the seed!  
  
Bay-ury me deep, when there's no will to be:  
  
Better than Yoooooouuuuu!"  
  
My rendition was then abruptly cut off by a pounding on the bathroom door. I shut off the water, threw a towel around myself and, snatching up my glasses on the way, went to answer it.  
  
When I opened the door, I found Elmyra standing there with her arms folded.  
  
"Hey, you crazy furryhead!" she demanded irritably; "What are you doing in there?"  
  
"Metallica," I replied, equally annoyed; "obviously!" and shaking my head as I muttered the words: "No taste in music!" I closed the door in her face.  
  
She responded by hammering on the door a second time. I opened it  
  
"Listen," she said; "You come out of there right now, you bad kitty"  
  
"Marten, Elmyra, MARTEN." I corrected; "I just took a shower. Cat's don't like water."  
  
"Yes they do. All my other little kitty-witties just love the water"  
  
"Let me guess: Every time you take them out in the yard to play 'Terminator', they jump in the swimming pool, and dive straight to the bottom. Right?"  
  
Elmyra squinted at me:  
  
"Are you sure this is the first time I ever brought you home? Well, never mind. You come out of there right now and get back to your cage."  
  
"III...don't think..."  
  
"You heard me." she said, waving a hand towards her room; "Right now."  
  
I shrugged and snatched up my clothes.  
  
"Okay, if you say so, but always remember: You told me to."  
  
I was halfway down the hall when I heard Elmyra's angry yelp. Looking back, I saw her head sticking out of the bathroom, wearing an unpleasant expression:  
  
"Hey! You goofy furrfacehead! Look at the icky-yucky mess you left in here!"  
  
Tentatively, I replied:  
  
"Then... I guess you, uh.... don't want to know about the carpet." Looking down, Elmyra noticed for the first time the soggy trail I'd left on the rug as I'd walked down the hall towards her room...  
  
...and slapped a hand over her face!  
  
"Hey! Hey! Don't blame me." I said to Elmyra as she locked me back in my cage, this time checking to make sure that it was securely locked; "You could have given me time to clean up and dry off, but nooooooo..."  
  
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Elmyra's house in "Pet Peeve"  
  
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The house was an odd mixture of styles. The furnishings were old, very old and downright ancient. The long hall was richly paneled with black oak that looked at least a century old. Beautiful masterpieces of art adorned the walls and gas light fixtures burned unevenly, lighting their way. Their slow steps echoed on the polished hardwood floors.  
  
"No wonder Plucky thinks this place is haunted!" thought Fifi.  
  
As they walked, Fifi had a chance to study her host. Kirrik appeared to be quite normal for a human being. He was neither tall or short, fat nor thin. He seemed somewhat stiff and formal, evidently an Old World European. The music and the stillness made the surroundings seem creepy and Fifi looked nervously behind her - half expecting the eyes of the paintings to follow.  
  
Kirrik turned and gestured as they came to the entrance to the most magnificent room Fifi had ever seen. It was like the throne room of an ancient castle, thick gothic stone walls were supported by massive black hand-hewn beams up the the twenty-five foot ceiling. Medieval shields, spears and banners hung from the walls high overhead, alongside groups of hundreds of gilded organ pipes. Atop a platform sat the organ's four inlaid ivory keyboards and pedals, behind a carved ebony bench. Across the oriental rugs along the far wall, there was a vast stone fireplace big enough to hold a Volkswagen, between two black marble gargoyles. Their jeweled eyes glowed with the reflection of the logs burning on the grate and flames fluttered from their gaping jaws.  
  
Amazed, Fifi walked into the center of the room like Dorothy arriving in the Land of Oz. Then she noticed a painting over the mantelpiece. Though the other paintings were of reality - this was a picture of a toon. Though the painter's style reminded her of Leonardo Da Vinci - the figure in question was unmistakable.  
  
It was Red Hot - the gorgeous red-headed girl from Tex Avery's cartoons. The painting was splendid beyond description and the mantle was arranged around it, with a bowl of pink English roses below and the word "Semper" engraved above it in stone.  
  
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Dr. Lord's Mansion in "A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven" by Pepe K.  
  
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"Firefighter."  
  
Chad spun and reappeared in a police uniform.  
  
Babs frowned. "Football player."  
  
He spun into goofy pants and golf clubs.  
  
"Daffy Duck."  
  
Chad spun into an Elmer Fudd costume.  
  
"What's *with* you today?" Babs burst out finally.  
  
Chad sighed and sat down. "I just can't concentrate, that's all."  
  
"Is it about the meet? I heard the regionals were coming up."  
  
"Sort of. But--not really." He got up and paced the room for a moment. "Babs... We have to talk about something. I think we know each other well enough that I can tell you..."  
  
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"Out of the Closet, Into the Fire" by Renee Carter Hall  
  
"The Winner is Dr. Lord's Mansion in A Time to Every Purpose Unto Heaven by Pepe K." Bear says. With Calamity Coyote's help, he catapults the book and man under it off the stage.  
  
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*The audience applauds loudly, but is surprised when Peter appears and approaches the stage. He takes the award from Bear.*  
  
Peter: Due to circumstances beyond his control, Pepe had to leave the hall. He gives his regrets, and requested that I accept his awards in his stead. This I will do starting right now. On behalf of him, his cast and crew, thank you so very much for this award, everyone. You're the best!  
  
*The audience applauds as Peter exits the stage to join with Dr. Lord.*  
  
  
  
Peter  
  
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Commercial  
  
"Visit the new Acme Petting Zoo. You'll get closer to the animals, than you ever dreamed was possible."  
  
The camera goes to a wide shot, all the animals are running for safety with Elmyra in hot pursuit."  
  
END Commercial  
  
"The Horror of petting zoo." Bear shutters, as he turns to face he camera "Now for the Most Amusing setting."  
  
"Bear, like you'd really know," Tails said grinning "Or is there something you're hiding?"  
  
"Please get off the stage Miles I'm not getting into it. And the Nominees are:"  
  
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Even with both of them pulling on it, there was still considerable resistance for a few seconds before the background popped down, and when it finally did, Buster and Babs were shocked by what they saw. Seated at a large table were several well known Toons from several different studios. From WB there was Porky Pig and Elmer Fudd, from Universal was Woody Woodpecker, from the Fleischer Bros. studio, Betty Boop and Popeye, and from Disney there was Mickey Mouse. From the comic books, and propped up on an easel in a white cardboard frame was Scrooge McDuck.  
  
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The live action animation studio in Kevin Mickel's "What's in a Name?"  
  
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A single spotlight appears onstage as Culture Club starts the concert with their top ten hit, "Church of the Poison Mind". Soon after the song begins, Boy George, Culture Club's androgynous lead singer prances onstage, belting out the lyrics of the song.  
  
"Desolate lovin' in your eyes you used to make my life so sweet!  
  
Stepped out like a god found child, I saw your eyes across the street...!"  
  
The music quickly fades out as a large paintbrush descends from above and sloshes all over the background, leaving George along in blackness, the spotlight still on him.  
  
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The stage in "Karrot Chamaleon" [Actually the story is "Cultural Catastrophe", "Karrot Chamaleon" was a video parody based on it]  
  
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Not knowing what else to do, Babs thought she might as well go home. She opened the front door and was momentarily blinded by the intense light. When she could see again, she couldn't believe what she saw. Acme Acres was gone! In its place was a vast wonderland of beauty. Brilliant greens, yellows and reds were splashed all over the landscape. The whole valley looked like something out of a 1940's WB cartoon, only with 90's style hues.  
  
Babs gazed upon the wonderland that lay before her; the green grass; the yellow roads; the quaint little cottages; the lazy bright blue sky; the little pink light that was coming toward her...the WHAT?!!!  
  
Babs rubbed her eyes and looked again. Sure enough, a small pink light was approaching her. Babs's jaw dropped to the ground and down the Loo's steps.  
  
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Oz - We're off to see the Wizard  
  
"The Winner is the live action animation studio in Kevin Mickel's "What's in a Name?" Bear said jumping as he heard a door slam  
  
"There you are foxy woxie." A familiar voice called out rushing towards the stage as a large number of the audience hid under their chairs.  
  
"THIS is not my week." Bear sighed, diving through a hole in the stage.  
  
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Well, whattaya know? I won another one.  
  
Gee, all I can say is, "Thanks, I appreciate it."  
  
Now if someone would just explain to Elmyra that... Never mind. You can't explain *anything* to her.  
  
Thank you again. I've gotta go get back to work on the April Mailer.  
  
Kevin  
  
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"Welcome to merry old England." Bear exclaimed climbing out of a rabbit hole in front of a sign that said Soho Prep "As Babs say my isn't this convenient, not to mention safe from Elmyra."  
  
"What the bloody 'beep' are you doing to my grounds!" An irate man exclaimed, as an anvil suddenly dropped on him.  
  
"Well I'm sure there is at least one member of our audience that would love to have dropped an anvil or two on our friendly grounds keeper here. So I wonder why have we never seen the Carrotts burrow anywhere?" Bear said grinning, as he took a seat on the anvil "All right welcome back to the Ukies and the final award in the scenery category. The Best other schools, Prefecto Prep is of course not included in this award, and the nominees are:"  
  
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"OOOOOF!" RuBarb said painfully, as Miss Treatment flung the sack containing the kitten to the far corner of a darkened room.  
  
"And you'll _stay_ there until you've learned your lesson!" Agnes scolded her, before shutting and locking the door behind her. Rue waited until she was sure Miss Treatment was gone; then, with one quick movement, unsheathed her claws and ripped her way out of the sack effortlessly. She gave her eyes time to adjust to seeing in the dark, before realizing where she was. It was the part of St. Switchhit's _no_ student wanted to go to: "The Hole".  
  
She took one whiff, and almost gagged from the odor. "Man," she said when she got her voice back, "_Now_ I know what they did with the script to 'Tango And Cash'!" The next thing she did after that was to see if she'd remembered her training from "Props 101"; specifically, the bit that taught that any prop a toon ever needed was conveniently located behind their backs. "Well, Rue, you heard the lady. Let's see if you learned your lesson!" Reaching behind her back, she produced a spray can. Shaking the can vigorously, she pressed the button, and got hit in the face with aerosol cheese. "EUGGGHH!" she whined, disgusted. Shaking it off, she reached behind her back again and, producing yet another can, went through the same ritual, making sure it was pointed away from her this time. As she pressed the button, the room was filled with the scent of lilacs. "_Much_ better!" she remarked, just before she heard the sound of the door being unlocked. Spotting her chance, RuBarb zipped quickly to the doorway, in order to escape the second the door was opened.  
  
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Switchhits in "Rhubarb II"  
  
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"And thso," said Daffy Duck, as he stood at the podium, "I am pleased to announth that the Sthaint Canard camputh of Acme Loonverthity will be thtarting clatheth thith fall!"  
  
After closing and putting away the umbrellas that they had been using to protect themselves from flying spittle, the small crowd that was gathered at the Looniversity steps, city officials, Looniversity faculty, and a few prospective students and their parents applauded politely as Daffy said this, more out of relief that he had finally shut up than anything else though.  
  
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Acme Loo / St. Canard campus - Ducks Out of Luck  
  
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"Oh, that's Ramona Rabbit. She transfered here at the beginning of the semester from the Acme Modeling School downtown. Like, someone was telling me that she was the body double of Roger Rabbit's wife in 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit'."  
  
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Acme Modeling School - Aw, Have a Heart!  
  
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The visiting team, the Coachella Valley School of Cosmetology Fightin' Hairdressers, were already out on the field: 40 of the meanest-looking women Plucky had every laid eyes on. They were stretching and running offensive plays against a phantom defense. Their uniforms were colored a light brown, with gold highlights around the edges. They looked like more than a match for the Acme Toonsters, who, much to Plucky's surprise, hadn't even come out onto the field to warm up yet.  
  
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Coachella Valley School of Cosmetology Fighting Hairdressers - Stupor Bowl  
  
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Honey bowed her head again, looking directly at the carpeted floor. "So, when I found out later that I was going to have a baby, I knew I couldn't go to college; not with Buster on the way. Back then, that sort of thing just wasn't done. But, Bugsy knew I'd had my heart set on college, so he pulled some strings and got me into Ivy College... I was the first, last, and ONLY rabbit ever to graduate from there..."  
  
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Ivy College - Closures  
  
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"No," replied the pretty black teenager named Mary Melody, who was without question the most normal student at the Looniversity. "However, rumor has it from unconfirmed sources that Ms. Lola Jean Bunny, age 20-- also unconfirmed--will be seeking a position on the faculty of Acme Looniversity. Ms. Bunny--if that _is_ her real name, graduated from some place called LTU with honors, and attended on a combined academic and athletic scholarship..." The other toonsters just sighed.  
  
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LTU - Newcomer  
  
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I was going to Massive State University, and frankly wasn't doing to well. Of course, it would've help if I bothered to go to class. I had just moved away from my parents, got an internet connection and well, I was feeling my liberation. It felt surprisingly good to spend nights on-line until 6 in the morning. Then I would sleep through classes, get something to eat, and then start all over again. By the time spring rolled around I was getting a wondrous 0.5 GPA.  
  
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Massive State University - Reluctant Toon  
  
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EXT PROF. YAXAVIER'S SCHOOL FOR GIFTED TOONS - DAY  
  
INT DANGER ROOM  
  
PLUCKY is leaping about zapping robots with his Optic Blaster (a large gold swimming mask with knobs on the sides). SHIRLEY focuses her telekinetic powers on a robot but before she can do much else, PLUCKY zaps it. This happens several times.  
  
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Professor Yaxavier's School For Gifted Toons - Uncanny Yuksmen  
  
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"You better believe it, Mac! It's an old family trait with us Carrottes, fortified through years at Soho Prep, where, I dare say, blokes like you would be boiled in oil for even _suggesting_ such a thing! However, seeing as we _are_ in America, I'll let you off with a warning!"  
  
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Soho Prep - Bloomin' Loonies series  
  
"And the winner is Ladies and Gentletoons we have a tie Acme Loo / St. Canard campus - Ducks Out of Luck and Coachella Valley School of Cosmetology Fighting Hairdressers - Stupor Bowl. Both of them scored exactly the same." Bear said grinning, as his ears caught a few sounds in the distance "Well that's it from me, now back to the stage. Good night to one and all." The camera fades out to Bear diving into another rabbit hole as the sounds of Police sirens and Elmyra comes into view  
  
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Well, this is certainly a surprise. I am glad to know that something about that story was liked. In spite of the fact that I had a lot of fun writing it, it has proved to be my least popular story, getting at best a luckwarm reception when it was originally released. This makes this recognition doubly nice, as it proves that the story does have something going for it after all.  
  
Thank you all for this honor.  
  
I have FWD'd Mike his award. If he has anything to say, I'll post it.  
  
Kevin  
  
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"Well Sorry one and all. It appears I forgot an award." Bear sighs standing next to an enormous mallet "It seems I have found at least a temporary solution to my Elmyra problem. Well welcome to the Acme Petting Zoo. Some people have such an interesting idea of community service."  
  
"Bear get on with it!" Leloni shouts rattling a few windows  
  
"All right the Most Amusing Fast Food Stop, and the nominees are:" Bear replies with a grin  
  
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Meanwhile, back at the Weenie Burger, Buster and Plucky have just finished their lunch. Camry is four tables away from the two, with a scowl on her face looking at Buster. Buster just waves back at her, a big grin on his face.  
  
Surrounding Camry, Fowlmouth is saying words that would make a grave digger blush, trying to get Camry to the dance. Arnold is arguing with Furrball, who can only, "MEOW!" back at him over who's taking her. Dizzy and Montana are on the verge of a fight between one another.  
  
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Weenie burgers in "Transfer Student"  
  
"The winner is of course being the only nominee Weenie burgers in 'Transfer Student' " the fox comments his grin turning to terror as something yanks him off screen.  
  
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[no reply given]  
  
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	7. Alternate Universe Awards

*The Stage lights dim, the lights shifting to the orchestra pit, which rises mechanically on hydraulic lifts to reveal the Looney Tunes Orchestra in full formal dress. The stage falls dark and silent till only the musician's lights on their music stands are seen shining.  
  
On cue, Porky Pig rises to his feet and begins to play the opening Promenade from Moussorgsky's "Pictures at an Exhibition" on his coronet. Porky's clear notes proudly play the stately march and the strings join him. Slowly, the lights on the musicians rise, the lights glinting off the brass and silver off the woodwinds and brass and causing the finely polished wood of the harp, violins, violas, cellos and basses to shine with a rich golden glow. The music swells magnificently to a majestic cadence and as the final promenade theme plays, the lights diminish slightly and a bright white follow-spot (light) picks up Pepe K. as he enters from stage right in full formal dress (white tie and tails - all three of them). His tail held high, he strides in time to the music and crosses downstage to the conductor's stand just as the music comes to its triumphant conclusion.*  
  
*The Audience applauds as Pepe K. bows and addresses them.*  
  
Pepe K.: Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen and welcome to the cultural part of our show. Tonight, the Looney Tunes Orchestra will be accompanied in their performance by The Fowl Dancers of Madame` Jete`s School of Ballet.  
  
And now, "The Ballet of Chicks in Their Shells" from Modest Moussorgsky's "Pictures at an Exhibition".  
  
*Pepe turns to the orchestra and the stage curtains open to reveal a huge vinyl dance floor and the stage setting of a woodland pond as its background. The cyclorama behind it is lit like a soft orange sunset. Shirley and the Swans enter on pointe` and assume third position. They all wear pale lavender tights and leotards with floofy white tutus. Their stylized makeup is positively vivid. Silence hums.  
  
Pepe K. conducts the orchestra, playing a light, flitting dance of flutes, clarinet and strings. The beautiful birds perform an elaborate chase with elegant arabesques and Shirley herself performs a brief pas seul,(solo dance) turning an amazing eight pirouettes! The Corps de Ballet moves in to bring the Divertissemant to a swift conclusion, making the delightully fast ballet into a thankfully short one.  
  
There is thunderous applause and cries of "BRAVA!" as the ballerinas curtsey and a proud Plucky Duck presents a dozen pink roses to Shirley.  
  
Pepe K. motions for the orchestra to rise to recieve their applause and turns to bow with them. They then sit and listen as he begins his presentations.*  
  
*Pepe K. crosses to the podium to continue the show. The Skunk in full a full dress tuxedo may appear youthful, but his greying temples belie his age.*  
  
Pepe K.: Tonight, I'll be begining my stint as presenter of our UKE Awards - but not without the help of a lovely friend of mine - Ladies and Gentlmen - the Russian answer to Charlie's Angels - Ms. Laika Romanov!  
  
*Laika enters from upstage left in a royal blue gown that covers her petite frame like a coat of spray paint. The striking jerboa crosses the stage, her long blonde hair is done up in waves like Veronica Lake's. Laika stiffens as some of the males in the audience whistle at her, but she arrives at the podium with a smile, waving her long tufted mouse-like tail.*  
  
Laika: In my country - we leave wolves out een Siberia!  
  
*the audience laughs*  
  
Pepe K.: Tonight, we begin the awards for Fanfics concerning Alternate Tooniverses - rather a finite group, but nonetheless fascinating.  
  
Laika: Eez hard to write stories ov creepy sci-fi opposites to peoples vee are already knowing well, da!  
  
Pepe K.: Yes, not only must the author create good science fiction, but they must create a concept of our well-known characters and create interesting and believable opposites of them. Quite often these anti- characters end up in our Tooniverse -  
  
Laika: Or our peoples end up een dere Tooniverse - and dat mins trouble!  
  
Pepe K.: Da! ..I mean yes! Considerable conflict! And tonight we shall award the "Best Conflict in an Alternate Tooniverse"! The Nominees are:  
  
*Taz beings playing a drumroll on his timpani*  
  
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"Acme Acres," they chorused. The name didn't register.  
  
"Well, where you are now is 'Perfecto Plaza'...only, it's not so perfect anymore..."  
  
"What happened?" Babs asked.  
  
Rebecca sighed sadly. "The Lord High Mayor, that's what happened. He's totally out of control!" She then went on to list a litany of offenses that, had there been a branch office there, would have made Amnestoon International cringe. Her voice choked as she continued. "...And worst of all, he disposed of everyone who ever opposed him." She paused to wipe a tear. "Some of them were my best friends..."  
  
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Pepe K. continues: The Struggle for Freedom in Perfecto Plaza in the "Parallel's" series by Jerry Withers!  
  
*applause*  
  
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While the two rats were busy conferring with one another, the Chancellor looked at the Empress and asked, "Can we trust them?"  
  
"I doubt it. By all accounts, these Perfectos are a lot like us, and I wouldn't trust us if the roles were reversed."  
  
"Then why..."  
  
"Think about it, Chancellor. They *do* have contacts and resources. Once they obtain the Dip for us, we can test it, on them."  
  
"Hmm," said the Chancellor thoughtfully. "A good plan Empress. Perhaps we should have joined forces long ago."  
  
"Don't even think about it, Orange Ears. You destroyed everything I loved in your climb to power. For that I shall hate you forever."  
  
"Oh, and you've ruled your little Empire with benevolence? You've been just as brutal as I have."  
  
"Maybe so, once I had learned how effective the methods could be for imposing my will."  
  
"My point exactly, Empress. We are alike, you and I. We should put aside out past differences and join forces perminately, which will guarantee that no pitiful 'resistance' will spring up like it did back home."  
  
=============================================================  
  
The War between the Emperess and the Chancellor in "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich  
  
and Mike Demico!  
  
*applause*  
  
=============================================================  
  
Buster ran towards Alez, and dived at him. He knocked Alez short; but came flying from the impact. He crashed into the Creation, and tumbled over the edge with it. He twisted in the air, and looked upwards. He knew that he was going to die, so he simply accepted it. Suddenly, he heard a voice that changed that.  
  
"Buster! Give me your hand!" It was Babs. Buster looked downwards, and saw Babs standing on a rocky outcrop. He reached out his hand, and she grabbed it as he fell past her. She was pulled to her knees by the force of his fall. He dangled over the edge, with Babs hanging on to his hand. He looked upward at her, and noticed something else. Alez was leaning over the top of the chasm, looking down at them. "History won't let ya win dat easy, kid." thought Bugs.  
  
Buster looked down at the Creation, which was thrashing in the lava. He looked back up at Alez, and his heart stopped. The chasm was collapsing! A large crack appeared below Alez, and the ground gave way from underneath him. The young Bugs dived after Alez, but missed his hand.  
  
Alez tumbled down the chasm, towards the lava and the Creation. Buster let out a gasp, and thrust his other hand outwards. He managed to grab Alez's hand, and the rat swung into the wall of the chasm below Buster. Unfortunately, the extra weight was too much for Babs. She strained with the effort, but knew she couldn't hold both of them.  
  
"Buster! Give me your other hand! You're slipping! I can't hold you!" Buster looked down at Alez, who had a serene look on his face. He was ready to die. Buster glanced down at the lava, and saw that the Creation had dissolved in the great heat.  
  
Buster strained with the weight of Alez. He had to save him, but how could he? "Let it go, Buster." thought Bugs, "Ya have beaten history, now let it have it's way. If Alez is meant ta survive, he will."  
  
"I can't do that, Bugs! That would be murder!"  
  
"I know it ain't easy, but ya are gonna have to make the choice. It's up to ya. Maybe we aren't meant to survive either. Just make up ya mind, and do it quick."  
  
=============================================================  
  
And the Toons vs the Created in "The Hours Between Night and Day: Bugsnapped! III" by Plucky Warner!  
  
*applause*  
  
Laika: And de UKE Avard for Best Conflict in an Alternate Tooniverse goes to -  
  
*Pepe K. opens the envelope and reads*  
  
Pepe K.: "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico! Congratulations!  
  
*cheers and applause*  
  
  
  
Pepe K.  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Well, it seems that Mondo has won another award. At this point, I again give much credit to my fellow authors for creating such an intriguing world and scenario. The Acme Zone and its inhabitants were very interesting to create and deal with, and I know that for all of us it was very rewarding.  
  
I have FWD'd the award and this response to my fellow writers not on the daily list. In the meantime, Nef, you gonna say anything?  
  
Kevin  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Nah, I'm too busy compounding Feloni Mayhem's mental instabilities on alt.devilbunnies. :) Sorry I've just been lurking here for so long; seems my days of writing Tiny Toons stories are over. On to stranger things I guess.  
  
Nefaria  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Well, I had my say on this one, here's a comment from Mike Demico...  
  
Another one? What can I say really but thanks! Yes, yes, I know "Thank you William Shakespeare" and all for such a well rolling acceptance speach. G It just amazes me how well this story was received and how well it continues to live on. In a way I'm *not* surprised though since we certainly took the time for quality and batting ideas around, and with the fun we had with the Acme zone..well most times when you have "More fun than a rabbit oughta have", you know something special is going to come from it. But in all due humbleness, even as great from my own viewpoint that I thought we all made this story to be, its still a strange feeling to see it generate such a following. Picture yourself having made "Star Wars" five years back and I guess you can see where these thoughts come from. Thank you for keeping all our hard work and fun alive, remembered and enjoyed!  
  
Mike.  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*Pepe K. and Laika Romanov stand at the podium*  
  
Pepe K. :And the UKEies continue! Tonight, since we are honoring Alternate Tooniverses - I felt we should look back a bit at where it all stemmed from and came up with at least one viable resource. It may not be absolutely correct, but the first I recall seeing addressed was from an episode of the original Star Trek called "Mirror, Mirror" - where Captain Kirk and company accidentaly switched places with their opposites and wound up having to pretend to be their evil selves.  
  
Laika: So joining uz tonight eez "our" equivalentz - de Kapitan andt crew ov de Starship Acme!  
  
*Upstage center, three columns of sparkling atoms appear as Captain James T. Quirk (Plucky), Mister Spork (Hamton) and Dr. Fur (Furball) beam down.*  
  
Plucky:(whipping out a phaser suspiciously) Careful Men! You never know what you'll be facing on an uncharted planet!!  
  
Hamton:(calmly regarding his overly-dramatic captain) I doubt that we happen to be in any danger, Captain. This appears to be a 21st Century Hollywood Awards presentation.  
  
Plucky: Well, ya never know when you'll be attacked by_ravenous_hunk- hungry_groupie-girls!  
  
*He grins with a bright gleam off his capped teeth and makes himself look slick for the audience, but his toupee is on sideways. Furrball takes out a tricorder and points it at their surroundings, examining the audience*  
  
Plucky: _What_is your tricorder reading, Dr. Fur?  
  
Furball: Just as we thought, Jim! There's no intelligent life here.  
  
Hamton: As usual Doctor, your observations are entirely predictable.  
  
Furball: At least my heart's in the right place, you red-blooded pig!  
  
Plucky: Gentlmen! You both know that you really......_like_ each other deep down! Let's...cooperate! ..And besides - I'm supposed to have most of the lines, ya know!  
  
Hamton: Of course, Captain. Tonight we honor -  
  
Plucky: HEY! THAT"S MY LINE!  
  
*comes to the podium with an ingratiating grin*  
  
Plucky: Greetings!_ Peaceful inhabitants!_ We bring_ to you _our sincere and _humble_ Award to that fanfic - which has been voted to have_ the "Best Alternate.... Tooniverse"! The nominees, Spork?  
  
Hamton:(his piggy ears looking unusually pointed)  
  
=============================================================  
  
"It was during the initial attack... The Million just came out of nowhere and like, began slaughtering toons left and right. We were totally unprepared, we thought they were just like any other toony villians until we realised people were dieing. I, I used to commune with spirits a great deal when I was younger but I was like... totally unprepared for death. *REAL* death. The immediate... terror and feelings of total helplessness it can inflict to you as life leaves a person. It was horrible, the looks on their faces as they realised they weren't healing from their injuries just before those... monsters finished them off. I was frozen there, I had gone into shock when you grabbed me by the arm and herded as many of us you could find into the basement of Acme Tec.. By this time several of us like Buster and Barbara had weapons and were trying to defend our position. You got us all into the steam tunnels then grabbed a gun from Barbara, kissed me and sealed the door between us. You provided us with the time we needed to escape... at the cost of your life."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Acme Tech (the Acme County version of the Looniversity) in "Fractured Images" by Abel DuSable.  
  
*applause*  
  
=============================================================  
  
. "The Chancellor is the lord of the ACME Zone, Ruler Supreme, and is hated more than anyone in the land. You must have come from far away not to know that," she answered, looking him over.  
  
=============================================================  
  
The Acme Zone from "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico.  
  
*applause*  
  
=============================================================  
  
Reappearing above ground, Alex hoped he wasn't spotted. After assuring himself he wasn't, he made his way through the forest to the heart of downtown Perfecto Plaza. Strolling past the shops, he could tell at a glance that Rebecca and Catastrophe had only told him *part* of the story. 'Toon Hell' didn't even *begin* to describe it. He grumbled inwardly. At one time, he thought, this must have been a beautiful city. He wagered he'd have no trouble finding the palace. If this was like all the dictatorships he'd read about, it was probably the grandest building in this otherwise squalid town. He couldn't blame Rebecca for wanting to leave. He wanted to leave, too, and he didn't even *live* here! Soon enough, he found the palace. No surprise, he told himself. Outwardly, it looked like something out of a storybook, but Alex felt it gave no hint of the evil within. Suddenly, he felt the fur on the back of his neck stand up, and heard the sound of a rifle pointed at his back, cocked and ready to fire.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Perfecto Plaza from Jerry Withers' "Parallells" series.  
  
*applause*  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Ze Million ees a 'ost of born killers straight from ze nightmares. Vous see, Max created zem to destroy us so 'e could take ovaire not just Acme County but all of Warner World. Max took 'is own Aniplasm to create their skeletons and zen using ze latest in computer technology... GENERATED 'orrible bodies about zem."  
  
=============================================================  
  
And Acme County, from Abel DuSable's "Fractured Images"  
  
*applause*  
  
Furball: (opening the envelope) And the winner is-  
  
Plucky:(grabbing it) Gimme that thing!! *grins to the audience*  
  
..........The Acme Zone from "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico!  
  
*wild applause and cheers*  
  
*Upstage right, three taller colmuns of sparkling atoms appear! The Toons gasp in shock as the real Captain Kirk, Dr. McCoy and Mister Spock beam down into the midst of the proceedings!*  
  
Kirk:(looks around) Spock!...What the devil's going on?!  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Shaking my head with amusment, I again return to the stage, and do so before Kirk and Spock can reply. Holding up my right hand in a perfect Vulcan salute, I say simply, "Peace, and long life to you, Captain Kirk, and Commander Spock."  
  
With a raised eyebrow, Spock looks to Kirk who mearly shrugs his assent. Spock then returns my greeting. "Live long and prosper, Mr. Mickel. I am afraid you have us a somewhat of a dissadvantage."  
  
To this I reply, "Oh, don't worry about it. Some hack writer has pulled you here into an alternate reality. Something like the one where Spock had a beard."  
  
"That information was not included in the offical transcript of our mission."  
  
"I know. But here... Well, let's just say that here we know all about you and your ship. In fact, I'll bet if you contact it now, Scotty can beam you right up."  
  
"Well in that case," said Kirk, "I think we'll get out of here."  
  
With that, Kirk pulled out his commuincator and flipped it open. "Kirk to Enterprise."  
  
"Enterprise, Scott here."  
  
"Scotty, bring us home. Two to beam up."  
  
"Aye, sir."  
  
"Energize."  
  
With shimmer of sparkly light, the two famed Starfleet officers return to their ship.  
  
And now I am free to say this...  
  
"Well, this is certianly yet another honor. Perfecto Plaza, Acme County, Acme Tech, these are all great and interesting places, and yet you have seen fit to declare the Acme Zone to be the best of the best. In the face of such competition, I am truly pleased to receive this award. Thank you all for bestowing it upon us.  
  
"As ususal, I will fwd the award and my repsonse to my fellow authors not on this list and post any responses they wish to make."  
  
Kevin  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
With shimmer of sparkly light, the two famed Starfleet officers return to their ship.  
  
*Dr. McCoy still stands there glowering and staring at Kevin.*  
  
McCoy: Taking advantage of his failing memory, eh? You made him forget about ME!....  
  
*mumbles something about "no intelligent life" and pulls out his own comunicator*  
  
Kevin: Oops! Sorry! *cowers back to his seat. The audience giggles*  
  
McCoy: *gives him the "sour McCoy stare"* Thanks alot, buster!  
  
Buster: *stands up in the 5th row* Hey, I resemble that remark!  
  
McCoy: (to himself) Maybe this is all a halucination from that Romulan Ale we had last night. (into the comminicator) Enterprise! This is McCoy! Tell the Captain to get his big fat -  
  
*There is the sound of the transporter again as Kirk and Spock reappear behind him*  
  
McCoy continues: - fanny back down here! The alien tricked him!  
  
Kirk: I know... *McCoy jumps*  
  
McCoy: Dammit Jim! Don't sneak up on me like that! I can't believe you forgot I was standing right there behind you!  
  
Kirk: Sorry, Bones. Where's that alien?  
  
McCoy: He ducked out somewhere.  
  
Spock: It seems that this universe's norms are made of jappery.  
  
McCoy: You mean they joke around.  
  
Spock: I believe I just said that, Doctor.  
  
Kirk: I think I have "a hunch' to violate the Prime Directive!  
  
Spock: Impossible, Captain. It applies to even a place such as this.  
  
McCoy: ...It's awfully tempting, though.  
  
Kirk: We still have a mission to accomplish here. By the way - have we figured out what's going on here?  
  
Pepe K. and Laika Romanov stand dumfounded as Captain Kirk, Mister Spock and Dr.McCoy look in suprise at the proceedings. Plucky, Hamton and Furball (as Capt. Quirk, Mr. Spork and Dr. Fur) as equally surprised.*  
  
Kirk: Spock - anaylsis?  
  
Spock: We seem to have beamed down into yet another parallel universe, Captain.  
  
Kirk: Bones, what does the tricorder show?  
  
McCoy: They're nothing like I've ever seen before, Jim! They seem like.. living drawings!  
  
Spock: I believe that they are "Toons", Sir -  
  
Pepe K.:Ahhh yes.. that's what most of us here are, Captain Kirk. Sorry about that before.  
  
Kirk: (uneasily coming foward to shake hands) You speak english?  
  
Laika: Da, most ov us. I am speakink english very good, yes?  
  
Pepe K.: Screwy, ain't it?  
  
Spock: Captain, they seem to be composed of "living" petroleum distillates and pigments.  
  
Pepe K.: ..He means ink and paint. Welcome to the Tooniverse - a universe of animated beings - toons.  
  
McCoy:(noticing Plucky, Hamton and Furball) Jim! ..They must be our counterparts here!  
  
Spock: Odd - that we are co-existing in the same space and time.  
  
Plucky: Greetings_ Captain! I_ am the Captain of the _Starship _Acme! *Hamton nudges him* Oh and uh..This is Mister Spork and Dr. Fur...but everybody calls him "Chicken-bones".  
  
Furball: Nobody calls me that! Not even you, Jim! What am I?!- A Doctor or a Comedy Relief?!  
  
Spock: It appears that you are disagreeable in both universes, Doctor.  
  
McCoy: (smiles) Well Spock, you may not be a bearded pirate, but you look infintely better as a pig.  
  
Hamton: Captain, these aliens appear to have impeccable taste.  
  
Laika: Excuse please! We are for making presentations here!  
  
Kirk: Oh!..sorry. Please continue.  
  
Pepe K.: Tonight we'll be honoring the "Best Alternate Persona" in a Fanfic.  
  
Plucky: I _ can't say _ that I think_ much...of mine.  
  
Kirk: (aside to Spock and McCoy) Bones?...Do I talk...like that?  
  
Spock and McCoy:(fumbling)...Uh... well... Not precisely...  
  
Pepe K.: The authors had to produce a clear cut example of the "true opposites" of our beloved characters - creating someone either complex-ly evil or likeable.  
  
Plucky: Humph! _Well, I can't _ honestly say that I care for mine,_ either!  
  
Laika: So, de nominees for "Best Alternate Persona" are:  
  
Pepe K.:The Acme County Shirley, from "Fractured Images" by Abel DuSable!  
  
*applause*  
  
Pluckton, in "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico!  
  
*applause. Plucky bounces around joyously as the other stare at him*  
  
And The Empress from "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico!  
  
*applause*  
  
Laika: And de vinner ov ze UKE Award for "Best Alternate Persona" iz -  
  
Pepe K.(opens the envelope and reads. He is shocked!) Uhhhh... Ladies and Gentleman... uh.. Leloni is this correct?!  
  
*A lavender bunny sticks her head out from behind the curtains*  
  
Leloni: Yes! It's a tie! (she ducks backstage) *Everyone is surprised! The audience gasps!*  
  
Pepe K.: Ladies and Gentlmen! We appear to have two nominees who scored exactly the same! - Both the Empress and Pluckton from "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" (by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico) seem to have won the UKE!!  
  
Hamton: But as I recall, the Empress was hanged for her crimes.  
  
Plucky: That's right!! SO I WIN!!...Uh.. I mean...Pluckton Wins! Very Good, Spork!  
  
Pepe K. I suppose we should award her posthumously?... In any event - "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" *rattles off the names again* (by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico) Whew! - is the winner! ...Now, could things get any _More Complex_??  
  
*There is again the sound of a Transporter in use and everyone whirls around to see three more columns of atoms sparkling and forming into shape! Everyone gapes as the animated kirk, Spock and Dr. McCoy from the animated Filmation series materialize onstage alongside them! The real Captain kirk slaps his forehead and Captain Quirk (Plucky) nearly faints!*  
  
Animated Captain Kirk: Spock!! What the Devil is going on?!?  
  
*Plucky gulps and is about to explode in anger - but his corset bursts apart instead - leaving his belly flopping out!*  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Well, yet another one! (Sorry, I am gonna let the crews of the Starships figure this one out for themselves.)  
  
The Empress and Pluckton were a joy to work with, and to create. Still, I must give the lions share to my co-authors here, they really laid the groundwork for both of them.  
  
Thank you.  
  
Kevin  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*Pepe K. and Laika Romanov stare in disbelief at all the starfleet uniforms. Plucky hides behind Hamton and stuffs himself back into his corset*  
  
Both Spocks: Captain! We cannot co-exist with our counterparts in one universe. Therefore, logically, one must assume...  
  
Both Kirks in stereo: That we'll destroy each other if we stay, by canceling one another out?  
  
Both Dr. McCoys: (sigh) Well in that case, it's been nice knowing you!  
  
*They each pull out a mint julep and drink it*  
  
Both Spocks: I hardly think this is cause for celebration, Doctor.  
  
Both McCoys: *laughs* Lighten up, Spock!  
  
*A pause.....nothing happens*  
  
Both McCoys: Well, suh! Ah don't think yer calculations were correct, Spock.  
  
Both Kirks: Bones, how'd you get drunk so fast from one drink?  
  
Both McCoys: ...And how often do I get a chance to have a belt?  
  
Both Kirks: If this stereo keeps up - I may join you.  
  
*Enter Ren and Stimpy as Space Commander Hoerk and Space Cadet Stimpy*  
  
Ren: You Eeediots! You are RUINING the show! SCRAM! Get outta here! HIT THE ROAD, you boring old peeeeple!!  
  
Both Kirks: Oh? And just _who_ are you? _We_ have a mission here.  
  
Stimpy: Eeeuuuaaaaahh - This is Commander Hoerk! And uuuuhhh - I'm his faithful and eager Space Cadet 9th class - Stimpy!  
  
*He snaps to attention sloppily*  
  
*Daffy Duck (as DUCK DODGERS IN THE 24 1/2 CENTURY!!!!) leaps on to the stage, his cape flying and flopping over his big feet. Porky Pig enters demurely in his Space Cadet Suit, with a sarcastic grin*  
  
Porky: N-n-nne- nope..I'm the Space Cadet..and c-c-c-comedy relief.  
  
Daffy: If thereth a Space Hero to be found around here - It's Me!! DUCK DODGERS - IN THE 24TH AND A HALF CENTURY!!!!  
  
Both Kirks: That's it! Let's get outta here.  
  
Both McCoys: Yeah - there's too many hams around here.  
  
Hamton and Porky: I resemble that remark!  
  
Stimpy: Eeeah, I'll take care of things! I'll reverse polarity on my doohickie-thinggee-opafragistat - and we'll all simply Implode!  
  
Both Kirks: (into their communicators) Scotty! Beam us up quick!  
  
*as they're about to activate their various devices, Pepe K. halts them*  
  
Pepe K.: STOP!!!!.... They'll be no gross humor on this show while I'm in charge! Let us make the next award _then_ do whatever you want...as long as I'm at the minimum safe distance.  
  
*Everyone nods*  
  
Pepe K.:Tonight we honor those Fanfics known as Crossovers.  
  
Laika: Zat eez - a story zat haz characterz and situvations from anozzer cartoon or TV show -  
  
Pepe K.: Sortov like this... So.. In the general category of Crossovers, for Best use of a Non-TTA charcter in a fanfic: The nominees are -  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Wholly confused, Batman! Where are we?"  
  
The dark knight ignored the comment and drew a device from his utility belt. Training the blinking machine from side to side, Batman frowned and said, " Whatever it is - it's here."  
  
"Yeah, but where's here? Everything looks - different! And they're-"  
  
"Welcome to Acme Acres, Robin" said the Caped Crusader, walking to the other side of the roof.  
  
"You're kidding?" Robin gaped.  
  
His tall companion continued to scan their surroundings. Robin shrugged and followed him. "You're never kidding."  
  
"It's centered over there". Robin's cape began to flap in the breeze.  
  
"You really think the Riddler's involved in this? Time displacement isn't usually his thing, ya know?" Batman remained intent on his triangulation. " Ya know, I wish you were kidding!", the Boy Wonder exclaimed facetiously, " Then I wouldn't be stuck here, waiting for some bizarre super-villain to show up and wreak havoc!" The older man put his scanner away and fired his grappler down to the next building. "Couldn't ya kid around a little?" Robin asked with an exasperated smile. Batman swooped away and was soon lost to view. Robin threw up his hands and looked heavenward. "Of course I could, Robin!", he said adopting Batman's basso tones, "I am Vengeance! I am the Night!-" A sudden rumble of thunder cut him off. "Okay! Okay!" , he said cowering. His grappler fired with a sharp report and clanged into the opposite building. "Just once - just once?! Talk about a silent partner". Robin flew after his intense mentor.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Laika: Batman & Robin in A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven #1 by Pepe K.!  
  
*Applause*  
  
=============================================================  
  
"We've got, I say, we've got a new student with us today, class. Transfer, that is. Class, this is..." Foghorn fumbled through his papers.  
  
"My name's--" the student began.  
  
"Don't interrupt me, boy, it's bad manners. Let's see, now..." He picked up a roll sheet.  
  
The new student gently took the sheet from Foghorn, turned it right side up, and handed it back. He tossed an amused glance at the class.  
  
"Chad Cheetah," Foghorn read. "Take a seat, boy, don't just stand up here staring. Nice kid, but about as bright as a lightning bug in a mudslide..."  
  
Chad found an empty desk near the back and settled in, keenly aware of everyone watching him.  
  
"You'll have to borrow someone's notes, son," said Foghorn. "Can't go back and reteach the whole first semester, now can we? You gotta keep up, boy, pull your own weight. Any of this gettin' through to you?"  
  
Chad suppressed a sigh. Great. He didn't know anybody, and now he had to ask favors. He always hated the first day at a new school. But whatever didn't kill him...  
  
His thoughts were interrupted when a paper airplane made a perfect landing on his desk. Curious, he unfolded it and read.  
  
"Welcome to the madhouse! You can borrow my notes if you want. Buster Bunny."  
  
Chad glanced around the room and found the blue rabbit, who nodded slightly.  
  
Chad smiled. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Captain Kirk:(reads)"Out of the Closet, Into the Fire" by Renee Carter Hall!  
  
*Applause*  
  
=============================================================  
  
Dot tossed Buster onto the living room floor, where he saw Wakko, holding a plate of burritos, being carded by Pete Wilson and Mike Huffington. Wakko showed them his California resident card, and the two cronies left. "Wow," said Wakko, "they're serious about these new anti- immigration laws."  
  
"Why did they card you, Wakko?" asked Dot.  
  
Wakko pointed down to his serving tray. "The burritos."  
  
Buster sat up and looked around the room, but couldn't find his squeeze. "Where's Babs?" he asked.  
  
Dot zipped over to Buster and laid his head on her lap. "Oh, what do you want with her anyway...when you could have me?"  
  
Buster quickly got up and began looking around for Babs. Wakko pointed over to the kitchen. "I think they went in there." Buster ran off as Wakko dumped the tray's contents into his mouth. "Deee-licious!"  
  
=============================================================  
  
Plucky (as Capt. Quirk): Mike Cote's use of Wakko in "A Really Very Special Tiny Toons Thanksgiving... I guess."!  
  
*Applause*  
  
=============================================================  
  
CHIP  
  
So. . .how many missions is this for you Mr. Darkwing?  
  
DARKWING  
  
My name isn't Mr. Darkwing. It's Darkwing. And I've done more missions than the acorns on this tree!  
  
DALE(in an attempt to change the subject)  
  
That outfit is really neat! I'll bet your cape is bullet proof...  
  
DARKWING  
  
I don't need a bulletproof cape.  
  
DALE  
  
Uh...why not?  
  
DARKWING(evily)  
  
One look at me and the criminals run in fear...  
  
MONTEREY(teasing like)  
  
So you and the Phantom of the Opera are good friends, huh?  
  
DARKWING  
  
Watch who your insulting lardball, in fact, are you sure you've been shrunk down? I think Gyro's computer had a glitch..  
  
MONTEREY  
  
Why you little...  
  
DARKWING(boasting)  
  
...or maybe your just big boned?  
  
Vincent interrupts in a calm yet forceful tone.  
  
VINCENT  
  
(snidly)  
  
Excuse me. Mr. Darkwing sir. Can I have a word with you?  
  
Vincent makes several gestures indicating he wants to go over in the corner to talk. They both get up and go over in the corner. Everyone stares.  
  
CHIP  
  
Now look what you've done, Monterey!?  
  
GADGET  
  
You were just kidding, right? Monty?  
  
Monterey has become hot and bothered by the peeved duck.  
  
CHIP  
  
They haven't been here for 30 minutes already you've upset them.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Daffy (as Duck Dodgers):Chip in "Copyrats"!  
  
*Applause*  
  
=============================================================  
  
Dot spoke quietly and determinedly, "Payback time."  
  
She sprang out and fired-- "Shoom- shoom- shoom!!!"  
  
There was a muffled cry of surprise, and a shockwave ran through the fort ahead.  
  
"YES!!! Got him!!" Dot cried, leaping into the air.  
  
Then, without warning, there was a battle cry, and a flash of black, white, and tan pounced on them, knocking Dr. Scratchansniff's breath out. Before he could get up, he was being pummeled with a pillow.  
  
Adding further to the confusion, Wakko ran over and tackled Yakko from behind. They all ended up in a confused heap, with the collapsed walls of the fort on top of them.  
  
Someone stepped on Dr. Scratchansniff's face. He closed his eyes and wondered if he could hide there forever, but soon the mattress was lifted, and the Warners peered down at him.  
  
"All right!" Yakko cried. "Our first POW!"  
  
"Wow! Can we feed him gruel and ransom him to the studio?!" Dot cried, as Wakko tried to tie his hands.  
  
"No, no, NO!" Dr. Scratchansniff cried, wrenching his hands free and knocking Wakko onto his butt in the process.  
  
Dr. Scratchansniff tried to calm down. "I'm just here to tell you zat Mr. Plotz vants to see you."  
  
"Mr. Plotz said THAT?" Yakko asked, awed.  
  
"Doesn't sound like our Plotz!" Dot said, surprised.  
  
"I know!" Wakko exclaimed, suddenly, "He's probably been brainwashed by aliens! That's it!" He scrambled to his feet and dashed to the door, calling, "C'mon, we gotta save him...!!"  
  
Yakko and Dot looked at each other.  
  
"Aaaaaaaahhhhhh... remind me not to let him watch 'X-Files' next week."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Ren: The Warners een "Out of the Water Tower"!  
  
*Applause*  
  
=============================================================  
  
Dr. Sam Beckett felt himself falling, the same as he always did right before he was to leap into someone else's life. What would happen to him this time? Where would he be? WHO would he be?  
  
In moments, reality coalesced around him, but what a reality! He found himself standing in a meadow unlike any meadow he'd ever seem before. The colors were bright and almost unnatural, and everything seemed to have a thin black outline around it. Sam also noticed that he was running. He looked behind him and saw a strange purple spinning -- THING that was bearing down on him. Alarmed, he started to run faster, and as he was busy watching the whatever-it-was, he failed to notice that he had run off the edge of a cliff. As he hit the ground with an ear shattering "THUD!" it was all he could do to mutter, "Oh, boy!"  
  
=============================================================  
  
Spock: Quantoon Leap.  
  
*Applause*  
  
=============================================================  
  
An agurment continues between everyone against Plucky as they try to find the Weenie Burger. Unaware that a strange shadow is gaining speed and running towards them. What could this creature be? What is his perpose?  
  
Plucky: One last time, we are not lost.  
  
Everyone else: One last time, yes we are!  
  
Shadow: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH---  
  
The creature leaps and startels the four. Little did the creature realize that he was going land past them.  
  
Shadow: OOWWW--  
  
Splat. The creature lands in the muddy ground making a print of his body. All four blink as the creature slowly stands and spins. No, it's not a Tasmanian devil. It's something else.  
  
Buster: Umm, hello?  
  
The creature turns to show his fury. His left eye is crooked. Either he is dizzy or just plain stoned.  
  
Plucky: I think I've seen him before.  
  
Babs: Knock it off, Plucky. What kind of creature are you, sir.  
  
The creature moves his head closer to the four and sniffs at each one. Except Fifi because he knows what to expect from a skunk. The creature blinks a few times before he speaks.  
  
Shadow: Crash Banditcoot.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Stimpy: uuuhhh - Crash Bandicoot!  
  
*Applause*  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Oh, please don't look at me like that, Bugsy, I _said_ I was sorry," she pleaded, her lower lip quivering uncontrollably, tears starting to form in her ever-expressive deep dark chocolate brown eyes. That was all Bugs had to see.  
  
"Ohhh...all right, Duchess," he relented, addressing her by the most affectionate nickname he had for her. "Dry them there eyes. I can't stay mad at ya. Anyways, it's my fault, I guess I shoulda checked da plane again before we took off."  
  
"Again?" Honey asked, regaining some of her composure.  
  
"Yeah, I'd had da plane prepped for takeoff yesterday, but Looniversity stuff came up, and I didn't get back out to da airfield until...uh...ya feelin' okay, Buster?" Bugs finally asked, noticing the little blue (not to mention slightly green) bunny.  
  
"I hate flying, I hate flying, I hate flying..."  
  
Honey smiled. "He'll be all right, Bugs. Now, you were saying?"  
  
"Well, it all concoins dis telegram...did ya ever meet my Uncle Buck?"  
  
At the mention of his name, Honey's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Yes, when I was a teenager! Gosh, I haven't seen Buck in years! How is he?"  
  
=============================================================  
  
Porky:A-a-and Honey Bunny in "Who's Minding the Mine?" by L-L- Lee Withers  
  
*Applause*  
  
Pepe K.: And the Winner of Best use of a Non-TTA charcter in a fanfic, goes to (opens the envelope) ..."Quantoon Leap" by Eric Gjovaag! Congratulations!  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
[no reply given]  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Kirk: Fine, now how do we get outta here?  
  
Animated Kirk: I thought I said that.  
  
Stimpy: Wait! I have the answer! (pulls out a strange table with a huge red button on it)  
  
Ren: NO!!!!! THAT'S THE HISTORY ERASER BUTTON, YOU FOOL!!!!!  
  
*Everyone scrambles to stop him, but Stimpy cannot resist pressing the jolly, candy-like button - the beautiful SHINY button - that beckons him ever closer!...and he presses it!*  
  
Everyone (except the Spocks): AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! DON'T- !!!!!  
  
*Too late! An Alarm rings and they all dissappear! The Audience gasps in shock.....till Laika and Pepe K. reappear through a trapdoor in the stage floor.*  
  
Pepe K.:..Whew!.....Moving right along.....  
  
;)  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Do to John K's public and vitriolic hatred and continual denigration of Tiny Toons, I ask that Ren and Stimpy nor any other John K. character appear here ever again.  
  
Kevin  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Sorry, I didn't know.  
  
Pepe  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*Pepe K. and Laika Romanov stand at the podium*  
  
Pepe K.: And the show goes on! And to continue our cultured and sophisticated evening of Crossover Awards - here are some Guest Stars to present the Award for the "Best Interaction between TTA characters and non- TTA characters" - George of the Jungle and his friend Ape!  
  
*applause as Ape (the Jay Ward gorilla) comes out in white tie and tails (but no pants). He speaks in a high class Harvard accent*  
  
Ape: Good Evening Ladies and Gentlmen, I'm terribly glad to be able to come out of our late-night rare re-runs in order to address you at this ceramony. My associate George of the Jungle - *pause as they look around for the jungle hero* - seems to have gone missing.  
  
George: (As he swings in on a vine) AAAAAHHHEEEAAAAHHHEEEAAAAAHHHHEEEEAAAAAAHHHEEEEAAAHHHH!!!!!! *CRASH* OOOOOO!!!  
  
*he hits the side of the proscenium wall and slides down on his face*  
  
Ape: (dryly) Well, he may have missed his entrance, but at least he didn't miss the wall.  
  
*George gets up and wanders dizzily over to fall at Ape's feet*  
  
Pepe K.: George, Are you alright?  
  
Ape: George never has been, really.  
  
George:(standing) George try to remember joke to tell to audience!  
  
Ape: Thinking and swinging on a vine simultaneously? That's too much of a difficult task for you, George.  
  
Laika: And deed you remember joke, Meester Ape-man dolt?  
  
George: Yes! George remember! Idea strike George when George hit wall (aside, confidentially)...wall much harder than trees.  
  
Ape:(wryly) Well, at least something struck him funny.  
  
George: George remember time when George and Comissioner try to stop bad guys from stealing jungle railroad tracks!  
  
Pepe K.: And what was funny about that, George?  
  
George:(grins)..."Steel tracks!!" Ohohohohohahahahahahahahahahahaa!  
  
*George is rolling on the floor laughing at this*  
  
Ape:(rolling his eyes) Oh dear, not that one again.  
  
*George is still laughting*  
  
Pepe K.: Well.... moving right along-  
  
Ape: Yes, of course! *George is still laughing* Uh....George? *it's no good, George won't stop chuckling* Well, anyway - tonight's award is for the Best Interaction between TTA characters and non-TTA characters.  
  
George:(still laughing) "Steel Tracks"! Hahahahahaha!  
  
Ape: ..Geeeeeorge?  
  
*George won't quit but quiets down to a snicker*  
  
=============================================================  
  
Even with both of them pulling on it, there was still considerable resistance for a few seconds before the background popped down, and when it finally did, Buster and Babs were shocked by what they saw. Seated at a large table were several well known Toons from several different studios. From WB there was Porky Pig and Elmer Fudd, from Universal was Woody Woodpecker, from the Fleischer Bros. studio, Betty Boop and Popeye, and from Disney there was Mickey Mouse. From the comic books, and propped up on an easel in a white cardboard frame was Scrooge McDuck. "Oh good, you made it" said Mickey when he saw them. Then, shaking his head, he added under his breath, "I always wished that Walt had let us do things like that."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Pepe K.: The nominees are: "What's in a Name?" - the scene of Buster and Babs being offered help from various toons from other studios - by Kevin Mickel!  
  
*Applause*  
  
=============================================================  
  
"Excuse me, but may I borrow your microphone?" asked Speed.  
  
The big fowl handed it to him and asked  
  
"Whut are you here for, then - Mistah Racer?"  
  
Speed set himself up before the camera with the mike.  
  
"Oh - speed trials" he said over his shoulder.  
  
He smiled at Miss Prissy and brushed back a forelock of his black hair, as she focused on him. His face appeared onscreen and he announced  
  
" Hi, I'm Speed Racer and I'll be judging the contestants in today's race."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Ape: Speed Racer's interaction with Fifi, Hamton, Plucky, Dizzy & Gogo in A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven: Part 4 by Pepe K.  
  
*Applause. Pepe K. blushes*  
  
=============================================================  
  
DARKWING  
  
They all could be. That's why were mobile. You'll go with Launchpad in the miniplane. Vincent, Dale, Gadget, Monterey and Zipper will ride in one HumVee. Calamity and I will take the other and stay behind with the gear.  
  
CHIP  
  
And we don't contact Admiral Grimmitz's Aircraft Carrier until we've found what were looking for.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Ape: (putting a card before George's eyes) Read this, George.  
  
George:(stops laughing and trys to read it with crossed eyes) Uhhh.. R-E-S- Q..R-A-M-...um, well... George can read D-U-C-K! That spell Dog!  
  
Ape:*sighs* Oh, never mind George! (reads) The Rescue Rangers and Darkwing Duck and the TTA characters in "Copyrats".  
  
*Applause*  
  
George: That what it say?  
  
*everyone else rolls their eyes*  
  
=============================================================  
  
After class, Buster handed his notebook to Chad and introduced him to Babs, Plucky, and Hamton.  
  
"What's your next class?" Babs asked.  
  
"Um..." He pulled his schedule from his pocket. "Spin Changes Workshop."  
  
"I'm in that one, too," said Babs. "I'll walk with you."  
  
The first bell rang. "See you guys at lunch," Buster called.  
  
"Did you have this class at your old school?" asked Babs as they headed down the hall.  
  
"Not quite," said Chad. "Is it hard?"  
  
"Not really. I'll show you." Babs did a quick spin and reappeared in a Jessica Rabbit-style sequined dress. "'I'm not bad,'" she purred, "'I'm just drawn that way.'"  
  
He chuckled. "Pretty good."  
  
She spun back into her regular outfit. "That's the first time a guy hasn't done a wild take at that."  
  
"Well, I don't have much practice with those, either. But if I did, it would have been worthy of one."  
  
Babs smiled. "You're a fast learner. Come on--we'll be late."  
  
=============================================================  
  
Laika: "Out of the Closet, Into the Fire" by Renee Carter Hall!  
  
*Applause*  
  
=============================================================  
  
"I hate flying, I hate flying, I hate flying..." he repeated forlornly, gripping the armrests for dear life. Honey felt it best not to ask Buster any more questions, and if at all possible, not to talk to Bugs until he'd cooled off. She really couldn't blame him for being ticked off at them; after all, it was Honey who had talked Buster into having a "look" at Bugs's plane (Buster had never seen it before), and it was while they were seated in the back that Bugs and Sam had somehow, suddenly, and without even looking in the back of the plane, picked that precise moment to file a revised flight plan to a place called Gower Gulch, and then took off before even noticing that they had company. In fact, they were halfway to their destination before Buster had made their presence known (by whining "I hate flying, I hate flying, I hate flying..." like a broken record). But Buster and Honey Bunny (norelation!) were there now, and Bugs was just going to have to deal with it as best he could. He continued to glower at Honey as if to say he'd deal with _her_ as soon as they landed.  
  
=============================================================  
  
Pepe K.: And Honey Bunny in "Who's Minding the Mine?" by Lee Withers!  
  
*Applause. Bugs hugs Honey as they watch from their theatre box.  
  
Ape: And the winner of the UKE Award for the Best Interaction between TTA characters and non-TTA characters goes to.... (opens the envelope) ... A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven Part 4 by Pepe K., featuring Speed Racer's interaction with Fifi, Hamton, Plucky, Dizzy Devil & Gogo Dodo.  
  
*Applause as Pepe K. gulps and takes the envelope to read it*  
  
Pepe K.: Uhh.. Leloni.. is this official?  
  
Leloni Bunny: (pops out of the prompters box) Yeahyeahyeah, it is! C'mon, C'mon! *The lavender femmebunny ducks out of sight again*  
  
Pepe K.: Uh, well.. gee, thanks very for this award, folks!  
  
*gets the award and a kiss from Laika*  
  
*applause*  
  
Pepe K.: Well I have to thank those who were involved - Gogo Dodo, Dizzy Devil, Plucky Duck -  
  
Plucky:(leaps up onto the stage) Ah yes! Thankyew, thankyew and thank You!  
  
*Dizzy spins onstage to look at Ape*  
  
Dizzy: YAGHFERIZTAGEBBLEAAACKPPPT! MMMMMM! Been long time since me eat Gorilla-burger!  
  
Ape:(cringing) I Sir, am Not an hors'd ouerv!  
  
*An Acme Deliveryman drives up an a motorscooter*  
  
Deliverman: Package for Laika Romanov!  
  
*Pause as Laika signs for it. The Deliveryman zips offstage, grumbling about getting tipped with Slobovian currency. Laika opens it and finds Gogo inside*  
  
Gogo: (Grabbing Laika and smooching her) Hiya Hot Happening Babe!  
  
*Laika grabs the Dodo and flings him from side to side, slamming him on the floor HB judo-style*  
  
Laika: MALE CHAUVANEEST PEEG!!  
  
Gogo: (A bruised heap on the floor with stars and planets whirling around his head) OOO! Baby! That's what I Like!  
  
* spin changes into the Big Bopper. Fifi and Hamton arrive.*  
  
Fifi: Male peegz are kinda cute, Laika. Do not knock eet teel vous try eet.  
  
Plucky:(to Gogo) I thought you only were into inanimate objects?  
  
Gogo: Hey, I may be insane, but I'm not stupid! Whatta woman!  
  
*He does a Tex Avery fly apart wild take at Laika, who whomps him again, reducing him to 100 tiny Dodos, who skitter about. Dizzy grabs Ape and is about to try and eat him*  
  
Dizzy: MMMMMMM! Dizzy Hungry!  
  
Ape: George! Do something! I'm being man-handled by this ruffian!  
  
George: What ruffian?  
  
Ape: THIS ruffian!!  
  
George:(to Dizzy) You really from Ruffia?  
  
Pepe K. Ah... yes, Fifi and Hamton - and of course Speed Racer.  
  
*There is a tremndous CRASH as the the Mach 5 smashes a hole in the wall, it's roto-saws spinning and lands on the stage, flattening Dizzy, Plucky and Gogo! George leaps into Ape's arms.*  
  
Speed Racer:(standing up in the cockpit of the Mach 5) Wow I made it just in the nick of time!  
  
Pepe K.: Good Grief! This is getting out of hand!  
  
*Plucky and the others squirm out from under the white racing car, but remain flat as pancakes*  
  
Plucky: Medic!  
  
George: George Help! George call faithful dog, Shep! (whistles) Here Shep! Here boy!  
  
Ape: No George! Don't!!  
  
*Too late! There is a rumble and the sound of trumpeting as George's "doggie" Shep stampedes out from backstage - a huge African elephant that tramples everyone and everything! Amidst the cries, the stage becomes a big cloud-battle. A battered Pepe K. sticks his head out.*  
  
Pepe K.: We'll back right back ...after a word from our sponcer - the Acme Insurance Agency!  
  
*The skunk is pulled back into the cloud-battle and the sounds of cartoon violence resound throughout the theatre. Suddenly the battle is over. After the dust settles, we see everyone is piled in a heap, except George of the Jungle. He looks to the audience. A grin appears on his face*  
  
George: "Steel Track!" Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!  
  
  
  
;)  
  
Pepe k.  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*As the stage curtain opens, Pete Puma is caught onstage cleaning up the last of the mess*  
  
Pete: Sheeeeeesh! This is the last time ah pick after uh ellyphant! Eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwww!  
  
*he notices the audience and - with a sheepish grin - pretends to dance with his mop like Fred Astaire. Unfortunately, he can't dance...at all*  
  
*Pepe K. and Laika Romanov reappear, each wearing new clean outfits*  
  
Pepe K.: Uh, thanks for the cover, Pete.  
  
*The Puma finally notices them and shovels the last of the mess offstage*  
  
Pete: You better be careful! Parts of the floor are still wet. (he slips on a wet spot, flips and ends up falling down with his bucket on his head) See?  
  
Pepe K.: Hmm, yes. thanks again.  
  
*Pete slips and slides his way out*  
  
Pepe K.: And now we'll continue - *he slips on the floor on his way to the podium* Whooooops! W-w-w-w-with our show!  
  
Laika:(stops and gauges the distance to the podium) What eez next award?  
  
*Laika crouches and suddenly leaps 12 feet into the air like a super- kangroo - and lands easily at the podium*  
  
Pepe K.(amazed) It's the Best Crossover Award...Wow, I've never seen you do that before!  
  
Laika: Zat eez theeng we Jerboas do - Jerboa jump.  
  
*Jerboa Jump (from the Adventures of Tennesee Tuxedo) stands up in the 18th row*  
  
Jerboa Jump: That's my name - don't wear it out!  
  
*They stare at him as he re-seats himself*  
  
***********************************  
  
It's me again. I apologize for once more sticking my nose where it doesn't belong, but I've had another insight into what was going on elsewhere. With no further ado, except to thank PepeK for including 'sackinfrassinrassintassin... rassyrickrastardly' & Muttley - 2 of my all- time favorite H-B characters - in this portion, awayyyyy we go (wouldya believe I've never seen the Jackie Gleason Show, or even an entire ep of The Honeymooners?).  
  
Meanwhile, in the Carrotte box:  
  
Rhubella: "You can put your eyes back into their sockets any time now, Roddy."  
  
Roderick: "Hmm? Oh, sorry, babe. It wasn't her, I just found that jump fascinating."  
  
Rhubella: "Hmm, well in that case, remind me to do some jumping of my own later, on your head."  
  
Roderick: "That's it! I knew I'd seen that jump somewhere before. You do it too, that leap. You thing she's related?"  
  
Denys: "I can answer that, Roderick, & the answer is no. We're not even the same animal, tho many make that mistake. She's a jerboa & I'm a kangaroo rat. It's a subtle difference, but it is there."  
  
Rhonda: "That reminds me, aren't kangaroo rats native to North America?"  
  
Denys: "Yes, Ronny. The same southwestern deserts as the Road Runner."  
  
Rhonda: "So how'd you come to be in Australia?"  
  
Denys: "Well, my family moved there a couple generations ago. We know what Road Runners do to rodents, you know."  
  
...back to the show.  
  
Nefaria  
  
***********************************  
  
Pepe K.:Anyway, our next guest star is-  
  
Laika:(aside) I hev been meaning to be speakink to you about heem..ah theenk he is being a sneaky crook.  
  
Offstage voice: Who are you calling a sneaky crook? I'm the crooky-est crook of them all!  
  
Pepe K.: ..How about crookedest sneak?  
  
Offstage voice: That too!  
  
Pepe K. Ladies and Gentlemen - my favorite villains - those two double- dealing do-badders - Dick Dastardly and his sidekick, Muttley!  
  
*Dick Dastardly strides out to the podium and Muttley follows*  
  
***********************************  
  
As the band plays "Stop That Pigeon", the theme to "Dastardly & Muttley In Their Flying Machines".  
  
Nefaria  
  
***********************************  
  
Dick D.: Grrrreetings groundlings! I am here to present the UKE Award for Best Crossover! (aside) And to steal it! Right, Muttley?  
  
Muttley:Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah!  
  
(He laughs his sniggering laugh)  
  
============================================================  
  
"Wonderful," muttered Sam. "I'm a cartoon character who's the star of a show doomed to failure."  
  
"Well, it could have been worse."  
  
"How?" hissed Sam.  
  
"Uhm," said Al hesitatingly, "well, you could of, uhm, uh -- well, no I guess it couldn't have been. Anyway, let me get back and run a few numbers through Ziggy. In the meantime, you just, well, act like a rabbit."  
  
"Oh? And how am I supposed to do that?" asked Sam in exasperation.  
  
"Oh, you know, eat some carrots, act timid, mate like a bunny..."  
  
"AL!!!!" shouted Sam.  
  
"Okay, okay, don't lose your hare."  
  
"So help me, Al, if you weren't a hologram and my best friend, I'd deck you."  
  
"Well then it's a good thing I am, right?" With that, Al pressed the button on his handlink that opened his "door" and left Sam alone with the problem of trying to figure out how he was going to climb up a five hundred foot cliff.  
  
Sam blinked. He didn't have to worry, he was at the top of the cliff already! "About time you got back," said a short dumpy cartoon guy with thick black-rimmed glasses and wavy brown hair which was impossibly long in front. "Buster, are you awake in there? It's time for the next scene. What took you so long?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, I, um...guess I'm low on iron or something," muttered Sam.  
  
"Not that again. Carrots for the rabbit!" the man shouted to one of his assistants.  
  
"Right away, Mr. de Ville," said a pink girl rabbit, and she hopped off.  
  
============================================================  
  
Dick D.: So without further adieu - or further warning - the nominees for Best Crossover are: "Quantoon Leap"!  
  
*Applause*  
  
============================================================  
  
Gosalyn's face brightened at that announcement. "Awesome! Shirley the Loon is gonna be my new neighbor!"  
  
"Oh," said Shirley with a faint grin, "actually, it's Shirley Duck now. Plucky and I got married three years ago. I'm surprised you didn't know. It was, like, in all the trades and stuff."  
  
Gosalyn shook her head. "Well, that was about the same time that Dad finally married Morgana. I was kinda busy then."  
  
"Oh, well, that explains it. You were to totally busy with stuff of your own to notice."  
  
"Something like that," said Gos with a wry smile. "Anyway, how come you're moving to St. Canard?"  
  
"Well, it's like this. Acme Loo is gonna be opening a new satellite campus here. Plucky and I are gonna be on staff, and Daffy's gonna be the dean, or some junk."  
  
============================================================  
  
Laika: "Ducks Out of Luck"!  
  
*Applause*  
  
============================================================  
  
The roar of jet and rocket engines reached them as Lord grinned.  
  
"Jimmy?", he asked, "May I?"  
  
"Sure" exclaimed the boy.  
  
As the two shapes got closer, Lord mentally put forth an old theme song. Bongo drums and guitar played a kitchy background as basso voices sang the thrilling song. Fifi and Hamton looked up as the tiny figures flew closer - one small - the other huge. Both were Two-Tone anime robots. The smaller one appeared like a bare-chested schoolboy with jets in his feet. The other was a titanic man of metal - eyes glaring from underneath a crested helmet, with a pair of blazing rockets strapped to his back. As Jimmy manipulated his controls, the metallic giant soared around in aerobatic loops, his great steel fists thrust out straight before him.  
  
"Ready to Fight for Right! - Against Wrong!" sang the deep voices. The group of toons below watched in awe as the two robots descended vertically to land on the lawn opposite them. The small robot had black peaked "hair" and stood no taller than Plucky. The rounded titan next to him dwarfed the mansion - standing over thirty feet tall. It was Astroboy and the mighty Gigantor!  
  
" Mission Accomplished, Doctor Lord!" said Astroboy brightly.  
  
"Well done, Astroboy!", said the Doctor, shaking his hand, "Where's your passenger?"  
  
"Gigantor has him" said the little robot, pointing up to the giant's closed fist. A muffled voice came from Gigantor's hand.  
  
"Hey! Stop all this twirling around before I get sick! Let Me OUT!" Gigantor's great bulk kneeled on the grass and put out an oversized hand. He opened his tremendous hand and out staggered Kimba the White Lion! Stars and planets spun around his head as he collapsed onto the grass. Kimba moaned and closed his eyes.  
  
"Kimba! Are you alright ?!" cried Speed as they all rushed to his side. The lion raised his black-tipped ears and looked up.  
  
"Speed? Is that you?" he asked, his large eyes shining hopefully.  
  
"Kimba, you've made it out safely" said Lord, stooping down to help him up. "My friends, this is Kimba, King of the Jungle. Are you alright, your Majesty? "  
  
"Nothing that a few good meals couldn't fix" said Kimba rising shakily to his feet.  
  
============================================================  
  
Dick D.: HEY! I'm the presenter here! (I'm getting paid by the line for this.)...And "A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven" by Pepe K.  
  
*Applause*  
  
============================================================  
  
The Brain monitors the controls of his super computer. Fat Cat watches closely behind.  
  
BRAIN  
  
Yes, my dear Darkwing. You *never* know who'll be listening.  
  
The Brain turns to Fat Cat with anger.  
  
BRIAN(con't)  
  
You brought them here!?  
  
FAT CAT  
  
No. . I. . it was. .  
  
BRAIN  
  
They must of tracked your cursed explosion. But how could they find the island so fast? (PAUSE) When I talked to you in the limo.  
  
FAT CAT  
  
How? The frequencies are custom!  
  
BRAIN  
  
The Crystal. Cursed all. The crystal has the power to amplify radio signals. It must of bled over to another frequency. Rats!  
  
FAT CAT  
  
But what will we do about them?  
  
BRAIN  
  
Fortunately, if my calculations our correct. . .and they always are. They'll head to the hottest points on the island.  
  
FAT CAT(clenching fists)  
  
Ewoooo. A massacre. I like it all ready.  
  
BRAIN  
  
Exactly.  
  
============================================================  
  
Dick D.: Oooo! You're writing one? Can I be in it? (Muttley nudges him) Oh rrrright! Uh...and "Copyrats"!  
  
*Applause*  
  
Dick D.: And the winner of the UKE Award for the Best Crossover is -.....Me! Dick Dastardly! MuHuHahahahahahaaaaa!  
  
Pepe K.: What?!!! But you weren't even nominated!!  
  
Laika: You are not even being zee TTA Fanfic author!!  
  
Dick D.:(Seizing the golden UKE Award) Sure I am! - I wrote my own Crook Book!! *holds up a book with his picture on the cover* Get 'em while they're piping hot, folks! Only 100 bucks!  
  
Pepe K.: Hot books?!?  
  
Dick D.: Of course they're hot, You dunder-heads! I STOLE them! NeeheeeheeeHahahahaaaaa! Just like I'm stealing this award!  
  
(A sudden dark evil voice stops them all from offstage)  
  
Voice: Ohhhhh no you are not! For if there is to be any stealing done here today - there will only be ONE PERSON who is doing that stealing! YES! There is only ONE true evil genius here to claim that which he is claiming now! Only ONE master criminal will lay ahold of that golden statue!  
  
Pepe K.: Oh no!! Can it be?!???  
  
Laika: Nyet! It could not be!!  
  
Voice: Oh, yes it could be!! And it IS!!!  
  
Pepe and Laika: OH NO!!!  
  
*A short dark figure emerges from the shadows at stage left*  
  
Voice: Yes!! YES!!!!! ...Uh could I have some lights, please? *the lights come up on him revealing his identity!* It is I - MOJO JOJO!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!! *he whips out a ray gun* And with this clever invention (that I have created myself) - shall I steal the Award from the clutches of an obviously bumbling old-school villain such as yourself! *he fires his gun, the beam snatching the UKEie from Dastardly's hands*  
  
Dick D.: That's what YOU think! Muttley - Fetch!!  
  
Muttley:(sitting down) Unh-uh!  
  
Dick D.: WHAT?! Go on you muttering, mumbling mongerel!!  
  
Muttley:(laying down) Uhn-uh!! Medal??  
  
Dick D.: Oh no, not another medal! It's the last one the General gave me!!  
  
*Muttley shrugs like he doesn't care*  
  
Dick D.: Oh, all rright! (hands it to him) *Muttley pins it on himself and starts to go into one of his ecstatic flights* C'Mon! C'Mon! We don't have all day!!  
  
Muttley:(approaching Mojo Jojo) Sanaranafrazzin' Rick Rastary! (he barks at Mojo Jojo)  
  
Mojo: OH no! Not THIS time! (shows a metal armored plate on his posterior) No dogs - No running - No biting. Got that? No dogs - No running - No biting....(looks at the UKE and stops) Hey, wait a minute.....this is not an Academy Award!!! What is going on here?! I demand to know!  
  
Pepe K.: Uhhh, Mister Mojo - that's a UKE Award.  
  
Mojo: What?!? ...Isn't this the Oscars?  
  
Laika: Nyet, eetz de UKE Awards.  
  
Pepe K.: Uhh, I think you're looking for Hollywood.  
  
*Mojo Jojo stands muttering to himself a moment then tosses the UKE to Pepe K. and shuffles offstage*  
  
Mojo: (as he leaves) Stupid address book!  
  
*Muttley looks at his medal skeptically and tries biting it. It bends in his teeth, obviously a cheap imitation. He turns barking at Dastardly*  
  
Muttley:Sannarannafrazzin' cheapskate!! (starts chasing Dastardly around the stage)  
  
Dick D.: Waitaminute! Muttleeeey!! I-I I'll get you a better medal! A REAL one this time! I promise! How about a date with Colleen of the Road Rovers??!  
  
*Muttley stops a moment to think about that one, but suddenly continues barking and chases Dick Dastardly out of the theatre*  
  
***********************************  
  
Meanwhile, in the rec. room of a certain underground complex in New Mexico, Hunter & Colleen are on the sofa in front of a TV / computer on which the UKEs are playing. Hunter is massaging Colleen's 'twisted ankle' which she sustained earlier in the Awards. Suddenly Colleen is upset by what she sees.  
  
Colleen: "There they go again! Another ref to setting someone up with me. As if I had my nice little black book all spread out & ready for the gents' phone numbers. Maybe that rat-whatever had a point; chauvinist pigs, every one of them."  
  
Hunter: "I'm sure no offense was meant, Colleen. You probably get more of this because you're the only female member of the original team."  
  
Colleen: "You mean you get this kind of stuff too?"  
  
Hunter: "And Exile, and Shag, & a couple of females are even falling for Muzzle. Oh, and Blitz."  
  
Colleen: "'Oo?"  
  
Hunter: "The Doberman?"  
  
Colleen: "Oh, 'im. Have I met 'im yet?"  
  
Blitz (passing the room @ the time & hearing his name mentioned): "Okay, keep it up in there, & the gnashing of the mushy parts will start."  
  
Colleen: "Oh really? By you & what army, Blotter?"  
  
Blitz: "Zat is it! Let the biting begin!"  
  
But before he can start Colleen finishes him, amidst periodic yells of 'Detennnnn- tion!!!' & 'Gen! -era!! -tion O!!!  
  
Hunter: "You alright, Blitz?"  
  
Blitz: "Just call me a reconstructive surgeon... ooohhhh... *thunk!* "  
  
Hunter: "You're a reconstructive surgeon." (to Colleen) "Why'd he want me to call him that?"  
  
Colleen: "Hah! Now, there's your comedy!"  
  
Hunter (noticing): "Hey, Colleen, you're better!"  
  
Colleen (remembering she's supposed to be injured): "AAAUUUGGGGHH!!" (falls)  
  
Of course the fast Hunter is there to catch her before she hits the floor.  
  
Hunter: "I don't understand; you were beating up Blitz like there was nothing wrong?"  
  
Colleen: "Must've been a delayed reflex, Huntie."  
  
Hunter: "Are you sure?"  
  
Colleen: "'Untie, I'm the one 'ere with the medical experience; I know what I'm talking about."  
  
Hunter: "Okkay, cool."  
  
Colleen: "Will you take me back to the sofa, Huntie?"  
  
Hunter: "Okkay."  
  
Colleen: "By the way, why do you think Muttley gives that bloke such trouble?"  
  
Hunter: "Because the jerk deserves it. And to score points with his cousin Mumbley, the police lieutenant."  
  
...and back to the UKEs.  
  
Nefaria  
  
***********************************  
  
Dick D.: (as they disappear) MUTTLEEEEY!!!  
  
Laika: Whew! Next time - I book dee guest stars, da?  
  
Pepe K.: Da! ...by the way, who won?  
  
Laika: (opens the envelope and laughs)  
  
Pepe K.: So?..What's so funny? Who won the Best Crossover Award?  
  
Laika: You did! (reads) "A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven" by Pepe K. iz winner!  
  
Pepe K.: (nonplused) Well whatdya know about that?  
  
Laika: And dees von you actually had to fight for, da?  
  
Pepe K.: Against villains, no less!  
  
*Suddenly there's a SMASH as the Power Puff Girls break in through the ceiling!*  
  
Blossom: Hey! You guys seen a villainous green-faced monkey come in here?  
  
Pepe K.: (pointing) He went thataway.  
  
Blossom: Thanks, Mister Skunk!  
  
Buttercup: Monkeys are bad people-  
  
Bubbles:(singing the song) "And so - are you!" (she and the others giggle and fly away - making another big hole in the ceiling)  
  
Pepe K.: "Hurry girls, hurry!"  
  
***********************************  
  
Now we see the Cartoon Network section, where sit the Professor, the Mayor, Miss Bellum, and an unseen Narrator.  
  
Narrator: "Hey, that's my line!"  
  
Bellum: "Calm down, Narrator."  
  
Narrator: "Allright."  
  
Professor: "I'd thot I'd taught those girls better than that. Not all monkeys are evil. For instance, that monkey who helped them defeat the Beat- Alls."  
  
Mayor: "How'd you get in touch with her, anyway?"  
  
Professor: "She came in through the bathroom window." (turns his attention to the hot dog he's holding) "Mmm, a taste of honey, some glass onion, & I am in pepperland. Yes, happiness is a warm bun in your hand. (accidentally squirts hot mustard on his pants) YYEEOOWW!! You mean Mr. Mustard! (arises) Please excuse me, everyone."  
  
Mayor: "What're you going to be doing, Professor?"  
  
Professor: "Fixing a hole, in my pants." (leaves)  
  
Mayor: "I wonder what he meant by that? Oh well, I guess everybody's got something to hide except me & my monkey."  
  
Bellum: "Actually, Mayor, that's Rocky Raccoon."  
  
Rocky: "Hokey smoke! I'm a squirrell, lady. I only look somewhat like a raccoon because I finally tried to actually use my aviators' goggles."  
  
Bellum: "My apologies."  
  
And so we leave this meeting of the Mutual Admiration Society for more UKEs fun.  
  
Nefaria  
  
***********************************  
  
Laika: (stares at him a moment) So. You are grateful for dis award, da?  
  
Pepe K.: Da! Thank you everyone for this! Thanks very much!...(aside) You think we'll get combat pay for this?  
  
*He takes a step and trips on the still wet stage, ending up on his face*  
  
Laika: I HOPE so!  
  
  
  
;)  
  
Pepe k.  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*The Girls saunter to the podium, dripping with glamour*  
  
Shirley: (blinks) Well.. like, _that_ wuz overdone, or what?  
  
Babs & Fifi: "What."  
  
Fifi: Oui, oui! Zees - how you say? -glamour girl image theeng eez too much, no?  
  
Babs: Of course!...(smiles) - but some of us don't mind it.  
  
Fifi: Oui! Naturalmente`!  
  
Shirley: Fer shure! *they break up giggling*  
  
*Pepe K. enters the circle of ladies with Laika*  
  
Pepe K.:(smiles) Ladies, you all look magnificent this evening.  
  
Fifi: Merci beaucoup, Monsieur K!  
  
Shirley:(blushing) Yeah, thanks!  
  
Babs:(with a Garbo-esque pose) "My beauty... is my curse!"  
  
*Pepe K. and the others smile, smirk and pretend to go along with it*  
  
Pepe K.: Oh absolutely! Of course!  
  
*They all suddenly break up laughing*  
  
Pepe K.: Tonight's UKE Award is the last of the Crossover Awards - for "The Best, Most Seamless Crossover In A Story."  
  
============================================================  
  
What "it" was, was the body of Dr. Otto Scratchansniff, hanging upside down...and very dead. Buster only saw him for a few, very brief moments, but the image was burned indelibly into his mind. The bullet hole in his forehead over the right eye told the tale, and the blood from it covered his face and his rumpled shirt collar. The most horrifying thing for Buster were the dead eyes, which were open wide and fixed in terror. His mouth was open slightly, and in some macabre manner seemed to be pleading for help.  
  
Buster's eyeballs started from their sockets, and the blue in his face completely drained to white. "Mmmm*MMMMM*!!" Buster uttered as he pulled out of their kiss.  
  
"Mmm, I liked it, too," purred Babs. "Care for seconds?"  
  
"No!! Babs! I just saw Dr. Scratchansniff - outside! *Dead*!!" cried Buster in fright. "Oh, Babsie! I saw him! He's been murdered!"  
  
============================================================  
  
Babs: The nominees are: "Silver Smudge" by Paul Zook!  
  
*Applause*  
  
Babs: Hey! That's my good friend Peter Bunny! Give it up for him!  
  
*Vast applause!*  
  
Babs: That's more like it!  
  
============================================================  
  
VINCENT  
  
This traffic really bites.  
  
**DIRECTOR'S NOTE: ANYTIME CALAMITY HAS A LINE HE HOLDS UP A SIGN A LA WILE E. COYOTE.**  
  
CALAMITY  
  
You bet.  
  
Vincent grabs the radio mike on the car's dashboard. He presses down the key.  
  
VINCENT  
  
Dispatch, where in the hell is our back up?  
  
DISPATCH  
  
Backup denied. All units are busy. And try to watch your language when transmitting.  
  
VINCENT  
  
(angrily)  
  
Right dispatch. Standing by when backup is available.  
  
Vincent slams the mike back on the hook.  
  
VINCENT  
  
I can't believe these people. Where is everybody?  
  
Calamity hammers away on the keyboard.  
  
CALAMITY  
  
Heading towards the airport.  
  
VINCENT  
  
Darkwing's at it again, eh? Well, I've had about enough of this. Hey wait a minute. . .  
  
The radio cuts Vincent off.  
  
DISPATCH  
  
Be advised your converging with Agent Darkwing's posse. You have been ordered to backoff.  
  
VINCENT  
  
(surprised)  
  
Backoff! Are they crazy! No way we're. . .  
  
============================================================  
  
Shirley: The next nominee is fer the general plot of "Copyrats", er sum junk - by Jason Bretz!  
  
*Applause*  
  
============================================================  
  
With that settled, everyone got back to work, and Sam and Dizzy finally got through the scene. It wasn't too bad, Sam thought to himself, once you throw out all the known laws of physics. "Okay," said de Ville, "that's a wrap! Call as 9:00 tomorrow, okay?"  
  
"Sure," said Sam.  
  
"Buster, are you feeling all right?" asked the director with concern.  
  
"Sure, Mr. de Ville, why?  
  
"You usually argue about the early calls. And another thing, why are you calling me Mr. de Ville all of a sudden?"  
  
"That IS your name, isn't it?" asked Sam with confusion.  
  
"It is. But you usually call me, 'Coop.'"  
  
"Oh, sorry, Coop."  
  
"AND I USUALLY BAWL YOU OUT FOR IT! THE NAME IS DE VILLE, YOU EGOMANIAC RABBIT!!!"  
  
Sam felt his ears flying backwards from the force of the director's words. "Uh, sure, whatever, Mr. de Ville," he managed to stammer as the man stormed off.  
  
"Charming fellow," muttered Al as he walked towards Sam though his holographic door.  
  
============================================================  
  
Fifi: And finalee we ave "Quantoon Leap" by Eric Gjovaag!  
  
*Applause*  
  
Babs: And the winner is -  
  
Pepe K.: Now hold on just a sec, girls. Let's hold that till the end, shall we?  
  
*the ladies confer and finally nod*  
  
Now before we announce the winner, I'd like to take this rare opportunity to have a special performance by some special performers! - Ladies and Gentlmen! Tonight the Looney Tunes Orchestra will be playing Franz Lizt's "Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2". They will be accompanied by none other than - Bugs Bunny and Tom Cat!  
  
*Wild Applause as Pepe K. moves down to the orchestra pit and the ladies wait in the wings. Two grand pianos rise upstage on a center pedestal, their cases locked facing each other, fitting together like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Bugs and Tom enter from opposite sides of the stage in white tie and tails amidst thunderous applause to sit at their keyboards facing one another. Pepe K. takes his spot at the conductor's stand and the two pianists - ( Dot Warner stands up threateningly with a bar of soap, but Slappy Squirrel stares her down)  
  
- prepare themselves.  
  
The orchestra begins and both Tom and Bugs re-create their exact performances from "Rhapsody Rabbit" and "Concerto Cat". The mouse annoys Bugs almost as much as Tom and Jerry Mouse torment each other. The fast- paced musical mayhem is worthy of an Oscar and the frenetic players nearly drive each other mad at the climax. Tom fares worse than Bugs and collapses in an exhausted heap, while Jerry and the other mouse rise to take the applause. Finally all four toons and the orchestra bow as one as they recieve a standing ovation*  
  
*Pepe K., Laika and the Amazing Three return to the podium*  
  
Laika: Zo zat bringz us to zee end ov zee Crossover Awardz. Dasvedanyeh!  
  
Pepe K.: Almost!...The Winner of the UKE Award for the Best, Most Seamless Crossover In A Story is.....  
  
(aside) drumroll, please?  
  
*Taz (in the orchestra) pulls out a roll of toilet paper and gently places it atop his tympani*  
  
Pepe K.: Nonono! A roll on the drums!  
  
*Taz shakes his head stupidly and puts a plate of dinner rolls on his tympani and looks for a approval. Pepe K. smacks his forehead in disgust. Mercifuly, Henery Hawk plays a drumroll on his snare drum.*  
  
Pepe K.(smiles) The Winner is "Quantoon Leap" by Eric Gjovaag! Congratulations!  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
[no reply given]  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*Thunderous Applause. Taz looks hungrily at the dinner rolls and as everyone gasps - he eats them - tympani and all! His stomach and body take on the huge shape of the kettledrum as he swallows it whole! Pepe K. faints in exasperation and is caught and cared for by Laika, Babs, Shirley and Fifi*  
  
Taz: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPP!  
  
*Taz burps long and loudly enough to rival Wakko Warner*  
  
Everyone in the threatre except Taz: Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww!  
  
Taz:(blushing) ...Pardon.  
  
Pepe K.:(cradled in the arms of all the lovely ladies) Thank you for being a wonderful audience - and good night!  
  
*Applause*  
  
Pepe K.: Take it away, Leloni!  
  
*The skunk exits stage right, accompanied by all the ladies.*  
  
  
  
;)  
  
- Pepe K. 


	8. Miscellaneous Awards

The stage lights dim to a dark indigo color. A silent audience awaits the beginning of the next section of UKE awards. An echo of drifting water fills the auditorium. Slowly the audience begins to feel the presence of the ocean. Even the high-flying cry of seagulls is pumped through the speaker system.  
  
A spotlight fades into view in the center of the stage. Also into view comes a group of people crouching down on the stage. They are arranged in three lines - six dances to each row. Another gull gives a cry, cueing the first row to rise to their feet.  
  
Hawaiian drum beats arise from somewhere in the Looney Tunes orchestra. In very even, wave-like, motions the first row launches into a dance. Three sets of men/women couples twist, twirl and bounce about the stage like a playful ocean wave.  
  
Each dancer's head is adorned with a wreath of water lilies. Around each neck dangles a whitish-blue colored lei. The women wear strapless wrap dresses that split at mid-thigh in front and come back together in a petal shape below the back of the knee. The men wear Bermuda shorts. Both sets of outfits are a soft blue in color.  
  
Percussions pick up to join the drums. The second row also picks up to join the first row. They are also three couples of men/women. Their outfits match the first row's as well. Yet, the second row of dancers wear a medium blue color in their clothing. They ignite a faster tempo into the group. Together the group spin and leap around like dancing waves on the ocean's tide.  
  
String instruments join the music. The third row of dancers ascends to join the first two. Their outfits are a very dark blue color.  
  
Gone are the gentle playful even waves. The ocean is angry!  
  
Dances leap and spin around each other as the wicked waves that toy with an unlucky sailor's ship. Cymbals clash at every leap. Tension is rising. Music is building! Something is coming!  
  
A brilliant white spotlight shines down just behind the frenzied dancers. Their forms are lost into shadow as they continue to act as the ocean's waves.  
  
Someone in the orchestra begins a steady base drum beat. A chorus of Barnyard Hens (led by Foghorn Leghorn of course) breaks into an operatic squall.  
  
Faster and faster moves the native rhythms. Higher and more furious becomes the dance of the waves.  
  
Something behind the group slowly rises up towards the spotlight. As it does, the dances move to each side as if parting the waters for the object. Eventually, its full form becomes clear -a giant clam shell!  
  
Tensions rise even higher once the clam shell begins to open. The spotlight shines too brightly for any color but white to be seen on the shell. So it is difficult to tell what is inside the shell until it is open fully.  
  
The dancers assemble around the shell. Their arms are held out as if to embrace something.  
  
As the drums and chorus reach their climax, a form gingerly arises within the shell. The form's back is towards the audience. Yet they can still see a thick crop of curly hair cascading over its shoulders. It stretches its arms out to each side, slowly moving them upwards towards the light.  
  
The base drum and Barnyard Hen chorus reach their limit. Their roles end. The native-like music also stops. Silence overtakes the auditorium.  
  
Suddenly, the form drops its arms and whirls to face the audience. At that same instant, all stage lights cut out. Everything is plunged into darkness.  
  
Two seconds later, the stage lights return, illuminating the stage normally.  
  
Now everyone can see the clam shell's occupant clearly. Two long bunny ears peek out from under a curly blonde wig. A lavender and white bunny face smiles at the crowd.  
  
"You were expecting maybe Alexandra Tydings?" quips none other then Leloni Bunny.  
  
  
  
Alexandra Tydings: Actress who plays Aphrodite on the Hercules/Xena series.  
  
Leloni rises and walks out of the clam shell. The wig and lace jacket she was wearing slip off and fall back into the shell bed.  
  
What remains of her attire is a snow white spaghetti strapped gown. The gown conforms to her body contours all the way down to just below her hips. From there to the floor, it  
  
swells out into a full fluffy bell-shape. As she walks, there is a slight glimmer of a very pale ice blue coloring shadowed on the gown.  
  
She reaches the podium and addresses the audience. "Good news, gang! We're almost to the end!"  
  
Leloni is forced to cling to the podium as a mighty cheer echoes through the audience. She's got all she can do to keep from being blown back across the stage! How the podium  
  
keeps from being moved is beyond anyone's guess. That's toon physics for ya, folks!  
  
Once the cheering dies down, Leloni continues.  
  
"They say that there is no better place for the imagination to run free than in a dream. For where else, but in a dream can the wildest things happen? Dreams can be anything from  
  
making you relive your worst nightmare over and over again to allowing you to fulfill your deepest desires. Sometimes -especially in Shirley's case - dreams can give you a preview of the future.  
  
With that in mind, our next award honors the use of dreams within TTA Fanfiction.  
  
For 'Best Dream', the nominees are;  
  
============================================================  
  
Fifi wandered across downtown Acme Acres at midnight. All the stores were closed, with all their lights out. The only lights in the entire city were the street lamps at the intersections of the streets. An eerie silence seemed to cover the entire city. Fifi felt cold, afraid, and alone as she wandered the streets. She wondered why she even left her home to walk through the streets.  
  
Fifi then heard the sounds of whispering within the town. The sounds seemed to emit from all over the city. Fifi could not understand what the voices were saying. She did notice that they seemed to repeat the same thing over and over again.  
  
"Bonjour?" Fifi called out.  
  
The whispers still continued their chant.  
  
"You hear them, don't you." a high pitched voice said behind Fifi.  
  
Fifi turned around to face the voice. But she found no one there. "Whose zere?!" Fifi demanded.  
  
"No one is here except you." the voice said.  
  
"Who's zere?! Show vour self!" Fifi demanded.  
  
Fifi then noticed some movement within her own shadow. Slowly a figure rose from the darkness of her shadow. The figure seemed to slowly float to the surface. When he was completely out of Fifi's shadow, he stood before Fifi with crossed arms. It was the Prankster.  
  
============================================================  
  
Fifi's nightmares in Prankster 2 By Mike. M.  
  
============================================================  
  
Anti-Shirley felt a thud deep inside her, and her eyelids sprang open, expecting to see the cramped but familiar quarters of her resistance bunkroom. But instead she was surrounded by a pitch black emptiness which was only broken by an image of herself floating in space.  
  
The image was grinning widely. "Hey, so you're Anti-Me? Like, pleased to meet ya, or whatever," Shirley spoke with reverence, "Hmm, Anti- Me looks just like Me, so I guess I'm more centered than I suspected! I must be totally cosmically balanced or some junk."  
  
Anti-Shirley just stared at her with her mouth hanging wide open, then she pushed it shut. "You're a ghost, right? No, that can't be, you must just be a bad dream, no such thing as ghosts, nosiree. I would have seen a vengeful ghost kill the Chancellor by now if there were."  
  
Shirley watched her with puzzlement, "I guess Anti-Me is a little mondo-earthbound, sigh. It'll be tough getting through to her if she thinks I'm a dream."  
  
============================================================  
  
AZ Shirley's "dream" in 'Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side Of Comedy' By Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico.  
  
============================================================  
  
Time passes, weeks stretch into months, and the restless bunnies have nothing to do except fulfill Elmyra's wishes. After a little practice, they quickly get the hang of things, and they soon become the proud parents of four charming (?) little rugrats. Stevie is their firstborn, and they fawn and coo over him so much that he gets a severe ego problem. Next comes Jenny, who decides to divert her mom and dad's attention away from Stevie by doing all sorts of inspired jokes at their expense. Jody follows, a very sweet little guy who treats his parents with great affection, even though he thinks it's lots of fun to drive them crazy. Tiny Karen arrives last, a doe-eyed sweetheart who could fit right in with Saddam Hussein's regime when she gets mad. Stevie is about 8 years old intellectually, Jenny is 6, Jody 5, and Karen 2. All four kids seem to have inherited the most extreme traits from their folks, which is quite scary.  
  
============================================================  
  
The long sequence in 'Buster's Guide To Unconsummated Romance' By Nefaria.  
  
============================================================  
  
She had waited for this since he first asked her to marry him, her mouth watered anxiously. She lost control of her body, sweating, heart beating, fumes rising causing those around to flee. She didn't care, all that mattered was she would be with Alex forever  
  
She turned to kiss her new husband, he would be there, her fumes never affected him like her other would-be lovers. She closed her eyes and felt the rough and sharp lips of Alex!  
  
Snapping her eyes open and seeing before her not Alex, but.....  
  
Fifi, "Vous! Et ez impossible, vous are dead!"  
  
"Don't believe everything vous hears, but as promised by vous family and monsieur's, vous are now mois!" he grabs her tightly. She struggles in his ungodly grip, he is disgusting, if ugliness and horror could have a body, it would be his.  
  
He just laughs at her efforts, kissing her neck in perverted passion, sending waves of nausea through her body. Fifi struggles to no avail and finally screams and screams and screams.  
  
============================================================  
  
Fifi's intro dream in 'Le Wedding de Fifi' By Jeremy J. Jurrens.  
  
============================================================  
  
"Wait a minute. Babs," said Buster, "how can YOU be with Plucky?"  
  
"I love him. He gives the attention I need and more...?" she seemed to be stunned at what she said.  
  
"Shirley, how can you?" pleaded Plucky.  
  
"Opposite powers, like attract," she said seductively and suddenly gasped.  
  
"Well, Shorty," said Cleo boldly, "Hamton have the type of kiss you never had with me."  
  
"But," said Shorty, "we never kissed."  
  
"Oh... all the better why went to him for the savory kiss." she smiled and then frowned.  
  
"Well there's no need explaining why you went to Buster, Fifi," said Hamton and sadden after a while.  
  
"Anyway, I'd always loved Fifi," proclaimed Buster then seemed to be stunned at his words. "Wait a minute that's not true," he protested, "Babs, I'd always cared for you and only you." He tried to go to her but was snapped back to Fifi.  
  
"Shirley was the only one for me," said Shorty, "and now...now I want Cleo. Cleo forgive me but I don't know what's come over me." He ran to her but some force pulled him back to Shirley.  
  
"Hey! What going on?" cried Plucky.  
  
Everyone tried going back to their real love but was pulled back to the other. They said they loved the other lover but changed and loved their real lover. Then, BUMP!, they all turned to the door that was in the same hall as Buster and Fifi. Buster went and opened it to see Puma and Lola kissing.  
  
"We don't even wanna know!" they all said and slammed the door closed.  
  
============================================================  
  
'Fun With Love' By FoxWiz.  
  
============================================================  
  
Anyway, after the afternoon was over, nightime came, and all the toons were sleeping. Buster's in his bed tossing and turning. He's having a nightmare. Buster was at the Loo the next morning, he was late as usual. After he got all his books and to his next course, which was Wild Takes 101, his trouble began. His teacher, Yosemite Sam, called upon him to do the Giant Eyeball. He got up in front of the class and prepared for his wild take. He started off great, but when he was reverting back, he got stuck in the giant eyeball take. It took him 30 minutes to get back to normal, and by that time everyone was lauging, even Babs.  
  
============================================================  
  
'Tiny Toons Dream' By Redknox the Fox.  
  
And the winner is........"  
  
Leloni taps her foot impatiently. She glares towards the right wing of the stage. "Hello? Anyone intending to bring me the envelope or what?"  
  
As a response, something metallic comes hurtling out of the wing. It sails over Leloni's head: ricochets off of several stage props; flies off the ceiling and bounces off the other wall. Leloni realizes what the object is. She reaches up just in time to catch it as it sails back towards the wings.  
  
With unamused eyes, Leloni plucks the envelope off the object and holds it up. "Look, I know show-biz is a cut-throat industry. But flinging a Chakram at me isn't going to improve things, ok?"  
  
She flings the Warrior's weapon back into the wings and focuses on the envelope.  
  
"Now, as I was saying; The winner is - " The long sequence in Buster's Guide To Unconsummated Romance" by Nefaria!"  
  
Leloni Bunny  
  
"Now, that's com- What do you MEAN I'll get sued if I finish that line????"  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
[no reply given]  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
A huge movie screen is lowered down to center stage. The stage lights are turned very low so everyone can see the screen. For now, a black void seems to be the only thing to be seen.  
  
Finally, a white lettered paragraph appears on the screen.  
  
'In the fall of 1996 Artisan Entertainment released a movie about three college students getting lost in the woods.'  
  
After a few moments another sentence appears.  
  
'One week later, their movie was parodied by every two-bit racket in town.'  
  
The speaker system begins to pump out a series of sound bites;  
  
Velma (Scooby Doo); I gave you BACK the map, Freddy!  
  
Freddy (Scooby Doo); Don't make me get angry with you, Velma. I gave you the map.  
  
David Letterman; The top ten things scarier than the Blair Witch Project.....  
  
Heather (BWP); Oh my God! What is that?! What the @#$#@ is That?!  
  
Ghostly Voice; A group of six girls ventured into the woods. A year later, their footage was found. This is the horror of The Chibiusa Project. (Sailor Moon is wailing in the background.)  
  
Mrs. Krabappel (Simpsons): And I don't want to see 21 versions of the Blair Witch Project either.  
  
Heather (BWP) (crying); I am so so sorry. Because, despite what Mike says now, it is my fault. Because it was my project. project-project-project- project......  
  
As the last words of Heather echo into obscurity, the movie screen goes blank again. It rises back into the rafters. While it does, a new musical theme begins to play. Knowledged fans will immediately recognize the tune as the opening theme for Alfred Hitchcock Presents.  
  
A closed curtain remains after the movie screen is gone. There's a spotlight shining upon the curtain. It allows the audience to see a very familiar shadowy shape indeed.  
  
"Good evening," speaks a base toned voice.  
  
The music screeches to a hault. The curtains are ripped open. The audience is left face to face with - Elmer Fudd. Still, Mr. Fudd is dressed elegantly enough. He is wearing a black business suit and tie.  
  
"Gweetings," he says, "I'm Awfwed Fuddsock. Tonight I have been asked to-"  
  
Elmer's impersonation is rudely interrupted as he takes a disgraceful tumble down the flight of stairs he was standing atop of. He oofs and ouches his way down each and every one of the twenty-eight and three- quarters of the stairs. Eventually, he lands in a tangled mass of Fudd at the bottom.  
  
Show-biz allows no time for pain though! So, Elmer merely grins sheepishly at the audience and gives his famous trademark laugh.  
  
He quickly untangles himself and gets to his feet. As he brushes himself off, he continues his speech.  
  
"They say that the best fowm of pwaise is pawody. Ow something like that. Huhuhuhuhu! Ouw next awawd honows those that awe considewed the Best innovative ideas. These ideas have been taken to ouw heawts and used in vawious fanfics. So, the nominees awe:  
  
============================================================  
  
"No," replied the pretty black teenager named Mary Melody, who was without question the most normal student at the Looniversity. "However, rumor has it from unconfirmed sources that Ms. Lola Jean Bunny, age 20--also unconfirmed--will be seeking a position on the faculty of Acme Looniversity. Ms. Bunny--if that _is_ her real name, graduated from some place called LTU with honors, and attended on a combined academic and athletic scholarship..." The other toonsters just sighed.  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
Honey had always gotten along with the students from the first day she arrived at Acme Loo, but her personal history was somewhat sketchy at best. Even Bookworm couldn't find anything about her in the library. The more Mary thought about it, the more it bothered her... especially since she knew what it felt like to be overlooked.  
  
============================================================  
  
Adding Honey & Lola to the faculty [Newcomer]  
  
============================================================  
  
I've got a little challenge for all you toonsters out there! The following is a fun little home test you can do in your spare time: Below are ten quotations from various Tiny Toon Adventures cartoons. See how many you can correctly identify. I will post the answers in the "New Story Forum" folder bright and early December 1, 1994.  
  
1. "Heh, heh, Firestone radials!" "Radial tires are cool!"  
  
2. "De-lighted! Just call me Plucky McDucky, lad!"  
  
3. "Ooooh, now I have a cute little squirrly-whirrly to pet and love and cherish and SQUEEZE!"  
  
4. "Great, there's a hole in the plot!" "Yeah, big enough to drive a MACK TRUCK THROUGH!!!!"  
  
5. "As usual, Plucky, your command of the obvious is stunning."  
  
6. "Nothing easy is ever simple! We shall overcome obstacles, and laugh in their general direction!"  
  
7. "That's it! That's...that's the thing! Fire that other guy!"  
  
8. "I LOVE the little furry ones, but when they run away, I can't believe they want to leave, so I SQUEEEEEZE them 'till they stay!"  
  
9. "...and don't be defeated! Be like, the other way!"  
  
10. "You done Shirl? Good."  
  
============================================================  
  
Quiz at the end of ARVSTTTIG  
  
============================================================  
  
"I don't know, guys," she said softly. "I don't think I can be a part of something like that..."  
  
"Like, since when did YOU develop a social conscience, anyway?" Shirley prodded her.  
  
"So I'm a late bloomer, like, sue me, and shut up, 'kay?" Ruby replied angrily.  
  
Babs attempted to defuse the situation as best she could. "Now *there's* the Rhubella we all know and love," she chirped happily. Ruby wasn't buying it. "No good, huh?"  
  
"I'm sorry, guys," Ruby said. "It's... well, personal..." Babs and Shirley eyed each other. They knew exactly what she meant; it was Ruby's personal 'Achilles Heel'.  
  
Babs spoke softly. "It's your dad again, isn't it?" Ruby nodded, lips quivering and tears forming in her eyes. "Sorry... we had no idea..."  
  
============================================================  
  
Reforming Rubella [Parallel series]  
  
============================================================  
  
Babs stepped into the office, and was surprised to see who was standing in front of her. "Oh, hi," she said, a bit taken aback. "What are you guys doing here?"  
  
"We've decided to enroll!"  
  
"Correction, YOU decided to enroll!"  
  
"I don't want to be here!"  
  
"Wow, that's....great," Babs told them.  
  
============================================================  
  
Warners attending Acme Loo" [A Really Very Special Tiny Toons Thanksgiving.I Guess]  
  
Elmer peels open the envelope. "And the winnew is -"  
  
As the envelope opens, a flock of ducks come zooming out, trampling over poor Elmer. At the head of the team is Daffy Duck! The flock zooms around and settles upon the podium.  
  
Elmer has been knocked unconscious, as usual.  
  
So, it's up to Daffy to complete the award. "Aw, come on!" he says, "What Hitchcock parody is complete without the mandatory assault from 'The Birds'?"  
  
His fellow flockians chortle in encouragement. Daffy clears his throat and continues.  
  
"And the winner is .......... ME! Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo!"  
  
About ten gallons of ice cold water instantly falls upon the flock.  
  
"OK OK!" Daffy cries out, "I was only joking!"  
  
The waterfall stops, leaving a bunch of frozen ducks in its place. As his teeth chatter, Daffy grabs the paper from Elmer's hand and reads the real winner.  
  
"The winner *really* is 'Reforming Rubella '"  
  
Daffy turns to his comrades. "Come on guys, the sooner we get south, the sooner we get a warm welcome for a change." He and the rest of the flock shiveringly fly off into the wild blue yonder. Pete Puma hurries onstage to sweep up Elmer and the rest of the award mess left behind.  
  
In the right wing of the stage, a certain lavender rabbit ponders if she should tell the ducks that they're a little late going South since it's Spring already. "Naaaahhh!"  
  
Leloni Bunny  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Ruby, dressed in a resplendent evening gown, makes a mad dash up the stairs to the main stage, where she trips on the hem, plummets face forward into the podium, smashes it to bits with the impact, and then makes a splendid recovery. Roberta, in the audience, turns to Furrball and says, "She meant to do that." Furrball, skeptical, is asleep.  
  
RUBY: "You like me! You *really* like me!! You *really, really...*"  
  
AUDIENCE (bored): "It's been done."  
  
RUBY: "Oh. It has? Well... never mind..."  
  
(Finish this scene yourselves, if you dare!!!)  
  
Seriously, and how often does that happen?, thanks, folks. I'll have to write a discourse on this whole reforming Ruby idea when I have more time. RL bites. (Of course, the alternative ain't so hot, either.)  
  
Watch yer backs.  
  
Furrball. ;)  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Lucky for us that this is a 'toon' ceremony. Under normal circumstances, a broken podium would be a problem - but not in the Tooniverse! A trap door simply opened up in the stage and swallowed the podium pieces along with Rhubella! Then a new one pops up in its place.  
  
Another familiar theme song strikes up in the orchestra.  
  
Entering stage left comes the original cartoon kingpin himself -accompanied by his lady fair - Mickey and Minnie Mouse!  
  
Mickey looks classy as always in his black tux and red tie with cummerbund. His shoes even seem extra shiny this evening. Lovely Minnie seems to float along the stage in her crimson velvet ball gown. The sleeves are short, puffy and ruffled at the ends. Her collar is a small V-neck that allows the crystal choker about Minnie's neck to illuminate nicely. True to her character, a petite red ribbon bow encircles her ears.  
  
The duo approaches the new podium ad mist murmurs and general wonderings of what they're doing here. Mickey clears his throat and speaks into the mic, "Hi folks! Minnie and I have been asked here tonight because of our expertise in the general area of 'merchandising.'"  
  
A burst of wind ruffles through the audience as Bugs and Daffy hit the stage. Daffy leans over the mic and stares at Mickey. "Now just a dang minute there! Where do you get that 'expertise' stuff?"  
  
"Yeah, as you may recall, we do have a sizabbl-bl-ble amount of character adorned objects under our names as well," Bugs adds.  
  
"That's true," Minnie agrees. "But do you have a 'Princess collection'?"  
  
The rabbit and the duck look at each other. "Well-"  
  
"Is merchandise from your old movies still sold fresh daily?" Mickey asks.  
  
"Uh... not as such," Bugs admits.  
  
"Does your company still offer a multitude of merchandise still endorsing all forms of your characters?" asks Minnie.  
  
Daffy gulps, "Well, no... But we're still the big-time in merchandising! So Nyah!"  
  
A skateboard landing upon the podium grabs everyone's attention.  
  
"You guys are all lame. My merchandise ring beats you all out with no problem!" says none other than the resident yellow-skinned hoodlum of the Tooniverse; Bart Simpson.  
  
"Excuse us," pipes up a chorus of voices from the sidelines. Everyone turns to see the sweetest bunch of over parodied moralistic cuddly creatures this side of the sugar field -The Care Bear Family.  
  
A brown bear with a red heart upon his tummy (also known as TenderHeart) steps forward. "Actually, our merchandise crowded store shelves long before you were born, Bart."  
  
"And we were helping children explore their feelings long before Barney came along too!" speaks up a pink bear with a rainbow upon her tummy (CheerBear).  
  
Another voice speaks up behind the bears. This one has obvious suffered from the over effects of microphone reverb. "You're forgetting about _us_! We were the _origional_ 25-minute merchandising commercials!"  
  
Yep, it's He-Man and his legion of Masters of the Universe. Alongside him stands; She-Ra; Rainbow Brite; the Smurfs; a couple of the Gi-I-Joe clan; Strawberry Shortcake (and Custard too!); the Glo-Friends and a couple of Pound Puppies!  
  
"Gulp!" squeaks Daffy.  
  
Suddenly, the whole stage is full of toons squabbling over who has the top merchandising empire. This goes on for several minutes until......  
  
A lone toon comes swinging right into the middle of the fray. Everyone instantly jumps back to give him plenty of room. His painted on smile seems brighter than ever. His bright yellow, white and red costume gives his identity away instantly.  
  
"I was in the neighborhood doing a children's charity and I thought I'd drop by."  
  
Yep! It's none other than the single biggest advertising & merchandising star recognized by children the world over - Ronald McDonald.  
  
"He beats us out by a berry big landslide," Strawberry Shortcake says quietly. The rest of the group reluctantly agrees with her.  
  
He-Man shrugs and motions to the Gi-I-Joe clan. "Come on, guys. Let's go taunt some Cobras and laugh as they fire machine-gun lasers at us and still can't even get close."  
  
"Count me in!" pipes up Rainbow Brite as she follows the Joes. Soon everyone else follows suit as well. Eventually, the only ones left on stage are Mickey, Minnie, Bugs, Daffy and Ronald McDonald.  
  
Ronald turns to Mickey and holds out his hand. "May I?"  
  
Without a word, Mickey hands Ronald the award envelope.  
  
Ronald opens the envelope and announces, "For Best use of merchandise or other business matters related to TTA, the only nominee and therefore winner is;  
  
============================================================  
  
"No, I'm Bug's Bunny, and I'll prove it. Here, take a look at my identification." With that, Bug's pulled out his model sheet, and sure enough, it was labeled "Bug's Bunny." "See, I told ya so."  
  
"Humph," said Bugs. "I got one-a dem tings too," and he pulled out his own model sheet labeled, "Bugs Bunny."  
  
"That doesn't mean a thing," said Bug's. "Look at the date. 1943. Mine says 1939. I got you beat for the name by four years."  
  
"Well dis ain't my foist model sheet. My appearance did refine itself over me foist few years. This is what finally emerged, and it's the one still in use today."  
  
"Oh really?" asked Bug's. "So you've got an earlier sheet?"  
  
"Not with me. Buster, do you still have that model sheet of mine that I gave you? My foist one from A Wild Hare?"  
  
"Uh, yeah, Bugs, but I..."  
  
"Never mind about that now. Come on, let's go get it and settle this once and for all."  
  
============================================================  
  
The character sheets in "What's in a Name?" (Kevin Mickel)!"  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Hey, I won. And it was a victory that was unopposed. I'm not so sure what that means, if anything.  
  
Well, I am glad that the concept was appreciated by someone enough to nominate it, it really was the whole crux of "What's in a Name?" which I still think is a fairly decent story.  
  
But, I prefer Burger King.  
  
Thank you.  
  
Kevin  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
In response to Kevin's short speech, a hamburger with legs comes dashing out onto the stage. As it passes under the lights, a little crown on its head shines. It hops up on Kevin's shoulder and gives him a quick smooch on his cheek. Then it dashes off stage left.  
  
Poor Kevin has little time to wonder what just happened however. Because the Hamburgler comes zooming across the stage. Kevin has to jump into the front row of the audience to avoid the burger addicted burgler. Even the Disney and WB duos have to move aside to avoid being run over.  
  
"Robble! Robble! Robble! Robble!" declares the Hamburgler happily as he continues in hot pursuit of the Burger King. Ronald races off after him. "Hamburgler! You know it's against your contract to eat the competition!"  
  
Minnie holds another envelope out to Daffy. "Would you like to do the honors for the next award?"  
  
A high-class 'look' spreads over Daffy's face. He accepts the envelope from Minnie graciously. "Why thank you my dear."  
  
As Daffy glances down to see which award he's presenting, Bugs's quick vision scans the envelope first. Hiding a chuckle, the rabbit quietly backs off the stage. The mice do likewise off towards the other end of the stage.  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased to make the presentation for which I am the most suited to present. For, who better than I could possibly embody the true essence of our next award? No one, that's who! So it is with utmost pride that I present the award for -eh- -STUPIDEST MOMENT?!"  
  
Daffy's eyes bug out of his skull as he reads the envelope. A disgruntled sneer curls upon his lips. His brow furrows in anger as most of the auditorium breaks into giggles. He scowls, "Oh, it is to laugh. Har de har har! Present your own award yooouuuu nitwit rodent!"  
  
With that Daffy slams the envelope down on the stage and stalks away.  
  
Mickey renters the stage. This time he gets some minor applause. A few feet behind him comes his faithful pal and loyal companion pet; Pluto. Mickey stops to scoop up the envelope and begins another presentation.  
  
"If there was ever a time when 'stupid' was funny, it had to be the 1930s. It was the era when the simplest of situations could become a six minute mess. Things like running with a hot iron and tripping could send a horse and rider on a mad, and often painful, dash through the countryside. Or just backing into a ladder could set off a chain reaction with monstrous consequences."  
  
While Mickey talks, Pluto prances towards the podium to join his beloved master. Unfortunately, he's not watching where he's going. So it's unsurprising that his right front paw should end up plopping right into a bucket that someone conveniently left on the stage. Pluto's ears raise up as he realizes what he just did. First he tries shaking the bucket like a maraca. This only causes him to slam the bucket on the stage. In return, Pluto gets a complete body vibration that leaves even his eyeballs spinning. Pluto shakes his had and glares down at the bucket. He puts his left front paw on the bucket and attempts to pull his right paw free. Naturally his left paw ends up stuck in the bucket. Undaunted, Pluto places his back right paw upon the bucket and pulls. Once again, he gets another paw stuck in the bucket. With three paws in the bucket you can bet Pluto's hopping mad -literally!  
  
While Pluto continues to struggle with the bucket, Mickey continues to talk. "In many cartoons, 'stupid' things aren't really a mere brainless thought. Actually, it takes a lot of thought to create those situations! Actually, they are more a result of not using some 'common sense'. But look at some of the wonderfully funny cartoons -and fanfictions- we get from characters not using common sense. That's what this award honors: the usage of stupidity to make us laugh. So, for 'Stupidest Moment' the nominees are;  
  
============================================================  
  
I don't normally talk to people like you, but I suppose I'll lower myself to your level for today, for this story, for my story.  
  
My name's Rex. Rex Powers. I'm from a different planet... and I don't always bring peace...  
  
But today I do. *Hahahahahahahahah!* (Note: author has put in ** marks and laugh track so you can tell when characters are trying to be funny.)  
  
Today was a beautiful day in Acme Acres. I knew it would be perfect because today was the day I was going to attend Acme Loo for the first time. Such a nice school... not like my last one, where my best friend got eaten by the principal *hahahahahahahah*. But that was back on my home planet, 32xMax. An odd name, I realize, but then again, I'm an odd guy *hahahahahahah*. And a very handsome fox!  
  
============================================================  
  
The entire story of A Really Bad Fanfic  
  
============================================================  
  
Wakko: So it wasn't a scam.  
  
Yakko: Shirley is one of the greatest predicters. Too bad I can't go on a date with her.  
  
(The next day, the family of Hamton, and the friends of Hamton and Fifi, plus the midnight society paid a visit to Hamton and Fifi's fueneral.)  
  
Joesph Tiger: Friends and relatives, we have gathered here today to mourn the death of Hamton and Fifi. They were killed by a drunk driver who's alcohol level was 5 times over the limit. Because of this, the tragetic moment took the lives of these two toons, who's destiny was destroyed. Hamton was 19, Fifi was 18. May they rest in peace.  
  
(This episode is dedicated on the dangers of drunk driving. Many people die of drunk driving every 15 minutes(which was a 2 day event at my high school). Remember, drinking and driving under the influence results in death. Don't drink and drive. Don't let a drunk friend drive.)  
  
The end.  
  
============================================================  
  
Ending of The Dangers of Drunk Driving (by UDX)  
  
============================================================  
  
BABS face creates some truely unique expressions of disbelief and shockas she leafs through the pages. FIFI, smiling wickedly comes up behind the sputtering BABS.  
  
FIFI: UH....do you mind eef I have a look??  
  
BABS gives it up without protest (she's still QUITE shocked) and FIFI drools over it approtiately. Returing to the trunk and going over a few more scripts, she and SHIRLY start to close it up.  
  
BABS: You know, these really aren't to bad! We could almost get the shoow back ont he road with a couple more of these...  
  
SHIRLEY: Yea, and like, Plucky could join the Peace Corps.  
  
BABS: Well, I guess this is it. We might as well pack it up and head back. Not much of a treasure, tho.  
  
FIFI is huddled over the "FANBOYS" script, especially a bit marked "ADDRESSES"  
  
FIFI: Zpeak for yourzelf, cotton tail!  
  
BABS leans back over the script, BLUSHES bright red and RIPS out a PAGE. Instead of tossing it over shoulder, tho, she comptemplates it and she stuffs it down her SHIRT. FIFI gives her a wicked GRIN.  
  
BABS: Well, I wouldn't...want it uh...fallling into the wrong hands!!  
  
CUT TO SHIRLEY, BABS, FIFI, and the TRUNK, loaded back onto FURRBALL.  
  
BABS: adressing FIFI and SHIRLEY Well, GIRLS, we have competed our mission  
  
HERE!! LOAD UP! HEAD OUT! CAMPWARD HHHHHHOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
============================================================  
  
The ending of "(Non) Campus Mentis"  
  
Mickey opens the envelope. "The winner is; The entire story of A Really Bad Fanfic!"  
  
Hearing a whimpering sound over the cheering, Mickey looks over and finally sees Pluto The poor pup has managed to free his feet from the bucket. But now, it's stuck on his cranium. Mickey smiles at his old pal. He takes pity on the dog and helps him remove the bucket.  
  
Pluto's gratitude is shown quickly as he jumps up on Mickey and smothers him with slobbery dog kisses. Gotta love these happy endings eh folks?  
  
(Don't go away! Two more awards left! And then it's all over, we promise!)  
  
Leloni Bunny  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
[no reply given]  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
The stage curtain has been closed for so long that most folks wonder if the ceremony is _finally_ over. To their dismay, Gogo Dodo waddles across the front of the stage carrying a big sign.  
  
'It's not over yet, folks!'  
  
Some of the audience members closer to the stage can hear sounds of hammering, sawing and a few of the general vocalities that accompany most building projects. Within a few minutes, the noise dies down. Slowly, the curtain is reopened and the spotlights illuminate the set.  
  
An auto repair shop greets the audience's eyes. At center stage is a car with its front hood propped open. Someone is leaning into the car's engine. So all that is seen is a white bunny tail and a bunny's overall clad back end.  
  
Buster Bunny's voice rings out from the engine, "Ok, Plucky! Fire it up."  
  
A sickly motor sound rises out of the car. Along with it comes an immense cloud of thick gray smoke -right into Buster's face! He jumps back quickly. His entire upper body is covered in black soot. Buster hacks up some smoke and looks to the audience with a weak expression. "Is there a surgeon General in the audience?" he asks.  
  
Then he picks up a conveniently placed towel and wipes himself off.  
  
Plucky hops out of the car and approaches Buster. The duck is also wearing some mechanic's overalls. He grins at the hare. "Ah! I love the char broiled stench of a smoked hare in the morning!"  
  
Buster finishes cleaning up and tosses the towel off-stage. "Better a smoked hare than a diced duck!"  
  
Right on cue, the car coughs and sputters. It spits out a bunch of sharp little objects-straight at Plucky! The poor duck finds himself stuck to the far wall.  
  
"Ok, I think that's enough clowning around," Buster says as he chuckles. He helps Plucky pull the little sharp objects out of the wall (and Plucky's overalls).  
  
"Yeah, we've still got a ton of fanfiction to fix," Plucky replies.  
  
The duo turn to the audience.  
  
"Why would we fix fanfiction if we're auto mechanics?" Buster mock- asks.  
  
"Because we like to!" answers Plucky in a sing-song tone.  
  
A spotlight is cast on the duo. Two hats and canes come flying out from either side of the stage. Buster and Plucky catch them, don them and go into a most classic style vaudeville dance.  
  
Buster begins singing. "We're the tooniest of the tooney."  
  
Plucky adds in, "We're the zaniest of Zen."  
  
Buster continues, "We're the looniest of looney."  
  
Plucky sings, "We're as crazy as we can be..."  
  
Both of them finish together in a barbershop quartet-esque tune, "While staaaayyyyinnnggg cliiinn-iiiic-caallllyyy saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane!"  
  
A quick tempo 'joke-music' begins in the LT Orchestra. Buster and Plucky stage-turn to each other. (For those who may wonder, 'stage turning' means you turn a little in the direction you're aiming for while keeping a good 3/4 of your form in view to the audience.)  
  
Buster says, "That's right! We're so nuts that we'll fix anything!"  
  
Plucky counts on his fingers as he lists, "Boats; cars; planes; sinks; safes; refrigerators; you name it, we can probably fix it."  
  
"But our specialty," says Buster, "Is fanfic fixing!"  
  
Plucky chuckles. "You might say we have a fixation for fanfic fixing."  
  
Buster replies, "Now try saying _that_ three times fast!"  
  
"What do you think I've been doing for the past three weeks?" Plucky cries.  
  
Mary Melody rushes on stage, interrupting the boys' act. She's dressed in a casual gray business suit and matching miniskirt. she's carrying a stack of papers.  
  
"Guys!" she calls, "We just got a huge order for fanfiction that needs to be fixed!"  
  
Buster slaps his forehead. "Oh great!" he moans. "We haven't even been able to finish the last batch yet."  
  
"Now remember, Buster, the worse the fanfic, the more we get to charge for it!" Plucky states as his eyes light up like dollar signs.  
  
Buster leans aside to the audience. He says, "Well, you didn't think we'd fix fanfics for free. Did you?"  
  
Plucky comes out of his dream state and joins Buster in saying, "Even _we_ aren't _that_ nuts!"  
  
Meanwhile, Mary has been shuffling through her stack of papers and thinking. She gets an idea. "No sweat, guys! We'll just limit our order acceptance to one fanfic."  
  
"But which fic?" Plucky asks.  
  
Mary finally finds the paper she was looking for and shoves it into Plucky's hands.  
  
"Easy," she says, "We'll take the winner of our next award."  
  
"Great idea!" Buster agrees.  
  
All three of them turn to the audience.  
  
Mary says, "For 'Fic Most in Need of Work', the nominees are..."  
  
============================================================  
  
Shirley: Welcome everyone. We are here at the Kids WB midnight society to learn each others fate. Now the purpose of learning fate is like sitting in a circle around the fire, for sure. Now I want everyone to sit around the fire  
  
Toons: Yes Shirley.  
  
Yakko: I am not so sure about this, Shirl.  
  
Wakko: Yeah, I want to watch my Don Knotts videos.  
  
Yakko: I think you watched them already.  
  
Shirley: Whatever. Now everyone, hold hands and start praying.  
  
(The toons hold hands and they start praying.)  
  
Shirley: I am predicting something. I am predicting that, Wakko Warner will lose his Don Knotts videos to Fowlmouth.  
  
Wakko: No, not my Don Knotts videos.  
  
Shirley: I was just kidding about that.  
  
James: Is this suppose to be some kind of a joke? I wanna go home  
  
============================================================  
  
Buster reads first, "The Dangers of Drunk Driving". By UDX."  
  
============================================================  
  
We went out into the hallway and I closed and locked the door after everyone was out. Then, Buster Bunny turned on his Flashlight. I looked to the left down the hallway and saw another Gray Steel Door on the right side of the hallway. Then, I went over to the door and shone my Flashlight through the window into the room on the other side of the door. And, I saw that there is a Small Wooden Box in the room, just like the one that we found Tennis Balls in. So, I unlocked and opened the door. Then, I went over to the Small Wooden Box. When we got closer to the Wooden Box, I saw that it had the number '50' carved in front of it like the other Small Wooden Box that we found. The Wooden Box was the same size as the other one as well. Then, I opened the box and saw that it had Tennis Balls in it. The Tennis Balls appeared to be a yellowish color with no symbols on them. Remembering the number that I saw on the side of the box, I thought to myself, "I think that there is also 50 Tennis Balls in this Wooden Box like the other one". Then, I put the sack down and started to put the Tennis Balls into the sack. After he put all the Tennis Balls into the sack, I closed the Wooden Box. Then I picked up the sack which was now filled with 100 Tennis Balls and left the room. I closed and locked the door.  
  
As we started down the hall, we saw a Gray Steel Door with a Barred Window to our left. I went to the Steel Door, looked in, and saw a Small Wooden box in the room on the other side of the door. Then, I unlocked and opened the door. I went into the room and over to the Small Wooden Box. When we got closer to the wooden box, I saw that it had the number '100' carved on the front of it. The wooden box was the same size as the other ones. Then, I opened the box and saw that it had Tennis Balls in it. The Tennis Balls appeared to be a yellowish color with no symbols on them. I thought to myself, "There are 100 Tennis Balls in this wooden box because the number on the side of the box must stand for 100 Tennis Balls". Then, I put the sack of 100 Tennis Balls down and started to put the Tennis Balls into the sack. After he put all the Tennis Balls into the sack, I closed the Wooden Box. "Suddenly, I saw that the sack was full with 200 Tennis Balls and I picked it up. Then, I left the room and closed and locked the door.  
  
============================================================  
  
Plucky goes next,"The Legend of Toon Park" By Eric Bunny."  
  
============================================================  
  
They looked down and saw Montana with a few workers standing next to the Epoch.  
  
"What is he doing to our ship?" Babs asked.  
  
"Shh!" Fifi quieted.  
  
"Hurry up and add the weapons to this thing, and improve propulsion. Come on! What am I paying you for?" Monty shouted.  
  
"Actually, sir," the worker said, "you're not paying us."  
  
"And if you don't pick it up I never will be," Monty said.  
  
Plucky pulled out the Masatoon and tried to break the grate, but it didn't work.  
  
"We have to find a way around," Babs said.  
  
"Yeah, but how?" Plucky asked.  
  
Babs pointed to a vent above them.  
  
"Oh, no. I'm not crawling through there," Plucky said.  
  
Within two minutes the three of them were crawling through the vents to get to Monty.  
  
"According to my calculations," Babs said a couple of minutes after they started, "we should be over him right now!"  
  
Plucky cut a hole for them to go through. They climbed out and found they were on the broad, teal wing of the blackbird.  
  
"Niceth goingeth," Plucky said.  
  
"Look!" Babs shouted and pointed.  
  
They saw the Epoch flying out.  
  
"It works! It works!" Monty yelled as he flew it towards the blackbird.  
  
"It's the Epoch!" Babs said.  
  
"It's not the Epoch! It's the Aero-Montana imperial!" Monty said.  
  
Lasers began to fire out of the ship, narrowly missing Babs and company.  
  
Babs bounded onto the Epoch, Plucky flew over, and Fifi just leaped. They all landed on the front of the Epoch.  
  
"Going somewhere?" Babs asked him.  
  
"Get off of here!" Monty said.  
  
"No!" Babs said.  
  
Monty pulled his coin gun out and said, "Fine. I'll just shoot you off!"  
  
Babs reached over and grabbed his wallet.  
  
"Ha! Now I can kill your only friend!" Babs said.  
  
"Like your only friend got killed?" Monty said.  
  
Babs got an intense look of fury in her eyes.  
  
"You ***!" Babs said.  
  
============================================================  
  
Mary reads the third, "Chrono Toon by Dark Helmet."  
  
============================================================  
  
Later, at the training room, Babs Bunny, Yakko Warner and Polly(Samuri Pizza Cats), was doing a little training.  
  
"You know, this purple dinosaur is sounding like that koopa king from Mario Bros" Polly said when she got a bullseye with her gun practice. "YEEESSSS. I won, I won, I won I, need a snack." She yelled  
  
"You know, this is becoming the strangest fan-fiction ever. A purple Dinosaur that is about to be murdered." Yakko said, as he practices his punches and kicks.  
  
============================================================  
  
Buster reads the final nominee, "Die Barney Die, Prologue" by Urian Dang."  
  
Mary picks up an extra thick stack of papers. She announces, "And the winner is 'The Legend of Toon Park" By Eric Bunny'!"  
  
Plucky races past Mary, grabbing the stack of papers on his way. "I can just _taste_ the chunk of charge that's gonna cover this one!"  
  
He leaves the stage, scatters papers all over the place. Buster races after him. "Hey, wait for me!"  
  
Mary looks after the boys as they disappear off stage-left. She turns back to the audience and shrugs. The vaudeville music picks up again as Mary reaches behind her back and pulls out a hat and cane. She pops the hat on her head and dances off stage.  
  
  
  
(Special thanks to Pepe K. for the idea for this one.)  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
[no reply given]  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Leloni Bunny walks across the stage and stands next to the podium. She clears her throat and begins to speak.  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very happy to present the last award for the evening."  
  
Needless to say, Leloni just lost the deposit she'd put down on the auditorium rental. Like a bottle cork with too much fiz behind it, the roof explodes right off the building! The cheering can even be heard all the way across the country in New York where the Statue of Liberty welcomes another boat full of immigrants.  
  
One of the immigrants comments, "They're cheering our arrival! What a country!"  
  
Back at the awards ceremony, there's a brief intermission while everyone checks their insurance carriers for deafness coverage.  
  
Once everyone settles down, Leloni returns to the stage. She continues her speech. "Uh, yeah, like I said before, this is the final award for the show. (thank goodness) This award honors those that have made the most effective use of the art of storytelling at its fanfic finest. These are the authors that have helped us to identify and feel emotionally for the TTA cast. These authors have captivated our attention enough to keep us guessing and wanting to find out 'what happens next?' For 'Best Writer' the nominees are;  
  
Plucky D. Warner  
  
Jennifer Cleckley  
  
Renee Carter Hall  
  
Mike Cote  
  
Kevin Mickel (HKUriah)  
  
Jerry Withers  
  
Pepe K.  
  
Leloni Bunny (A bit of embarrassment colors Leloni's cheekfur as she reads her own name.)  
  
John Friedrich (Nefaria)  
  
Mike Beebe  
  
Lee Withers."  
  
Leloni picks up the envelope. She starts to open it and then stops herself.  
  
"Before I announce the winner of this award, I think we should give each and every one of our authors a standing ovation. After all, it takes a mountain of courage to bare your work to the Web Wide World. We can never forget guys like Peter A Bunny; Anthony Barnett and Sean Brandenburg. Nor could we leave out girls such as Bridgette Berry; Beth Ann Bryant and Gypsy. We applaud your work and sincerely hope that you'll keep bringing us more of the quirks and adventures that only you could give us."  
  
As the audience applauds some more, Leloni opens the envelope. Wakko Warner starts up a drum roll in the LT Orchestra.  
  
Anticipation hangs as thick as honey (the gooey yellow stuff) in the air. Leloni quietly reads the names on the paper.  
  
Then she gasps!  
  
Leloni exclaims, "Oh my gosh! I-I don't believe it! Is-is this right? This isn't a joke or something? Are you-"  
  
The audience yells, "Just get on with it!"  
  
Bear Prower also sticks his head out from behind the curtain, "Yes, it is correct!"  
  
Leloni grins sheepishly. "Ok, ok! *ahem* Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to present the winner of the 2001 'Best Writer' Award -"  
  
(Commercial break)  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
The little man in the control room suddenly finds it _very_ difficult to breath. Two lavender hands clamp tightly around his throat and force him to turn around.  
  
Two fire-brimmed emerald green eyes _glare_ into his eyes. The little man can feel a certain note of murderous intentions in Leloni's attitude.  
  
Leloni growls, "What in the deepest, darkest depths of a red hot, coal black and bloody blue Yosemitie Sam HELL do you think you're _DOING_?!"  
  
The little man in the control room attempts to gulp. But Leloni's hands are clamped much too tightly for anything to pass through. Somehow, the little man manages to squeak, "It's sta-standard procedure to in- interrupt the l-l-l-last climactic moment of a broadca-cast with commercials. The-the ads pay big for it."  
  
Leloni's teeth clench even tighter in an expression that would very easily frighten even Freddy Krueger. "If you don't stop that commercial this _instant_, no ad in the world could pay big enough to fix what _I'll_ do to you."  
  
The little man in the control room trembles with terror. "Bu-but p-p-p- procedure!"  
  
"I...Don't...CARE!" Leloni hisses. She removes one hand from his neck. Her other hand around his neck clamps more tightly to keep the little man from escaping.  
  
Leloni reaches behind her back. As she does, a hand closes around her wrist. Leloni looks up in surprise. Staring back at her with a very stern face is her big sister; Lola Bunny.  
  
"Lel, let that man go, NOW," Lola scolds.  
  
Leloni protests, "But, Lo-la, he-"  
  
Lola speaks calmly, yet sternly. "What did I tell you about sharing-and controlling your temper?"  
  
"But, Looooolaaaaaa...."  
  
Lola narrows her eyes. "N-O-W, Leloni."  
  
Leloni groans miserably. But she obeys her big sister and dumps the little man back into his chair. He instantly keels over and desperately gasps for air.  
  
Leloni angrily storms out of the control room with her sister following close behind. While Lola returns to the audience, Leloni returns to the stage. The lavender lagomorph impatiently awaits the end of the commercials.  
  
As the cue light goes on for the UKEs to continue, Leloni does her best to smile pleasantly.  
  
"Sorry about that folks," Leloni says, "But you know how Corporate America is: Ruin as much as possible as long as you make a profit.  
  
So, as I was saying, the winner of the Best Writer 2001 award is -"  
  
Leloni casts an icy glare up towards the control room. The little man in the control room peers back at her. A forced smile appears on his terror stricken face.  
  
Seeing that nothing else is going to happen, Leloni sighs with relief. She then announces, "Pepe K.!"  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
*The skunk in the smoking jacket walks to the podium. Those in Dr. Lord's theatre box rise in a standing ovation: Fifi, Hamton, Arnold, Pepe Le Pew and Penelope, Porky and Petunia Pig, Mae Bear, Laika Romanov, (sitting with Thorne the artistic Mouse, Andy Fox & Wile E. Coyote, Contessa Veronica, Armando the Armadillo, Peter & April Bunny, Speed Racer and his clan, Kimba the White Lion and Jimmy Sparks. (Gigantor is too big for the theatre) Pepe K. blushes and smiles genuinely as he takes the stage*  
  
Pepe K.:"Thank you very much Leloni. Ladies and Gentltoons...I can't begin to express my appreciation for this award - but I'll try. Since beginning this chronical 2 years ago, I never thought it would be so well appreciated and I have you all to thank for that. Thank you so very very much! :)  
  
* Applause! He fumbles for a piece of paper in his pocket*  
  
Pepe K.:"Heheh! Andy Fox was kind enough to list those I should thank and so I -"  
  
*he starts to read, holding out the piece of paper - but suddenly it bursts into flame and is turned to ash in a second! Pepe is shaken and looks to find Andy laughing hysterically at him*  
  
Andy Fox:"It was written on flash paper! Gotcha!!"  
  
*As the audience laughs, Babs Bunny suddenly appears on stgae right, doing an imitaion of Ben Stein*  
  
Babs:(droning deadpan, she pulls down a movie screen)"Flash Paper is a theatrical prop used by magicians."  
  
*Onscreen, we see Plucky performing a classic Magician's act using a magic tissue, which spontaneously combusts itself - and the duck. His pile of ashes with a duck bill and eyeballs says : "Is there a Doctor in the house?"  
  
Babs:" The tissue is impregnated with an extremely flammable chemical and goes poof in the wink of an eye, thus producing the desired Magical effect. This has been another - Useless Fact."  
  
*Suddenly the movie screen spontaneously combusts. Babs does a Jack Benny take and also burns up in a puff of smoke.*  
  
*Pepe K. himself starts to do a wild take, but stops himself*  
  
PepeK. :"Oh, no! ..Not gonna go there! Un-uh! .. Well anyway, I would like to thank Andy (despite his magic tricks) for helping moi considerably with counsel and advice.  
  
*Applause as Andy waves and bows*  
  
Pepe K.:"Another person who needs no introduction is our great artist Thorne, who uh..seems to be busy at the moment -"  
  
*Thorne is busily sketching a very flattering picture of the pretty jerboa he's sitting and talking with, Laika Romanov. He's caught in the middle of an appreciative smile at the provacative Laika and looks up at the mention of his name, blushing and grinning a big cheesy grin. He waves and gets applause.*  
  
Pepe K.: Thorne has been a great help to moi with his comments and especially for having created so many wonderful renditions for this tale that he created a webpage just for them! (http://ttathorne.home.mindspring.com/attepuh.htm) "His artwork will be on sale in the lobby following the show."  
  
Thorne:" Thanks fur the plug!"  
  
*Applause and laughs*  
  
Pepe K.: Another person who's been a great source of both historical knowledge and keeping my spirits up is Peter Bunny!  
  
*Peter and April wave*  
  
Pepe K:" In addition to being a wonderful friend and an excellent writer, he's also an actor who's appeared with the Toonsters, deyfying certain death in "Silver Smudge".  
  
*Applause*  
  
Pepe K.:"But Peter's not the only rabbit I have to thank - there's another of my UKE cohorts who's helped moi - weather she knew it or not - Leloni Bunny!  
  
*Applause. Leloni nods but nudges him*  
  
Leloni:" Yer welcome. Now c'mon, c'mon! you're eating up air-time!  
  
Pepe K.:Righto! Another person who's enthusiasm and empathy has been a great help is a new toon to Acme Acres - Johnny Winters!  
  
*A Snowy owl peeks out of the crowd and blush/smiles. Applause*  
  
Pepe K.:"And who could forget the ominous Dark Helmet!  
  
*The dark warrior salutes the crowd. Applause!*  
  
Pepe K.:"And there's our critics - The J.A.M. and Nate Freeman!  
  
*Applause*  
  
Pepe K.:" And I couldn't have even begun this process without our benefactor - Kevin Mickel." :)  
  
*Big warm Applause! Leloni nudges him again*  
  
Pepe K.: Right - right! I'd like to thank my wife and kids fur putting up with the odd hours I keep and the endless opinions I ask concerning this tale. :) I'd especially like to thank Fifi, Hamton, Dr. Lord and all the Toons for allowing this chronical to be shown of their lives - both public and private.  
  
*Wild Applause that builds into a Standing Ovation!*  
  
Pepe K.:"And of course, all of you, who have generously bestowed this high honor on moi. Thank you all!"  
  
An Unseen Voice:" Alright! Alright! Dat's enough mushyness! Oy! De gratitude and saccherine are killing me!"  
  
Pepe K.:(Looks around) "Who said that?"  
  
*Boris the Spider sticks his head and hairy 8 legs out from underneath the podium's microphone*  
  
Boris:" Me - dat's who!"  
  
Pepe K.( does a Tex Avery "Fly-Apart-At-The-Seams" wild take at the sight of the Spider, screaming like a girl) :"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! SPIDERRRR!!!  
  
*He runs in panic off the stage as the audience laughs*  
  
Boris:(to the Audience)" To quvote somebody er other - "Never underestimate de liddle guy!"  
  
*Pepe K. returns and dumps Boris out of the UKE Award and takes it*  
  
Pepe K.:(to Boris)" See if you get a sequal, Mister Icky! (to the audience) Not even He can scare moi away from this award! Thanks again to everyone for this coveted Award. Merci beaucoup toute l'e monde!  
  
*Pepe K. bows and returns to his theatre box amidst the cheering crowd of Toons*  
  
Boris: (with a sour look and drumming his fingers) "Vell...dat's gratitude for ya!"  
  
*The audience laughs and applauds as they await the Grand Finale.*  
  
  
  
  
  
Merci, :)  
  
Pepe K.  
  
(Paul Kellogg)  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
"And now, to take us on home I turn things over to the guy with the toony tunes; the wild cat with a love of song; the Jaguar who's no Peanut Butter! But he _is_ -The J.A.M!'  
  
**************************************************************************** ******* 


	9. Conclusion and Credits

The Jaguar entered from stage left, chuckling a bit because of the peanut butter bit, but as he did, Pete Puma also entered and began sweeping up the stage, and several anonymous stagehands were disassembling some of the props. The Jaguar glanced around, and a sad look came onto his face.  
  
"Well, Leloni, I guess this is it," he said, sadly, while sitting down. The rabbit, being a little tired herself, sat down beside him. "Pepe? Bear? Peter? Nate? Could you also come up here, pretty please?" Moments later, the other four presenters came out, and also sat on the stage. As the stage continued to be disassembled, a spotlight shone on the six of them as they sadly picked up their microphones. Then, the band started playing a familiar tune, but it was played very slowly, and with a mellow key. The Jaguar began to sing:  
  
"The UKE's...concluded," Leloni continued,  
  
"Some toons became deluded," Pepe added,  
  
"Some even intruded," Peter said,  
  
"And challenged to a bout!" Now Bear,  
  
"Ballots.nominations," and Nate,  
  
"The few who paid attention," all sang,  
  
"The presentations have got everyone all tuckered out!" The J.A.M. continued with the next verse,  
  
"So at last we can now get to writing our fics again." Leloni,  
  
"The next awards," Pepe,  
  
"Won't be so hard," Peter, to Pepe, a bit annoyed,  
  
"You'll just take them all again!" Bear stood and sang a bit faster,  
  
"New scripts and new stories," Nate,  
  
"New toons to take the glory," all now stood,  
  
"We'll call you if you want another show again!" The J.A.M. once again, now singing at normal speed,  
  
"More songs, for you folks," Leloni wiped her forehead,,  
  
"Perhaps even a new host," Pepe,  
  
"More winners that will post," Peter, to Pepe,  
  
"If you don't steal the show!" Bear, to Peter  
  
"Well, now others might get lucky," Nate,  
  
"If Doc Lord runs amoky," Pepe, again,  
  
"Now don't you get cocky,  
  
Or I'll pick up and go!" The J.A.M.,  
  
"And there will be more who vote to make this much more fun," Leloni, laughing,  
  
"In your dreams!" Pepe, to Leloni,  
  
"Hey, we can dream," Leloni again,  
  
"Oh, let's just all begone!" Everyone stood surrounding Leloni,  
  
"We're tiny, we're toony, we're all a little looney,  
  
The Tiny Toons UKE awards are-now-gone!" But to the side, The J.A.M. added,  
  
"But this show isn't done!"  
  
  
  
Suddenly all the toons cleared the stage, as in front of the TTA rings some platforms began to rise, obviously with some toons on top, but their identity was hidden because they had their backs to the audience. Yosemite Sam suddenly walked in, holding his huge bass (from the Porky Pig Show). He jumped to the arm, and played a sliding note.  
  
And at that point all but the toon on the highest platform turned around. Gogo Dodo, his father, Taz, Dizzy, The Wolverine, and The J.A.M. (who unwarped at the last moment), were all dressed in Caribbean clothes, and all began to play their bongos, congas, and maracas, dancing with the beat. The audience applauded.  
  
From stage left, a familiar toon came in: the Wolf, from "The Three Little Bops", dancing his trademark step, and of course, holding his trumpet. When he reached center stage, he began to play, and to everyone's surprise, he actually played *correctly*. The audience gave another cheer, but just as soon as he finished his intro, the highest toon turned around, and it was-  
  
Mary Melody!  
  
Dressed with what appeared to be a blue bikini, adorned with Caribbean bracelets on her wrists, neck, and ankles, and with plenty of translucent veils, as well as an elaborate headgear.  
  
And she sang,  
  
"When the sun is setting in the sky-" The audience roared as all the guys joined,  
  
"Everybody knows it's party time!" Mary,  
  
"And when the moon is rising high," Everyone,  
  
"I'll be yours, I know you will be mine!." Speedy zipped in and joined with the guitar. For no reason, Dizzy said,  
  
"DUMBAWA-" To which Babs, added to the side,  
  
"Party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"Party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"Party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
Out of nowhere, Babs came in and pulled out her saxophone, and she was joined by Buster, Bugs, and Sneezer, with their trumpets, Plucky with his horn, Daffy with his trombone, and Hamton with his tuba, as they played a short instrumental, swinging in unison to the beat. Finally, Mary continued, walking down her column,  
  
"All day the world goes round and round,  
  
You can feel the changes coming down.  
  
It doesn't matter who you are,  
  
With love to give you will go far.  
  
We see the treasures all around,  
  
And burn ourselves into the ground.  
  
Everyone's trying to survive,  
  
We're not just born to be alive." When she reached the bottom, Fifi joined with her harp, and Plucky with his keyboard, and everyone sang,  
  
"I.know," Mary,  
  
"What I feel inside is true." Everyone,  
  
"You.know." Mary and Babs,  
  
"Every road I follow's leading me to you!"  
  
"DUMBAWA-" Mary,  
  
"When the sun is setting in the sky-" Everyone,  
  
"Everybody knows it's party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-" Mary,  
  
"And when the moon is rising high," Everyone,  
  
"I'll be yours, I know you will be mine!" For no reason, Dizzy now said,  
  
"YOW YOW YOW YOW YOW YOW YOW YOW YOW YOW YOW YOW YOW YOW YOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!! BOOLE!!! BOOLE!! BOOLE!!" while Babs just said,  
  
"Party time."  
  
"Party time."  
  
"Party time."  
  
"Party time."  
  
The trumpets came in again for a while, while Dizzy said,  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"DUMBAWA-" Mary now shook her booty,  
  
"We live our lives in mystery,  
  
While everything is meant to be.  
  
No reason here to wonder why,  
  
All that we seek is in the sky." For some reason, she caressed The J.A.M.'s cheek, making his spots turn red.  
  
"You are the one I want to hold,  
  
I feel you deep inside my soul." GAZING into his eyes,  
  
"Only our love will set us free,  
  
This now belongs to you and me." She stopped her flirting, as everyone continued,  
  
"I.know," Mary,  
  
"What I feel inside is true." Everyone,  
  
"You.know." Mary and Babs,  
  
"Every road I follow's leading me to you!"  
  
"DUMBAWA-" Mary,  
  
"When the sun is setting in the sky-" Everyone,  
  
"Everybody knows it's party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-" Mary,  
  
"And when the moon is rising high," Everyone,  
  
"I'll be yours, I know you will be mine!" For no reason, Dizzy now said,  
  
"HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH KEEP IT UUUUUUUUP!!!!!! HEH HEH HEH HEH KEEP IT UUUUUUUP!!!!" While Babs said,  
  
"Party time."  
  
"Party time."  
  
"Party time."  
  
The trumpets did their thing again, with everyone dancing. Even the audience members had now stood and joined in the dance.  
  
Then all the percussion took it in, as Dizzy said something that sounded like,  
  
"HUP! HUP! HUP! HUP! HUP! HUP-HOW ARE YOU GOIN'!!!! HUP! HUP! HUP! HUP! BEAUTIFUL! CALEBNIA!! CALEBNIA!!"  
  
The percussion silenced, leaving Fifi, Plucky, and Speedy,  
  
"Ooo."  
  
"Ooo."  
  
And Dizzy again,  
  
"Owowowowowowowowowowowowowowow-"  
  
The percussion entered softly, as everyone sang,  
  
"I.know."  
  
"You.know." Mary and Babs,  
  
"Every road I follow's leading me to you!"  
  
All instruments hushed except for one bass drum, and Mary exclaimed again,  
  
"When the sun is setting in the sky-" Everyone,  
  
"Everybody knows it's party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-" Mary,  
  
"And when the moon is rising high," Everyone,  
  
"I'll be yours, I know you will be mine!"  
  
"DUMBAWA-" Mary,  
  
"When the sun is setting in the sky-" Everyone,  
  
"Everybody knows it's party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-" Mary,  
  
"And when the moon is rising high," Everyone,  
  
"I'll be yours, I know you will be mine!"  
  
All started playing normally, with Dizzy mumbling something unintelligible,  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"Party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"Party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"Party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
Daffy was really getting into it, as he now began to lead all the brass instruments in a conga line across the stage, with the audience actually cheering for him again. Then, they all surrounded Sneezer, who began playing the intro sequence again, arousing an even louder cheer. As he did, Taz and Babs did their thing.  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"Party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-" Only Fifi sang too,  
  
"Party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-" Babs,  
  
"Party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-" Fifi, etc., with Dizzy mumbling mantras again.  
  
"Party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"Party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"Party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"Party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"Party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"Party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"Party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"Party time."  
  
"DUMBAWA-"  
  
"Party time."  
  
Everyone hushed and the lights went out, except for two spotlights on Dizzy, who kept on playing some nonsense on his little drum, and Babs, who repeated,  
  
"Party time."  
  
"Party time."  
  
Her spotlight faded out, leaving Dizzy alone, who stopped after a moment.  
  
With the song over, the lights came on again, but now dance music began to sound as the credits rolled, and the auditorium became a dance floor, as toons of all types danced the night away...  
  
  
  
CREDITS  
  
Produced and directed by:  
  
Leloni Bunny  
  
Created by :  
  
Nathaniel T. Freeman & Leloni Bunny, based on the Harley Awards from www.toonzone.net (created by Anthony "Brainatra" Dean, with Robert Dougherty, Craig Marinaro, Jennifer Lynn "Sharklady" Weston, Jonathan "DR. BELCH", John "Captain Caps" Kilduff, Romey, Colin Feder, Danielle Berse, Beth "Siren", & Dot Warner)  
  
Associate producers/directors:  
  
The J.A.M.  
  
Nathaniel T. Freeman  
  
Pepe K.  
  
Peter Bunny  
  
Bear  
  
In Absentia:  
  
Angry Dave  
  
Music director:  
  
Danny Elfman  
  
Lighting:  
  
Thomas Alva Edison  
  
Researchers:  
  
The J.A.M  
  
Nathaniel T. Freeman  
  
List Poll:  
  
Leloni Bunny  
  
Voting Supervision:  
  
Leloni Bunny and Bear Prower  
  
Award statue designed by:  
  
The J.A.M.  
  
Stage designer:  
  
Leloni Bunny  
  
Invitations:  
  
AcmeLabs.com  
  
Transportation:  
  
Orville Wright, Wilbur Wright, and Henry Ford  
  
Kraft Services:  
  
WinnieBurger, McDonald's, and Burger King  
  
Xerography:  
  
Control-C and Control-V  
  
In-betweeners:  
  
People who are anti-extremists  
  
Ink and paints:  
  
Dainippon Ink Co.  
  
Character Posing:  
  
Maddona and Julie Brown  
  
Communications:  
  
Samuel Morse, Guglielmo Marconi, Thomas Alva Edison, and Alexander Graham Bell  
  
Sanitation services:  
  
Pete Puma  
  
Props:  
  
Acme Co.  
  
Titles:  
  
Dr., Sir, Judge, King, Duke, Count, Viscount, etc.  
  
Grip:  
  
Get one on yourself  
  
Best Boy:  
  
Me  
  
Worst Boy:  
  
Satan  
  
Gaffer (what's a gaffer?):  
  
The anonymous stagehand  
  
Starring:  
  
Leloni Bunny as herself  
  
The J.A.M. as himself  
  
Nathaniel T. Freeman as himself  
  
Pepe K. as himself  
  
Peter Bunny as himself  
  
Bear as himself  
  
Pepe K. as Lord Dr. Pavel D'Lord  
  
Noel Blanc as Bugs Bunny  
  
Noel Blanc as Daffy Duck  
  
Noel Blanc as Sylvester Cat  
  
Noel Blanc as Speedy Gonzales  
  
Noel Blanc as Tweety Bird  
  
Noel Blanc as Wile E. Coyote  
  
Noel Blanc as Elmer J. Fudd  
  
Noel Blanc as Porky Pig  
  
Noel Blanc as Foghorn Leghorn  
  
Alyson Court as Eve Ill  
  
Darryl Hickman as Eddie  
  
Kath Soucie as Fifi LaFume  
  
Hadley Kay as Hamton  
  
Kevin Mickel as himself  
  
Cree Summer Franks as Mary Melody  
  
Peter Fernandez as Speed Racer  
  
Corinne Orr as Spriedel  
  
Corinne Orr as Trixie  
  
Able DuSable as himself  
  
Janeane Garofalo as Harriet  
  
Kath Soucie as Lola Bunny  
  
E.G. Daily as Sniffles Mouse  
  
Gail Matthius as Shirlely The Loon  
  
Joe Alaskey as Plucky Duck  
  
Paul Rugg as Freakazoid  
  
Ed Asner as Cosgrove  
  
Jim Carrey as himself  
  
Rob Paulsen as Pinky  
  
Maurice LaMarche as The Brain  
  
Nora Dunn as Lydia Karaoke  
  
Joe "The Announcer" Leahy as himself  
  
Tress MacNeille as Colleen  
  
Rob Paulsen as Hunter  
  
Danny Cooksey as Montana Max  
  
Chris Pew as himself  
  
Peter Cullen as Willy Wolf  
  
Brad LePew as himself  
  
Lance Freebird as himself  
  
James Earl Jones as Alex Redolence  
  
Brian Chaney as Jamie Foxx  
  
Jake E'Stinky as himself  
  
Rob Paulsen as Arnold Pitbull  
  
Jeff Glenn Bennet as Blitz  
  
Kevin M. Richardson as Exile  
  
Charles Adler as Buster Bunny  
  
Candy Milo as Sweetie Bird  
  
Tress MacNeille as Babs Bunny  
  
Maurice LaMarche as Dizzy Devil  
  
Jeff Glenn Bennet as Tesla  
  
Jeff Glenn Bennet as Faust  
  
Jeff Glenn Bennet as Pan  
  
Frank Welker as Pete Puma  
  
Keith Diamond as J  
  
Ed O'Ross as K  
  
Kathleen Helppie-Shippley as Petunia  
  
Noel Blanc as Marvin Martian  
  
Jennifer Lien as L  
  
Adam Baldwin as X  
  
Henry Corden as Paw Bear  
  
Sherry Stoner as Slappy Squirrel  
  
Luke Ruegger as Skippy Squirrel  
  
David Duchovny as Fox Moldy  
  
Gillian Anderson as Dana Skunky  
  
Jennifer Cleckley as Rottin Kid/Werekitty  
  
Jeff Glenn Bennet as Nigel Carrote  
  
Alyson Court as RuBarb  
  
Tress MacNeille as Honey Bunny  
  
Thorne as himself  
  
Frank Welker as Henny Youngman  
  
Earl Allison as himself  
  
Joseph Campanella as The Master  
  
Andy Fox as himself  
  
The Crusher as himself  
  
Noel Blanc as Babbot  
  
Noel Blanc as Costello  
  
Tress MacNeille as Dot  
  
Paul Rugg as Nostradamus  
  
Lance Henrikson as Calamity Coyote  
  
KeV Beely as himself  
  
Bette Midler as Mae Bear  
  
June Foray as Laika Romanov  
  
April Bunny as herself  
  
Jerry Lee Withers as Furrball  
  
John Cleese as The Colonel  
  
Michael Demcio as Questy  
  
William Shatner as James Tiberious Kirk  
  
Leonard Nemoy as Spock  
  
Frank Welker as Dr. McCoy  
  
James Doohan as Scotty  
  
Billy West as Ren  
  
Billy West as Stimpy  
  
Paul Frees as Ape  
  
Keith Scott as George of the Jungle  
  
Frank Welker as Gogo Dodo  
  
Nefaria as himself  
  
Paul Winchell as Dick Dastardly  
  
Hadley Kay as Muttley  
  
Roger L. Jackson as Mojo Jojo  
  
Christine Cavanaugh as Blossom  
  
Tara Charandoff as Bubbles  
  
E.G. Daily as Buttercup  
  
Tom Kenny as the Narrator  
  
Tom Kenny as the Mayor  
  
Jennifer Martin as Sarah Bellum  
  
Tom Kane as Professor Utonium  
  
June Foray as Rocket J. Squirrell  
  
Noel Blanc as Taz  
  
Charles Adler as Roderick Rat  
  
Tress MacNeille as Rubella Rat  
  
Wayne Alwyne as Mickey Mouse  
  
Russi Taylor as Minnie Mouse  
  
Nancy Cartwright as Bart Simpson  
  
Jim Henshaw as Tenderheart Bear  
  
Melleny Brown as Cheer Bear  
  
John Erwin as He-Man  
  
Ronald McDonald as himself  
  
Hamburger as himself  
  
Hamburglar as himself  
  
Bill Farmer as Pluto  
  
Mel Brooks as Boris  
  
You as The Weird Person To Read All The Way Down Here  
  
"The Tiny Toons Adventures Theme Song" written by Bruce Broughton. Performed by The J.A.M, Joe Alaskey, Kath Soucie, Frank Welker, and Leandro Pinto. Used without permission.  
  
"La Negra" written by someone in the backwaters of Jalisco, Mexico. Public domain.  
  
"Hail Columbia" written by Joesph Hopkinson. Music by Philip Phile. Performed by the Wackyland Rubber Band.  
  
"Dead Man's Party" written by Danny Elfman. Used without permission.  
  
"Theme of Speed Racer" written by Koshibe & Yoshiyuki. Used without permission.  
  
"Speedy Gonzales" written by Pat Boone. Performed by The J.A.M., Noel Blanc, and Russi Taylor. Used without permission.  
  
"Guadalajara, Guadalajara" written by José Guiza. Public domain.  
  
"Where The Boys Are" written by Greenfield & Sedaka. Performed by Kath Soucie. Used without permission.  
  
"Dance to the Music" written by Sylvester "Sly Stone" Stewart of Sly & the Family Stone. Performed by the Acmes. Used without permission.  
  
"The Plucky Duck Show Theme Song" written by Bruce Broughton. Used without permission.  
  
"Good-bye Ruby Rat" originally written by Mick Jagger & Keith Richards, rewritten by Zachary A. Zulkowski. Performed by the Acmes. Used without permission.  
  
"The Devil Went Down To Georgia" written by Tom Crain, Charlie Daniels, Joel DeGregorio, Fred Edwards, Charlie Hayward, and James Marshall. Performed by the Hamton J. Pig  
  
Trio with the Acmes. Used without permission.  
  
"Total Confusion" originally written by Strong & Whitfield, rewritten by Nathaniel T. Freeman. Performed by Kath Soucie and the Acmes. Used without permission.  
  
"You'll Be Mine (Party Time)" written by Gloria Stephan. Performed by Cree Summer Franks, Tress MacNeille, Maurice LaMarche, and the rest of the cast as well. Used without permission.  
  
  
  
Tiny Toons Adventures, Looney Tunes, Freakazoid, Animaniacs, Histeria, Road Rovers, and all related characters are © Warner Brothers. Used without permission.  
  
Speed Racer and all related characters are © Tatsunoko Animation. Used without permission.  
  
Star Trek and all related characters are © Paramount. Used without permission.  
  
George of The Jungle and all related characters are © Jay Ward Productions. Used without permission.  
  
Powerpuff Girls, Dick Dastardly, and all related characters are © Hanna- Barbera. Used without permission.  
  
Mickey Mouse and all related characters are © Disney. Used without permission.  
  
Bart Simpson and all related characters are © 20th Century Fox. Used without permission.  
  
The Care Bears, Rainbow Brite, Strawberry Shortcake, and all related characters are © Those Characters From Cleveland. Used without permission.  
  
He-Man, She-Ra, G.I. Joe, and all related characters are © Hasbro. Used without permission.  
  
The Glo-Friends, the Pound Puppies, and all related characters are © Tonka. Used without permission.  
  
Ronald McDonald and all related characters are © McDonald's. Used without permission.  
  
Hamburglar and all related characters are © Burger King. Used without permission.  
  
  
  
Segments written by Leloni Bunny, The J.A.M., Nathaniel T. Freeman, Pepe K, Peter Bunny, and Bear.  
  
Additional writing by Kevin Mickel, Nefaria, Abel DuSable, Razorback Jack, Rottin Kid, Thorne, Earl Allison, KeV Beely, Werekitty, Furrball, and Michael "Questy" Demcio  
  
  
  
Special thanks to:  
  
Karen Tindall, Urian Dang X, the Unfathomable Dr. Drew, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich, FoxWiz, Robert Chirico, Gypsy, Kieron Wells, Zuccini, Michael M., Matt Berman, the Platypus, Colin Feder, Lee M. Withers, Don Speirs, Sean Brandenburg, Christina M. Callihan, Julian Fong, The Cybernator, Towi Raccoon, Daniel Gallo, Marc Hart, Julie Hazeltine, David Hungerford, Robert Jung, Kevin J. Podsiadlik, Ken Weatherwax, HellCat, Zachary A. Zulkowski, Daniel Davis, Mike Cote, Nick Distler, Anthony Barnett, Eric McDarby, RedKnox Fox, Eric Gjovaag, Jason "Oschindler" Bretz, Renee Carter Hall, Jeremy J. Jurrens, Bryan Chaney, Babs Bunny (Juli Magera), and Paul Zook, for not being angry at us for pulling clips from their stories.  
  
  
  
Executive in charge of production:  
  
Leloni Bunni  
  
I can't believe you read all the way down here.  
  
THE END, AT LONG LAST!  
  
************  
  
Until next time, remember:  
  
I AM THE J.A.M.  
  
Good evening.  
  
[WARP!!!] 


End file.
